G-d of the survivor,
G-d of the mourner and the witness,
Grant solace and peace to those still held by physical, emotional and spiritual distress from the attacks of 9-11. Release them from visions of death and destruction, from guilt or shame, from fear or anger. Bind their wounds with Your steadfast love. Lift them on Your wings of kindness and grace. 

Blessed are those who have found peace.
Blessed are those without tranquility. 

Blessed are those who speak.
Blessed are those who stay silent. 

Blessed are those who have healed.
Blessed are those who suffer. 

Blessed are those who forgive.
Blessed are those who cannot forgive. 

Blessed are You, Adonai our G-d, Source of strength for survivors of violence and tragedy in every land and in every age. Blessed are You, Rock of Israel, Source of hope and comfort. 
     Alden Solovy 

We just read these powerful words of my friend Alden Solovy:
“Blessed are those who forgive
Blessed are those who cannot forgive.” 

This is the 20th anniversary of 9/11. Each of us knows exactly where we were as that day with its unforgettable,  bright blue sky unfolded.   It was our honor to honor our local first responders last night. 

Today is also Shabbat Shuvah, the Sabbath of Return. Every week we sing the misheberach prayer where we pray for healing of mind, body and spirit. We pray the words of Debbie Friedman and Drorah Setel:  
May the source of strength
Who blessed the ones before us
Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing  

Those words echo over today. “May the source of strength.” In another song we sing, “Ozi v’zimrat Yah, v’hi lishua.” G-d is my strength and my might and my song, G-d is my deliverer.” We need strength and courage to heal.  We need strength and courage to forgive. We need strength and courage to do the hard work of teshuvah. 

Today’s Torah portion urges the Israelites, not just Joshua, to be strong and of good courage. Hizku v’imtzu. Plural. The usual formulation is chazak v’emetz. 

Chazak. Be strong.  

Dan Nichols sings: 

Chazak

We have come from near and far to raise our voice in song,
And the more we join in the re – frain, the more we feel strong.
Cha-zak, cha-zak, ve-nit cha-zeik.
There is a power in this place and time, it shapes the rest of our lives,
For when we return each year we find a truth we can’t deny.
Be strong, let us strengthen one another.
Be strong, let us celebrate our lives.
Be strong, let us strengthen one another.

Be strong doesn’t necessarily mean how much iron can you pump. It can also mean being resolute. Being strong in your convictions, in your beliefs, in your goals. “Im tirtzu, ain zo agadah, words of Herzl translated as “If you will it, it is no dream.”  

Koach, Oz, Chazak. All meaning strong or strength.  

May G-d give strength to G-d’s people and bless G-d’s people with peace. Adonai oz l’amo yiten, Adonai y’varech et amo v’shalom.  

But what of courage? The word in English comes from the Latin and the Old French: cour meaning heart. It is the ability to do something that frightens someone. It is strength in the face of pain or grief.  

There are 6 Attributes of Courage according to Psychology Today: 

6 Attributes of Courage
1. Feeling fear yet choosing to act.
2. Following your hear
3. Persevering in the face of adversity
4. Standing up for what is right
5. Expanding your horizons, letting go of the familiar
6. facing suffering with dignity or faith

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201208/the-six-attributes-courage  

The Cowardly Lion felt he needed courage. Can you build courage? Psychology Today suggests an exercise. Let’s try it: 

“Think of a situation as an adult when you felt afraid, yet chose to face your fear: 

• What did you observe, think, and feel at the time? (e.g., “I saw the rollercoaster and felt butterflies in my stomach”) 
• What did you or the people around you say, think, and do to help you face your fear? (e.g., “I told myself that if little kids could go on it, so could I”) 
• At what point did your fear start to go down? How did you feel afterwards? 
• Now, think back on a situation in childhood in which you faced your fear. How was it the same or different than the first situation? 
• Finally, think of a situation you are currently facing that creates fear or anxiety. What are you most afraid of? (e.g., being fired if I ask my boss for a raise) 
• Now, is there a way to apply the same skills you used in the two earlier situations to be more courageous in this situation? Remind yourself that you have these skills and have used them successfully in the past.  

And they tell us, if you repeat this exercise over the course of a week, using each definition of courage above you will be more courageous. By Day 7, you can come up with your own definition of courage that is most meaningful to you and repeat the whole exercise using this definition. 

Seven days, the same number of days that G-d took to create the world. The same number of days that we now know it takes to create a habit. You are creating courage. 

Brene Brown, in her book Rising Strong, identifies courage as one of the things we need for resilience. In her research, “wholehearted living means cultivating courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort but we can’t have both. Not at the same time. Courage means being vulnerable. Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness. It is our greatest measure of courage.”  

One of the places that takes courage is in doing teshuvah. Teshuvah, or return is often translated as repentance.Our text tells us that if we return, G-d will take us back in love. It is part of the covenant. What does it mean to return? 

In the old days, the rabbi would give a sermon twice a year. On the Shabbat before Passover, to tell you how to prepare and on Shabbat Shuvah, to teach you how to do teshuvah. Here’s a little secret. Sarah would tell you that I don’t do apologies well. It’s not that I am not sorry. It’s that the words don’t come out right. So today we are going to have you teach me.  

Our tradition says that for sins against G-d, Yom Kippur atones but for sins against other people, Yom Kippur does not atone until you have made peace between each other. So many people go to others at this season with an almost formulaic apology. That doesn’t work for me. It feels forced. It needs to be specific. For instance, Gene, I am sorry that I caught you off guard this morning because the Torah sheet was not attached to yesterday’s email. I am sorry that sometimes I skip dinner when I am teaching and then get testy at a later that evening board meeting. So I am sorry. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. But that’s not a great apology. I’m not sorry for my actions. I am not taking responsibility for causing you harm. 

When we do Ashamnu next week about 65% of our sins have to do with our language. Our words can hurt. We need to watch what we say and how we say it. Me too.  

Maimomides, the Rambam identified 12 steps to repentance. Perhaps the original 12 step program.  

Rabbi Paul Kipnes reduced those to six: 

1. Regret: We have to regret what we have done and feel remorse for it. We cannot really apologize or make amends for our actions if we don’t see what we do as wrong. 

