This week we read a portion from Numbers that included the scouts going into the land of Israel and coming back with a report. Ten of the scouts, sometimes called spies, made the land seem impossible. They were afraid. They said it couldn’t be done. The Israelites are murmuring. Maybe it would be better to go back to Egypt. Only two—Joshua and Caleb—thought otherwise; it was a good land, a land flowing with milk and honey. They had the courage to speak out. Later in the parsha, the Israelites are still grumbling, and God threatens to destroy them all. Moses has the courage to speak out, to remind God, using God’s very own words, that God is slow to anger, full of lovingkindness, forgiving of iniquity, transgression and sin. Moses begs that God forgive this people. And God said, “I have pardoned according to your word.” This becomes the basis for the slichot services before Rosh Hashanah, and is repeated at the end of Kol Nidre.
There are a number of examples of courage in the Torah. Abraham and Sarah, who had the courage to go to the land that God would should them. Later, Abraham dared to question God about Sodom and Gomorrah. Jacob had to overcome his fear: first by running away and later by returning to reconcile with his brother. Moses had to learn to speak, when he thought he could not. Miriam also spoke out. In each of these cases, God reassured them that God would go with them and give them rest.
I have been looking for the reassurance personally. Last week’s Torah portion could not have come at a better time. Even more important have been the words of friends and family as I make this kind of transitional decision. Do I go to a new land or stay in Massachusetts? Do I work full time as a rabbi or do I continue my consulting practice? Where do I find God in the midst of this? And there God was—hidden in the ancient words and the modern ones too. It gave me courage.
As I read those first lines, I said to myself, these are the words you needed to hear. For the land of Illinois is very nice and welcoming. And yes there is great need for you here.
Stay focused and alert for here there is milk and honey-at least lots of cows and bees.
Dear Friend, thank you for being so open about your struggle. Your are God’s choice for a full time Rabbi. The other work was a grace to get you this far. We,as you know have just made a huge journey and the road is not all milk and honey. The land is sweet but i am traveling with Hebrews who think Egypt is the place to be. They have worn out many leaders by choosing death and slavery over life and God. Each hope to cling to their power rather than surrender to the God of creation. So the move own’t be perfect. But you don’t go alone. You go with all who love you and you go with our God of LIFE! Get throughout the moving, packing, throwing out and then look forward to using all the skills you are blessed with! Karen
I do know how hard it is to leave a place where you are “home”, have friends, know the roads, restaurants, doctors, etc. At the other end is a new home, new friends (yes, you’ll make new friends!), find new doctors, different restaurants and learn to travel on new roads. You’ve been preparing to be a full time Rabbi for many years and now the time is yours. You will all be missed but there is email and telephone and even skype so we can keep in touch. Remember, you didn’t send out scouts/spies… you went yourself and liked what you found. G.d is with you and so are the thoughts & prayers of your friends.