Nightmares are real. One parent approached me on Sunday and said, “Could you please do something with my daughter. Tell her something that Judaism says about nightmares. Touch her forehead. Anything. Just make her go to sleep.”

I could hear her frustration so I took the challenge head on. I asked ALL the kids if any of them had had a nightmare. They ALL said yes. Even the adults. Then I asked them what they do about them. Some check under the bed. Some go get their mothers or fathers, sisters or brothers. Some leave a light on. Some keep a bottle of spray water next to their bed to ward off monsters. Some sing. Some say the Sh’ma. Most of them said that having some company is comforting.

I explained to them that the rabbis were scared of the night too. They added an extra prayer just for nighttime. Ufros Aleinu Sukkat Shlomecha. Spread over us the shelter, the sukkah of Your peace. Four simple words. Those words make me feel better at night.  Perhaps there won’t be any less nightmares but now our children will have a uniquely Jewish tool to help cope.

One of those things that can go bump in the night is the tooth fairy. Not very scary but still on the minds of our kids, particularly the 1st and 2nd grade class. They are so proud when they lose a tooth. So again on Sunday I was asked, “Is there a blessing for a tooth?” To paraphrase Fiddler on the Roof, “Is there a blessing for a tooth? Of course!” In Judaism there is a blessing for everything. On RitualWell.org there is an entire ceremony for losing a first tooth. http://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/tooth-losing-ceremony

It suggests using this blessing usually used for seeing unusual creatures:

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu, Melech Ha’olam me’shaneh habriot.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the world who gives teeth to creatures.

This is not the literal translation which is more like, “who makes varied creatures.” But there is a pun in the Hebrew. M’shaneh, who changes, varies, has the same root as shain, tooth. This is the same word that shows up in the V’ahavta, “V’sheinantam l’vanecha”, to teach our children diligently. More accurately, to set their teeth on edge. Isn’t that what we are doing when we teach our children how to cope with nightmares and how to celebrate losing a tooth.

Teaching our children diligently, passing down the wisdom, the traditions, the prayers of our ancient tradition to the next generation is thrilling. Watching a child “get it.” it fun and inspiring. Watching them take these tools and apply them to live today in the 21st century with all its complexities is inspiring. In the process, they teach me much.

This weekend we mark Rosh Hodesh Kislev, the month in which Chanukah falls. The word Chanukah itself means dedication, because that is what the Maccabees did: they rededicated the Temple in Jerusalem and made it fit, proper, kosher, for Jewish worship again. The Maccabees fought for religious freedom, the privilege to worship as Jews as Jews see fit.

For 25 years a group of women have gathered every Rosh Hodesh at the Western Wall, the Kotel, the last remaining remnant of that same Temple that the Maccabees fought to preserve. Those women want the right to worship as Jews, as women, as they see fit. For 25 years I have stood with them, usually from a distance, and today I salute their work. Tomorrow they are expecting 700+ people to join them at the Kotel itself. I will be in Northfield at a Torah service held in solidarity.

Why is their work important? Because even this weekend, I was asked questions about why a woman would or would not cover her head or wear a kippah, how is a woman wearing a tallit not penis envy, how can a woman even be on the bimah?

For me, these are easy answers. What surprises me, but probably shouldn’t, is that we have to keep answering these questions over and over again. So here goes.

I wear a kippah to remind me that G-d is above. For me it is a sign of humility and it keeps me in check. It does not have to do with women’s modesty and the fact that I am a married woman.

I wear a tallit because in Numbers it says that all the people should wear a fringed garment. That morphed over time to the rabbi, then married men, then men over Bar Mitzvah age. I like the what Psalms says: “Bless Adonai, O my soul. Adonai, My God, You are very great, You are clothed in glory and majesty. You have wrapped yourself with a garment of light, spreading out the heavens like a curtain.” When I put on my tall it and encase myself in its soft, warm cloth, I wrap myself in that Divine light. It is one of the most powerful moments of my prayer. While I am not male, I am a rabbi, so it is a sign of my rabbinic office.

Women are expected, even commanded to pray. While exempt from positive, time-bound mitzvot, tefilah itself was not exempt precisely because G-d is described as Rachaman, the Merciful One. (Berachot 20b). There has been much written about this topic, in much greater depth than I can go into here. If people want or need resources I will be happy to provide them. But let me reiterate, no man has the right to harass, arrest, throw stones or chairs, spit on, hit or beat anyone, male or female for davenning. For any reason. That is not consistent with Jewish halacha. Period. That is why we need Women of the Wall. To continue to make this point. To continue to protect a woman’s right to pray. To be able to pray at the most holy site in Judaism. As it used to be. Without fear of reprisal. Just in order to pray, to have a conversation with G-d in the place where G-d is closest to us.

This was also the weekend in our congregation where we celebrated a Bat Mitzvah of a remarkable young woman. She is the daughter of an Orthodox mother who isn’t comfortable with women on the bimah. However, she allows her children to learn Judaism, to learn halacha and to make their own decisions based on that knowledge. With her mother’s blessing, my Bat Mitzvah student took on as one of her projects, writing a formal responsum on women’s head coverings. She then presented it to the ritual committee who discussed it at two ritual committee meetings. She drew extensively on halachic material on the Women of the Wall website.Teshuvah on Women’s Headcoverings and Talitot for Congregation Kneseth Israel Web

Her maftir parsha from Toldot spoke about digging wells, one of mayyim hayyim, fresh living waters and one of sitneh, hostility. Another reason for Women of the Wall has to be passing down our tradition as one of living waters that refresh the soul, not one of hostility, hate and fear.