2. Renounce:We have to look into our hearts and take responsibility. We have to admit first to ourselves that our actions were wrong. No excuses. No rationalizations. “Renouncing a sin does not mean we deny that it happened, rather it means we reject any sense that we needed to act as we did.”

 3. Confess: We need to confess that we missed the mark, that what we did wasn’t right. Saying something aloud to others makes it real, more concrete. 

4. Reconcile: This step begins to help heal the person wronged. It must begin with a sincere apology. It then needs a “long term investment of our time and energy as long as necessary, until the sinner and the person wronged are able to work through this problem.” Be patient. This is hard work. 

5. Make Amends: Sometimes this involves restitution, financial compensation, actual money to heal the wounds.We may need to volunteer. Give tzedakah. Keep in mind that a donation of money cannot buy forgiveness. It can, however, help others similarly hurt if given to appropriate organizations.  

6. Resolve: We need to resolve that if confronted with the same situation or opportunity to not repeat the offense. Only then is teshuva complete.  

In order to do teshuvah, it takes vulnerability. It takes courage. It takes strength. Chazek v’emetz. Hizku v’imtzu. Together, we will do it. May your teshuvah and my teshuvah be full, complete. May you be inscribed and sealed for a blessing.  

We just heard another story of how there is a time for everything. Gareth, on a very poignant day for you and your family your told about your own personal time to mourn. It was my honor to be called by Gareth last year on the second morning of Rosh Hashanah just as the dawn was breaking to join her and Paul and their son James. It was my first hospital visit since COVID began. Somehow, Sherman Hospital   let me in. I sang B’yado as I often do at someone’s bedside, as I learned from my rabbi at my own mother’s bedside.  

Sing here.  

“Into Your hands I place my spirit. When I wake as when I sleep, I will have no fear for You are with me.” 

And then I drove home, to rethink my sermon on how even if we are alone, we are not alone. 

And so Gareth, we, your CKI community continue to mourn with you. We miss Paul’s deep resonate voice. We miss his steady calming presence. He was one of our rocks too and he was so supportive of you and of CKI. 

Earlier today we read Psalm 30, the dedication of the temple, the sanctuary. We use it as part of our daily service and we use it to dedicate a home when we place a mezuzah up and turn even our houses into sacred spaces. I had the honor of doing that with several families this year. The Garlands most recently and Robin Coyne. BTW, who moves during a pandemic? 

Toward the end of the psalm it says, “You have turned my mourning into dancing, my sackcloth into robes of joy. Tears may linger for the night but joy comes with the dawn.”  

There is a time for everything, a time to mourn and a time to rejoice. It can be hard to make that pivot. And while Kubler Ross had the right idea, that there are stages of grief, grief is not linear. Perhaps Rabbi David Paskin had it better. He wrote a song called HaMakom. He wondered why our greeting after someone dies is Hamakom yinachem etchem….May The place, HaMakom comfort you amongst all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem and all the world, why not the Holy One, the Comforter?  He argues that when lose a loved one all we have is a space, a big old empty space. We need to learn with that space, that emptiness, to go into it and go out of it.  

HaMakom live from NewCAJE 

“May the One who fills our space, give us hope and give us strength.”  

Each of us has our own story of grief. Those stories get woven into here we are. Sharing those stories can make us feel vulnerable. However, that is how we become wholehearted. According to Brene Brown, “When we own our stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in stories someone else is telling…when we decide to own our stories and our truth, we bring our light to the darkness.” So Jordana and Matt, Jeannete and Chris, and Gareth, you have chosen courage over comfort, and vulnerability over safety. You have told your stories powerfully. Your CKI community thanks you.  

Today’s Torah portion, like yesterday’s tells the story of unspeakable grief. Hagar’s, Sarah’s and Hannah’s. We talked yesterday of Hagar’s desperation when she put her child Ishmael under a bush, sure that he would die. In today’s portion, Sarah is not even consulted when the child she had waited for, hoped for, prayed for was taken by Abraham up the mountain to be sacrificed to G-d. And even though Isaac didn’t die, her grief was so intense, the very next chapter, called Chayeii Sarah, the Life of Sarah,  begins, “There are the years of the life of Sarah. Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years, and Sarah died.” That’s it. 

We learn a lot about Jewish mourning customs from the next part of the chapter. Abraham comes, they weren’t even in the same town when she died, he acquires a burial plot and pays for it, he did not accept it as a gift, and he eulogizes Sarah with according to the midrash, Eishet Chayil, a Woman of Valor.  

This has been a year for many of unspeakable grief and for many the longstanding comforting mourning customs were not options. Empty cemeteries. Live streamed funerals.  Zoom shivas. Rescheduled memorial  services.. And yet, every time, the community, this community, our community, rose to the challenges of supporting you as best we could. It wasn’t easy.  

Another story that is woven into who we are is 9/11. Everybody knows where they were when the towers fell. Almost. None of our Torah School students were alive yet. What stories do we tell them? We observe the 20 anniversary this week. Here at CKI we will mark it Friday night when we honor our first responders. Please join us for that special evening.  

After 9/11, most rabbis in the country rewrote their carefully crafted sermons. Mine focused on this very topic. After Hagar cries out, G-d hears the cry of the lad, and opens Hagar’s eyes. She sees the water that was there all along. She found another way.  

That’s resilience. 

There has been much written about resilience. Some say that we can’t teach it. Others say that resilience comes from being loved, being secure, being in community. 

The American Psychology Society says, that “Being resilient doesn’t mean that a person won’t experience difficulty or distress. People who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives commonly experience emotional pain and stress. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress.” https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience  

Surviving a global pandemic leads to resilience. We are already telling the stories.  

But it is not enough to be survive. Our machzor actually says “Merely to survive is not a measure of excellence or even a measure of cunning.”  We need to thrive. Maya Angelou’s spin on that was, “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style” 

So how do we build resilience. Like much in Judaism there isn’t just one answer.  It used to be thought that it can’t be taught. But good news, the newer research says it can.  

It’s like building a muscle. Maybe that’s why I like running so much. It takes time and intentionality, a kavanah if you will.  It means we need to focus on four core components. No not your quads and your abs.  It is about connection, wellness, healthy thinking and meaning, at least according to the APA.  

