Once a year on Yom Kippur the High Priest, the Kohen Hagadol would enter the Holy of Holies and proclaim the divine name. We know that name as Adonai. Adonai, Adonai, el rachum v’chanun. This ceremony was the most anticipated part of the Yom Kippur service and the High Priest would prepare for weeks, practicing the Ineffable Name. Only the High Priest knew how to pronounce it. It was a moment of real dread. If he did it wrong, he could die. In fact, the people would tie a red belt on him in case they would need to pull him back out.
Rabbi Menachem Creditor wrote a book from the point of view of the Kohen Hagadol,
“Avodah A Yom Kippur Story”. While it may sounds like a Dr. Seuss book with its ryhming scheme and rhythm, it is really quite deep. Listen: “The work I was trained for, well it had me quite scared. My family, my People, all watched me prepare…for this one special place, for this one special time, for the most special Word from one lonely voice…mine.” After the Kohen Hagadol has finished his ritual he says, “We know that we matter. We know we’ve survived a difficult year, as each one is in turn.”

Simon Jacobson describes Yom Kippur as entering your own personal holy of holies. This is the inner sanctum. Everything had to be pure.  If the High Priest had not atoned for even one sin he would die. How does one prepare for such an awesome task?

For the high priest and for me, part of the preparation involves immersing in the mikveh. Last night I went to the mikveh, preparing to do Divine Service. I have gone to the mikveh any number of times before Yom Kippur. It is a ritual that resonates with me deeply. One the way there this time it was not clear to me why I was going. What was I expecting from this experience this year. I called my chevruta partner in New York. She said I would know. I knew already that the drive time gave me a chance to think. What is this divine service? Why am I doing it? What does mikveh have to do with any of this?

As Jacobson said, “Today we have no High Priest and no Temple. But the Holy of Holies still exists—in the depths of our own soul. On Yom Kippur we attempt to reach the purest part of our selves and to connect with G-d there. We might not be able to stay in that pure place for a long time. It might be only for a few minutes. But as we know the most special experiences last only a moment. We prepare for these most special times for hours, years, even decades, and the effort of the preparation is well worth that split seond they last.”

Last night I went through my usual steps of preparation. Peri Smilow wrote a song for Mayyim Hayyim that contains the seven steps of preparation for the mikveh: “Hinini b’tzelem elohim nikavim nikavim, nishmati t’hora hi.” While singing this, I think to myself, “Here am I, created in the divine image, a finely balanced network, my breath, my soul is pure. Ready to do G-d’s service.” In Perry Smilow’s words, “Baruch Atah Adonai, Wonderous source of healing. Baruch Atah Adonai, We thank you and bless your name. Oh G-d this body is all I have. May I be blessed to sing Your song.”

I prayed the High Priest’s words, first for myself, then for my family, then for those who depend on me, my members at Congregation Kneseth Israel, those in the wider community who call me rabbi, and those in the wider world. “Eternal G-d, pardon the sins, iniquities, and transgressions that I have committed before You, I and my household, as it has been said: On this day atonement shall be made for you, to purify you; you shall e cleansed from all your sins before G-d.”

I immersed not my usual 3 times but 9 times. My tears mixed with the water. Holy tears, holy, living waters, mayyim hayyim. It was a very powerful experience being in that Place. Jacob had a dream. His pillow was a stone. When he awoke, he said, “Surely the Lord is in THIS PLACE and I knew it not…” He was afraid but he was able to say, “How full of awe is this place! This in none other than the house of G-d and this is the gate of heaven.”

This summer I too had a dream. It was just a fragment of one about our ability to go into the Holy of Holies and back out, into HaMakom, that Place, and back out. It was a holy moment. I am not Jacob and I am not the Kohen Hagadol, but I lead my people.

Rabbi David Paskin has a song he wrote after his daughter Liat died of a brain tumor before her second birthday. He tells the story of how we tell someone “Hamakom yenachem etchem. May The Place comfort you.” He asks the question, why The Place. Why use that name for G-d. He answers his own question, as I have said before on this blog. “Why not call G-d, The Compassionate One, the Merciful One, the Comforting One? Why call G-d at that moment the Place. He discovered that it is because when you lose a loved one, all you have left is a space, a place, an emptiness. They are saying that may that space that hurts so damn much comfort you. May you learn to live with that space. He wrote a song in tribute to Liat, called HaMakom.  “May the One who fills our space, give us hope and give us strength. In our silence may we hear the voice of G-d.”

We may not have the Holy of Holies anymore, but we can still go into our own personal holy of holies. We can still proclaim, “Baruch shem kavod, malchuto l’olam va’ed, May the Name be praised for ever and ever.” As Creditor says in the name of the Kohen Hagadol, “And while the this time the voice that was needed was mine, perhaps the next time that one voice will be yours… The challenge that day is to walk through your door…so come. Hold my hand. Stand with me. Do your part.  Close your eyes. For to dream all you need is your heart.”

May our own preparations for Yom Kippur, whether we are a kohen, a levite, an Israelite, a rabbi, a cantor, or a layperson, bring us moments of comfort and entrance into that very special place, the holy of holies of our heart.