“After a Trauma, Learning to Thrive Again”  

Isaac and Ishmael, Sarah and Hagar even Abraham all suffered trauma.  

Isaac, being on that mountain with his father’s hand over him to slaughter him, Ishmael and Hagar hated by Sarah, tossed out by Abraham, and Sarah, upon hearing the news of what Abraham had wanted to do to Isaac, could not cope with it, then apparently left Abraham and in the very next chapter dies, not in Beer Sheva but in Kiryat Arba, now Hebron.  

In recent years there has been much discussion of ACEs, or Adverse Childhood Experiences. These are traumatic events that happen to children between birth and 17 years old. They can include: 

• Experiencing violence, abuse or neglect 
• Witnessing violence in the home or community 
• Having a family member attempt or die by suicide 
• Aspects that undermine the child’s sense of security, safety, stability or bonding. 
• Substance abuse issues 
• Mental health issues 
• Instability due to parental separation or household members being in prison. 
• These are not the only examples of ACEs. Other traumatic experiences could impact children’s health and wellbeing. 

In a recent study by the CDC, 61% of Americans surveyed report having experienced at least one ACE. Those ACEs, those traumas can lead to all sorts of health problems including increased rates of diabetes, heart disease, etc. It is possible, therefore that everyone needs what is called “Trauma-Informed Care.” It is a way of approaching children and people in general with compassion and understanding.  

If you remember Maslow’s pyramid, those levels mirror those things we are concerned about in child development. From the bottom up, people have physiological needs: food, water, shelter, clothing, heat, even sex. then safety and security needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs. In recent years self-actualization has been split a little further to include cognitive needs and aesthetic needs. Finally, in the new model, someone may reach transcendence, which for some is the goal of religion.
People who have reached these higher rungs are those who thrive. While there is no one way to achieve self-actualization, and you don’t need to have all of these, people who thrive share some characteristics: 

• They perceive reality efficiently and can tolerate uncertainty; 
• They accept themselves and others for who they are 
• They can be spontaneous in thought and action 
• They are problem-centered rather than self-centered 
• They have an unusual sense of humor; 
• They are able to look at life objectively 
• They are highly creative 
• They are concerned for the welfare of humanity 
• They are capable of deep appreciation of basic life-experience; ie: they are grateful 
• They establish deep satisfying interpersonal relationships 
• They can identify peak experiences 
• They have strong moral/ethical standards 

Our Biblical ancestors, who we read about today, were not perfect people. Maslow is quick to point out that there are no perfect people. (Maslow, 1970, p 176).  

Why is this background information important? Since the beginning of the pandemic, substance abuse is up 40%, so are domestic violence and suicidal ideation. There was a need for better access to mental health services even before the pandemic but these statistics are staggering. 

The pandemic is not the sole reason for rising mental health needs. This past week, it was reported that anxiety has increased across the board, a panel of health professionals recommended that all adults under 65 be screened for anxiety. Why? Now 41.5% of all adults report some anxiety.  

The reasons for increasing anxiety is not the pandemic alone. It includes financial pressures with rising inflation, increasing crime, struggles with health care, the great political divide, fears about climate change, and for members of the Jewish community, rising anti-semitism. 

Sadly, there is a shortage of mental health professionals throughout the country including right here. It is true for memory care placements. It is true for adolescent therapists. It is true for case workers at places like the Ecker Center, Family Services and The Community Crisis Center. Some providers have a six months, that is correct, six month waiting list. For a kid in crisis, and their family, that is daunting, impossible and in some cases life threatening.  

One of my accomplishments, by serving of the St. Joseph Hospital leadership board, was to help save the inpatient mental health unit at St. Joseph’s. We did that by looking at some of these statistics. Calls for mental health services to the Elgin Police Department are also up exponentially. That is part of why all EPD officers have had de-escalation training, and they have added a Collaborative Crisis Services Unit, and more mental health professionals. 

There is hope. We as a congregation have a unique role in helping people thrive. 

Suggestions for overcoming trauma, anxiety and stress include, leaning on your loved ones, both family and friends for support. Recently there was a headline about Cooper Roberts, the young victim of the shooting in Highland Park. The headline read: “The power of family has helped them survive the trauma.” https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/breaking/ct-cooper-roberts-homecoming-20220922-g5kgpmxtfzgsxazq2srzoanhti-story.html?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Breaking%20News&utm_content=861663884111  

CKI stands ready to help you thrive. That is part of community. Part of connectedness. Parents of Torah School students become friends and a support system. Those in adult study classes meet later to schmooze and share a bite. Conversations over Kiddushes and oneg Shabbats lead to a sense of connectedness and community. Yet, all too often when I ask what someone needs when they are in the hospital, or facing some other crisis, the response is “nothing. We’re good. We don’t need anything.” Sometimes it is hard to know what we need. You may just need a friendly voice, even a text message. You can ask for meals, help with household tasks or other obligations to relieve some stress. Sometimes, a traumatic event leads to a loss of income. While we can’t pay a mortgage, the discretionary fund can help with some bills.  