Step One: Kids find resiliency when they have at least one deep relationship with a parent, a teacher, a mentor or a coach. That goes for adults too. Knowing that you are not alone and that someone believes in you. That you are loved. Connecting with empathetic and understanding people reminds you that you are not alone. That’s why Zoom has been so important. One of the issues through this pandemic is that the people who need help the most may isolate themselves and lose the support of the people around them. Joining a group—in person or online can be great. Torah Study, mahjohng, book group. Something that isn’t even CKI related. A cooking class, a foreign language, something at our library. Whatever you are interested in. I love my running community. (Detect a theme here?) 

Step Two: Take care of your body. Risa is fond of saying that each of us should do 5 things every day. It’s a check list. Eat, drink (water, in case you were wondering although she might say a little bourbon at the right time), exercise, take your medication and sleep. Self care is important. Put your oxygen mask on first. Having a buddy to check up on you helps. That’s why we are often told to check on our neighbors when it is very hot or very cold.  

Step Three: Practice mindfulness. You being here today, praying, reflecting, deep breathing, meditating is part of that. We’ll have the opportunity to try here shortly. It is why Weight Watchers has four parts to their program. Food, Activity, Sleep and Mindset. It helps us to avoid negative thinking and to find purpose.  

Step Four: Set some goals. Make sure they are realistic. You are not going to learn violin or to speak Spanish (or Hebrew!) overnight. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. When people find meaning from their tragedies and traumas,  people have reported better relationships and a greater sense of strength, even while feeling vulnerable. Victor Frankl spent his life’s work after surviving Auschwitz helping people find meaning and purpose. This summer the book group read The Choice, Embrace the Possible by Eva Edith Eger, another Holocaust survivor who studied with Frankl. Great book. 

And one last step: 

Maintain a hopeful outlook. It is hard to be positive when life isn’t going your way. It is hard to accept that change is part of life. But when the Israelites saw that the Temple was destroyed, they reinvented Judaism. Atonement was not to be achieved in centralized worship in Jerusalem but through prayer and study, and deeds of lovingkindness.  

We are at one of those moments in history, when the sands of time seem to be shifting. The very earth under our feet is moving. We can still find hope. We can still find a way to go into our grief, that very place that hurts so much, and back out. Together. We are not alone.  

Rabbi Paul Kipnes, who coincidentally grew up in Chelmsford. His family was one of the founders of Congregation Shalom where I did my rabbinic internship. He wrote Jewish Spiritual Parenting together with his wife which our Torah School parents have read. He has been instrumental in my own thinking this High Holy Day preparation. Together with Rabbi Julia Atlas Weiz and their Facebook friends they wrote a guided meditation I want us to try today. We’ll use another piece of his before Hineini.  

Guided Meditation: I Know I’m Not Alone 

By Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Rabbi Julia Atlas Weisz  

and our Facebook Friends 

Let’s take a moment 

And turn inward.  

And enjoy a few moments 

Of guided meditation.  

Sit up as straight as your body allows.  

Close your book,  

And close your eyes.  

Relax your hands,  

placing them on your lap 

Or put your fingertips together  

and feel the balance of pressure. 

And now 

Just Breathe. 

Take big breath in 

Hold it 

Let it out.  

Again 

Breathe in 

Hold it. 

Let it out.  

Keep breathing.  

Keep listening.  

Rabbi Rachel Barenblat writes:  

Here’s the thing:  

the year begins anew 

even in the worst of times.  

The leaves will turn and fall  

and then they’ll grow again. 

And sometimes we’re afraid,  

and we can’t know what choice to make  

to keep anyone safe. 

[Sometimes] Uncertainty’s a bear.  

All we can do 

is seek out sweetness everywhere we may 

and work to fix what brokenness we find. 

The good news is we’re not in this alone. 

We’ll help each other hope  

when light seems dim and  

we’ll lift the sparks that darker days reveal. 

We’ll love each other fiercely:  

in the end 

there is no greater work that we can do. 

We who survive will help each other [through]. 

That’s what Kehillah Kedosha,  

A holy community like ours,  

Does.  

We remind each other, that:  

In the quiet of your mind,  

Not aloud,  

Repeat after me: 

I know 

[Pause] 

I’m not 

[Pause] 

Alone 

[Pause] 

Again, silently, in your mind, repeat:  

I know I’m not alone.  

[Pause] 

When I’m frustrated that our celebrations must be different, smaller, rescheduled or postponed, 

[say it in your mind with me] …I know I’m not alone.  

When I worry about my children going back to school 

[Say it:] I know I’m not alone.  

When I fear for my parents or for myself who now need a booster  

I know I’m not alone.  

When I feel overwhelmed by even simple decisions, like what to make for dinner or how dressed up to get 

I know I’m not alone.  

When I am exhausted by so many changes and transitions, both good or bad 

I know I’m not alone.  

When the weight of the world is getting me down 

I know I’m not alone.  

When I’m so exhausted because there’s so much to do 

I know I’m not alone. 

When I connect regularly to faraway family and friends on facetime or zoom, even though I’m not seeing them face to face 

I know I’m not alone.  

When I cannot figure out if this cold requires a covid test 

I know I’m not alone.  

When struggling to make time to take care of myself, whatever that means  

I know I’m not alone.  

You are not alone.  

We are all in this together.  

Remember:  

Not being alone  

Doesn’t mean it isn’t frustrating and overwhelming 

Or worrisome and scary.  

It just means we are not alone.  

So feel that connection,  

Take strength from the community 

And remember the lessons of the shofar. 

The sounds of the shofar  

Parallel our experience. 

What once was whole – tekiah 

Became broken – shevarim 

And sometimes shatters – teruah 

But ultimately, it returns to wholeness – tekiah.  

We are about to again sound the shofar 

Hear the call of the Holy One 

Sending you strength, and hope, and resilience.  

Calling to us  

to tell us 

That… 

No, I am not alone. 

We are not alone.  

We can get through this 

Together. 

Paul Sitz was not the only one we lost this year. We also lost Dan Knopoff. For every medical procedure, he sang the Craig Taubman B’yado.  We sang it right here, the first Friday night we were back in the building in his honor. 