As I stood next to my student, reading Torah on the bimah, I had goosebumps when she read the words mayyim hayyim. I was proud of her–and proud of her mother–who gave her daughter the space and the tools to learn and learned right along with her. He d’var Torah linking this all together brought us light as we move into Kislev.

So as we celebrate Rosh Hodesh Kislev with its focus on dedication and light, I rededicate myself to prayer–like that of our matriarchs, Hagar and Hannah, Miriam and Deborah.

We Jews are very good at praying the words on the page. We are used to the structure (the keva) and the order (seder) of the words in the prayerbook (siddur, some root as seder, order). In fact, we like the order. Some of us like the same tunes week after week. They are old familiar friends and they bring us comfort.

But we don’t have to pray with the prayerbook. We can pray the feelings of our heart. Sometimes we call this kavanah, intention. Sometimes people find this scary or just plain wrong. We should always use the printed word. The rabbis wrote them 2000 years ago, some of them, they must be right! And they are–but they are a reflection of the rabbis’ own kavanah, intention. Their own sense of wonder and amazement, fear and trembling, awe.

My class has been working on Ain Kamocha, the introduction to the Torah service. Ain Kamocha, None compare to you, O Lord. It answers the question, “Mi Chamocha” Who is like You O Lord? The 4th grade class has been working on Ein Keloheinu, “No one is like our G-d. No one is like our Lord. No one is like our King. No one is like our moshianu, redeemer or deliverer.” It too answers that question, Who is like You? with a resounding NO ONE! No god, no lord, no ruler, no redeemer.

Mi Chamocha was first sung by Moses and Israelites in thanksgiving right after they crossed the Red Sea, right after the waters of the sea parted. What would these kids say? “Wow!” “That was cool!” “That was amazing!” “That was awesome.” “Do it again!” “How did You do that?” “What just happened here?” “What happened to the Egyptians?” “We are safe now.” “We are free.” “Thank you G-d.” “Hallelujah.” One girl said she would have fainted. They got the awesomeness of this moment. Just like Moses when he first sang Mi Chamocha. And that is what real prayer is–the prompting our hearts to what is going on around us.

But this story isn’t quite over. We were still talking about Ain Keloneinu and relating it back to Mi Chamocha. We know the words Eloheinu, our G-d, Adonainu, our Lord, Malkeinu, our King, but what is Moshianu? What does it mean to be our Redeemer or our Deliverer? I said somehow it is related to G-d bringing us out of Egypt. One girl, 4th grade explained it. “I think about when a baby is delivered. The doctor is the deliverer.” It was one of those wow moments. I hadn’t thought about it that way before. G-d is the midwife to the Jewish people. They are coming out of Egypt, out of the narrow places, out of the birth canal. They are being birthed as a new nation. They are delivered so G-d is the Deliverer. That’s what redemption means.

Mi Chamocha and Ain Keloheinu will never be quite the same for me–or any of us who were present Wednesday afternoon for ruach. Then we sang Mi Chamocha. Teach the children to pray? Maybe it is the other way around!

A pumpkin of gratitude

Halloween. All Hallow’s Eve. All Saints Day. All Souls Day. I have Jewish friends who don’t celebrate Halloween because it is Christian. I have Christian friends who don’t celebrate because it is pagan. I am a rabbi. What to do? Do we cancel Hebrew School because we know the kids aren’t going to show up or do we hold it any way in some kind of defiance? Do we carve pumpkins? Go trick or treating? Pass out candy? Have a party?

Here is my answer. While Halloween has its pagan, wiccan roots and its Christian overlay, it has become a fun holiday that kids (and adults) look forward to. The Talmud says at the end of some thorny arguments, “Puk Hazei Mai Amma Davar – go see what the people are doing” (Berachot 45a, Eruvin 14b). The people are celebrating Halloween. That much is clear. Why?

Partly because it is fun. Partly because it falls (pun intended) during a dark part of the year and we need a little joy. Partly because many people have a fascination with the world beyond. Just look at the growing industry around Zombies.

So what how can Jews mark Halloween in a meaningful way, if not religiously?

We can use this time to join with the secular community for fun. The students in my Chai School (post Bnei Mitzvah) hosted a party at the Community Crisis Center for children and parents who might not have had any Halloween fun. They carved pumpkins, frosted Halloween cookies and painted faces. Nothing scary, mostly cats.

Frosted Cookies at the Community Crisis Center

We can use this time to teach about our own traditions around death and dying. What does Judaism say about life after death (Trick question. No one answer)? What is a golem? A dybbuk? Do we believe in resurrection? Reincarnation? Why do we say Kaddish for a parent for 11 months and not 12? Is there purgatory? What does it mean that we live on in the memories of those we touch?

