The days have been so busy. They start to blur. Each one packed. Each one counted. We are now in the third week of counting of the omer. Wednesday, was that only yesterday?, I spent part of the day at Food for Greater Elgin together with the CKI team. This program helps families living below the poverty line “grocery shop” in a warehouse with donated food. Families can shop once during a month. There is a great deal of lovingkindness that goes into the dignity with which this program functions. Families can pick out canned food, cereal, bread, snacks, treats, pastries and even fresh vegetables and meat. Yesterday we served 75 families. The people shopping were good natured, not pushy, helpful to one another, sharing recipes and ideas for how to stretch food dollars. You might have thought you were at Jewel or Meijers. In fact, both chains have donated lots of food! Wednesday was also Cheside b’Netzach, Lovingkindness of Endurance or Lovingkindness of Eternity. It is the love that will endure, that will go on forever.

Rabbi Simon Jacobson explains that “Endurance means to be alive, to be driven by what counts. It is the readiness to fight for what you believe, to go all the way.” He asks us to ask  ourselves, “How committed am I to my values? How much would I fight for them? Am I easily swayed? What price am I ready to pay for my beliefs? Is thereany truth for which I would be ready to give my life?” Interesting questions in light of the events of this week. I have often said that I would like to be arrested for some cause I really believe in, as an act of Civil Disobedience, like Thoreau, like Martin Luther King, like David Saperstein. But give my life? I am not sure. Jews are commanded to “Choose life that you may live.” I know that millions of Jews gave their lives just for the privilege of being a Jew. I am not sure what choice I would make.

In the meantime, I am glad that Food for Greater Elgin exists. The people who run Food for Greater Elgin exhibit that kind of love of chesed b’netzach. They act with a love and a passion that will endure. The people who show up to help also do. I am glad that such safety nets exist, that feed people with dignity.

Thursday was the 23rd day of the counting of the omer. It is about gevurah b’netzach, enduring discipline. If I am to run the Boston Marathon, or the Disney Princess Marathon then I am going to need ongoing discipline and strength. It will not be enough to run one day and say I am ready. The medical staffs that work at the major hospitals in Boston (and in other places as well), have this kind of enduring discipline. Sadly, they must train for events like Monday, and they do. Over and over again. And so they are ready when it is least expected and most needed. I am glad that they have that kind of enduring strength and discipline.

This week when I opened the mail I was surprised and delighted to find a letter from my dentist. He was giving me tickets to a movie because I referred someone to him. It was a nice gesture that I wasn’t expecting. I referred the person, my husband actually, because I have been impressed with his gevurah b’netzach, his enduring discipline and his compassion. I would have referred my husband anyway. The tickets are one more example of how this dentist, who has called on his day off to make sure I am OK, has worked with insurance companies here and in Massachusetts, has made sure that I am comfortable in his chair, always a scary experience for me, has set up reminders in many ways is disciplined in how he approaches his practice. Because he is consistent, disciplined and oh so kind, he is growing his practice. That is what gevurah b’netzach is. May we all have such strength.

On Shabbat I preached a sermon about Israel at 65. Today it seems a little out of place in light of the tragedy yesterday in Boston. This afternoon I gave an interview to the Elgin Daily Herald about life in Israel compared to life in Boston. About safety and security. About how we go on. Here is the sermon and then some additional comments about Boston.

Today we mark Yom Ha’atzmaut, Israel Independence Day. Israel has been a state for 65 years. While still a young country it is not an infant any more. Happy Birthday Israel. Yom Huledet Samayach.

This congregation is unique. It is the only congregation I interviewed with that did not ask what my views are on Israel or how I would do programming about Israel. However, some of you have asked. Some congregations do nothing around Israel. It is too polarizing. It can be hard to have a civilized conversation. I am not one to shy away from difficult conversations and I think we need to have them. It is important. Today I would ask that you hold comments until the kiddush then I will be happy to discuss my views further.

This sermon is my answer.

Just prior to Yom Ha’atzmaut, Israel pauses as a nation, and marks Yom Hazikaron, Memorial Day. The sirens will once again blare like they did for Yom Hashoah and everyone and everything will stop. There is no body in Israel who hasn’t lost someone. Four wars, several incusions, two intifadas and countess acts of terrorism. I too will stop. My first fiancé was killed in the first incursion into Lebanon. He was an officer and was trying to disarm a homemade terrorist bomb. It exploded. He died a hero. He died instantly protecting the rest of the men in his unit.