Byado  

 Whatever we face this coming year, I will not fear. You are with me. We are not alone. We are together. Wholehearted.  

We just heard from Jeanette and Chris about how meaningful it has been to have a child to become parents during this past year. I once heard a parent describe being a parent as his most important project. And we welcome Elliott to the bimah for his first time. Now that is a Shehechianu moment.  

(Little Elliott slept through most of his starring role and father Chris helped him act out most of his parts. It was beyond adorable. And another little baby cooed on key with the choir. And then wailed just like one should during Avinu Malkeinu, which is a wail. Sign him up now! ) 

In Judaism, we have a prayer that we say in the mornings…Elohai Neshama. We do it here every Shabbat morning. We just did it early today. It is actually in every morning service.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaEJKe25BPo   

It begs us to recognize our breath. Take a deep breath.  Know that your breath is life itself. That it is your very soul. And that G-d created it. Formed it. Breathed it into you. And that it is pure. You are a child of G-d. You are beloved of G-d. 

Perhaps you prefer the other version…perhaps you can hear it’s very heart beat. The drum beat. Listen carefully. This one is by Shefa Gold:
Elohai Neshama (Shefa Gold)  

 At what point does that change? The idea that we were created b;tzelem elohim, in the likeness of G-d. That we are pure?  

Rachel Naomi Remen tells a story in Yom Kippur Readings.  I’ve used this story before; but it bears repeating. (This story was hard to tell, as a woman rabbi with a baby boy of the bimah, but work with it. And Elliott was adorable!)

Once a prominent rabbi was giving a Yom Kippur talk about forgiveness. He began by taking his infant daughter from his wife’s arms and bringing her onto the bimah. He then began his rather traditional and somewhat boring sermon. The baby girl smiled and everyone’s heart melted. She patted him on the check with her tiny hands. He smiled fondly at her and continued with his customary dignity. She reached for his tie and put in her mouth. She grabbed his nose and the whole congregation chuckled. He said, “Think about it. Is there anything she can do that you would not forgive her?  She grabbed his glasses. Everyone laughed. He waited for silence and then said, “When does that stop. When does it get hard to forgive? At three? At seven? At sixteen? At forty five? How old does someone have to be before you forget that everyone is a child of God?”  

I would add again, created b’tzelem elohim, in the image of God, with the divine spark inside.  

This is the morning we say the world was created. Hayom Harat Olam. The Birthday Day of the World.Go ahead, sing it with me. Yom Huledet Samayach!  

Sometimes, however, creation is hard.  In the midrash we learn that G-d created 974 worlds before this one, struggling to get it just right. (Midrash Tehillim 90:13)  

There is a great desire to create. To give birth. To leave a legacy. That legacy could be children and grandchildren or it could be poem or other writing or a business. Some people become teachers and their students are their legacy. (That applies to corporate training and mentoring too!) Nobody on their deathbed ever asks to be able to work longer. Most want to spend more time with family. A legacy is what you leave behind. What values do you want to leave? 

Sometimes, as we see in both today’s Torah and Haftarah  portion, couples struggle with infertility. Every month seems to be an indictment of our own personal worth. Some of you have struggled with those feelings. Some of you have lost children or have kids who have become estranged. Some of you chose not to have children. Some of you adopted children.  And some of you have created other legacies. Buildings, businesses, teaching, coaching, foundations, research, artwork, a novel, a poem. 

Our stories in the Torah are sacred. Our individual stories are sacred too. Each of your stories, the good ones and the bad ones, are woven together into the fabric of CKI. We are actually a collection of individual stories and those stories are important. We’ll talk more about that tomorrow. Hagar, Sarah and Hannah in today’s portions, their struggles are important stories. They were imperfect people dealing with an imperfect world. 

We hear the story of Abraham listening to Sarah’s voice and sending Hagar and Ishmael out into the desert, with just a jug of water and some bread. Hagar, running out of water, puts Ishmael under a bush and prays, “Don’t let me look on while my child dies.” No name. Just my child. Imagine being the mother of a sick child dealing with the inevitable. Not praying “Heal my child (by name)” but “I can’t bear to watch.” That’s desperation.  

But what if we turn that desperation into resilience? We’ll talk more about resilience tomorrow. What if we remember that everyone, according to Brene Brown in her book, Rising Strong, is trying their best.  

Brene Brown continues that “This doesn’t mean we stop helping people set goals or that we stop expecting people to grow and change. It means that we stop respecting and evaluating people based on what we think they should accomplish and start respecting them for who they are and hold them accountable for what they are actually doing.. It means that we stop loving people for who they could be and start loving them for who they are.” 

“Loving them for who they are.” Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, Ishmael. Each of you. Created b’tzelem elohim, in the image of G-d. This little baby before us and each of you individually—however messy your life may seem.  

But this isn’t always easy. Because Brown added that the people who struggle with perfectionism have a hard time thinking that anyone is doing their best. “I know I ‘m not doing my best, so why should I assume others are?” That was a lifechanging thought.  

Everybody is doing the best they can.  

Was Abraham trying his best? Was Sarah trying her best? She desperately wanted a child to give to Abraham, to secure their legacy. Was Hagar trying her best when she ran away? Was G-d trying G-d’s best  when G-d told Hagar to return to Sarah and submit to her harsh treatment? What does that do to our text to think that although they were imperfect, they were still trying their best? At a Chicago Board of Rabbis meeting this summer, sitting on a deck outside so we could be socially distant but the first in-person meeting in who can remember, we wrestled with just those kinds of questions. It got heated and split down gender lines when we talked about G-d’s role here.  

Tomorrow we will read the story of Abraham taking Isaac up the mountain. They return. Forever changed. Abraham winds up estranged from both Isaac and Ishmael. Abraham died alone. He was never able to reconcile with either child, apparently. Isaac and Ishmael only come back together to bury their father. Part of our work during this High Holy Day season is to find another way., to look for reconciliation and peace. To not give up when things seem desperate. 

We have been given the opportunity to give birth. To leave a legacy. To build and rebuild. We need to figure out what that world would look like after the pandemic, just like Gale told us in her “one wild and precious life “speech. 

