This is the d’var Torah/sermon I didn’t give on Rosh Hashanah morning. It was more important to hear the voices of our children singing Happy Birthday World in Hebrew and English. It was more important that one of our high school seniors blow shofar. It was more important to parade around with a eight week old during the Torah procession…and to Facetime with our oldest members so she could hear the shofar. (She’s 101). Those will be my memories of Rosh Hashanah this year.

Sh…..can you hear them? Our building is filled with children. They are having fun with Heather, learning about round challah, making challah covers and frosting Happy Birthday World cupcakes. They are playing and exploring puppets with Jeanne Tolzmann and Gail Mikyska who are helping out with babysitting. They are creating Jewish memories. Our largest group of kids are in the newborn to age 3 category. And we are thrilled. Our children are our future. Our children count. Later you will hear their own words and their singing right here. 

We just read stories from our tradition of women who desperately wanted to have children. Sarah, so desperate, she conceived of a plan that her handmaiden, Hagar, would bear a child for her husband, Abraham. Perhaps the original surrogate.  Hannah prayed so intensely that Eli thought she was drunk. There is value in having a child. In times of old, preferably a male child. These ancient texts are difficult stories….hard to wrap our brains around.  Do they have modern implications? .I think so, but warning…some of this discussion may be difficult to hear. 

In the Talmud, we learn that one of the questions we will be asked in heaven, a good thing to contemplate on this, the birthday of the world, is “Did you busy yourself with procreation.” 

Rava who asks the question is thinking about the very first words that G-d says to the first human beings: 

And G-d created human beings in the image of G-d, male and female G-d created them. G-d blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth.” (Genesis 1:27-28) 

But being fruitful and multiplying is not always an option: 

• While many women want to have children—and go to extraordinary lengths to ensure they can be pregnant and carry to term some women do not want children at all or cannot conceive. Roughly 10% of couples in America who try to get pregnant cannot and that number is growing as the median age of marriage rises and the peak years of fertility. 
• As Ron Wolfson says in his book The Seven Questions You are Asked in Heaven, “For some who have tried everything, adoption is an option. But this can be a difficult process, drawn out and expensive. Some employ a surrogate, but this too, (as Sarah and Hagar found out) can be fraught with complications and challenges. Others find ways to be foster parents…”  

• Some women have children and then cannot take care of them. I am grateful to our new members, the Harpers, who open their home already busy with three young daughters and foster children and currently have a 2-year-old living with them. 
• Others lose a child that is stillborn or from miscarriage or a pre-natal birth defect. Perhaps that is part of your story. I want to acknowledge clearly that these experiences can be extraordinarily painful experiences, and like Sarah or Hannah, it can be hard to find hope. 
• Some people may have had to have an abortion—or may have chosen to. These are difficult decisions that need to be made by the patient and their doctor.    
• Sadly, some children are raised in situations with incredible abuse and other traumas. It is hard to imagine how children can overcome what have become known as ACEs, Adverse Childhood Experiences. We will talk more about that tomorrow.  
• Some people choose not to have children at all. The question “have you busied yourself with procreation?” may be answered differently. Their legacy may be a building a business, creating a piece of music or art, or teaching other people’s children. Those too are also legacies. 

This summer the United States Supreme Court reversed previous decisions on abortion. Let me be clear. Judaism defines life as when a child is halfway out the birth canal or when it takes its first breath. Until then it is a potential life, worthy of protection but not at the expense of the existing life of the mother. If you need chapter and verse on this topic, I will gladly supply them for you. Thus far, Illinois has protected a woman’s right to choose. However, if you are in a position to need to make this choice, I will sit with you, I will cry with you, I will hold your hand, like many rabbis throughout the country. 

For today, know that our tradition is clear. Once there is a child, we are instructed to take care of that child. Thirty-six times it teaches in the Torah that we need to take care of the widow, the orphan, the stranger, the most vulnerable amongst us. Taking care of our children—all our children whether they are orphans or not, whether they are our biological children or not—is an important Jewish value. Our children count. All our children count. Let that sink in, all our children count, whatever their origins. 

