The word puzzles continue this week. Hod, the theme for the week, the trait we are studying, means thanks. Or knowledge. Or humility. Or maybe even splendor or beauty. Or all of them. That’s nuance.
It is the root of words, Modah/Modeh, Modim and Todah. That part seems simple. Although it might make have to explain what a mem preformative is in order to make the connection between a word that begins with hey and one that begins with mem. Just trust me for now.
Last week we studied netzach, sometimes translated as endurance. Simon Jacobson says that “if endurance is the engine of life, humility is its fuel. As gevurah, (discipline) give chesed (love) focus, hod gives netzach direction.”
OK, I am still lost. How is hod both gratitude and humility? How can hod, either definition give netzach direction?
Moses was humble—but the Hebrew there is ana which can also mean poor. My mother’s favorite verse was from Micah, “What does G-d require of you? To do justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your G-d.” But that Hebrew is tz’nia, modesty. So we are still in a word puzzle here.
Jacobson helps, some…
“Humility is the silent partner of endurance. Its strength is in its silence. Its splendor in its repose. Humility leads to yielding, which is an essential element of Humility – and the resulting yielding – should not be confused with weakness and lack of self-esteem.
Humility is modesty; it is acknowledgement (from the root “hoda’ah”). It is saying “thank you” to G-d. It is clearly recognizing your qualities and strengths and acknowledging that they are not your own; they were given to you by G-d for a higher purpose than just satisfying your own needs. Humility is modesty; it is recognizing how small you are which allows you to realize how large you can become. And that makes humility so formidable…A full cup cannot be filled. When you’re filled with yourself and your needs, “I and nothing else”, there is no room for more. When you “empty” yourself before something which is greater than yourself, you allow in much more than your limited capacity. Humility is the key to transcendence; to reach beyond yourself.”
This then is the counterbalance to narcissism. In order to be thankful you need to see a world beyond yourself, you need to be humble. It is not a lowering of yourself. It is not a question of pridefulness.
When I stand before the ark leading the congregation in prayer, I take a moment to look up and read the sign that says, “Da Lifnei Atah Omeid. Know before whom you stand.” It is a humbling moment. When I daven “modim anachnu lach, we thank you G-d.” I read the words while trying to find at least one thing I am especially thankful for.
In the last year of rabbinical school I had a professor that didn’t think Jews expressed gratitude enough. The entire class argued with him, saying that Jews are supposed to say 100 blessings a day and that is a form of gratitude. Our prayer books are full of things we are grateful for. The list seems unending, much more than the 100.
In the Pathways program we are using from Alan Moranis it suggests sitting for an hour and writing a list of things you are personally grateful for. He says the first 15 minutes will fly by. The second 15 will be harder. The last 15 will be excruciating. Not willing to ask my congregants to do something I haven’t tried, I sat for an hour. He was exactly right. First 15 minutes were easy. Second 15 minutes were harder but I went back and if I had said I was thankful for friends, I must easily have 100 friends I am thankful for and it brought be pleasure to recall each one by name. Another exercise he had suggested was being aware of all the steps needed to make a cookie and then savor the cookie. It reminded me of the old Girl Scout grace, “Back of the bread is the flour and back of the flour is the mill and back of the mill is the wind and the rain and the Father’s will.” And I can be grateful for each of those, and the farmer, the baker, the truck driver, the grocery store and on and on it goes.
Yet, I struggle some with the Moranis text…and maybe that is the point of Mussar in general. He begins by telling the story of Itzhak Perlman who is debilitated by polio and yet can make beautiful music. (for which I am grateful). At one concert a string broke and instead of stopping the concert and replacing the string, he kept playing, with passion, artistry and beauty. At the end he said, You know,” he said, “it is the artist’s task to make beautiful music with what you have left.” Whether he was talking about his violin that night or his own body was left unclear. Our challenge, according to Moranis is to recognize the good (hakarat hatov), even when bad things happen.
And that is where Rabbi Harold Kushner comes in. Kushner wrote a book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People.” Note carefully, as I have said before, it is not Why bad things happen…sometimes it is impossible to explain, the title is when bad things happen. The challenge what do we do with it once it happens, because in every person’s life some bad will happen.
Mussar demands of us that we are grateful for everything. And I am not sure I can get there. Do I have to be grateful for gun violence? For murders? For murders? For Rapits? For politicians who can’t pass a state budget? For a health care system that seems only out to make a dollar and not make people healthy? How do I resolve the morning blessing, “Yotzer Or…who forms light and creates darkness, who makes peace and creates all things.” ALL things? Can I find the Divine spark within? I am not going to lie. Sometimes it is difficult.
But there is more…and a reward for sticking with this topic.
Moranis reminds us of a story from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. He tells us that “Gratitude can’t coexist with arrogance, resentment and selfishness. Gratitude rejoices with her sister joy, and is always ready to light a candle and have a party. Gratitude doesn’t much like the old cronies of boredom, despair and taking life for granted.” No arrogance. My hunch about narcissism seems to be right.
This is a verse I know…because I studied this very verse coming out of a dark period in my own life. The president of the Academy for Jewish Religion gave me this verse. Partly because while Rabbi Nachman wrote extensively about joy, he struggled with depression, and partly because my middle name is joy. In Hebrew, like English, there are many words for joy: simcha, (my Hebrew name), gila, rina, sasson, chedvah, asher. Each has a different nuance.
Simcha carries with it a sense of passion. Psalms 100:2 say we should serve G-d with gladness, with joy, with simcha. In Berachot 60b, it says that one is obligated to accept Divine judgment and praise G-d even when bad things happen. (back to my challenge with Yotzer Or), and one must do it with joy, with simcha. Rashi was bothered by this too and says that the meaning of simcha here is “with a complete heart.” It starts to make sense. What does simcha as joy mean in the context of misfortune because responding with joy seems incongruous. However, can we accept it with a complete heart, one with emet (truth) and emumah (faith), even if we don’t understand the why? We can do this while still not being happy with the loss or having to go through the bad experience or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Being able to reach this level, to respond with a ‘full heart,” a heart of full of gratitude is what mussar is about. It is what humility is about. And it comes from finding passion. The more passionate you are about what you are doing, the more joy you will feel. With passion and gratitude comes joy. The more passion, the more joy.
Frederick Buechner said, “The place G-d calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” Here again we see the connection between passion and joy. So find something you are passionate about and you will find joy.
Lest you think it is just me saying this, I recently led an article written by a neuroscientist. Four rituals that will make you happier.
One of them is practicing gratitude. “One powerful effect of gratitude is that it can boost serotonin. Trying to think of things you are grateful for forces you to focus on the positive aspects of your life. This simple act increases serotonin production in the anterior cingulate cortex.”
So try writing out what you are thankful for. Find 100 blessings. Add a new one each day. Find just one thing you are thankful for even in the midst of tragedy or loss. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. In doing so, you just might find more happiness.