Day 19 was written and will be posted. Today is Day 20. I had planned to post something about Yom HaZikaron, Israel Memorial Day. Today is another kind of Memorial Day now.

To Bostonians, today is also known as Patriot’s Day and Marathon Day. I have run the Boston Marathon five times (and the Sea of Gallilee Marathon once). I am no stranger to the finish line at Copley. I have been trained as a colonial re-enactor and worked the Concord-Lexington Battle Road on Patriots’ Day. I can recite most of Paul Revere’s Ride by heart. I almost named a child Samuel Adams Klein, not after the beer but after the Boston Patriot.

My heart bleeds. I can taste blood in my mouth. I am aghast with the rest of you watching TV–or maybe even those of you who were there. This is not the “shot heard round the world.” This would appear, and I am being careful here, a deliberate, calculated, timed act of violence. It is too early to say too much.

Already the questions have started. I want my rabbi to explain this. How could this happen? Who would want to hurt innocent runners or families or tourists? Where was G-d? Why? Why? Why?

I can’t answer those. I know that for me, Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” helped me heal after my first finance was killed by a terrorist bomb. The question is not why but when. The answer is in how we choose to live after such tragedies. We are not there yet. It is too early. Way too early. It may take years for the people directly affected, for their friends and family, for the City of Boston, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the people who love this city to heal. In the meantime, what I know about trauma:

Shut off the TV. Watching the footage on replay does not help.
Call a friend. (Be patient with Boston area numbers, Cell phone coverage is spotty!)
Reach out on facebook.
Take a walk.
Play with the dog.
Hug your spouse and kids.
Cry. It is alright.

There will be time to ask the big questions. There may never be good enough answers. In the meantime, there are prayers. I pray for the care teams to be compassionate, for the law enforcement to be swift and accurate, for the reporting to be balanced and accurate, for the responses to be appropriate. I pray for the victims, for all of the families, for all of the runners. I pray that we as a society learn that bombs don’t solve problems, working for peace and justice does.

I remember another Boston Marathon Day. I had just finished my first marathon. Most of the other runners had gone home. It was a beautiful spring day in Boston. The leaves were a light lacy green. The next day it snowed. Spring will come. Healing will come but it will be slow.