Today is the 17th day of the omer, a double dose of compassion, compassion squared. Compassion is yet another difficult word to define–in the original Hebrew or in Latin but looking at its etymology helps. Compassion comes from the Latin com, with, and passion suffering. So its meaning is about suffering together, with another. It is a higher form of empathy and cornerstone of love. It gives us the active desire to alleviate someone’s pain or suffering. When Hillel said, “Do not do onto others as you would not have them do unto you, and then Jesus coined the “Golden Rule”, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” it was about compassion. So was “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

So what does this have to do with me? Maybe because I need a double dose of compassion. Maybe because my job requires me to be compassionate, which is not hard for me. I enjoy helping other people. I enjoy helping them find the beauty in life, the joy in Judaism. I enjoy helping families who need a boost, who lost a loved one, a job, were diagnosed with cancer. I realize I can’t help everyone. Sometimes it is hard to be compassionate towards those who probably need it most. Sometime I lose my patience. That’s when I need a double dose of compassion. I need one now.

There is even a syndrome called compassion fatigue. I work very hard to prevent this secondary stress in myself. It involves good self care, taking time out, having a network of professionals and other friends to talk to about the stressors, having a mentor, getting exercise, watching what I eat, taking bubble baths and getting a massage. It involves davenning and meditating. Oh yes, and chocolate, in moderation.

I was surprised to discover that most books translate this sephira tiferet as compassion. There is another word in Hebrew for compassion, rachum. Part of the 13 Attributes of G-d, Chanun v’rachum. Gracious and compassionate. Full of lovingkindness. Rachum is an interesting word, it comes from the same root as womb. So at some levels it is a feminine aspect of the Divine. That protective space that allows a fetus to form is compassionate. We all need womb-like spaces. Recently I was asked to do something that would push me beyond my comfort zone. I imagined I was a tulip, trying to burst forth from the earth and bloom but I wasn’t quite ready yet, I needed to go back in for a while. Compassion is like that, like a beautiful tulip safely ensconced and waiting to bloom.

Another way to translate tiferet is humility. So this is humility in humility. I went to a branch of bank yesterday and I watched the personal banker, Joanna, and then the branch manager exercise humility. She listened to what I needed. Patiently found the right answer and then patiently explained it to me. I commented on a crystal star on her desk. She said she had won an award for customer service, only one of 12 in the Chicago-Wisconsin region. She said she was humbled by the award because she doesn’t set out to win awards or to sell every product in her vast book. She sets out to establish relationships, long term relationships. Then she sells them what they need because it is right for them. She came across as very humble, very compassionate. She even said, modestly, that she tries to be humble–with her eyes downcast. “It is not about me and what I need. It’s always about the customer and what is right for the customer.” I left thinking I want to bank there–and how nice to find a smart banker in Chicago. I actually left calmer than when I got there.

For me then, that’s what Day 17 is about, finding the patience to help even those who are the hardest to help, who may be their own worst enemies and about doing it with humility, and compassion, like my new friend from Poland, the personal banker. Then I will have incorporated Tiferet in Tiferet in my every day life. Then I will be emulating G-d’s attributes, compassion, lovingkindness, mercy, humility, patience. I am not there yet. Be patient with me.