You need to know that background because I have a complicated relationship with the State of Israel. No one should have to go through the agony of losing a loved one this way. Not his parents, themselves Holocaust survivors who had lost other children prior, not his brother, not his girlfriend, me.

This week I had our religious school students come up the 10 reasons they love Israel. It is a good list….they said they love Israel because our history is there, G-d gave it to us, they export diamonds, you can go skiing and surfboarding, the oranges are delicious, it is ancient and modern, they have a strong army and have survived many wars, they can do anything. The list goes on. It is a good list and it shows they are really invested in Israel.

I don’t ask my congregants to do anything I won’t do. So here is my own list. As I was writing it I realized it is a love poem.

I love Israel because when the rest of the world hurts, Israel quietly and effectively sends trained teams to help, doctors, nurses, technicians, search and rescue teams, search dogs, whatever is needed.

I love Israel because whenever a border is closed somewhere, Israel takes refugees in, not only Jews. Refugees from Northern Africa, from the Arab world, from Uganda, from Darfur, from the Sudan.

I love Israel because some of the best science, medicine, technology comes out of Israel. I can’t live without my cell phone, invented there. They are leaders on drip irrigation. They have made the desert bloom. Because of all of the wars and its Holocaust survivors, Israel is the leader on PTSD. There are more Nobel prize winners per capita than any other country. The list goes on and on.

I love Israel because the country is both modern and ancient. You feel really connected to our history, our people, our culture while standing on the land. You are in the process of creating history at the same time and the debates are palpable and intense.

I love Israel because the land is beautiful. You can climb a mountain at sunrise, swim in a wadi and waterfall at lunch and go to a spa by the Dead Sea, the Red Sea or even the ocean by dinner. The afternoon sunlight on the Jerusalem stone is like none other.

I love Israel because they have the world’s best chocolate milk—at Kibbutz Yotvata on the way to Eilat, the world’s best oranges, Jaffa, the world’s best falafel and hummus and Sarah will tell you the world’s best olives. Oh, and the best Chinese lemon chicken by which all others are judged.

I love Israel because it is a democracy. A messy one to be sure. Not one that looks like the US democracy but a democracy, where everybody’s or almost everybody’s opinion counts. Every body has an opinion and every body has an argument.

I love Israel because it is a Jewish state, a safety net, a place that has to take you in no matter what, a place where it is both easier and harder to practice Judaism.

I love Israel because it has a vision of peace that we sing about, pray about, work towards.

But peace is not easy. Living in a real country is not easy. Life for Israelis is not easy.
My vision, my hope for Israel in the next 65 years would be

One day that Jews will treat other Jews with respect, derech eretz.
One day that women can worship at the Wall. That day may be coming soon based on a ruling this week that the women are not disturbing the peace.
One day that a woman can sit on a bus in the ultra-Orthodox neighborhood without fear of being stoned or worse. Despite Israeli Supreme Court rulings to that effect the police have not enforced the right of women to sit on some bus runs.
One day that conversions and weddings of Conservative and Reform rabbis in Israel or the United States or anywhere in the world would be recognized.
One day that Israel will not need to tear down houses or fruit trees in the West Bank, that there will be no human rights violations.
One day that we do not need to send all of our boys to defend Israel, creating a culture of soldiers and war.
One day that no mother, no father, no girlfriend will get that awful call, your beloved has been killed
One day that Jews, Christian, Muslims, Druze could live in peace and none shall make them afraid.

On that day, the Lord shall be one and G-d’s name shall be one. I chose this verse because it comes at the very end of the Aleinu. The Aleinu talks about tikkun olam, fixing or repairing the world. L’takain olam malchut shadai. We are according to the Torah obligated to work for peace, to actively pursue peace, to be rodef shalom. We are obligated to seek justice, tzedek, tzedek tirdof, justice, justice shall you pursue. We are obligated to not stand by why a neighbor bleeds. All of this factors into my complicated relationship with the modern State of Israel.

How we get a point that is just, that pursues peace, that is equal for all is not easy. It takes living without fear. The fear that any day you put your child on a school bus that the child might not come home. The fear that every mother feels knowing that if the child you put on the school bus manages to survive through high school he or she will have to go into the army. It means going to bed without fear that Syria might use chemical weapons or Iran might use nuclear weapons.

