“And he lived.” That’s how this week’s Torah portion begins, but the verse ends with Jacob’s death.
The same thing happens at the beginning of the Torah portion when we’re told that Sarah died; it’s called “the life of Sarah.” As we discussed last week, what happens between birth and death is important. It is the stuff of dreams and visions. It is like the poem that we read last week as we were setting intentions for the coming year. The poem is called “The Dash”. https://lindaellis.life/ which has been quoted many times, including recently at the funeral of Senator Bob Dole.
I agree with Rabbi Jennifer Singer who said this week that she loves that the Torah reminds us that death is preceded by life. “In both these cases Jacob and Sarah, death was preceded by a long, full life, a life filled with ups and downs, trial and tribulations” I would add that neither Sarah nor Jacob were perfect. And that is something worth remembering as we wrap up the reading of Genesis this morning. They are our matriarchs and patriarchs but they were not perfect. So then, what do we learn from their lives? What do we hope to emulate?
Jacob does two things that may seem surprising as he is about to die. The first is he extracts a promise, a vow really from Joseph that Joseph will bury him not in Egypt but in the same cave back in the Land of Israel, in Canaan in which his ancestors are buried.
We talked a little about this at Torah Study this week. Then I read an article in the Forward https://forward.com/news/530750/jewish-cremation-rabbis-burial/ that many rabbis are choosing to address this topic this week. My rabbi, Rabbi Neil Kominsky, has said that you are not really an adult until you know where you are going to be buried, or said another way: what your final plans are. He reports that he heard that first from Rabbi Larry Kushner. Perhaps, I would add, even more important is making sure that your kids know what those plans are. That is exactly what Jacob does here. Promise me that you will bury me in the Cave of Machpeleh.
The article in the Forward went on to say that 58% of all Americans are now choosing cremation. Rabbi Elchonon Zohn, quoted in the article is himself an Orthodox rabbi who believes we have what he calls a cremation crisis on our hands. He wants rabbis to address this very pressing problem and to talk to congregants also about other end-of-life issues, including, “purchasing a grave and about having a living will and life insurance.”
Rabbi Zohn, and others want more Jews to choose burial over cremation but realize they are up against compelling financial and ecological issues. Usually, burial costs significantly more that cremation, although the cost for cremation, like everything else, is also creeping up.
One thing to keep in mind is that the Talmud teaches that we should look and see what the people are doing. If 58% of Americans are choosing cremation now, the expected rate will be 80% by 2040—and it is suspected that it will be true within the Jewish community as well.
Since we are a fiercely independent congregation not tied to any movement, I thought it would be worthwhile to look at what the various denominations of Judaism are saying currently. And these positions may surprise you. Remember, two Jews and three opinions.
Historically, Jews have, as you know, buried their dead. Based on the stories of the Cave of Machpeleh and this very vow at the end of Genesis between Jacob and Joseph. It is that simple, right? Maybe, maybe not. Have any of you been to Israel and visited a first century tomb? They are fascinating. But they are most certainly above ground. Is it really a burial? If you go to New Orleans, the Jewish graves are again above ground because of the high water table. This was particularly an issue during Hurricane Katrina where graves literally floated away. For some I know from New Orleans watching the news of Katrina this was very triggering and upsetting.
The views on burial have changed over the years. In this country after the Holocaust, the feeling was that Jews should be buried, precisely because of the crematoria. However, survivors of the Shoah and their direct descendants have argued that if cremation was good enough for their relatives it should be good enough for them.
The Reform movement has changed its position on cremation over the years. In the past, cremation was considered permissible. However, a teshuva, a responsa published by the Central Conference of American Rabbis in 2006 suggests that its members should discourage cremation based on its 1990 teshuva precisely citing the Holocaust, “and generally discourage it because of the tragic overtones.” It is interesting to note that the original question about cremation posed to the CCAR was 1892, the same year CKI was founded. https://www.ccarnet.org/ccar-responsa/nyp-no-5766-2/
The Conservative Movement also has multiple responsum about cremation and states that cremation “should be discouraged, but it is not formally forbidden,” according to Rabbi Jeremy Kalmanofsky, spiritual leader of Congregation Ansche Chesed on the Upper West Side of New York City, in the article in the Forward. His writings on the subject were then adopted by the movement’s Committee on Jewish Law and Standards.