When I was in second grade and a brand new Brownie, I learned the Brownie Story. Perhaps you know it too: The old shoemaker complained that children are a burden. They make too much noise. They don’t do their chores. They don’t help out around the house and in fact, they contribute to making messes, eating all the food and complaining that they are bored and about life in general. They just get in the way. The shoemaker wished for a Brownie, something like a fairy who would do all the housework, without being nagged. The children were aghast to hear this. After consulting the Wise Old Owl, the children learn that they themselves are the Brownies, and their father learns that children are a blessing.  

Children are indeed a blessing. Our children, who you will hear from later this morning, are indeed a blessing. They are our legacy. They count. They need to be cherished and taken care of. 

When G-d was deciding whom to give the Torah too, he asked the Israelites who would be good guarantors for this precious gift. The Israelites answered, “Our ancestors will be good guarantors, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sarah Rebecca, Rachel and Leah. They will vouch for us.” G-d said that their were not sufficient. The Israelites said, “Our prophets will be our guarantors.” Again G-d rejected the answer. Finally, the Israelites answered, “Our children will be our guarantors.” For that reason, for the sake of the children, G-d gave the Torah to Israel. (Song of Songs Rabbah 1”24)  

We learn another story in the Talmud, that often we retell for another Jewish New Year, Tu B’shevat, the New Year of the Trees: 

Honi the Circle Maker was walking on the road and saw a man planting a carob tree. Honi asked the man, “How long will it take for this tree to bear fruit?” “Seventy years,” the man answered. Honi wondered whether the man would live another seventy years to eat the fruit of the carob tree. The man answered, “Probably not. However, when I arrived in this world there were many carob trees already planted by my father and grandfather. Just as they planted for me, so shall I plant for my children and grandchildren.” 

Today as we continue our celebration of Congregation Kneseth Israel’s 130th Anniversary, we are planting for our children and grandchildren.  Explaining the concept of 130 years to kids is hard. Some attended the ListenUp concert and danced in the aisles. They all have CKI 130th t-shirts both thanks to gifts of members. We’ve had them count candles. They are responsible for the banner artwork when you walk in the door which I encourage you to help them color when it is not yuntif. 

In my old town of Chelmsford, their motto is ““Let the children guard what the sires have won.”  (They seem to be in the process of changing it—perhaps—but that is still breaking news.) There is an inherent problem with the motto. As Rabbi Rachel Cowen explained with Linda Thal in their book Wise Aging: Living with Joy, Resilience and Spirit, “Becoming a grandparent means seeing one’s own children step into their positions as custodians of the future.” That is because as they said, “if we are wise and humble we will ask ourselves what we can do to support their growth and wellbeing without imposing our own sense of what their futures should look like.” We know that we are at an inflection point in modern Judaism. Our children and our grandchildren will have to figure out what Judaism looks like into the future. They will have to figure out what this very synagogue will look like. They will have to take the memories they are making today and make new memories with their own children and grandchildren, invested with their own meaning. But make no mistake: they are our guarantors.

As the theme for our Days of Awe, this year is about surviving to thriving. Making it to our 130th is a significant milestone which came with a lot of dedication and commitment, sweat equity and actual capital. But it is not enough to survive. As our liturgy says, “Merely to have survived is not a great measure of excellence.” What does it mean to enable our children to thrive? 

Thrive means to grow or develop well. What helps kids to grow well? 

In a TED talk by 7 year old Molly Wright, she explains that kids thrive and their brains expand, when you play with young children, especially those under 5. She concludes that children thrive if they are connecting, talking, playing, and if they have a healthy home and community  Molly Wright: How every child can thrive by five 

She maintains, based on brain science, that a simple game of peek-a-boo or a matching game with a child can change the world. It can build curious, confident, trusting, kids. And I encourage you all to watch this TED talk. She is amazing. Or watch our own early elementary teachers play a High Holy Day matching game. Thank you, Jordana and Jeanette. Those kids are having so much fun—and thriving here. 

