One of the most difficult things I do as a rabbi is help families decide how to approach their Jewish journeys. And to be clear, Jewish families are complicated these days. Blended, intermarried, interracial, all striving to be good families, good people, good Jews. All trying to find meaning in their lives. All wanting community and spirituality, roots for their children, traditions, rituals.

In my own world view this should be easy. If you want to be a Jew, you should be a Jew. If you say you are a Jew who am I to question? But the Jewish world isn’t always kind.

The State of Israel struggles with these questions of personal status. The Law of Return was crafted in 1952 when the State of Israel was very young and in the immediate wake of the Holocaust. It was last amended in 1970. There are attempts to change the language every year; to make it more narrow. Those attempts have always failed but spark great debate. Despite the Law of Return which still says that anyone who has at least one Jewish grandparent is entitled to citizenship in Israel, it argues over the status of Jews from Uganda, from Ethiopia, from the former Soviet Union. For a detailed responsa of the issues in Uganda, read this article http://www.ajrsem.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Prouser.pdf that actually finds some of the leniencies that show the kind of compassion I would be looking for but is all too rare.

For me personally, I get asked several times a year, “Margaret, not a very Jewish name, are you sure you are Jewish?” And in truth, are any of us really sure? Can any of us prove our lineage? For me, this question was a particularly big deal when I was living in Israel and engaged. I couldn’t prove my lineage. The State of Israel thought I should convert. I wanted to know, having been raised Jewish, what it meant to convert from being a Jew to being a Jew. After being accepted to rabbinical school, the administrator called me to make sure I was Jewish. “Margaret, it’s not a very Jewish name. Are you sure you are Jewish?” By this point I was able to assure her I was. By anyone’s definition.

My story is not rare. It happens all too frequently. Since I have been in Elgin, I have been asked to rule on several personal status questions.

• Can a child attend religious school if his mother isn’t Jewish?
• Is someone who was raised in an Orthodox community and became Bar Mitzvah, be stripped of his “Cohain” status if there isn’t evidence that his mother was Jewish?
• If someone was converted by a Rabbinical Assembly rabbi who the RA asked to leave the RA given their announcement that it “wishes to clarify that, as a body, we do not endorse the work of the Chicago Conversion Beit Din and will not endorse conversions completed under its auspices, for any purpose, including to seek citizenship in Israel under the law of return,” are those members Jewish? If they got married assuming they were Jewish are they legally married?
• Can someone in a mixed marriage serve on the board, teach in the religious school, hold elected office?
• Is it true that no conversion is valid?

Behind each of these scenarios are real people and real stories. All too frequently real pain. How do you explain to someone who has been Jewish all of their lives or most of their adult lives, active, participating members of the congregation, how do you explain to them that they may not be Jewish? Not Jewish by traditional halachic standards. Born of a Jewish mother or converted with mikveh and circumcision.

How do I explain to any conversion candidate I counsel that a conversion that I do may not be recognized by the rabbinate in Israel. It is good enough under the “Law of Return”, but may not be good enough for the Orthodox rabbinate. This may mean that if they move to Israel they won’t be able to marry or be buried. May mean. Saying that the Israeli rabbinate doesn’t recognize all Orthodox conversions doesn’t really help either. How do you explain to a couple that comes excited about their blossoming love that again, my officiating may not be recognized. And that some rabbis will not, cannot marry couples where both partners are not Jewish or they risk losing their own ordination.

But explain I must. Because the Jewish community is splintered on these issues of personal status. I must sit down with each person, each family that presents themselves and explain as compassionately and lovingly as possible. For me, they are Jews. For the rest of the Jewish community there are hurdles that they may need to jump over, barriers that need to be climbed. And some of those Jews will choose to just walk away.

How dare we as a Jewish community?