We can retell the story of the Rabbi and the 29 witches. Maybe that is where Baum got some of his ideas for the Wizard of Oz. Marilyn Hirsch wrote this up as a delightful children’s book which was reprinted recently as a PJ Library book. The gist of the story, from the Talmud no less: Rabbi Simon ben Shetach knew of a cave with 80 old women or maybe 29 just wasting away. Nonetheless they were scaring the townspeople. They would not come out of the cave because they were afraid of the rain. (Cue music here, “I’m melting, I’m melting”?) One day when the rain was coming down especially hard (like maybe tonight?!) the rabbi gathered 80 eighty tall, young men. Each man received a new tallit (prayer shawl) and a pitcher. They put the prayer shawls in the pitchers to keep them dry. Rabbi Shimon gave the men instructions. “When we arrive at the cave, when I whistle once put on your prayer shawls. When I whistle again, come into the cave and pick up a witch in your arms. (Apparently when witches are off the floor they lose their power!).  When they reached the cave, Rabbi Shimon knocked. The head witch noticed that he was dry despite the rain. “I walked between the raindrops,” the rabbi answered. Four witches performed magic tricks for the rabbi. Witches are very good at magic. Then the head witch said, “What can you do?” He answered that he could whistle and 80 men would appear to entertain them. He whistled and 80 men appeared with their dry prayer shawls, and danced with the witches, right out of the cave and into the rain. The witches were not a problem again. The PJ Library reader’s guide makes this charming story to be about social action and tikkun olam. The rabbi had courage to take on a problem and solve it. How can we?

Witches have a storied history in our culture. The Bible says “Suffer a witch not to live.” In truth, Judaism never put someone to death for being a witch. That happened in Salem, MA. More out of fear than anything else. (I could and have written pages on that topic!). Judaism does teach that we should treat the widow, the orphan and the stranger with kindness. Those people who are the most marginalized among us. 36 times this refrain is repeated. So if there are people we are afraid of, like the witches in the rabbi and the 29 witches, maybe the rabbi had the right idea. Instead of shunning them, we should welcome them into the community. Maybe that is what Halloween is about.

Halloween has many similar features to the Jewish holiday of Purim. At Halloween we collect treats. At Purim we give treats. One thing some youth groups have done is to collect canned goods for a food pantry. Or some kids still collect pennies for UNICEF.

Children get to choose costumes. Act out who they would like to be. It could be a witch or a vampire or a zombie. It could be a ballerina, a princess, a fairy, a cheerleader, a super hero, a football player, a fireman. Talk to your child about who they want to be. One year, when Sarah’s third grade class did biography day for Halloween she was Anne Frank among a lot of Michelle Kwans. Her choice. Really. This is not that different from a Jewish custom at Sukkot of inviting the Ushpizin, guests. Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob, Rachel and Leah, etc. Eight nights of guests. If you could invite anyone to dinner, past of present, who would you invite? Sukkot is the Jewish harvest festival, also at this time of the year. This year, based on something we say on Interfaithfamily.com, our students decorated a pumpkin with things we are thankful for. We will keep this pumpkin until Thanksgivingkuh. We will also use it to make a Giant Book of Blessings.

Rabbi Everett Gendler has always had a service Halloween Weekend that he calls Ya’akov Lantern. You know, Jack’s Hebrew name. Because we should light a candle against the darkness. It is a beautiful service with young and old bringing their carefully carved pumpkins, often with Jewish stars, to shul. The sanctuary glows with light.

My mother’s favorite holiday was Halloween. Just because it was fun. Some thought she was a witch and she could play that role. She lived in a black house. Wore black clothes. Collected kitchen witches. Twice she almost died on Halloween. Once she had lung surgery on Halloween. Her last year she was in the hospital planning costumes with red jello as blood and hospital gowns. Giggling like a teenager. She was happy, looking forward to my planned visit from Boston the next day. Then she had a heart attack. They revived her so the family could gather but some believe she really died on that table. I flew to Grand Rapids in my pumpkin shirt.

Tonight I will be passing out candy, making a bubbling caldron of chili to share with friends and remembering my mother, who taught that every day was a holiday so we should celebrate. Life is short, we learned from her as well. And we have much to be grateful for.

So have fun tonight. Light a candle or a pumpkin. Dance between the raindrops. Eat some candy but not too much. Share with others. Remember those who came before. Become, at least for a night, the person you want most to be.

A rabbi, a priest and a president of a Baptist University walk into a Methodist Church. Not the introduction to a joke. We were each asked to talk about what we as Christians and Jews have in common. I wrestled with what to say and many of you, via Facebook, had good suggestions. Talk about the environment. Talk about Jacob and Esau, peace and reconciliation. Talk about tikkun olam, repairing the world and our joint responsibility for social justice. What follows is what I actually said.

The challenge—say something meaningful about Judaism and Christianity and what we share in common in 7-10 minutes. You have to be kidding me. This is a 5000 year tradition and I am but one person, and no two Jews agree.

There is more that we Jews and Christians share in common than not. And those differences should not be glossed over but that is a discussion for another time. Today is a day to celebrate our commonality, our unity.

It is always a pleasure to be in this sanctuary with its beautiful stained glass window with a Torah, a shofar, a Star of David, and David’s harp. It feels like coming home. Thank you for welcoming me home. And that is part of what I want to talk about: home. A synagogue, which is a Greek word, is a Beit Tefilah, a House of Prayer, a Beit Midrash, a house of study and a Beith Kneseth, a house of assembly. These are three functions that we Jews and Christians share in common—prayer, study and building community, building a home.