Without the fear that if you criticize Israel or suggest another way that somehow you are ant-Israel or anti-semetic. Israel is not always right. While it might be nice to hold Israel up as an example to the rest of the world as a light unto the nations it is unfair to hold it to a higher standard than the rest of the world and yet it needs to try to uphold that standard. I don’t have the answers. These are real and present dangers. I am a rabbi. I am not a political analyst, although some days I wish I was. Israel needs to exist. It has the right to exist. I choose to have these difficult conversations. I choose to be members of Rabbis for Human Rights, Women of the Wall, the Israeli Religious Action Center, the Parents Circle, JStreet and AIPAC. I call my elected US officials. I read everything. I spend time in Israel. I buy Israeli products. I speak about it, debate it, sing about it. I cry about it. I work for peace and I hope it comes every single day.

All of us lead messy lives. No lifecycle event comes out of a box. Every country is complex. Israel is no exception. So I celebrate Israel on its 65th birthday, warts and all. Yom Huledet Samaych. May you have many, many more and live to be 120 and at least one. Ken yehi ratzon.

Now more on Boston. As I was watching the coverage before I turned it off, two images were haunting. One was an ariel shot of the scene where the blood and carnage was quite visible. I said, oh how horrible. This is just like Israel. The other was a shot of the international flags right near the bomb blast. One was the Israeli flag. Since it was Yom Hazikaron I was already primed to notice it. Boston is an international city. A city of great beauty. Of culture. Of great educational institutions and some of the world’s best teaching hospitals. Boston loves to celebrate its diversity. Yesterday the beauty was shattered along with the glass windows in front of Marathon Sports, a store I have shopped in for my own running shoes. The midrash teaches us that when Moses shattered the first set of 10 Commandments the Israelites carefully collected all the shards and put them into the ark together with the full set. In another story, when G-d made the world full of light, the light was so bright it shattered the vessel. It is our job to collect the piece and put them back together. Tonight that is our task too. To find all the broken shards and put them back together. Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson said it best….

“Those explosions in Boston were meant to terrify, to intimidate, to silence, to disrupt. We turn to mourn the murdered and to grieve with the wounded. But our deepest response is to repudiate the goals of terror. In response to the bombs, let us live more boldly, let us stand tall together, let us speak our peace, let us love resiliently.”

Tonight, however difficult it may be, we need to overcome fear. In this season of the counting of the omer, I am strengthened by a few phrases, “Ozi v’zimrat yah, v’hi yeshua” G-d is my strength and song, I will not fear.” and “All the world is a narrow bridge, the central thing is not to be afraid.” May we all find the comfort and the strength we need. Then, slowly, very slowly the healing can begin. Knowing that there is a power beyond us, helps.

Day 19 was written and will be posted. Today is Day 20. I had planned to post something about Yom HaZikaron, Israel Memorial Day. Today is another kind of Memorial Day now.

To Bostonians, today is also known as Patriot’s Day and Marathon Day. I have run the Boston Marathon five times (and the Sea of Gallilee Marathon once). I am no stranger to the finish line at Copley. I have been trained as a colonial re-enactor and worked the Concord-Lexington Battle Road on Patriots’ Day. I can recite most of Paul Revere’s Ride by heart. I almost named a child Samuel Adams Klein, not after the beer but after the Boston Patriot.

My heart bleeds. I can taste blood in my mouth. I am aghast with the rest of you watching TV–or maybe even those of you who were there. This is not the “shot heard round the world.” This would appear, and I am being careful here, a deliberate, calculated, timed act of violence. It is too early to say too much.

Already the questions have started. I want my rabbi to explain this. How could this happen? Who would want to hurt innocent runners or families or tourists? Where was G-d? Why? Why? Why?

I can’t answer those. I know that for me, Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” helped me heal after my first finance was killed by a terrorist bomb. The question is not why but when. The answer is in how we choose to live after such tragedies. We are not there yet. It is too early. Way too early. It may take years for the people directly affected, for their friends and family, for the City of Boston, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the people who love this city to heal. In the meantime, what I know about trauma:

Shut off the TV. Watching the footage on replay does not help.
Call a friend. (Be patient with Boston area numbers, Cell phone coverage is spotty!)
Reach out on facebook.
Take a walk.
Play with the dog.
Hug your spouse and kids.
Cry. It is alright.

