In the old days, a rabbi would give a sermon just twice a year. The Shabbat before Passover so he, in those days it was only men, could teach his flock how to prepare for Passover. And then again on the Shabbat between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, so he could tell them how to do teshuvah, return.

These days rabbis tend to do sermons, or d’vrei Torah (words of Torah) or drashes, almost every week. The High Holidays contain 5 lengthy sermons alone. So this morning I turned the tables. I asked my congregation how they do teshuvah, how they return. The discussion was serious and remarkably deep. One person talked about meeting with each person in his family individually and apologizing. “Sometimes this can be painful, learning that I hurt someone and I didn’t even know it.”  Another who spends a lot of time traveling on business, talked about taking the time, really taking the time to think. “No phones, no email, going to shul and letting it wash over me and thinking deeply. About all the baggage I carry around. I unpack each suitcase and examine items one by one, then put them back. I feel lighter.” Sometimes teshuvah is about forgiving oneself. Sometimes that can be even harder. One spoke about the need to not beat up on himself. He makes lots of mistakes, he said, and cannot wait until Yom Kippur to begin the process. I was reminded of the story from the Talmud. You should repent one day before your death. But the rabbis asked, how do you know when you will die? You should repent every day.

Others spoke about the need to first recognize that you have done something wrong before you can do teshuvah. That can be the hardest step. A psychologist talked about the difference between apologizing and making amends. “In 12-Steps programs you don’t apologize. You have to make amends. That is a harder process.” We agreed that maybe hardest of all, after you recognize your own mistake, don’t blame others for it so that you own it as your own, make amends, and promise not to do the bad behavior again, is living up to that promise. How do you make your new behavior a habit so you don’t slip into your old ways? Teshuvah is a challenge but one that makes the High Holidays more meaningful. The conversation was certainly meaningful.

Another part of the holidays is thinking about the legacy that you want to leave. Moses is up on another mountain, overlooking the Promised Land that he will not be allowed to enter after leading his people for 40 years. This week we read his farewell address. This man of slow speech has much to say at the end of his life. I asked what the individuals would say to their own families. Here are some of the comments:

• “Go forth and multiply.” Because we need to guarantee the survival of the Jewish people
• “Go forth and prosper.” From an attorney who is also a cohain, who then amended it to “Live long and prosper.”
• “Be good.”
• “Good luck,” Which led to an interesting discussion of how luck plays into our lives.
• “Choose life,” not as some Christians have co-opted it but as a way to live life fully and meaningful.
• “I love you.”

The Thirteen Attributes give us courage. G-d waits for our return. G-d desires our repentance. G-d is slow to anger and patient. G-d will wait until the very moment of our death for our return. G-d offers lovingkindness to the 1000^th generation. This brings us hope and courage.

However we are cautioned in the Talmud, “For sins between G-d and man Yom Kippur atones but for sins between man and his fellow Yom Kippur does not atone until we make things right.” This is the challenge of the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

How do you do teshuvah? What will your legacy be?