Perhaps my most powerful moment in my life was the day after 911. I had been at rabbinical school in New York on 9/11 and it was difficult to get home to Boston. It was a harrowing drive back to Massachusetts. When my cell phone finally began working again, after I reached Connecticut, there were many phone calls to make, reassuring people that I was OK. I consulted with an elementary school principal about how to tell her young students about the events still unfolding, a rabbi about whether to cancel Hebrew School that day and a UCC minister who by that time knew he was going to have to do the funeral together with a Catholic priest, of John Oganowski, the pilot of flight 11.  But the next morning, members of Greater Lowell Interfaith Leadership Alliance, an organization like CERL here in Elgin, in a pre-scheduled event gathered to work at a Habitat for Humanity site. When all the world seemed to be crumbling, we were building. Building a home, together. “Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.” That is the power of unity. That is the power of Interfaith Dialogue. That is the power of tikkun olam.

Judaism talks a lot about tikkun olam, repairing the world. The idea comes from a story in the Zohar about the story of Creation. According to the 16th century Kabbalists, in order to make room for the world, G-d needed to contract, tzimtzum in Hebrew, an act of love. Think about times when you hold back in order to allow someone to grow. G-d created special vessels to hold the Divine light. However, G-d’s light was so bright, so intense, that it shattered the vessels, scattering the shards with some of the Divine light still attached. It is our job, to gather those broken shards together, to repair the brokenness in the world. Gathering those shards together, to help find the lost light is the purpose of the rules, the commandments, the mitzvoth in Torah, the Five Books of Moses. When we practice mitzvoth, we are bringing holiness back into the world, releasing the light within.

I grew up in Grand Rapids Michigan, at the time a town that was 85% Dutch Reform. It even had its own form of Girl Scouts, the Calvinettes. It has been said you can the girl out of Grand Rapids, but you can’t take the Calvinist out of this Jew. Funny, yes, but I am not so sure. Those of us who were not Dutch Reform banned together in our ways. My Catholic Girl Scout troop would go caroling every year at Clark Retirement Community, the Methodist home that eventually my mother would spend her last days living in. The rabbi was on the board at Clark. Our next door neighbors were a good Methodist family. When they first came to celebrate Chanukah with my parents, their youngest asked why they couldn’t be Chanukahish instead of Christmas. That neighbor is a music minister in her church. Recently I had dinner with her and I think somehow she, and my mother, would be pleased I am here today.

What I learned in Grand Rapids, is that many Christians think that the G-d of the Old Testament was one of jealousy, vengeance and anger and that the G-d of the New Testament is the G-d of love. Somehow the New Testament is better than the Hebrew Bible. It is newer. It is better. It completes the Old.

It took me a long time to learn that while there are various scriptures we could point to argue that position, it is not correct. We share the same G-d that we both pray to. And that one G-d is a G-d of love and compassion. Remember when the Israelites were dancing around the Golden Calf? Remember when Moses smashed the 10 Commandments? G-d told him he would have to come back up and get a second set. Moses wasn’t too happy. Who me? I’m tired. I’m tired of leading this stiff-necked, stubborn people. Their YOUR people, not mine. G-d takes the people back in love, convinces Moses that G-d will go with him and lighten his burden and give Moses rest and that G-d will share with Moses his essential attributes. Moses agrees and is hidden in a cleft of the rock. All G-d’s goodness passes before Moses and he hears whispered, “Adonai, Adonai, El rachum v’chanun, erech al payim, v’rav chesed v’emet. Noseh chesed l’alaphim, noseh avan v’pesha v’takah v’nakeh.” The Lord, the Lord G-d is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, patient, full of lovingkindness and truth, granting lovingkindness to a 1000 generations and forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin. 13 different phrases to describe G-d. Thirteen different ways that we know that G-d is a loving G-d, full of compassion and grace.

This then is the answer to the Calvinists in Grand Rapids, and the reason I became a rabbi. But there is another midrash. After the Israelites received the second set of tablets, they put it in the ark of the covenant. They also gathered the broken fragments, the shards of the first set and lay them in the ark as well.

What this means is that G-d loves us and gives us a second chance. Even a third and a fourth. This brings us comfort.  I don’t know about you, but I am learning. I am not perfect. G-d does not require our perfection. It is OK to make a mistake. It is a natural, even necessary part of development. Sometimes we only learn to appreciate life’s gifts after we have lost them. If, however, we are lucky enough to be given a second chance, with the wisdom we have acquired through our experience of failure, we learn how to cherish and hold on to what we are given. The first tablets of Sinai did not endure, say certain Biblical commentators, because the Israelites had not developed sufficiently strong inner vessels to hold on to their powerful light. The first tablets, like the initial visions we have for our lives, frequently shatter, especially when they are based on naïvely idealistic assumptions. Our first marriages or first careers may fail to live up to their initial promise. We may join communities or follow spiritual teachers and paths that disappoint or even betray us. Our very conceptions of God and our assumptions about the meaning of faith may shatter as we bump up against the morally complex and often contradictory aspects of the real world. Yet, if we learn from our mistakes and find ways to pick up the broken pieces of shattered dreams, we can go on to re-create our lives out of the rubble of our initial failures.” Estelle Frankel

During that process of maturing, we are told what G-d requires of us: To do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with G-d. Micah 6:8. What does it mean to walk in G-d’s ways:

“To walk in God’s ways” (Deuteronomy 11:22). These are the ways of the Holy One: “gracious and compassionate, patient, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, assuring love for a thousand generations, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin, and granting pardon” (Exodus 34:6). This means that just as God is gracious, compassionate, and forgiving, you too must be gracious, compassionate, and forgiving.

Just as G-d clothed the naked, when He clothed Adam and Eve, we too should clothe the naked. Just as G0d visited the sick when He visited Abraham in his tent after the circumcision, we too, should visit the sick. Just as G-d fed the hungry in the wilderness by giving them mana, we too should feed the hungry. Just as G-d buried Moses, we too, should bury our dead and console the bereaved.

