Mother’s Day can be hard. If you are missing your mom, I see you. If you are missing a child, I see you. If you had a straind relationship with your mom or your kid, I see you. If you are hoping for a child, I see you. We see you. You are part of our CKI community and we see you. You are not alone.
I wanted to try something different today but at the last minute I changed my mind. I wrote an open letter to my daughter on Mother’s Day. But that will remain between her and me. Instead I will combine elements of it with the piece of writing that was published this week nationally as the last commitment we had to complete our Scientists in the Synagogue grant.
An open letter to my daughter, to all our daughters:
This week we read one of my favorite portions. Addressed to the whole people of Israel, I take that to mean the women and the men, we are told, “You shall be holy because I the Lord your G-d am holy.” It is a commandment. It is something we are supposed to do—in the future. Yet, it is something you are. Just by being you. You are holy. You are loved. Deeply, deeply loved.
This Holiness Code is a radical reorganization of society. It is a recipe for living. And it makes sense. You shall be holy, because I the Lord your G-d am holy.
This weekend is Mother’s Day. The very first thing we are told that you should do is to “Revere your mother and your father.” How perfect on this Mother’s Day Weekend. It seems just like the Ten Commandments, “Honor your father and your mother.” But the rabbis are quick to point out that the verb is different and the order is reversed. While Simon and I argue over what that verb means—revere or fear—and our own rabbi suggests that it can be both, what both verbs suggest is to respect your parents. That respect can be shown in a myriad of ways. You already know how to do that.
You shall be holy, because I the Lord your G-d am holy.
The Book of Leviticus, which we are in the middle of reading, has much to say about blood. Here is what I wrote for Scientists in the Synagogue:
“What does holiness mean? It means to be set apart. The root of this verb in Hebrew is k-d-sh. We use that verb root for Kiddush where we set time apart for Shabbat and make it holy. We use it for Kaddish, the prayer that sets parts of the service apart almost like a punctuation mark, and makes each section of the service holy. We use it for Kiddushin – marriage – where you and your partner are set apart and made holy, one for the other.
This portion gives us a list of things to do to be holy. We are to revere our mothers and our fathers. We are to observe Shabbat. We are to have just weights and measures. We are not to withhold the wages of a laborer or put a stumbling block before the blind or curse the deaf. We are to leave the corners of our fields for the widow, the orphan, the stranger, the most marginalized amongst us. We are not to hold a grudge.
And centrally, we are “to love our neighbors as ourselves.” (Lev 19:18)
Another way to demonstrate that love is contained in this same Torah portion is that it explicitly tells us to “not stand idly by while our neighbor bleeds.” (Lev. 19: 16)
Indeed, there is lots in the Book of Leviticus about blood (and other bodily fluids). Many people, then as now, were afraid of blood. Somehow, coming in contact with blood, the life force, was scary. It would render someone “impure” or “unclean”, not ready to perform ritual acts. They would have to remain outside the camp until they were purified in some way.
Mary Douglas wrote a powerful book, Purity and Danger, about the anthropology of what she terms “pollution,” which includes blood. There is an entire chapter on Leviticus, including her understanding of kashrut laws around blood and other bodily emissions. All of these were seen as somehow taboo, something that should not be touched. They pollute the person who comes into contact with them, making them unfit to be part of the group or ready for ritual service.
Blood as a life force can be scary. It can ebb and flow. We must not touch blood. We must not eat anything containing blood. Outside of the body, it is somehow out-of-place and dangerous. We see this in the kashrut laws and in the rules surrounding a menstruating woman. We see the fear with the first of the ten plagues – turning the river Nile into blood.
Yet our verse, “do not stand idly by while your neighbor bleeds,” suggests another way. That when someone is bleeding, you need to touch them. You need to stop the bleeding. There are several ways congregations can live out that verse. You can make sure that every institution has bleeding control kits, and the training that goes with them. They are often called “Stop the Bleed” kits, designed to be used in a critical situations to help stop traumatic, life-threatening bleeding.
Another way is to host or participate in a blood drive. Blood donations are necessary for victims of car crashes, gunshot wounds, clotting diseases, open heart surgery, and a variety of blood cancers, including lymphoma, leukemia and myeloma.
