In this season of gratitude, we spoke last night about ethical wills and blessings.
Isaac calls his son Esau, his favored one, the one he loves, the redhaired one (yesterday was redhead day, which by the way is a genetic trait one that is dying out), the one who hunts his beloved game, and says that he is to hunt and prepare some game and then he will bless him. He wants to give his son a blessing. It is a form of an ethical will, the values that Isaac wants to pass down to his son. It is his legacy.
Esau departs for his task. Jacob, at Rebecca’s urging, slips in and tricks Isaac and receives the blessing that Isaac had intended to give to Esau.
Esau comes back and wails “do you have no blessing for me.” It is a painful chapter. Isaac does bless him, but it sounds more like a curse.
It is painful from the beginning. I want to look carefully at that language.
“When Isaac was old and his eyes were too dim to see, he called his older son Esau and said to him, “My son.” He answered, “Here I am.”
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֵלָיו֙ בְּנִ֔י וַיֹּ֥אמֶר אֵלָ֖יו הִנֵּֽנִי׃
Do you hear an echo here? It is exactly the words that Abraham and Isaac exchanged when they were walking up the mountain. The generational trauma seems to continue. Isaac who is almost sacrificed at the hand of his father, gets tricked and gives the wrong blessing to Esau. Isaac, conditioned by his own father, misses the moment. In our High Holiday liturgy we learn the words that G-d taught Moses, Adonai, Adonai, El Rachum v’chanun….The Lord, the Lord G-d is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and patient, full of lovingkindnes and truth, extending kindness to the 1000th generation and forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin, But there is a back half of that sentence that we don’t say in our liturgy. “yet God does not remit all punishment, but visits the iniquity of parents upon children and children’s children, upon the third and fourth generations.” Are we seeing evidence of that here? Cain and Abel, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau and soon to come Joseph and his brothers. Sins passed down generation to generation?
As Rabbi Marc Katz, said, “The Torah is not a parenting manual.” Our patriarchs and matriarchs are not perfect people. Being perfect is not the object. Perhaps, what we learn from our ancestors is what not to do. We should not favor one child over another. And we should learn to break the cycle.
It should be noted that when we bless our children on Shabbat evening, we bless our girls in the names of our matriarchs, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah. But the boys are blessed not in the names of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob but the grandchildren, Maneseh and Ephraim.
Is there only one blessing for each person? I don’t think so.
Harold Kushner in his book, How Good Do We Have to Be, says that one of the issues with sibling rivalry, exhibited right here, is that idea that “Mom loved you best.” But the secret is that “love is not like a bank account that is depleted when it is given away. It is rather like a muscle–the more it is exercised, the more it can be used. And the gift of that blessing–especially for parents with small children–can help to bridge the gap between you and your children, between your children, and between us and the One we call Avinu, the One we call our Parent.”
Last night we looked at blessings and ethical wills. Often when I do a funeral someone says it would have been so nice for the person to hear what was said about them before they die. We don’t always get that chance. So let’s try it here. The rabbis of the Talmud teach that we should give 100 blessings a day. This is how we demonstrate that there is enough love to go around.
Sometimes we have a hard time asking for the blessing we need. What blessing do you need? I need strength and patience.
I started last night with Joy. Joy was a blessing when she designed a beautiful sign in her lovely calligraphy and went and put it on the synagogue door. Her enthusiasm and her willingness to help and to learn is a blessing.
Other blessings that were mentioned:
- Watching a couple dance during the Torah service
- People showing up, making sure that there is always a minyan
- Pitching in to lead parts of the service
- Beautiful Torah and haftarah reading
- Always having an encouraging word for someone
- Being able to find any literature reference as a retired librarian during Torah Study
- Always being willing to help with technology
- Always making sure that people are welcomed.
At least one unique blessing for every person present.
There is enough love and enough blessings to go around. May you find your blessing and may you give a blessing, at this season of thanksgiving and always.