Our next guest blogger is Gareth Mann Sitz, a congregant at Congregation Kneseth Israel, a recently retired English, Spanish and theatre teacher and the creative director of FemmeProv, a local Elgin theatrical company. She grew up in a theatre household. She learned important things from her mother, a single parent, about the nature of G-d. She says:
“I believe that Judaism, at its best, instills in us an internal desire to lead a moral life and be a mensch, striving always to emulate the attributes of the divine. When we model unconditional love, kindness, patience, and compassion, we pass on these traits to another generation.
My single mother worked hard to support me and my grandmother, and though she sent me to synagogue to get a religious education and frequently took me to Friday night services, she didn’t have a solid footing in Torah studies. If anyone had asked her to name the attributes of the divine, she would have responded with a quizzical expression on her face. Yet she instinctively was a mensch, truly epitomizing God-like qualities. She wasn’t trying to be a good person. She just was.
Whatever mensch-like qualities I may have are a direct result of being raised by a woman of G-d. As I’ve raised my three children, wishing so much their grandmother would have lived to enjoy them, my mother remains an internalized role model. When I find myself swathed in an overwhelming sense of unconditional love for others, I know that my God-fearing mother is the reason I care so much. When I listen intently to unending patter from a friend or family member, I recognize where my patience and kindness comes from. I’m “slow to anger” because my mother rarely lost her temper with me, and I forgive others because I was always forgiven.
When children grow up with parents who don’t model God-like behavior, who abuse them in a multitude of ways, it is difficult for these children to face the world. I believe that it’s possible to re-parent those who need that nurturing, and I believe that G-d’s love can work miracles. The expression, “it takes a village to raise a child,” is meant for all of us—a reminder that we are instruments of the divine on this earth with the power to change lives. We are all works-in-progress, and as we seek to let G-d’s attributes permeate our words and actions, we will always fall short, needing forgiveness for our transgressions and inability to always do what is right. During Yom Kippur, we have the opportunity to rededicate ourselves to G-d’s ways, and as we atone for our sins, we strive once more to face the world –a world that needs each one of us to be a mensch.
When I let memories of my mother’s innate goodness fill my heart, I feel blessed indeed. As I worship during the High Holy Days, I seek to reinforce my commitment to live my life like my mother the mensch.”
Gareth instinctively understands the connection between the 13 Attributes and good parenting. Her list reminds me of the “check-list” of the Woman of Valor. It would seem that both she and her mother were truly Women of Valor, those that fear (or I would prefer) revere the Lord, shall be praised. She also makes a strong case for the line in the Vahavta. “Teach them diligently.” Teach what? Teach the children diligently…or set their teeth on edge. As Gareth’s mother was an inspiration to her, so too has Gareth been an inspiration to several generations of children and grandchildren, students and and their children. Perhaps that is how G-d’s love and compassion extends to the thousand generation! How do you teach about G-d’s love and compassion to the next generation?By demonstrating it so that it is real. That’s what Gareth’s mother did, over and over again. How do you teach about G-d’s love and compassion in your own life? How do you make children, your own or others feel loved and secure?