There will be time to ask the big questions. There may never be good enough answers. In the meantime, there are prayers. I pray for the care teams to be compassionate, for the law enforcement to be swift and accurate, for the reporting to be balanced and accurate, for the responses to be appropriate. I pray for the victims, for all of the families, for all of the runners. I pray that we as a society learn that bombs don’t solve problems, working for peace and justice does.

I remember another Boston Marathon Day. I had just finished my first marathon. Most of the other runners had gone home. It was a beautiful spring day in Boston. The leaves were a light lacy green. The next day it snowed. Spring will come. Healing will come but it will be slow.

Today, the 18th day of the Omer, was also Shabbat. Shabbat is a foretaste of the world to come. Abraham Joshua Heschel taught in his book, “The Sabbath” that “The hours of the seventh day are significant in themselves; their significance and beauty do not depend on any work, profit, or progress we may achieve. They have the beauty of grandeur.Beauty of grandeur, a crown of victory, “a day of rest and holiness, a rest in love and generosity, a true and genuine rest, a rest that yields peace and serenity, tranquility and security, a perfect rest with which Thou art pleased” (quoted from the Sabbath afternoon prayer).”
Beauty of grandeur, that is exactly what tiferet means in its rare meaning. So Shabbat, a sign of the world to come, is in fact a sign of G-d’s everlasting compassion, netzach b’tiferet.

Today when I was davening I was caught by two phrases. “Baruch Chai l’ad v’kayam lanetzach. Blessed is the One who lives forever who endures eternally. There’s the use of the word netzach again. And from El Adon we sing “Tiferest ug’dulah” Glory and greatness.

After services I experienced more of that beauty, splendor, grandeur and compassion. I went for a walk with the puppy, During that walk we saw a snowy egret in flight and it landed right before us. We also saw a goose nesting and sitting on her egg. She was tucked next to a building looking very content and maternal. Then I took a nap. Taking a nap is definitely a sign of G-d’s everlasting compassion. May we always have the freedom and the opportunity to be able to experience the grandeur of Shabbat and be able to take a nap, then we will know that Shabbat is truly a palace in time and not just a series of thou shall nots.

Today is the 17th day of the omer, a double dose of compassion, compassion squared. Compassion is yet another difficult word to define–in the original Hebrew or in Latin but looking at its etymology helps. Compassion comes from the Latin com, with, and passion suffering. So its meaning is about suffering together, with another. It is a higher form of empathy and cornerstone of love. It gives us the active desire to alleviate someone’s pain or suffering. When Hillel said, “Do not do onto others as you would not have them do unto you, and then Jesus coined the “Golden Rule”, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” it was about compassion. So was “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

So what does this have to do with me? Maybe because I need a double dose of compassion. Maybe because my job requires me to be compassionate, which is not hard for me. I enjoy helping other people. I enjoy helping them find the beauty in life, the joy in Judaism. I enjoy helping families who need a boost, who lost a loved one, a job, were diagnosed with cancer. I realize I can’t help everyone. Sometimes it is hard to be compassionate towards those who probably need it most. Sometime I lose my patience. That’s when I need a double dose of compassion. I need one now.

There is even a syndrome called compassion fatigue. I work very hard to prevent this secondary stress in myself. It involves good self care, taking time out, having a network of professionals and other friends to talk to about the stressors, having a mentor, getting exercise, watching what I eat, taking bubble baths and getting a massage. It involves davenning and meditating. Oh yes, and chocolate, in moderation.

I was surprised to discover that most books translate this sephira tiferet as compassion. There is another word in Hebrew for compassion, rachum. Part of the 13 Attributes of G-d, Chanun v’rachum. Gracious and compassionate. Full of lovingkindness. Rachum is an interesting word, it comes from the same root as womb. So at some levels it is a feminine aspect of the Divine. That protective space that allows a fetus to form is compassionate. We all need womb-like spaces. Recently I was asked to do something that would push me beyond my comfort zone. I imagined I was a tulip, trying to burst forth from the earth and bloom but I wasn’t quite ready yet, I needed to go back in for a while. Compassion is like that, like a beautiful tulip safely ensconced and waiting to bloom.