We are commanded to take care of the widow, the orphan and the stranger, the marginalized among us. 36 times in the Hebrew Bible, it tells us that we need to do so. Many more times than it tells us to not eat pork or to observe the Sabbath.

Yesterday Jews around the world read the portion of Genesis called Chayeii Sarah, the Life of Sarah. And Sarah was 100 and 20 and 7 and Sarah died in Kiryat Arba. The portion finishes several chapters and years later with the death of Abraham. What do we know about this matriarch and patriarch we share in common? We know that Sarah welcomed guests to her tent which was opened on all four sides. She fed them bread that was blessed. She lit candles against the darkness that would last from one Shabbat to the next. She was as innocent at 20 as she was at 7 and as beautiful at 100 as she was at 20. She was a true woman of valor. We know that Abraham followed the one true G-d, that he listened to that voice, that he sent Hagar and Ishmael out into the wilderness, that he almost sacrificied Isaac. That he arranged for a wife for Isaac and that Isaac loved her. We know that Abraham died alone and that only after his death did Isaac and Ishmael come back together to bury their father.

Eli Wiesel teaches that “True, we are often too weak to stop injustices; but the least we can do is protest against them. True, we are too poor to eliminate hunger; but in feeding one child, we protest against hunger. True, we are too timid and powerless to take on all the guards of all the political prisons in the world; but in offering our solidarity to one prisoner, we denounce all the tormentors. True, we are powerless against death; but as long as we help one man, one woman, one child live one hour longer in safety and dignity, we affirm a human’s right to live.

-Elie Wiesel, Sages and Dreamers

Dr. King, whose PhD came from that great Methodist school, Boston University, once said it similarly, “Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don’t have to have college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”” Answer “life’s most persistent and urgent question,” as Dr. King called it. “What are you doing for others?”

Part of how I serve will find me back here on Thanksgiving morning. I and my family, with our sleeves rolled up, taking that mitzvah of hospitality seriously as we help with the Community Thanksgiving Dinner. My tradition teaches, the world is not complete. We are completing it. It also teaches that it is not ours to complete the task neither are we free to ignore it. There is still work to be done–plenty of it–with the legacy of King, Wiesel, Heschel and others. It also teaches that in a place where there is no humanity strive to be fully human. I think that participation in this kind of dialogue leads today to our ability to do all those things.

It leads to the knowledge that we share a G-d of love, a G-d of truth and a G-d of righteousness and compassion. Today, if only we would follow the voice of the Divine.

I’d like to close with a Franciscan benediction:

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, starvation and war
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And to turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen.
– Franciscan Benediction

What does a Jewish congregation do when it has an interfaith family, a bi-racial family, where the mother is on the board of directors and the Bar Mitzvah’s grandfather is a Pentecostal minister? You find ways to be as inclusive as possible within the halacha.

A little history: One of Congregation Kneseth Israel’s four vision planks is embracing diversity. It wasn’t always this way, I am sad to report. Last year when I first arrived I was told that we had turned down a different bi-racial family because the children were not Jewish according to halacha; it was their mother that was black. For this Bar Mitzvah, the mother is Jewish, the children have been raised as Jewish and the father, while a practicing Christian has been supportive.

The congregation was founded 121 years ago by the Jews of Elgin with the help of Rabbi Emil Hirsch of Congregation Sinai in Chicago. He was one of the leading luminaries of the Reform Movement. Then the congregation went through an Orthodox period. A congregant who came to town to head the Elgin Watch engineering department wanted to sit with his wife at services. The barriers to mixed seating were broken. Then there were a series of Reform rabbis, a series of Conservative rabbis and cantors. Three years ago the congregation thought it was dying. It participated in an in-depth visioning process with focus groups, a change to the by-laws and the divestment from the Conservative Movement. They changed its by-laws and adopted a vision that calls for meaningful observance, life-long learning, building community and embracing diversity.

They are still not clear what to call themselves. Independent? Pluralistic? Just Jewish? Traditional? Conservative with a small c? We are probably all those things. We uphold halachic values and practice. We have endless debates over headcoverings and kashrut, Shabbat observance in the modern world and what our interfaith families can and cannot do. In the end what we are is a community of Jews celebrating our diversity.

That was clear this past weekend when we celebrated an Orthodox member’s second Bar Mitzvah at age 83 (see previous post) and that was true when we celebrated AJ’s Bar Mitzvah during Sukkot.

What halachic considerations were in play? Are the children halachically Jewish? Yes! No question about that. Their mother is Jewish. They are being raised as Jews. They are Jews. What can a non-Jewish parent or relative or friend do during a Saturday morning Bar Mitzvah celebration? How do we also celebrate Sukkot, take care of more traditional families sense of obligation and meet the requirement to be out of services by 11:45? Do we do Hallel? Kohellet? Musaf? What balance should we strike between Hebrew and English? How do we honor the unique special needs of this family? For me, this was easy and most of the way had been paved previously. This is what we opted for:

