This week the attribute we are examining is “Gevurah”, strength. We know that G-d is strong because we have a prayer, the “gevurot”, the second blessing of the Amidah. “Atah Gibor L’olam Adoani… You are Strong, Mighty, Powerful, forever, Adonai.” And in love, chesed, last week’s word, G-d sustains the living.
But in the kabbalistic sephirot and in the mussar material, this same word is translated as discipline. What is the connection? I puzzled over this for most of the week. I think I now have an answer. (This is Judaism, so there is probably more than one correct answer!)
It is with discipline or through discipline that we can become strong. Ben Zoma said in Pirkei Avot, “Who is one wise? One who learns from all people, as it is said: “From all my teachers have I gained understanding.” (Psalm 119:99) Who is strong? One who conquers, overpowers, subdues, controls the evil impulse, as it is written, “One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one who rules over their spirit than one who conquers a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)”
That gives us the textual explanation. And it makes sense. Here’s why. Back in August, which seems like a very long time ago, my daughter and I signed up for two races to celebrate Mother’s Day Weekend. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Life intervened making the training more difficult.
Yet I was disciplined. I followed a training schedule as closely as I possibly could. Will it be enough to get me across not one but two finish lines? Not sure yet. I often say about college football games you have to expect the unexpected and you have to play the games to see the outcome. But regardless of whether I succeed in the “Pixie Dust Challenge” the way I have hoped and dreamed, what is clear is the discipline has led to me being stronger.
I also, after wrestling with this topic all week, think that it is no accident that Gevurah follows Chesed. In the 13 Attributes of the Divine, it starts by saying “Adonai, Adonai, El…” Adonai is seen as the attribute of Divine mercy, and Elohim is the G-d of justice. It is the justice that reins G-d’s love in. It keeps it in balance. That is why on the sephirot charts you see Gevurah opposite Chesed. Sometimes, even Gevurah is called Din, Justice.
We see this tension between justice and mercy at the beginning of Exodus when Moses encounters the burning bush. According to Gunther Plaut, , “The repetition of the attribute of mercy was taken to mean that God is merciful both before and after man has sinned and repented; it is man who changes, not God.”
So if as Simon Jacobson says about counting the omer this week, “If love (chesed) is the bedrock of human expression, discipline (gevurah) is the channels through which we express love. It gives our life and love direction and focus. Take a laser beam: Its potency lies in the focus and concentration of light in one direction rather than fragmented light beams dispersed in all different directions.
Gevurah – discipline and measure – concentrates and directs our efforts, our love in the proper directions. Another aspect of gevurah is – respect and awe. Healthy love requires respect for the one you love.”
Gevurah then is the counterbalance to Chesed. It is not, as many suggest, an either or equation but a both and. Without Gevurah, the world would be so filled with Chesed, that it would be “reabsorbed into the Divine.” Without Chesed, G-d’s own judgment could cause G-d to destroy the world again, something G-d promised to never do again after the flood. G-d’s own self-restraint.
Sometimes the idea of gevurah as discipline, is in setting limits, boundaries. This is hard for me. I am too willing to give up my day off, for instance. I just can’t seem to set that limit when someone needs me. When I go on vacation, the laptop comes with me, just in case, and I am using it this morning. Sometimes when people cross boundaries inappropriately, I am the last to see them. But like the airlines tell us, put your own oxygen mask on before helping those around you. It is important. And this week’s focus on gevurah comes to teach us that.
In Judaism, everything we do is deliberate, intentional. When we are living consciously. When we are disciplined. Even how we dress.
Earlier this year I was thinking about this as I finished my workout and put on a red sweater for the rest of my day. You see, I had just finished running my miles for Jennifer.
I don’t actually know Jennifer. Although she trains with my son-in-law, Edgar. Both of them run with the Pasadena Pacers—and their color is red. Jennifer is a member of one of my online communities, Run the Year. Simon and I have a goal of running 2016 miles together during this year. Run, walk or crawl. So far our virtual team has “run” over 900 miles this year. That is disciplined. I am proud of our accomplishments.
We talk a lot about communities. Holy communities. Kehila Kedosha. And I am skeptical about online communities. But here is the power. Here is the story of my red sweater.
Jennifer went out running in California. Wearing her earbuds, nonetheless she heard some disparaging remarks behind her. Disparaging is not strong enough. Cruel. Mean. Bullying. As she said in her post, “You see the fat girl in the red, you don’t want to become that. She’s probably ugly as hell too.” Then she was passed and he said, “See, told you.” She immediately stopped running and went back to her car and cried.
She wrote about her experience on one of the online communities.
That’s when the running community stepped up. Over 1000 people ran “Miles for Jennifer.” Wearing red. Sending her messages of love and support. Reminding all of us that bullying is not OK. People raised money for anti-bullying organizations. Lulemon Athletics even changed its window in Manhattan to support #runforjennifer and Run the Year.
Jennifer went on finish the Los Angeles Marathon. She was disciplined in her training and her friends—all across the country cheered her on. We are so proud of her!
This story hit me hard. You see, I have been called Fatso. Fat Ass. Even in days when I was skinnier. And that is not OK. It is never OK. Even if it were true, it shows a lack of discipline on the part of the name caller.
There is a t-shirt I dream of buying (but frankly I am too chicken to wear it and now I can’t find it). It says, “They call me Rabbi because BadAss Miracle Worker is not a Job Title.” Really, I saw this T-shirt on Facebook. Shortly after the Jenn story!
I am not a miracle worker. What I think I am is disciplined. It is discipline that got me through rabbinical school. It is discipline that gets me through races. And yes, that discipline makes me stronger. It is like Walt Disney said, “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” Or like Herzl said, “If you will it, it is no dream.” I am hoping at the end of this race that someone will get me the bracelet that says, “She believed she could so she did.” It reflects my commitment to discipline.
When I was in college, the movie Chariots of Fire came out. You can actually sing the Sh’ma (while running) to its theme song. At some point in the movie, it quotes Isaiah, “But they that wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31) It has been a quote that has powered me through many long runs.
The very reason I run is for balance. It is for health. It is is to “Cleanse my heart to serve You in truth,” another favorite verse I sing while I am running. But if it slips over, if it crosses a boundary and impedes other portions of my, then does not make me strong. If I do it to prove that I am worthy or lovable to myself or others, then the balance is still out of whack. If I run and then “Lord it over” on someone, brag too much or bully someone else, then I do not have the balance right.
I shall run—and walk—this weekend, and I hope to not be weary or faint. But this I know, my strength comes from being disciplined. My strength comes from G-d. And maybe a little pixie dust.
How will you balance strength, discipline and lovingkindness this week?