Another way to translate tiferet is humility. So this is humility in humility. I went to a branch of bank yesterday and I watched the personal banker, Joanna, and then the branch manager exercise humility. She listened to what I needed. Patiently found the right answer and then patiently explained it to me. I commented on a crystal star on her desk. She said she had won an award for customer service, only one of 12 in the Chicago-Wisconsin region. She said she was humbled by the award because she doesn’t set out to win awards or to sell every product in her vast book. She sets out to establish relationships, long term relationships. Then she sells them what they need because it is right for them. She came across as very humble, very compassionate. She even said, modestly, that she tries to be humble–with her eyes downcast. “It is not about me and what I need. It’s always about the customer and what is right for the customer.” I left thinking I want to bank there–and how nice to find a smart banker in Chicago. I actually left calmer than when I got there.

For me then, that’s what Day 17 is about, finding the patience to help even those who are the hardest to help, who may be their own worst enemies and about doing it with humility, and compassion, like my new friend from Poland, the personal banker. Then I will have incorporated Tiferet in Tiferet in my every day life. Then I will be emulating G-d’s attributes, compassion, lovingkindness, mercy, humility, patience. I am not there yet. Be patient with me.

Today is Day 16 of the counting of the omer. 16 Days from the second night of Passover on our journey to freedom, on our journey to Sinai. The Israelites left Egypt so that they could worship G-d in freedom. However, women in Jerusalem have not always been free in recent times. They have even been arrested. Sometimes the pictures are shocking, seeing Israeli police officers arresting Jewish women at the Kotel for praying. It looks like a scene out of Germany.

Today, there was good news at the Kotel and in Jerusalem. A very disciplined group has been meeting at the Kotel to daven, to pray since 1988 on Rosh Hodesh.  Every single month. That takes commitment. That takes dedication. That takes discipline, the theme for today. I have been a supporter of Women of the Wall since its inception. I have my own stories of how I was told I couldn’t be a rabbi because I was a woman. The voice of a woman can be problematic according to some citations of Jewish law. A tallit might not be an obligation according to Jewish law but it is not forbidden. I could write all the citation on these issues.

Today, after five women were again arrested for the “crime” of wearing a tallit, a judge in Israel, ruled, “that there was no cause for arresting the women. In a groundbreaking decision, the judge declared that Women of the Wall are not disturbing the public order with their prayers. She said that the disturbance is created by those publicly opposing the women’s prayer, and Women of the Wall should not be blamed for others’ behavior. The women were released immediately, with no conditions.” http://womenofthewall.org.il/media-3/press-room-2/

It took discipline and compassion to get to this point. There is much compassion in Natan Sharansky’s proposal released this week for three sections of the Wall. (http://www.haaretz.com/jewish-world/jewish-world-news/sharansky-my-plan-for-western-wall-is-based-on-access-equality-and-unity.premium-1.514) There is much beauty in all of this. A voice will go out from Jerusalem. Kol hakavod Women of the Wall. This Rosh Hodesh there is much to celebrate.

A Prayer for Women of the Wall by Rahel Sharon Jaskow

 May it be Your will, our God and God of our mothers and fathers, to bless this prayer group and all who pray within it: them, their families and all that is theirs, together with all the women and girls of your people Israel. Strengthen us and direct our hearts to serve You in truth, reverence and love. May our prayer be desirable and acceptable to You like the prayers of our holy mothers, Sarah, Rivka, Rahel and Leah. May our song ascend to Your Glorious Throne in holiness and purity, like the songs of Miriam the Prophet, Devorah the Judge, and Hannah in Shilo, and may it be pleasing to you as a sweet savor and fine incense.

And for our sisters, all the women and girls of your people Israel: let us merit to see their joy and hear their voices raised before You in song and praise. May no woman or girl be silenced ever again among Your people Israel or in all the world. God of justice, let us merit to see justice and salvation soon, for the sanctification of Your name and the repair of Your world, as it is written: Zion will hear and be glad, and the daughters of Judah rejoice, over Your judgments, O God. And it is written: For Zion’s sake I will not be still and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be silent, until her righteousness shines forth like a great light and her salvation like a flaming torch.

For Torah shall go forth from Zion and the word of God from Jerusalem. Amen, selah.

Today is Day 15 of the counting of the omer. Love in compassion. It was a very rainy morning with strong, gusty thunderstorms. Can rain be a sign of lovingkindness and compassion? I think so. Now I admit. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I was pleased the puppy was not awakened by the storm nor scared by it. I sure was. But later in the day, I found two fields of flowers where there had been none yesterday. One was a field of purple blossoms taking up an entire front lawn.