Here is where science meets Torah. Rather than seeing blood as a source of contamination, it is now routinely screened. Donors are asked a series of questions to make sure that they are in good health and free of any disease that could be transmitted by blood transfusion. Blood is tested to make sure that the person is not anemic and for which blood type they are. After donation, the blood is tested for hepatitis B and C, as well as HIV and other diseases such as Zika and West Nile Virus. All of that testing is science at work. Here are just some of the things that Versiti, whom we partner with, are working on in terms of blood research, and there are many more:
- Producing monoclonal antibodies (a COVID treatment currently being researched for people who cannot receive a vaccine)
- Research into thrombosis
- Automated DNA sequencing
- The genetic study of viruses
The blood research leads to more healing of some of the world’s most difficult diseases to treat. This leads to more hope and healing, and less fear of blood as a contaminant.
Usually, kids cannot be blood donors until they are 16 and then with guardian permission and if they meet height and weight requirements. However, kids can help at blood drives by being a welcoming presence and helping with snacks, signage, thank you notes and more. In that way, you live out the idea of not standing idly by while your neighbor bleeds. It also is a way to illustrate, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Blood is vital, as the Blood Science Foundation explains. “Blood transports oxygen to our lungs and tissues, carries antibodies to fight infections, and helps to filter toxins from our bodies. It’s essential—not only to our individual health and well-being—but to our entire healthcare system.
Only 37% of Americans are eligible to donate blood. Find some way to donate blood or work at a blood drive. It will be one way to make the words of this portion, “Do not stand idly by while your neighbor bleeds,” even more real, concrete and relevant.
In our tradition, we are taught in the Talmud that to save one life is to save the whole world. (Sanhedrin 37a) The donation of just one pint of blood can save three lives. Don’t be afraid. Go donate.”
And yet, I would be remiss on not commenting on the big news of the week. It too has to do with blood and saving lives.
This week had very troubling news in this country. There have been arguments that have broken out about when life itself begins and about a women’s right to self-determination. There are not new arguments.
Our portion today hints at the need to protect the rights of people, all people—the widow, the orphan, the stranger, the poor. We, your mothers and grandmothers, have tried to make a difference. We have fought these battles before, In all the ways that this portion suggests. Now, as our daughter, you have to once again pick up the gauntlet. There was a meme that showed up on Facebook, For Mother’s Day, my mother would like the activism of her youth to not be for nothing.” My activism will continue. I have no choice
Because here is the deal. Once again, I need you to speak up, to be active, to protect the rights of women—and in fact everyone. That is how you revere your mother and your father this Mother’s Day Weekend.
The texts are clear. In Judaism, abortion is permitted. In some cases, it is even required. A baby is not considered a life until halfway out the birth control, until then it is considered a potential life. The life of the mother, physically and mentally is to be protected. I can give you all the sources on this if you need them. But I will tell you this, the idea that abortion may no longer be legal in this country, not only violates the rights of women to have autonomy over their own bodies, but violates your rights to practice your religion. This becomes, at least for some but maybe not the court, a question of First Amendment and separation of church and state.
I hope you will join me later today and throughout the coming weeks as we make our voices heard.
I pray you never need to make a choice to have an abortion. I will work as hard as I can to make sure it remains an option. For you and for any other woman who needs to make that difficult decision.
In the meantime, I need you to remember that you are holy because the Lord your G-d is holy. You are holy just by your very being. You are loved. Deeply, deeply loved.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Sources:
(22) When men fight, and one of them pushes a pregnant woman and a miscarriage results, but no other damage ensues, the one responsible shall be fined according as the woman’s husband may exact from him, the payment to be based on reckoning. (23) But if other damage ensues, the penalty shall be life for life, (24) eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, (25) burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.
In cases of capital law, the dispute concerning such a prohibition is with regard to the issue that is the subject of the dispute between Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi and the Rabbis, as it is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi says with regard to that which is written: “If men struggle and they hurt a pregnant woman…and if there shall be a tragedy you shall give a life for a life” (Exodus 21:22–23), the reference is to a monetary payment for the life that he took. The tragedy referenced is the unintentional killing of the mother.
Yevamot 69b
If she is found pregnant, until the fortieth day it is mere fluid.
(6) If a woman is having trouble giving birth, they cut up the child in her womb and brings it forth limb by limb, because her life comes before the life of [the child]. But if the greater part has come out, one may not touch it, for one may not set aside one person’s life for that of another.
Rabbi Jacob Emden, Responsa She’elat Ya”vetz 1:43 (1739-1759)
The questioner asks about an adulterous married woman (who is pregnant) is a good question. It appears to me to permit her (to abort)…And even in the case of a legitimate fetus there is reason to be lenient if there is a great need, as long as the fetus has not begun to emerge; even if the mother’s life is not in jeopardy, but only so as to save her from woe associated with it that would cause her great pain…
https://www.sefaria.org/sheets/234926.15?lang=bi&with=all&lang2=en