I asked a question recently, what do you need to hear? Not much has changed. Surprisingly to me, it is nearly identical to the list from 2018:   

But let me tell you what you need to hear. What you crave to hear: 

• That you are loved 
• That you are forgiven 
• That there is hope 
• That the world is going to be OK—for us, for our children, for our grandchildren 
• That someone is proud of you 
• That what you did made a difference 
• That we can reconnect with G-d, with each other, with ourselves 
• That we can find balance 
• That you are OK…right now. Just the way you are. 

Let me say it clearly then: 

• You are loved,  
• You are forgiven 
• There is hope 
• The world is going to be OK—for us, for our children, for our grandchildren because we are partners with G-d in creation. 
• I am proud of you, of all of us 
• You did made a difference, that’s your legacy
• You can reconnect with G-d, with each other, with ourselves 
• You can find balance 
• You are OK…right now. Just the way you are.  
• You are doing your best. 

Honi the circle drawer saw a man planting a carob tree. He wondered why since it would take 70 years to bear fruit. The response was that just as my ancestors planted to me, so do I plant for my children and grandchildren. That’s a legacy. That’s resilience. That’ hope. That’s the message of the messy lives of Sarah and Hagar. 

Yet there is hope. That hope lies in the Pacanowski’s baby. And the Goldmans, and the Rassmussens’,  the  Sitzers and the Gothmanns’.. Five new babies this year with more on the way.  May we leave a legacy and build to tomorrow as we celebrate a time to be born.  

 Jim Croce -Time In A Bottle (Lyrics) 

In the 1979s when I sang in the Temple Emanuel choir we sang this song as part of National Jewish Music month. It still gets me everytime…and it is perfect for tonight. (Although standing here in this place, on this bimah it was all I could do not to become weepy!)

We just heard Jordana and Matt reflect on our theme for the year. And Mazel Tov in advance! To everything there is a season and a time for everything under heaven. This is our study theme for the year. It has lots to do with lifecycle, and hope and resilience and in the course of the next 10 Days, the Yamim Noraim, the Days of Atonement and Wonder and Awe we will explore them together. 

Perhaps you are sitting there thinking, whether on Zoom or in the room, what does this have to do with me? Perhaps you are wondering about this G-d sitting on a throne evaluating your deeds and inscribing you in the Book of Life, hopefully for a blessing. Perhaps you are thinking that you can do enough tefilah, teshuvah and tzedakah, prayer, repentance and charity to avert the decree. That’s OK.  

Perhaps you use this time that you have set aside to think about your family, your community, your connection to your tradition. That’s OK too. 

Perhaps you are like the story, Goldstein comes to synagogue to talk to G-d. Goldberg comes to synagogue to talk to Goldstein. That’s OK too. 

For many, this has been a hard year. This is not where any of us would have hoped for one year ago when services were all on Zoom. One year ago I stood in this sanctuary, by myself. It was just me and Ali Mikyska in the building. Today, we are thankful that Ali is still here. We are grateful that all of you are still here, whether in the room or on Zoom.  

Together, over time, we are going to figure this all out. Together.  

Time is sacred in Judaism. We sanctify time. We separate time. We make time holy. We mark big moments and little moments. When we make kiddush, for Shabbat or like later this evening for a festival we take the ordinary and make it extraordinary.  

When we gather for special occasions, we recite Shehecheyanu, giving thanks to G-d for giving us life, for sustaining us and enabling us to reach this very moment. We say it in the plural. Because we are still here as a community. Perhaps a bit battered and bruised. But here. After almost 130 years.  

But the shehechianu should have an asterik, as Leah Berkowitz teaches. While the statements still ring true, we aren’t through this yet and we haven’t quite made it. We are together again to welcome the New Year, with some joy and some trepidation. Some with courage and some with fear about our personal health and safety.  

Candi Stanton wrote another song that was new to me, that captures our mixed emotions:

“Praise God till your blessings come down
Praise God till your situation turns around
You gotta to lift up your voice and say:
Hallelujah anyway.” 

Hallelujah, anyway. That’s what we sing in Psalm 150. 
Hallelujah.
Praise God in God’s sanctuary; In this beautiful world G-d created.
praise Him in the dome of the sky, G-d’s own stronghold 
Praise G-d for mighty acts; G-d’s exceeding greatness.
Praise G-d with blasts of the shofar; that we will hear tomorrow
with harp and lyre. with timbrel and dance; with lute and pipe. with resounding cymbals and with loud-clashing cymbals. 
Kol Haneshameah t’hallleyah
Let all that breathes praise the LORD.
Hallelujah. 

No matter who you are, no matter what our circumstances or our beliefs, with every breath of our being, we praise G-d.  

This is a jar. In this jar I am going to put some rocks that I found in Michigan. Is it full?
What about now as I add a few pebbles?
What about now as I add some sand?
What about now as I add some water?
Now it is really full.  

The jar is your life. The rocks are the truly important things, like family, health, relationships. If all else was lost and only the rocks remained, as the professor who first did this experiment explained, your life would still be meaningful. The pebbles are the other things that matter to you—like your job or school. The sand is the small stuff and material possession. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks or the pebbles.  

 The same can be applied to your lives. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are truly important. Pay attention to the things in life that are critical to your happiness and well-being. Take time to get medical checkups, play with your children, go for a run, write your grandmother a letter. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, or fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first – things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just pebbles and sand and water. 

Tonight, is the end of Labor Day weekend, for some the last gasp of summer, maybe time for one last trip to the beach, or a last BBQ. You have made it a priority to be here, in the room. Thank you for spending time with us. This summer we have been looking at Mary Oliver’s poem, Summer Day. For me, it addresses the priorities that the experiment just forced us to think about.  

Mary Oliver’s poem The Summer Day  

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, 
how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, 
how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life? 

This is a year where I am forced to confront that question. What do I want to do with my one wild and precious life/ I still want to travel–and see the Alps as the question in the Seven @uesionts You’re asked in Heaven. I want to learn to dance. Finally. I want to finish hiking those mountains. I want to paint more and quilt more. I want to love more fully. I want to spend more time with Simon. If I could save time in a bottle…but those are your priorities. This period of reflection causes us to ask, “What will you do with your one wild and precious life.”

Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav who himself struggled with depression believed two things that have come down to us. The first, “All the world is a narrow bridge. The central thing is to not be afraid.” The second is that we should each, individually, just like Mary Oliver and Henry David Thoreau, spend an hour outside in nature pouring our heart out to the Divine. 

As we continue mark this time as a time to rebuild our lives and our priorities, Mary Oliver’s questions are haunting on this Rosh Hashanah, the day we consider the Birthday of the World. Who made the world? And what will you do with your one wild and precious life? That’s what this moment demands of us.  

So while we aren’t ready to say “we made it,” and we aren’t quite ready for bircat ha-gomel. we will recite Shecheyanu again. Now. Because in spite of all that we hoped for that hasn’t quite arrived, we are so grateful for all that we still have, for how far we’ve come, and for the opportunity to greet another year together. So we’re gonna lift our voice and say: Hallelujah Anyway. Shehecheyanu Anyway.

Then it will be a sweet new year.  

With apologies to Tevye and Fiddler on the Roof. 

To life, to life l;chaim. L’chaim, li’chaim to life.
Life has a way of confusing us,
Blessing and bruising us.
Drink, l’chaim, to life! 

What a perfect set of lyrics about a time gone by for the world we find ourselves in today. We are still blessed and maybe a little bruised. Our portion today is about blessings and curses. 

This morning’s sermon is a tough one on a difficult topic. If you need to take a break and take care of yourself, that’s fine. Get up, stretch, walk out of the room if you need to. Call me later if that will help. 

This portion has one of the best verses in all of the Torah. You stand here, all of you, before the Lord your G-d. That we addressed last night. The Hebrew is Atem nitzvaim. You stand before G-d, with G-d, for G-d. You stand at attention. You stand for something. Last night we brainstromed a list of what we stand for. 

We stand for peace, love, happiness, courage, the arts. We stand for diversity and inclusion. We stand for community.  

As Deborah said, as Americans, we stand for freedom. Simon then read a reading from  Gates of Freedom that we use every year in our own haggadah that Simon compiled. We see as blessings:

Freedom from bondage and freedom from oppression,
freedom from hunger and freedom from want,
freedom from hatred and freedom from fear,
freedom to think and freedom to speak
freedom to teach and freedom to learn,
freedom to love and freedom to share,
freedom to hope and freedom to rejoice,
soon, in our days,
amen 

That’s a good list of freedoms and blessings. Ones we have worked to protect. As Americans and as Jews we stand up for the Bill of Rights, the First Amendment, that enshrines our most basic rights. You learned this in high school, right? “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances” 

But what happens if your understanding of freedom differs from mine? What if your courts start to infringe my freedom of religion? Then I have an obligation to stand up, speak up, and be counted.  

When we were driving through Michigan, or maybe Indiana, there were a series of billboards. One said, “Choose Life”. This week’s Torah portion contains the very verse from that billboard. Let’s look at in context. The Israelites are standing, ready to enter the land of Israel. In the sweeping, majestic language that is so characteristic of Deuteronomy, G-d  or maybe it’s Moses, reminds the Israelites, and all of us since the midrash teaches that we were all standing there…even those not yet born, that if we return, a key word for Rosh Hashanah, that G-d will take us back in love. Reassuring words that we read every year on the Shabbat before Rosh Hashanah, as we re-enact these very words. Then G-d continues, “I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life—if you and your offspring would live.” 

Powerful. Choose life that you may live. Some say it is the best verse in the Torah. Choose life.  As Rabbi Joshua Lesser said “Choose Enlivenment.” Choose to be fully present.  

This week, however, we need to have a difficult discussion—and perhaps some of you will not agree. That’s OK—we are Jews. The recent law affirmed in Texas is against my Jewish religion. Full stop. Rabbi Danny Horowitz, a Conservative Rabbi in Houston, said it very clearly in an op ed piece that  

“Texas’ abortion ban is against my religion. As a rabbi, I will defy it if necessary.” He will stand up. Religion News Service picked up.  

https://religionnews.com/2021/09/02/texass-abortion-ban-is-against-my-religion-as-a-rabbi-i-will-defy-it-if-necessary/?fbclid=IwAR3B4FsitUnhtCm7GFj_IfZ3ghboDx9H2TymU8nim2VWDTmCqJvv3t_beh8 

I know Danny. He is a graduate of the Academy for Jewish Religion, before I was there. But he is a mensch, and because he is in Houston, he reached out to me when Simon was first diagnosed with bladder cancer and made himself and his home and his community available if we needed to go to Andersen Medical Center a pre-eminent medical facility. It was about choosing life. We declined, and we are happy to report that Simon got a great report in Ann Arbor this week, but the gesture on Danny’s part was more than a gesture. It was the embodiment of life choosing. When Houston was ravaged by Hurricane Harvey in 2017, Danny’s synagogue sustained damage and Danny lost his library. YOu may not know this, but we at CKI and I from my personal library sent books. It was about choosing life. Books are enlivement too. 

So what does Rabbi Danny say now.  

“Judaism teaches that potential life is sacred. Nevertheless, our religion also teaches that potential life is not the same as actual life, that a fetus is not a human being. This is directly derived from Scripture. Therefore, even during labor, the pregnant woman’s life has precedence over the life of the fetus. And if we have reason to believe a pregnancy will be a serious threat to the woman’s well-being, whether that be mentally, physically or otherwise, then she will be counseled to abort the fetus, and to do so in a way that maximally protects her own health.” 

I could stand here today and source this. But it is important to understand that there is a fundamental difference between how Jews see the beginning of life and how especially Catholics do. Catholics view life as beginning at conception. Jews view it as being halfway out the birth canal. Until then it is a potential life.  

Rabbi Danny then describes the time that he counseled a woman to get an abortion. He reminds us that “Each case is unique, but the principles remain the same. We would never celebrate the termination of potential life, but neither would we regard it as automatically forbidden.” As his doctoral adviser, Rabbi Byron Sherwin, put it, “Judaism is neither pro-life or pro-choice. It depends on the life and it depends on the choice.” 