Rabbi Elyse Wechterman, the head of the Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association said in the article that she will officiate at the funeral of a person being cremated, “just because there wasn’t a traditional burial, does not mean the mourners can’t have traditional mourning.” As the article included this will include her own parents at some point. Her father sees cemeteries as a waste of land and doesn’t tend his own parents’ graves.
One of the issues I have seen in addressing this conversation with families, is the transient nature of the Jewish community. Even in our own family, when Simon’s mother died, two siblings wanted her buried in Tucson, where she and they were living and two wanted her in Chicago at Mount Ma’ariv because she had always said she wanted to be next to her husband. That actually leaves two plots for me and Simon but who knows where our daughter will be or what would be meaningful to her.
Locally, in the Jewish section at Bluff City Cemetery, it is permissible to bury cremains. The very first funeral I did in Elgin was for Pearl Brody who at the time of her death was living in Boston, and her son chose to return to Elgin for a funeral and burial of those cremains right here next to her husband. The practice predates me. Shalom Memorial Park allows for burial of cremains. Other Jewish cemeteries do as well. My understanding of state law in Illinois is that all funeral homes have to offer the option of cremation. David Jacobson of Chicago Jewish Funerals has spoken with the Chicago Board of Rabbis about this very topic. Much like Rabbi Zohn, he does not like the practice of cremation for Jews but he is obligated to offer it and he believes that CBR rabbis should discourage it.
It is clear that Abraham purchased that cave and that Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Leah and now according to Joseph’s oath Jacob were buried there. But whether that is full burial or above ground burial or maybe something else is less clear. In modern day Israel you will see volunteers often from ZAKA or Hatzalah after terrorist attacks for instance scrapping up remains so that the whole body can receive a “proper Jewish burial.” Part of the explanation is that at the time of the Moshiach, our bodies will be resurrected and we will need all our parts. Yes, it is a Jewish belief! (That’s a different d’var Torah!)
My own practice based on these and having read all of the codes on this topic, is that I will officiate at the burial of cremains because the important thing is the burial, that is what Jewish halacha seems to require from my reading of the classical Jewish codes. If you need to have a longer discussion with me about would be willing to discuss your own pre-planning.
But before we get to those necessary discussions, a great way to get your house in order as we start this new year, is figuring out how we live with the life we have been given.
Rabbi Singer said, “Life is an uncertain undertaking at best. We can live it carefully, avoiding problems and incidents, staying away from trouble. But it doesn’t matter; problems and troubles arise. What matters is how we deal with them, how we choose to live our lives. In other words, although life is an essentially complicated process, we have the capacity to make it a joyous one.
One of the most amazing things about the human mind is that despite being aware of our mortality, we continue regardless. We know that we will die, but we hope that our stories will continue, just as Jacob’s and Sarah’s stories continue to move and inform us… We live full of dreams, hopes and expectations, some of which will never be fulfilled. We know that we will die but while still healthy we choose to not dwell on it.”
One way is by writing that living will, that ethical will. It is important. It lays out your values for your children. Having an advanced directive, a durable power of attorney and more is also critical. It is something I go over with every wedding couple. It really matters. I have a friend who just went to a funeral in Michigan for a 30 year old. These are not just for aged.
We’ve been talking about dreams and visions, Jacob’s, Joseph’s and our own for the last several weeks. The second thing that Jacob does that is surprising, is he blesses his children—really his sons—except Joseph. Instead of blessing Joseph he jumps to his grandsons, Ephraim and Maneseh. These blessings become an ethical will, if you will. We see Jacob’s blessings and values that he is passing down to his children and grandchildren. Why Ephraim and Manesh? As the commentators tell us, because this is the first pair of siblings that don’t fight with each other. They become the peacemakers. And to this day, we use their names when we bless sons on Friday evenings as part of welcoming Shabbat.
Last week as part of Kiddush, we raised a glass and toasted the new year with champagne. Once I was called to a death scene. When I arrived I was handed a glass of champagne. It seemed odd but the longer I stood there, the more it made sense. This was for a man who led a full, complete life. Once the coroner had come and body was about to be removed, the new widow asked if I would say a few prayers. I was still holding my glass of champagne. I raised it and said something like, he had lead a full life and I think we would want those of us gathered to continue living our lives to the fullest. Then I toasted him and said, “L’chaim! May we all merit to live a full life.”
That is my hope here today. L’chaim.