Kids need access to quality education, health care, food, shelter, clothing. Kids need to be loved and nurtured. Kids need to have adults in their lives that mentor. Those are part of how children achieve resilience.  

Resilience is the process of handling different types of stress and recovering from trauma or adversity in tough times. A child’s resilience mostly depends on their connections to other people, rather than their own inherent qualities. And the good news—the research on this part of brain science has challenged since I was first an educator and now a rabbi. They have identified several resilience factors that can help children—and all of us be resilient—to be able to thrive:
 

• Good parenting with low family stress and sound parental mental health 

• Absence of addiction and substance abuse 
• Sense of safety 
• Supportive extended family  
• A supportive relationship with a mentor. 
• Positive school experiences. 

• Safe neighborhood. 
• Close community. 
• Social support. 
• Part of religious or faith community. 
• Extracurricular activities. 

When I listen to what you most appreciate at CKI, those are the very things that promote resilience. You are creating resilience right here, for our kids and for all of us. You talk about this community being like an extended family, with a positive Torah School experience, with mentors and social support as part of a religious or faith community. We are helping our kids—and each other thrive.  

What, then, is the legacy we want to leave for our children, all our children? For thousands of years, Jews have written ethical wills. These are the values that we want to pass down to our offspring. We have examples of that in the Torah. When Jacob blesses his children. When Moses speaks to the all the Israelites before they cross into the land of Israel. It’s Moses’s swan song, if you will. As we celebrate Rosh Hashanah, and contemplate our own mortality, I encourage you during this season of reflection, return and renewal to consider writing your own. There is no prescribed form. There are some online tools that can help. One list of things to include: 

• Personal History: What are the basics of you?  
• Favorite Things: Travel, entertainment, and, of course, food.  
•  Academic & Professional Life: Lessons that can last a lifetime.  

• Most Meaningful Experiences: Moments you cherished …or didn’t. 
• Religious & Political Views: Express your beliefs and views.  
• Hopes For The Future: Advice for the next generation 

Some more pointers and examples can be found here: https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/writing-an-ethical-will-how-to-get-started/  

What are those values we want to pass down to our children and grandchildren, that come right from here at CKI? What is the legacy we are leaving them? What do you want your own children and grandchildren to know? 

• A love of G-d, of family, of Judaism? 

• A love of education, of learning and books? 
• A love of asking questions and figuring out the answers? 
• A love of being kind and caring, taking care of each other, animals and the world? 
• A sense of joy and purpose? 

As we identify that which is most meaningful to us here at CKI and we listen to the voice of the Shofar—and then the voices of our children, in those ways then your life and the lives of your offspring really will count and you will help them thrive, well into adulthood. 

The words of our children:

Ashamnu To Our Parents, a Positive Heshbon Hanefesh: 

You matter. You are awesome. You matter. You can make today great. 

You eXcel in life and are eXcellent 

You work hard. You are wonderful.  

You are very, very good, very great, very nice. 

U can change the world. U are loved. U are awesome. 

You try your best and take good chances and try to make the world a better place. 

You smile and smile more and stay happy. 

You are responsible. You read and then read more. 

You question. You are quiet. You are quite awesome and quite amazing. 

You are polite. You are positive. 

You are outstanding.  You have an open heart. You open your mind to new possibilities. 

You are nice. You never give up. 

You make today great. You make the world a better place. 

You love. You live life to the fullest. You live, love, laugh. 

You are kind. You keep calm. 

You are joyful. 

You inspire others. 

You help others. You are happy. 

You are good. You are generous.  

You forgive. You are fierce. You are fearless. 

You exercise and eat healthy. 

You donate. You do your best. You do the impossible. 

You are courageous. You care about yourself and others. You care about this very place. 

You are brave. 

You are amazing. You always do the right thing. 

Wednesday Hebrew School 5777