Thus, when this woman came to him for direction, he told her not that she could have an abortion, but that she must have an abortion, that the God of his understanding would want her to do it. 

And he told everyone, “My action would likely be considered a violation of SB 8, the new Texas law making it illegal to assist someone in pursuing an abortion. Thus, this law is a restriction on the practice of my religion. And it would likewise impose a religious standard upon anyone from any religion who believes abortion is not always the evil our state officials believe it to be.” 

I have faced similar situations. I have sat with women who have had to make painful decisions. When I did my CPE, Clinical Pastoral Education, I worked with a young woman, a Protestant, in a Catholic hospital, who had had a botched abortion. She was an incest survivor at the hands of her step-father. She was bleeding out. It was an ectopic pregnancy and it would not have made it to full term. She wanted to know from me if she was going to Hell. That was a difficult conversation for this rabbi to be and I often wonder what happened to her. Her step-father had checked her out of the hospital the next day, against medical advice. That abortion that the Catholic Hospital performed was medically necessary to save the life of the mother. It would not have been allowed under this new law. I have sat with women who have been raped and impregnated. Some chose to have abortions. Others did not. Those abortions were necessary to save the life of the mother and would not be allowed under the new law. In each of these cases, I have helped people choose life. 

None of these choices are easy. No one wants to have to choose abortion. Sometimes women who have had abortions feel guilty or shame. If you are a woman that made that difficult decision, I hear you, I see you, I stand with you. At this season where we just read that G-d will take us back in love, I add:  G-d sees you; G-d hears you; G-d loves you.  

This is not a new topic for me, sadly. One of the first sermons I did here at CKI covered very similar topic. https://www.theenergizerrabbi.org/2012/08/27/pursuing-justice-and-speaking-up-shabbat-shoftim/  

I am proud to be part of the National Council of Jewish Women’s Rabbis for Reproduction, a group 1000 rabbis strong. So like Danny, I stand with those 1000 other members of the clergy. I will use my voice and stand up and be counted to protect every woman’s right to choose life. Her life. 

God would like us to be joyful,
Even when our hearts lie panting on the floor.
But how much more can we be joyful
When there’s really something to be joyful for?
To life, to life, l’chaim. 

That is the message, this week, of Choose Life.  L’chaim! 

What if the internet goes in and out. Not a complete failure but disruptive. You write up what you were planning on saying. Here is some of last night’s discussion….

With thanks to Temple Beth Sholom in New York and Congregation Kneseth Israel in Elgin, IL, we participated in a late night services to really “open the gates” of the Days of Awe. This ancient service used to take place just before dawn when Jews believed G-d is closest to us. Others would begin the service at midnight. We started at 8:30 East Coast time or 7:30 Central time.  

With the help of The Bayit and the excellent music of Cantor Jerry Korobow and the words of Rabbi Sharon Ballan we began with Havdalah and continued through the high lights of the prayers for the High Holy Days. It is all designed to get us in the mood, to beg G-d for forgiveness and to make us think, to reflect about our lives. For this we use the ancient words that G-d taught Moses, reminding G-d of G-d’s very nature that includes that G-d is merciful and compassionate, slow to anger, full of lovingkindness and truth, and forgiving of iniquity, transgression and sin. 

We used a setting for these 13 Attributes of the Divine from Beged Kefet.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRKs2k3e634   

This setting is part of how I became a rabbi. Growing up in Grand Rapids I was always reminded by others that the Jewish G-d is the G-d of vengeance and the Chrisitan G-d, you know, Father, Son and Holy Ghost is the G-d of Love. What I didn’t understand fully is that G-d is G-d. G-d is One. G-d is loving. Period. And G-d will forgive our sins. Period.  

Yet, we are also taught “For sins between a person and God, Yom Kippur atones, but for sins between a one and another, Yom Kippur does not atone, until he or she makes peace with his fellow.” 

My congregation has a four part vision statement that includes meaningful observance. It is a challenge, because what is meaningful to me might not be to you and visa versa. The real challenge is in making a life of meaning.  

Our discussion last night centered around Ron Wolfson’s book, The Seven Questions You’re Asked in Heaven, Reviewing and Renewing Your Life on Earth. 

Wolfson identifies seven questions that you might be asked in heaven. It fits squarely with the metaphor for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur that G-d is evaluating our lives and writing our names in the Book of Life.  

Here is the list: 

1. Did you tell the truth (in business and elsewhere)? 

2. Did you leave a legacy?
3. Did you set aside time to study?
4. Did you have hope in your heart?
5. Did you get your priorities straight?
6. Did you enjoy this world?
7. Were you the best you could be?

And for each question there are other questions that could be asked or explained. Let’s dive in.: 
1, Did you tell the truth? We talked about telling the truth can be difficult. Can mean in business that you are not a team player but in the end it is better. We talked about “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?” and whether being able to maintain a filter can help. We talked about Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong, and her idea that if we assume that everyone is doing the best they can, we can eliminate much grief.  As Wolfson said, “It’s not easy to live with lies.” And in fact, all the way back in our reading for Yom Kippur, the holiness code, we are commanded to have honest weights and measures. As our former CKI president would say, “It is all about balance.” Balance and honest in our work lives and in our personal lives. Honesty is about accountability. Do you count on others? Do others count on you? That’s how we become a blessing. Debbie Friedman’s beautiful misheberach, the prayer for healing of mind, body or spirit, says, “Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing.” Every one of us counts, just like in the beginning of the book of Numbers, which starts with a census. Honesty, truth, faithfulness are related words in Hebrew with the root, Emet, which is another name for G-d. It represents the first, the middle and the end. They are the key values of a life well lived. Be honest with others. Be truthful with yourself. Be faithful with your G-d. How are you honest.  

2. Did you leave a legacy? Many times we see our legacy, our place in time as our children and grandchildren. However, a legacy could be your children and grandchildren or it could be a poem or other writing or a business. Some people become teachers and their students are their legacy. (That applies to corporate training and mentoring too!) Nobody of their deathbed ever asks to be able to work longer. Most want to spend more time with family. (That gets to priorities, see below.) It is what you leave behind. What values do you want to leave? Here I usually tell the story of Honi. He saw a man planting a carob tree. “Why are you planting something you won’t be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor.” The answer was “Just as my ancestors planted for me, so too shall I plant for my children and grandchildren, my descendants.” It is part of how we live out the message of Girl Scouts, to leave the world a better place. How are you leaving a legacy? How are you teaching others? How are you making the world a better place? 

