“May you be like Ruth and like Esther.
May you be deserving of praise.
May you come to be in Yisrael a shining name.”
Fiddler on the Roof’s version of Sabbath Prayer, a Shabbat blessing for our children. This version is remarkable because instead of the traditional formulation of “May you be like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah,” it substitutes Ruth and Esther. The boys’ formulation is “May you be like Ephraim and Manaseh,” right out of today’s Torah portion.
Jacob gathers his children around him and offers each of them a blessing. It is the first recorded Ethical Will. Moses’s farewell address at the end of Deuteronomy, or maybe all of Deuteronomy his last advice, prophecy, exhortation to the children of Israel before he dies, is a form of an ethical will. David warns Solomon before he dies telling him who to wary of as King and exhorting him to complete the task he could not, building the Temple.
It seems to me that this is such an appropriate portion as go through this weekend that includes the celebration of New Years Eve. Many people use this weekend as a “reset button.” They evaluate what this year has been and make plans for the year to come. They make resolutions. Sometimes that includes making sure our affairs are in order.
Last week when I went have my annual physical I signed a power of attorney, sometimes called a living will. I know I did this before I went to Guatemala but despite electronic medical records, while Sherman has it, my doc did not.
An ethical will doesn’t cover those kinds of medical decisions nor does it disperse our material possessions. Instead it disperses our wisdom gleaned over a lifetime, our values, our family history and our hopes for the future.
There are two books about ethical wills that are remarkable.
Hebrew Ethical Wills by Israel Abramson collected many medieval samples and published in 1926 and Ethical Wills and How to Prepare Them by Rabbi Jack Riemer and Dr. Nathaniel Stampfer contains a guide for writing and many samples of ethical wills written by others which provide a wonderful models.
Two medieval examples:
My son, when I have left you, devote yourself to the study of Torah and the study of medicine. Chiefly occupy yourself with Torah , for you have a wise and understanding heart and all you need is ambition and application. Let your face shine on people: tend their sick and may your advice cure them. Take money from the rich but treat the poor without money. The Lord will repay you. In this way you will win the respect of people high and low and your good name will go forth far and wide…
My son, I command you to honour your wife as much as you can. She is intelligent and modest, a daughter of a distinguished and educated family. To act otherwise is the way of the contemptible…
Never refuse to lend books to anyone who has not the means to purchase books for himself, but only act thus to those who can be trusted to return the volumes. Cover the bookcases with rugs of fine quality and preserve them from damp and from mice, for your books are your greatest treasure…
Judah Ibn Tibbon, 12th century Spanish Jewish Scholar
If they can manage it, my sons and daughters should live in communities and not isolated from other Jews, so that their sons and daughters can learn the ways of Judaism. Even if compelled to request money from others in order to pay for a teacher, they must not let the young of either sex go without instruction in the Torah. Marry your children, my sons and daughters, as soon as their age is ripe, to members of respectable families.
To the slanderer do not respond with counter-attack, and though it is proper to rebut false accusations, it is most desirable to set an example of reticence. You yourselves must avoid uttering any slander for so will you win affection. In trade be true, never grasping what belongs to another. By avoiding such wrongs – scandal, falsehood, money-grubbing – people will surely find tranquility and affection.
Be very particular to keep your houses clean and tidy. I was always scrupulous on that point, for every injurious condition and sickness and poverty are to be found in foul dwellings.
Eleazar of Mayence, 14th century German Jew
Sholem Aleichem, the author of the Tevye stories, had his ethical will published in the New York Times the day after his death. http://sholemaleichem.org/ethical-will/
Dvora Waysman who moved from Australia to Israel left her children an ethical will. Here is an excerpt:
For now you are Israelis, and I have different things to leave you. I hope you will understand that they are more valuable than money in the bank, stocks and bonds, and plots of land, for no-one can ever take them away from you.
I am leaving you the fragrance of a Jerusalem morning … unforgettable perfume of thyme, sage and rosemary that wafts down from the Judean hills. The heartbreaking sunsets that give way to Jerusalem at night … splashes of gold on black velvet darkness. The feel of Jerusalem stone, ancient and mellow, in the buildings that surround you. The piquant taste of humus, tehina, felafel – foods we never knew about before we came here to live
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/680712/jewish/My-Ethical-Will.htm
And then there is Sarah, age 38 (not mine), writing to as yet, her unborn child:
To My Unborn Child:
I am writing this in eager anticipation of your birth. I know that I have much to learn about being a parent. I’m sure the challenges will be greater than even now I can imagine, and the rewards are probably bigger than I can fathom at this point. Please know that you are a cherished being whom your father and I have waited half a lifetime to meet. We’re so excited about your birth and everything that will come afterward. I write this to you now, knowing that my perspective may change as you grow and develop as an individual and as I grow as a parent. Your father and I are becoming parents later in life, with many experiences and, I hope a little wisdom gained from them. I know we still have much to learn. But this is what I know so far and what I hope for you in the future.
First, know that you will have a unique perspective because you are Jewish, but you also will have your father’s culture and traditions. Consider yourself doubly blessed with this wide vista from which to view the world. Even though your father is not Jewish, we agree that it is important for you to be raised as a Jew. You will naturally absorb the secular culture around you. Learning what it means to be Jewish in this world will be more difficult and may be a continually on-going quest, just as it is for me.
https://celebrationsoflife.net/ethicalwills/examples/ewill-ex9/
Now, I try not to suggest things for my congregants to do that I haven’t done myself. Simon wrote Sarah a beautiful ethical will that became the speech he offered at her Bat Mitzvah. I have not done so. So I guess I will sitting down and doing this project myself this weekend.
How do you begin? Wherever you want. There are some hints that people have gleaned through the years.
Include
- Lessons learned and meaningful stories from your history
- Thins you learned from grandparents/parents/spouse/children/teachers
- Your values, beliefs, opinions
- Your advice, hopes and dreams for the future
- Something you learned from experience and how you acted on your values
- Something you are grateful for
Just start writing. Need more help? There is a template here:
http://www.bethlamie.com/images/pdf_folder/ethical_wills_template_2011.pdf
However you celebrate New Year’s, may this be a year of blessing for you, your children and your children’s children.