• The grandfather presented the Bar Mitzvah boy with his own father’s tallit. Ironically, the grandfather was not wearing a tallit himself, something I heard about after the fact but I never even noticed. I reassured people who asked that not every adult Jewish male wears a tallit and while our custom is that all men over Bar Mitzvah age do, some opt not to.
• The Bar Mitzvah boy lead Ashrei, having explained that we are happy because we are enriched by G-d’s words.
• He lead Hallel because it was Sukkot. Some of the Psalms were read responsively in English with two of his grandmothers leading them.
• His grandfather, the Pentecostal minister read selections from Ecclesiastes from Siddur Sim Shalom because it is a text we share in common even if the translation was different.
• The Bar Mitzvah boy lead the Torah service. His mother and Jewish relatives had aliyot. The Torah was passed down from Jewish grandfather, to mother to Bar Mitzvah boy.
• The Bar Mitzvah boy chanted his maftir, read his Haftarah and his father read part of the translation in English. Again, while this is a text we share in common, this proved to be the controversial move. People really questioned whether the haftarah could be read in English or by a non-Jew. Since in ancient times the haftarah was translated into Aramaic, the lingua franca of the day, it is certainly permissible to read the Haftarah today in English. (http://ccarnet.org/responsa/arr-94-100/). This took some of the pressure off the Bar Mitzvah boy and enabled him to shine. It included his father in a meaningful, significant way and to enable everyone more access to the text, within the bounds of halacha while making everyone feel welcome.
• The Bar Mitzvah boy himself did the haftarah blessings, before and after the reading, including the insert for Sukkot.
• The grandfather and I did the priestly benediction together. Mine in Hebrew, the grandfather in English. Again, this is a text we share in common.
• Everyone through candy–two Smarties tied together with pipe cleaner to look like a Torah scroll.
• At the end of the service, the family gathered for Kiddush all together. The Bar Mitzvah found a ceremony online while researching his speech/D’var Torah about the 13 Attributes discovered a way to do kiddush that would be inclusive of all his aunts and uncles on both sides while featuring the number 13 and reflecting on the attributes we wish for a Bar Mitzvah boy–mirroring the 13 Attributes but not a direct parallel: http://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/cup-life-ceremony
• After a Kiddush at the synagogue where the mother and all grandmothers were involved in the strictly kosher preparation, the family headed to a pumpkin farm for a Sukkot afternoon appreciating the harvest. At the down home farm luncheon, the Bar Mitzvah father gave a remarkable speech which I wish we had captured on film. Essentially he said, “AJ you are a leader, just like today how you brought all of us together for the first time and lead us in prayer. Now continue to be a leader, don’t follow the path, go where there is no path and leave a trail.”

It was a lovely day, one of embracing diversity, building community, lifelong learning and meaningful observance. We were warm and welcoming, while following halacha. Well, maybe except for my late Shabbat afternoon ride on a camel, but that is a story for another time.

L’chi lach, to a land that I will show you
Lech l’cha, to a place you do not know
L’chi lach, on your journey I will bless you
And (you shall be a blessing)3x L’chi lach

L’chi lach, and I shall make your name great
Lech l’cha, and all shall praise your name
L’chi lach, to the place that I will show you
(L’sim-chat cha-yim)3x L’chi lach

Lyrics by Debbie Friedman from the parsha Lech Lecha about Abraham and Sarah

Occasionally an off-handed remark becomes a really good idea. Several months ago an older member of my congregation mentioned that he would be 83 this year. I said that he should celebrate his second Bar Mitzvah. He demured. We planned it anyway and celebrated it this past Shabbat, Shabbat Lech Lecha.

Sometimes it is impossible to capture in words the feeling of a morning. His family sponsored the kiddush. His son-in-law designed centerpieces with his Bar Mitzvah photo from 70 years ago mounted on baseball posters with Cubs flags. Each member of his family had an honor. Little Mandy, his second grade granddaughter read the prayer for the congregation so lovingly and perfectly. Every nephew and some grand and great-grand nephews and nieces were there. Perhaps my favorite moment was watching the grandfather and the grandson daven the kedusha together.

Why a second Bar Mitzvah at 83? 83 years. An average lifetime according to Psalm 90:10 plus 13. A new start. Time to celebrate again. And the more things we can celebrate in a congregation, the better!

Abraham was already old, 75 years old, when he left his land, the place of his birth, his father’s land to the land that G-d would show him. Now maybe in today’s world that would not be considered so old. But how many of us would have the courage to listen to that voice, pick up everything and leave with our spouse and our nephew?

The rabbis have a field day with this phrase, lech lecha. Why not just say, lech, go? The rabbis teach that this lech lecha really means go to yourself, to find your own authentic self. Abraham, in choosing to listen to that voice, is exhibiting that courage. The courage of his convictions and his integrity.  This celebration of a second Bar Mitzvah seems especially appropriate. It is said that every Bar Mitzvah kid gets just exactly the right parsha. I think that was definitely the case here. The midrash teaches in Pirke Rabbi Eliezer that Abraham was 13 when he rejected his father’s idolatry and professed a belief in the one true G-d, giving birth to monotheism. That too took courage and integrity. In Peretz’s long life, I have only known him for a short time. But I have come to know him as a person like Abraham, a man filled with integrity, a man who has found himself, his authentic self

At a recent meeting of the ritual committee, he explained, patiently, that when a kippah or headcovering touches the ground, unlike a siddur which has the name of G-d in it, people don’t have to kiss it. He said, “Nah, it’s just a piece of cloth. Unless it is a Cubs hat. That’s a different story.” His humor broke an otherwise heated conversation, and coming from him, made everyone chuckle. You see, Peretz is our most observant congregant. He says he is not Orthodox, because he drives to get to shul, but he davens out of the ArtScroll siddur while we use Siddur Sim Shalom and he cares passionately about the halacha.

