Part Two of our Series on Love for February. Delivered Feb 11, 2023
Today is the day we read the 10 Commandments. In Hebrew they are called the Aseret Dibrrot, the 10 Sayings.
In truth, there are 613 commandments in the Torah, and that can seem overwhelming.
Are some of them more important than others? Are there any that are missing?
If you are feeling overwhelmed, it helps to know that some of 613 commandments we no longer have to do. Since the destruction of the Temple, we are not obligated to the commandments that have to do with offerings in the Temple.
The Talmud describes the commandments this way:
“R. Simlai said that Moses was instructed to give 613 injunctions to the people. 365 precepts of omission, corresponding to the days of the solar year, and 248 precepts of commission, corresponding to the bones of the human body. David reduced them all to eleven in the fifteenth Psalm: ‘Lord, who shall abide in Your tabernacle, and who shall dwell on Your holy hill? He that walks uprightly,’ etc. The prophet Isaiah reduced them to six (Isa 33:15): ‘He that walks righteously,’ etc. The prophet Micah reduced them to three (Mic 6:8): What does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?’ Isaiah, once more, reduced them to two (Isa 56:1): ‘Keep your judgment and do justice.’ Amos reduced them all to one (Am 5:4): ‘Seek you me, and you shall live.’ But lest it might be supposed from this that God could be found in the fulfilment of God’s whole law only, Habakkuk said (Hab 2:4): ‘The just shall live by his faith. (Makkot 23b)
Of course, we are familiar with the story of Rabbi Shamai and Rabbi Hillel.
Once there was a gentile who came before Shammai and said to Shammai: Convert me on condition that you teach me the entire Torah while I am standing on one foot. Shammai pushed him away with the builder’s cubit in his hand. The same gentile came before Hillel. He converted him and said to him: That which is hateful to you do not do to another; that is the entire Torah, and the rest is its interpretation. Go study. (Shabbat 31a)
Rabbi Akiva said it slightly differently:
Rabbi Tanchuma said in the name of Rabbi Eliezer and Rabbi Menachem in the name of Rav said… Ben Azzai said: “These are the generations of Adam” is a great principle in the Torah. Rabbi Akiva said: This is a great principle of the Torah: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18). Thus, one should not say, “Since I am scorned, I should scorn my fellow as well; since I have been cursed, I will curse my fellow as well.” Rabbi Tanchumah said, if you act thus, realize who it is that you are willing to have humiliated – “the one who was made in the likeness of God.” (Bereshit Rabbah 24:7)
This quote from Leviticus maybe the missing 10 Commandment. Love your neighbor as yourself. This February we have been looking extensively at three commandments about love. Love the stranger. Love your neighbor. Love G-d. It seems simple, no?
This week’s focus is on “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We say it every week at the beginning of Shabbat morning services. As Rabbi David Paskin says, it is a kavanah before prayer.
“I hereby accept upon myself the commandment of The Creator, “To love my neighbor as myself, v’ahavta l’rayecha kamocha.!”
First, we need to understand the word “raya”. It is most frequently translated as neighbor but can also mean fellow or kin. Some think it only refers to our Israelite neighbor. However, Nehama Leibowitz refutes this. When the Israelites are about to flee Egypt, the Torah teaches, “Let every man ask of רעהו his neighbor and every woman of רעותה her neighbor, jewels of silver and jewels of gold…” (Exodus 11:2) where it clearly refers to the Egyptians. Therefore, the Hebrew word re’a is a neutral and comprehensive term – fellow. (New Studies in VaYikra (Leviticus), WZO, 1995, pp. 366-367.)
Does this discussion change our understanding of this pivotal verse found at the very center of the Torah? If we love our neighbor, our fellow our kin, is that how we become holy, because the Lord our G-d is holy?
It reminds me of the teaching of Hillel in Pirke Avot, “If I am not for myself who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” (Pirke Avot 1:14)
The second thing and maybe the more important one is we need to love our fellow AS we love ourselves. LIKE we love ourselves. Yes, we are all created b’tzelem elohim, in the image of G-d, with the spark of the divine in us, but we need to love ourselves.