The other were golden daffodils planted along a fairly ugly stretch of rail track. I remember an early poem of Sarah’s about daffodils and how they raise their heads and kiss the sun.

Tiferet’s other meaning is beauty. It was clear in both cases that the someone had taken the time to plant these beautiful things to make the world a better place. To show love in compassion. To brighten up our day on a cloudy overcast day. To bring us a little burst of joy when we see them. It also takes a balance between sun and rain to make them  flower. So yes, rain can be a sign of G-d’s love and compassion. It is raining again. Pouring really. Our area in the Fox River Valley is under a flood watch. Again it is about achieving balance. My theology does not extend to believing that G-d is punishing us for some sin and that is why the river could flood. My believe is that we are partners with G-d in this beautiful creation and somehow we humans have the balance out of whack. With great compassion and great love we can turn this earth back around but it will take great work. It will also take restraint as we learned about last week. The effort will be worth it for our children and grandchildren.

I am reminded of Honi the Circle Drawer, he was asked why he was planting a carob tree when it would take so long to bear fruit. He answered, “As my ancestors have planted for me, so I plant for my children and grandchildren.” Honi also prayed for rain.

Some of the books about counting the omer have very different things to say about today. One talks about it in terms of tiferet bringing in a third dimenstion, that of truth, the integration between love and discipline. It requires selflessness, rising above your ego. It asks,  “Is your compassion tender and loving or does it come across as pity? Is your sympathy condescending and patronizing? Does your compassion overflow with love and warmth; is it expressed with enthusiasm, or is it static and lifeless?”

Another one talks about the balance as being able to find the balance between rigidity and flexibility. It is about finding the nuance. The world is not black and white, it is full of color as today’s flowers prove.

It is easier to see the world in black and white, to put people into boxes, to judge them based on first appearances. But the world has a full spectrum of color and G-d has a glorious paintbrush. Once I went horseback riding near sunset in the Grand Tetons. The forest floor was a carpet of wildflowers in colors I could barely name let alone imagine. I tried to write a poem about it but the words did not do it justice. Neither did the photos I took. Sometimes colors can be felt even more than seen.

Sometimes in our frazzled world it is like looking through a kaleidoscope. But we need to put the pieces of our broken lives back together in order to see the full range of color, the full beauty.

May we learn to see the people around us in all of their complexity, with as many facets as a diamond reflecting light through a prism. May we slow down enough to see the beauty, to feel the colors. May we all be able to turn our faces to the sun and be kissed by G-d, then we will know G-d’s love in compassion.

Gates of Prayer has this prayer as part of the Amidah:
“We pray for winds to disperse the choking air of sadness, for cleansing rains to make parched hopes flower, and to give all of us the strength to rise up towards the sun….We pray for love to encompass us for no other reason save that we are human—that we may all blossom into persons who have gained power over our lives….Praise to the God whose gift is life, whose cleansing rains let parched men and women flower toward the sun.”

May tonight’s rain be gentle and bring those May flowers. Then we can truly smile and know that we are loved.

Today is day 14, two weeks of the omer. I went to Ben and Jerry’s for a free ice cream cone this afternoon.

“What,” you say, “weren’t you just talking about Weight Watchers?” Yes. Gevurah as we have learned this week means restraint or discipline. WeightWatchers also argues for discipline but it allows you 49 extra points to spend how you want to spend them. So all four of us drove to Palentine and delighted in having our ice cream cup. It was smaller than a kiddie cup at Sully’s in Chelmsford. Everyone felt satisfied. And happy. Almost giddy. There must be a bracha for this. Then we talked about restraint. It was just enough to make us feel good, but too much to make us feel bad. We didn’t even feel the need to go back for seconds. None of us ruined our diets. We showed restraint.

Now remember that Bostonians consume more ice cream per capita than anywhere else in the country. I have stood in line in sub-freezing weather just to get ice cream. I have been at Sully’s on March 1 when they reopen after the winter, just because they are reopening and it is a sign of spring. One of the first after a long dreary weather. I had a friend in college who believed that if you ate ice cream from Steve’s (the original Coldstone with mix-ins) three Shabbatot in a row the Messiah would come. That is what today was like. Perhaps if we get this balance right between discipline and having fun, between restraint and laughing and joking, then it will surely, like Shabbat be a foretaste of the world to come.