Congregation Kneseth Israel’s vision statement says that we embrace diversity. Often that means that we welcome interfaith families. I talk frequently these days about the range of normative Jewish expression (and observance). Peretz is part of that range of normative halachic Jewish expression. So when he davened Shacharit, from Shochan Ad on we did it all in Hebrew, with a full reader’s repetition, he using ArtScroll and me trying to call out matching page numbers. I say trying, because sometimes when someone davens, they are in a zone–oblivious to everything around them, praying, having a conversation with G-d, not to be interrupted or distracted.

This is way Peretz approaches his life here at Congregation Kneseth Israel. He participates fully and when it doesn’t quite match his own understanding of halacha, he explains and teaches—lovingly and compassionately. He listens and learns what other people have to say with respect and care. He consults other sources, then in that embracing diversity moment, he decides what is right for him–and does it. Whether that is standing for every Kaddish, not coming on Shabbat evenings when we have instrumental music, or asking questions about various kashrut hucksters. Like Abraham he is a man of integrity.

Like Abraham he has raised a family. Now he gets to see the fruits of his labor. It was a very special moment this week when I was sitting between him and Shane while practicing L’dor v’dor. It was a true L’dor v’dor moment and expressing that kedusha, holiness he has come to embrace. He has passed on that sense of kedusha, holiness, and integrity, not only to your son and daughter, your son-in-law, and your nephews who are here today, but also to your grandchildren. I love watching him beam on a Saturday morning, when the kids arrive. They make him so happy—and he they.

This parsha, his unique parsha, one that he has studied for 70 years is exactly right for him. It begins with blessing and it ends with promise, a blessing. “You shall be the father of a multitude of nations.” Abraham left a lasting legacy–the belief in One G-d and descendants as numerous as the stars in the skies and the sand of the sea. He left the legacy of a good name.

He chanted his haftarah beautifully. Not flawlessly. Even with his glasses and the big print book, I am not sure he could see the difference between a tzade and an aleph. It didn’t matter. In the old Ashkanasi Hebrew. It sounded so good. His Haftarah said, “But you, Israel, My servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, seed of Abraham, My friend, You whom I drew from the ends of the earth, and called from the four corners…I chose you, I have not rejected you. Be not frightened, for I am your G-d.” That’s who Peretz is, Seed of Abraham, G-d’s friend. We don’t have to be afraid.

We concluded the Torah service with this blessing, in Debbie Friedman’s words, written about this very parsha. May Peretz be blessing, continue to be a blessing, as we pray he lives to be a 120 years old–or at least until his Cubs win a World Series.

This week we finally moved. At least 75% of our stuff. It is amazing how much stuff a family can accumulate. Not just me–but multiple generations. As we opened each box there were memories of my mother, Simon’s mother. It was fun to see some of our prized possessions again and find just the perfect place to display each item.

Having lived in an exended stay hotel for eight weeks, I wonder how much stuff we really need. A bed, a refrigerator (ice box), a stove, a pot and a frying pan. It reminds me of the song Anatevka from Fiddler on the Roof:

A little bit of this, a little bit of that.
A pot, a pan, a broom, a hat.

Someone should have set a match to this place years ago.
A bench, a tree.
So, what’s a stove? Or a house?
People who pass through Anatevka don’t even know they’ve been here.
A stick of wood. A piece of cloth.

What do we leave? Nothing much.
Only Anatevka.

Anatevka, Anatevka.
Underfed, overworked Anatevka.
Where else could Sabbath be so sweet?
Anatevka, Anatevka.
Intimate, obstinate Anatevka,
Where I know everyone I meet.

Soon I’ll be a stranger in a strange new place,
Searching for an old familiar face
From Anatevka.

I belong in Anatevka,
Tumble-down, work-a-day Anatevka.
Dear little village, little town of mine

One of the things that Anatevka had was a sense of community, a sense of family. Even if it was tumble-down, it was home. Not perfect but much beloved.

In this modern era it is also important to have internet, electricity, a television and a computer. When we first got here we referred to it as yuppie camping. After all, we have a roof so were dry in some thundersorms and air conditioning. Someone made my bed almost every morning and their was breakfast, coffee, cookies and dog treats each day. The staff was pleasant, efficient, friendly.

All of that is good, a helpful and I might even miss some of it. However, when I strip away everything, like that little village of Anatevka, what I really need is a bed, a pillow, a blanket. Even more importantly Simon and Sarah. People who love and care about me. People with whom together we can do anything (even live in a hotel for eight weeks!). That is what home is. As Robert Frost said, “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” Rabbi Jeffrey Summit, rabbi at Tufts Hillel sang,  in one of his early albums sang, “If home is where the heart is then I have a lot of homes. Once the leaving’s started, you keep going, you keep going home.”

This is about what makes a house a home. Friday night we had supper, Shabbat dinner in our new home with friends from the congregation. It was potluck, a little heavy on the carbs and absolutely delicious. It was important to me that very first Shabbat to have company. To make Shabbat. To welcome Shabbat. To welcome guests. To welcome the presence of God.

Every morning we sing Ma Tovu, words of a ancient non-Jewish prophet, “How good are your tents, O Jacob; your dwelling places O Israel.” This week I really understand that verse. Having a house; having a home is a good thing. A very good thing. Part of the reason the Israelites tents were so good, is because of modesty. No tent looked into another tent. This is true of my new house. I cannot see into anyone else’s home.

