When I was growing up a new book came out, Are You There, G-d, It’s Me, Margaret? For a young adolescent it was a hard book. And that is probably why it has been banned in so many locations, including back in the day when it was a treasured companion. You see, I was Margaret. Not really, but I certainly identified with her. Recently the book has become a movie. I had the privilege of watching it with my daughter. Yes, I flew to Florida to watch my childhood unfold. All over again. And as I sat there, I knew it would become a theme for our Shavuat Study Project.
Margaret, in the book and now the movie, is moving from Manhattan to New Jersey just as she is becoming an adolescent. (I moved from Evanston to Grand Rapids at about the same time.). Almost immediately, the first day she is in her new home, before the movers even leave, she meets her new neighbor and they run through the sprinklers. (I too met our new neighbors that first day. We probably went to the neighborhood pool, Heather Downs, that I eventually lifeguarded. Someone even brought over a cake.). They formed a club for cool girls and explored issues of their emerging, growing bodies. (I never had a club like that.) It was a confusing time for all the kids. Her teacher had everyone do a year long reseach project. Margaret chose to do one on religion. You see, her parents were letting her choose her own religion or no religion, and Margaret was confused. Her mother’s side was Christian. Her father’s mother, the only grandparent she knew, was Jewish. Who is this G-d? And why does if matter if at all?
(Now, my family was not an interfaith family. However, as scientists, my parents were pretty sure that this is no G-d. Certainly not a G-d that made sense to their rational, scientific brains. Certainly not a G-d that could allow the Holocaust. But all my new friends talked about G-d, a lot.)
She begins many of her questions about life, the universe and everything, with this question in her diary. “Are You There G-d, It’s Me, Margaret?”
And so we began our Tikkun Leil Shavuot last night, “Are You There, G-d. It’s Me.”
Since my senior year at Tufts, when I was privileged to attend my first Tikkun Leil Shavuot at Congregation Beth El in Sudbury, MA, I have found the act of staying up late, or even all night a meaningful, deeply spiritual experience. Last night was no exception.
The first part was “Who (or what) is G-d?”. We looked at names of G-d. Thos include: El, Elohim, YHVH, Adonai, HeShem, Elyon, El Shaddai, El Tzva’ot. And attributes of G-d. “Adonai, Adonai, El Rachum v’chanun, erech apayim, v’rav chesed, v’emet…” We talked about what each of those words mean and whether those are things we believe G-d is. Is G-d really slow to anger? Full of love? Are these actual descriptions or aspirational? Are we supposed to be like G-d, and if so how? We debated whether an attribute could also be a name. Maybe. We read Sandy Sasso’s book, In G-d’s Name. And someone said, “but human language is limited, and G-d is limitless; so we can’t really describe G-d.”
At that, those of us in the room, ate cheesecake and hummus and pita chips, and the guys made coffee. We then returned for Part II. Towards a Personal Theology.
Part II: Towards a Personal Theology
We started exactly where we left off. Talking about Maimonides, the Rambam, who said exactly the same thing. G-d is limitless. Our human language is limited. Having this discussion puts G-d in a box. And yet, the Rambam went on the pen the 13 Principlas of Faith. We sing this as Yigdal, one of our Friday night hymns. Some communities read the list as part of every morning service. And yet, some people struggle with it. This is Chabad’s translation of these principles:
- Belief in the existence of the Creator, who is perfect in every manner of existence and is the Primary Cause of all that exists.
- The belief in G‑d’s absolute and unparalleled unity.
- The belief in G‑d‘s non-corporeality, nor that He will be affected by any physical occurrences, such as movement, or rest, or dwelling.
- The belief in G‑d’s eternity.
- The imperative to worship G‑d exclusively and no foreign false gods.
- The belief that G‑d communicates with man through prophecy.
- The belief in the primacy of the prophecy of Moses our teacher.
- The belief in the divine origin of the Torah.
- The belief in the immutability of the Torah.
- The belief in G‑d’s omniscience and providence.
- The belief in divine reward and retribution.
- The belief in the arrival of the Messiah and the messianic era.
- The belief in the resurrection of the dead. https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/332555/jewish/Maimonides-13-Principles-of-Faith.htm
News alert. You don’t have to believe in G-d, or at least Rambam’s understanding of G-d, to be Jewish. There are plenty of Jews who do not. And there are plenty of people who devise their own understanding of G-d.
We briefly looked at the “evolution” of G-d concepts. We noted that these even changed over time in the Torah itself.
Here is a partial list of books that have influenced my own thinking about G-d.