Face your feelings. It can be hard to do this one. We may not want to think about a traumatic event. We may want everything to go back to normal. But it is not normal to not leave the house at all, sleeping all the time, or using substances to escape reminders. Or isolating yourself from friends and family. That isolation is a big cause of lingering mental health issues coming out of the pandemic. We were told to isolate, first for two weeks, then longer and longer. The fear was real. But with greater research and availability of vaccines the risk is lower. Not none, but lower. Yet, some people are still isolating. CKI offers a sense of connection. Whether in the room or on Zoom, in a number of different ways. 

Prioritize self-care. The recommendations include eating nutrious meals, getting regular exercise and a good night’s sleep. It’s Risa’s list of 5. Eat, sleep, drink (water) exercise, and take your meds. It is also things like art, mediation, relaxation and spending time in nature. For me, self-care involves talking to friends, massage, and bubble baths. I just found Champagne Apples and Honey bubble bath, perfect for this season. Self-care be reading a good book, part of why the CKI book group is so important. And making time for me. (Note—try not to call me tomorrow. I hope to be sleeping!). CKI offers opportunities for you to explore your spirituality, to pray, to discover friends and new thinking. For some, it is “me time.” 

Praying, meditating, grounding ourselves and ritual all can play a role in our healing. We’re going to try one of those grounding meditations right here: 

Our prayer Elohai Neshama teaches us that our soul is breathed into us and given to us pure. (Sing here) 

Elohai—my G-d. The divine, great cosmic mystery breathes life into me and is very personal. The unique breath that I am, I can draw into me, filling my lungs and my spirit that knows me intimately. I am created for a unique purpose. I matter. I count. (Sing again) 

Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, of blessed memory wrote: “Our minds might insist that we go directly to the Infinite when we think of God, but the heart doesn’t want the Infinite; it wants a You it can confide in and take comfort in.” Amidst the jagged and often wrenching complexities of daily life, what a balm it can be to feel the Presence as close as my breath. (Sing again) 

Tehorah hi – it is pure. The mystics speak of five levels of soul, neshamah being the level that corresponds to the mind and heart, the wise, universal intellect. Reminding ourselves that each breath is tehorah, pure, can help me throughout the day and can be a touchstone to come back to. It grounds me and makes me whole. Return again and again to this pure state. Breathe in and breathe out. Hold it for a count of four. Breathing in and breathing out. Know that you, you yourself is the beloved child of G-d, created pure. Breathe in, And Out. (Sing again)  (Based on some writing by Rabbi Diane Elliott on My Jewish Learning)

Ritual is another way that grounds us. Whether it is lighting Shabbat candles or Monday night pizza, the predictability and sense of control and agency helps ground us. Your very presence here today is a way of marking liminal time with ritual. They help with our mental health.  

Remember to be patient. It is not easy to move from trauma to thriving, but gradually over time, your symptoms should abate. Take things one day at a time, or as my rabbi is fond of saying, even one hour at a time. For some, however, we may need help beyond what we can offer at CKI. There should be no stigma associated with mental health needs. I myself have a great therapist who I have been seeing for years. She keeps me grounded. I am prepared to offer referrals to mental health professionals and work with you to find one that has availability and is a good fit. While it helps to be patient with your own recovery from trauma, you do not have to suffer alone.  

There are a few other methods that help us thrive: finding a purpose, something you are passionate about. As we talked about on Erev Rosh Hashanah, each of us has a unique mitzvah that we can do. Working to improve the world, to do acts of tikkun olam are also a way to begin to thrive. In Finding a Spiritual Home by Sid Schwarz, where he profiled four thriving Jewish congregations across the four major American Jewish movements, he found that each had a strong tikkun olam program.  Often that tikkun olam program is an entry way into the synagogue. Think about our own volunteering at the soup kettle or next month at the Crop Walk. There is something about thinking beyond ourselves that helps our own mental health. 

Bad things happen to everyone, at some point in their lives. As Rabbi Harold Kushner reminds us in his book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, the the question is not why did this happen but when it happens, how do we respond? How do we derive meaning in our lives? How do we make our lives count? That is part of becoming self-actualized. It is how we transcend the negative experience.  

These methods bring me hope as we face the new year. All of you bring me hope as we face the new year—since we learned on Erev Rosh Hashanah that people are what sustain us—they keep us afloat and make us whole. . May this be a year of community, connectedness, and compassion. In this way, may we thrive. May we each learn to number our days so that we attain this heart of wisdom.