Every day we sing Ashrei, “Happy is he one who dwells in the house of the Lord.” Siddur Sim Shalom translates Ashrei as “blessed”, but that misses the mark. Ashrei usually is translated as happy. But that is different than simcha, joy. Some have talked about the pun with this word, that it carries with it the sense of rich.

This verse is one that I enjoy discussing with our Hebrew School kids about. What does it mean to be happy? What does it mean to dwell in the house of the Lord? What house? How is a synagogue, a beit kneseth, like a house? This year’s answer delighted me. We are happy when we are synagogue because we have fun.

We are very, very grateful today, for we are indeed very rich and very happy. May that sense of happiness, of fun, of joy be true in our new home. May we continue to welcome guests, Shabbat and G-d’s presence into our home. And may we always be surrounded wherever we go with the people who love us. Then we will have found home.

Last week we marked Rosh Hodesh Cheshvan, the new month of Cheshvan. Some call this month Mar Cheshvan, bitter cheshvan. After the frenetic pace of Tishri with four major Jewish holidays, Cheshvan has no additional holidays. Just Shabbat. So the month seems bitter. I would argue differently.

A group of us met on Wednesday night to talk about Cheshvan and our expectations for the month. Each month has a theme or a motif. Kislev is about light and rededication, Adar is about survival and finding your own voice, Nissan is about freedom. What is unique about Cheshvan?

For most of the people gathered, Cheshvan is a pause, a chance to catch our breaths, to allow the messages and the deep thinking of Tishri to sink in, to find balance. We talked about the importance of rocks and anchors. I talked about Balance Rock in Bar Harbor and how it perches precariously on the side of South Bubble Mountain. No matter how hard people try, it can not be pushed off. Entire football teams have tried. It reminds me to remain balanced.

But how do we take these experiences back into our regular world–whether it is the experience of the High Holidays, or the quiet of Shabbat, or a trip up Bubble Mountain. How do we achieve that balance. I tried bringing a rock in the shape of a heart made out of Cadillac granite back from Bar Harbor. It was a concrete reminder of trying to achieve that balance. Others have used the Star of David. Put the thing you value most in the center. In each of the six corners write something else important. Mine might be G-d, Torah, Israel, family, work, self. Then try every day to do at least one thing in each category.

It is interesting to me–and we didn’t get there in the discussion–another name for G-d is Tzur. Tzur Yisrael, Rock of Israel. Ma’oz Tzur. Rock of Ages. Perhaps that is because a Rock is so strong and so everlasting. But maybe, just maybe, it is because the Rock provides the balance we need in Cheshvan.

Mar Cheshvan? Not for me. I found the discussion to be illuminating and energizing. I hope the others did as well.

During Sukkot we read Ecclesiastes, Kohelet. The famous verse says “There is a time for everything under heaven.” Really? Everything? It is like the verse in the morning prayer Yotzer Or, “Yotzer or uvorei chosech oseh shalom u’vorei et hakol, who forms light and creates darkness who makes peace and creates all things.” Really? G-d creates all things? Even bad things? Even evil? I’ve wrestled with this and probably will continue to do so.

Even while we are celebrating Sukkot, zeman simchateinu, the time of our joy, we are reminded of the fragility of life. The Sukkot we build, those little booths are deliberately flimsy, non-permanent. They let the rain come in. They can blow over in a storm. But all of life is like that.

Today I had a different experience for Sukkot. My husband and I set out on a trip. I was going to pay a hospital call and then pick up something I need for the synagogue for Thursday evening. We got a later start than I anticipated. I wasn’t in a good mood despite a beautiful, sunny, warm fall day. We got to the DesPlaines Oasis and stopped for coffee. Caleb, the dog, had a chance to run. When we got back in the car, the car wouldn’t start. Nothing. Wouldn’t even turn over. No noise. I am fearing the worst.

We called AAA. They said that they would be there in about an hour. That would put all of this at the height of rush hour. Not happy. Why is this happening to me? Can’t anything work the way it is supposed to? I am worrying about the dog so close to Interstate 90, the alternator, what if we have to replace the car entirely, all sorts of gloom and doom.

Then I realized, we are really lucky. We broke down in an Oasis parking lot–perfectly safe, in broad daylight with no rain. We have AAA and towing insurance. We have the means (at the moment to deal with the financial setback of an unplanned car repair. And my mood suddenly changed.

Then AAA got there ahead of its announced time. The mechanic, Carl, from All About Automotive Inc., was personable, funny, quick and professional. It was just a simple battery change. $125.00 later, problem solved, problem over.

We continued on our way. I went to see my congregant. Despite seeming bad news and some pain, she was upbeat and optimistic. I pray for her continued strength, stamina, health and wellbeing. I didn’t get the other task

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about luck. What does it mean when we say to someone, “Good luck.”? Does that mean that there is bad luck? Does luck play any role at all? How does “beshert”, destined figure into this equation? How does the verse from Ecclesiastes fit in? Was my day good luck or bad luck? I am not sure. It just was. I think the difference is in how we respond to life’s circumstances. If we can see our days with optimism and hope, even when we are scared then perhaps that is when we really experience luck..

I learned a lot sitting in the DesPlaines Oasis today. It was truly an oasis, which is what our desert people hoped for during Sukkot. There is a time for everything, even a car battery change. It was a chance for this Energizer Rabbi to recharge her own batteries and get an attitude re-adjustment.

How do you see luck?