Some times we need to exercise restraint with our words. It is not always good to correct a child. It is not good for his or her self-esteem. It is not always good to correct our spouse, a co-worker or a even, dare I say it, a board member. Sometimes we need to exercise restraint. Sure, if I were queen of the world I would get the whole thing right, all the time. I am sure of it. But sometimes I need to exercise restraint.

So for me, this is what today is about.  The kingdom of discipline is about just enough but not too much. It is OK to have fun. It is OK to feel good. It is OK to laugh, to joke, to play. And then go back to work.

I seem to be falling behind. Yesterday was actually day 13 and I spent much of the day musing about this blog and various omer projects I am working on. Time is moving fast. So fast I got an email from a soon-to-be congregant who said “4 Weeks”. In four weeks he will be a Jew.  It is hard to keep up.

I think there have been some big insights for me coming out of writing this blog. I hope they have been helpful for you as well. Things I have liked–thinking deeply about love, chesed and the role that it plays in our lives. Thinking about kashrut as a form of discipline and restraint. Thinking about how one survives the unspeakable tragedy of the Holocaust and how that really is an intersection between Chesed and Gevurah. I have also really liked Rabbi Katy Allen’s brief meditations and photos linking the earth with the counting of the omer. It has been fun to look for signs of spring, and to watch so closely. Yesterday we saw in the Costco parking lot by their wetlands, a Canada goose sitting on her egg just at sunset.

Mamma Goose

She was flanked by two red wing blackbirds. Swimming in the water was an otter or a muskrat. You wouldn’t necessarily think that so much wildlife would be in the Costco parking lot. Yesterday I also spent at my new physicians. As part of that we talked about genetics. Always at a doctor’s but especially poignant if your father was a geneticist. DNA is the building blocks of life, the foundation. If you have the discipline, the gevurah, to look, you will see the foundation, the yesod of life. It was beautiful.

Today is day 12 of the counting of the omer. Tonight is also Yom Ha’shoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day. It has taken me a long time to write this. How do you write of the unspeakable? What can I possibly add?

A single flame, six million memories

Today we had a speaker, Renee Haberer-Krauss who survived the Holocaust. She was elegant, calm, quiet, humble. She was unassuming and powerful. She embodies the words hod b’gevurah. Her story is compelling. She talked about how she had to separate from her parents who by this point were working for the French resistance. It was scary. But her mother prepared her well. Held her all night before the departure. Assured her of her love. Told her that even if she had to go to church, it was OK because there was only one G-d, even if there were different ways to pray to that one G-d. Every in the morning they left. They had to cross the border from France, under German occupation, to Switzerland. It seemed hopeless. She got caught on the barbed wire. However, a German soldier and a Swiss soldier against the odds and at their own risk rescued her and her sister. A nun and a parish priest treated her so kindly she wanted to convert to Catholicism but the priest said that it wasn’t the right time–her parents would not approve and neither would G-d. She survived because the of the courage of others. The strength and the discipline of others.

Holocaust Survivor Renee Haberer-Krauss speaking at Congregation Kneseth Israel

The lovingkindness of others.

Another one who survived was Alice Herz-Sommer who is known as the oldest Holocaust survivor. There was a recent documentary made of her. As best as I can figure it from online sources she is now 108. Again what enabled her to survive was her love of music–her religion–and the love of her parents which she shared with her own son in the camps. She still plays piano!

http://www.arttherapyblog.com/videos/alice-herz-sommer-dancing-under-the-gallows/#trailer

She says, “I was born with a very very good optimism. And this helps you…when you are optimistic, when you are not complaining, when you look at the good side of our life…everybody loves you.” I would add, hHaving that strong sense of security and love really helps. People who are deprived the basic feeling of love, even without the trauma of the Holocaust do less well.

Hod is also about splendor. I am always touched by the poetry of the Holocaust.

The Last Butterfly captures that splendor of every day life, even in the camps.
The last, the very last
So richly brightly dazzingly yellow
Perhaps if the sun tears could sing against a white stone

Notice the sky tonight. The colors and the light. The splendor and the strength. Think of Renee and Alice, their courage to survive and their courage to tell their stories. Think of the two soldiers who had the courage to do the right thing. Think of the priest and the nun. Think of Anne Frank who wrote “It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

Think how you can be an upstander and not a bystander when you see someone being mean to someone else. Think how you can be strong and of good courage. How you could prevent the next Holocaust. Think of the pretty pink in the sky as the sun as about to set.