How do we do this? How do we love our fellow? How do we love ourselves? I believe that the commandments, the 10 we read today and the 613 of the full Torah are a way to demonstrate our love our fellow. It is a recipe of love. Especially the Holiness Code.
In Hebrew there are two words for love. Ahava, as in V’ahavta and Ahavat Olam and Ahava Rabbah. And Chesed, a word that is difficult to translate, perhaps best as lovingkindness. We are told that the world stand on three things, On Torah, on service and on deeds of lovingkindness. Gemilut chasadim. We know that G-d is full of lovingkindness in the 13 Attributes of the Divine.
G-d is full of love. Let that sink in. G-d is full of love so we should be full of love.
“As God clothed the naked, as it is written, ‘And the Adonai G-d made for Adam and his wife cloaks of leather, and he clothed them (Genesis 3:21);’ so you, too clothe the naked. The Blessed Holy One visited the sick, as it is written, ‘And God appeared in Ailonei Mamrei [while Abraam was in pain] (Genesis 18:1);’ so you, too, visit the sick. The Blessed Holy One comforted mourners, as it is written, ‘And it was, after the death of Abraham, and G-d blessed his son Isaac (Genesis 25:11);’ so you, too, comfort mourners. The Blessed Holy One buried the dead, as it is written, ‘And [God] buried [Moses] in the valley (Deuteronomy 34:6);’ so you, too, bury the dead.” (Sotah 14a)
“These are the obligations without measure, whose reward, too, is without measure: To honor father and mother; to perform acts of love and kindness; to attend the house of study daily; to welcome the stranger; to visit the sick; to rejoice with bride and groom; to console the bereaved; to pray with sincerity; to make peace where there is strife…and the study of Torah is equal to them all, because it leads to them all.” (Talmud, translation from Mishkan Tefilah)
Both of these are part of Shacharit, the morning service. And they are both a good list as we build our recipe of love. And as Rabbi Harold Kushner has said, “When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel.”
A more modern list that our Torah School kids came up with might include shoveling your neighbor’s driveway or taking them a basket of goodies you know they would enjoy or walking a dog. Or as one said, just getting to know them and showing them respect.
But how do we love ourselves? According to Rabbi Harold Kushner, “One of the basic needs of every human being is the need to be loved, to have our wishes and feelings taken seriously, to be validated as people who matter.”
It seems we cannot begin to love others until we love ourselves. For some that is really hard to do. Loving ourselves and prioritizing our own needs can be challenging. Some of us may not have received the love we deserved as children, and this sets up the stage for difficulty loving ourselves. We may have grown up feeling unlovable, damaged, inadequate or unworthy. We may feel a constant need to prove ourselves. We may suffer and overcompensate with perfectionism, people-pleasing or over-working (Sound like anyone you know?)
These techniques are rarely effective because love and acceptance have to come from within. It is hard to accept love from others if we don’t feel it ourselves. Unconditional love from others, or G-d, can feel phony and uncomfortable because if we don’t feel loveable, it is hard to believe that others genuinely love us.
This could be the point where I argue that in this country, we most certainly need better access to mental health services. We do. The news of this week and the very long waiting lists for providers, especially for adolescents would attest to that.
In the meantime, our commandment urges us to find ways to love ourselves.
Some steps that might be helpful:
- Know yourself.
- Say no when you need to. Boundaries are an important part of self care.
- Don’t compare yourself to others. You are unique. Others aren’t better or worse. You have value just as you are.
- Be truly present and practice mindfulness. There is a reason I begin the Saturday morning service with allowing space for quiet reflection and a reminder that you are a beloved child of G-d. G-d created you and breathed your soul into you. You count. You matter. Just the way you ware.
- Practice good self-talk. Did your mom every say, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”? Talking nicely about yourself to yourself is important.
- Practice gratitude. Modah Ani. I am thankful that I am here. I am thankful that YOU are here. Find three things a day that you are grateful for.
- Learn to forgive yourself. For the little day to day things and perhaps the big ones. Kusher says, “But at the end, if we are brave enough to love, if we are strong enough to forgive, if we are generous enough to rejoice in another’s happiness, and if we are wise enough to know that there is enough love to go around for all all, then we can achieve a fullfilment that no other living creature will ever know, we can reenter paradise.”
V’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha. Love your neighbor as yourself.