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, G-d in Search of Man
Rabbi Harold Kushner, When Bad Things Happen to Good People
Jack Miles, God, A Biography
Rabbi Arthur Green, Jewish Spirituality from the Bible through the Middle Ages
Rabbi Rifat Soncino’s Books,
Finding G-d, 10 Jewish responses.
Six Jewish Spiritual Paths: A Rationalist Looks at Spirituality
Rabbi Tova Spitzer’s Book, G-d is Here
Other books that were mentioned included, Amazing Chesed by Rabbi Rami Shapiro and G-d is a Verb, by David A. Cooper.
In discussing this section, one person described us as a crumb in a cake. A talented baker, she explained that if each of us has a spark of the divine and it is all part of G-d, then it is like a cake, each crumb is part of the greater whole, each crumb is G-d itself. People continued to explore this metaphor. It needs frosting, with peaks and valleys, just like life. This was a holy moment.
Part of what we talked about is how we handle the difficult moments in life. I am pretty sure I don’t buy into the precept that G-d is all powerful, all knowing, all G-d. If G-d were, quoting my father, then G-d could have, should have stopped the Holocaust. The only thing that has worked for me, in that regard, is limiting G-d’s power. This is an idea explained in depth When Bad Things Happen to Good People. If G-d has given us freewill, and we make bad choices, like Adam and Eve, then perhaps G-d cannot retract that free will. That alone doesn’t cover the depth of this problem. But if the message of When Bad Things Happen is not about G-d as much as it is about us. How do we respond when bad things happen? Because most assuredly, they will at some point. Almost everyone in the room has struggled with this question. Those were holy moments too.
Rabbi Maralee Gordon introduced us to Rabbi Arthur Green’s newest book, just released in February, Well of Living Insight about the Siddur, the prayerbook, which I will need to read more deeply and truly savor. As is typical of Green, the language was beautiful but late at night it was hard to absorb. In any case, it was clear that it would set us up nicely for Part III, Are You There, G-d? I had more material, but it was time for the next break. So after more treats we regathered. (Here is that extra material: https://www.sefaria.org/sheets/229735?lang=bi )
Part III: Are You There, G-d?
We began by asking what people’s expectations of prayer are. Something happened on Mount Sinai. That seems to be clear. What is shrouded in mystery and midrash are lots of differing understandings of that event. The giving of the Torah at Sinai seems to suggest that we and G-d can have a conversation or some sort.
People’s answers ranged from a sense of recentering, of better balance, of a chance to rest, an opportunity to connect, both with G-d and others. A chance to express emotions, both positive, like gratitude and some really raw anger. People come to synagogue to pray for a number of reasons including to zone out, to stare out the stained glass windows, to hear the choir (or in some places an organ or other musical accompaniment), to pray the words in the book, to feel connected to others in the room, to G-d, to past and future. And even, and this surprises me still, to hear the words of the rabbi to help make sense of this world.
We talked about the three traditional services, morning, noon and night. We looked at a reading in Gates of Prayer, page 254 that talked about how our ancestors, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob prayed, and yes, even the matriarchs and how each had their own vision of G-d.
We talked about Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschels understanding of keva, the fixed structure and kavanah, the intention behind the words. He was always grateful for the structure, when he couldn’t find his own kavanah.
We looked at a Heschel quote: “Prayer invites God to let his presence suffuse our spirits, to let his will prevail in our lives. Prayer cannot bring water to parched fields nor mend a broken bridge, nor ebuild a ruined city; but prayer can water an arid soul, mend a broken heart and rebuild a weakened will.”
“Pray as if everything depended on G-d. Act as if everything depended on you. Those who rise from prayer better persons, their prayer is answered.”
This last quote was keenly debated, but eventually we came to the realization that it is about balance and resetting our priorities. If that moment of prayer causes us to recenter, then we rise from prayer better. This, too, was a holy moment.
We ended the evening with Rabbi Nachman’s prayer, which expresses the idea that we should pour out our hearts to G-d, alone, outside. https://www.sefaria.org/sheets/114332?lang=bi
At that first Tikkun Leil Shavuot, back in Massachusetts, the evening ended with me taking a Torah outside and sitting with G-d at dawn. It remains a powerful, spiritual moment.
Today, after not being up ALL NIGHT, I was up for sunrise, outside. The lawn was dewy. The air was filled with the fragrance of lilacs. The birds were just beginning to chirp. It was again magical. This is Torah. This is Nachman’s prayer (and mine). What happened at Sinai? I cannot tell you for sure. But this, this is the moment.
Are You There G-d? Yes! Right here, right now.