3. Did you set aside time to study? It teaches in Pirke Avot that we should, in fact, set aside time to study and many of the people on this call are active participants in adult study, whether that is a book group, adult Hebrew, Torah Study, even going to services. But study doesn’t have to just be Jewish. One person talked about teaching juggling to kids who were having a hard time succeeding in school. What great mentoring. Teaching and Learning in Hebrew have the same three letter root. For me and my husband, we try to study with another rabbinic couple every week. Thursdays at 2 will find Rabbi Steve Peskind, his wife Judy, Simon and me drinking coffee, laughing, catching up on our lives and reading a book together. Yet it is hard in our busy lives to keep to the schedule. Someone is late. One of us has a funeral. Someone has had a hard week. Currently, we are studying a book called “The Talmud of Relationships.” We don’t often agree with everything in the book but it is a great discussion starter. Pirke Avot also teaches that without Torah there is no bread (sustenance, income) and without bread there is no Torah. We also say that we turn it again and again. That’s why we read it in a yearly cycle. If we turn it again and again, we will learn everything. “Through the study of Torah, by applying its lessons to our lives, we learn to make a living and to make a life well lived.” The study of Torah leads to it all. See we are back to creating a meaningful life! Often, I have dreamed of learning Spanish or studying voice. Those goals will have to wait for another year. What do you long to study or teach? How do you make learning a priority? 

 4. Did you have hope in your heart? We talked about how hope helps us with fear. We talked about Rebbe Nachman’s song, “All the world is a narrow bridge. The important thing is not not be afraid.” Louis Armstrong sang, “What a wonderful world.” When G-d created the world, G-d saw it was very good. That’s hope. When Anne Frank was hidden, she wrote, “Despite everything, I believe people are really good at heart.” That’s hope. Roosevelt talked about it in his famous speech Obama wrote about it in the Audacity of Hope. “It wasn’t just the struggles of these men and women that moved me. Rather it was their determination, their self-reliance, a relentless optimism in the face of hardship.” But sometimes hope is hard. As Wolfson says quoting a cancer survivor, “We don’t always feel it. Whan you insist that we be hopeful and positive, we feel we have failed when we aren’t. Don’t cut off the possibility that we will share our burden with you and the opportunity to support us through hard times.” How have you fostered hope and optimism? 

5. Did you get your priorities straight? Did you understand one thing from another?  Say what? We’re back to priorities. What is really important to you? How do you find the things that matter to you most? How do we achieve balance? Sometimes I use a Star of David and put the things that matter to me most in the six points. Sometimes I replay the experiment of the rocks in the jar. (Spoiler alert—you will see that one in person or on Zoom soon). What is the most important to you? Ultimately, this is about asking the big questions. Did you ask questions about your life experience that led you to wisdom. Did that analysis lead you to understanding? As Wolfson put it, “Were you able to combine your analytical abilities with your hard-won wisdom from your experience to make good choices.” If you knew you only had one more day to live, what would you do? I’ve thought about this a lot recently. For me, I would still like to travel—that includes back to Israel and Italy and places I haven’t been, Alaska, Hawaii,  Giverny, Savanah. I would like to learn to dance. I would like to be a better wife and mother. And according to the very first piece of Talmud I ever learned, I should repent one day before I die. The rabbis then ask, how do we know when? Then we should repent every day. How perfect as we approach these Days of Awe. Teshuvah is not just for the Yamim Noraim but every day. These are the questions that will help us answer our big question. Did that you lead a life of meaning? 

6. Did you enjoy this world? This is the one that has really captivated me this year. In a year where it has been hard to celebrate, it is important to find ways to still enjoy life. The actual question was “Did you see My Alps.” G-d created the Alps and they are a thing of beauty and an awesome sight. It is OK to enjoy them. It is more than OK to enjoy them. You are supposed to. But like with meaning, what is enjoyable or pleasurable to you may not be to me and visa versa. The rabbis of the Talmud teach we should say 100 blessings a day. What blessings for pleasurable things can you think of. When we were driving through Michigan this summer there was a billboard, “Do what you love.” It was a sign for a job fair. Wolfson summed up this chapter giving us permission. “Enjoy G-d’s creation. All of it that is permitted to you. Each and every minute. Today…and every day.” How have you enjoyed this world. What would you still like to taste, touch, see, smell, hear?

7. Were you the best you could be? This was the question that Reb Zusia asked. When he was dying, he was crying. His students, his legacy, were surprised. “Why are you crying?, they asked. He answered, that when he died, he was not going to be asked, “Why were you not Moses?” Instead, he would be asked why was he not Zusia. This is like the Army commercial. We are asked to be all that we can be. We don’t need to be Moses or Zusia. We need to be the best we can be. We need to be fully, uniquely, ourselves. Figuring out who we are is our life’s work. 

And in the end, we decided that the questions are very interconnected. And related to the Mary Oliver poem, The Summer Day, which asks the question, “What do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.” We only have one life to live. That life is right now, in the present moment.  

Wolfson sums it up beautifully. “Now you have a choice. You can look at your life so far and answer the questions. Or you can look forward and ask yourself, “How can I get to yes.” How can I be more honest? How can I leave a legacy? How can I find time to study? How can I have hope? How can I prioritze? How can I enjoy? How can I be me?” 

Let’s ask these questions. Now while the gates are open.  

1. What is a commandment and who is doing the commanding? 

2. What are the purposes of the commandments? 

3. What habit would you like to change? 

4. Are any of the commandments more important to you than others? Why or why not? Make a list of those that are.  

1.  
   Identify what behavior you want to change. 

2. Identify the stimulus that creates your behavior 

3. Identify the response. 

4. Identify a substitute. 

5. Try for seven days. 

6. Record in a log and share with us! Did it make a difference? Is the new habit established? 

Still playing catch-up. But here is Re’ah. It is based on a recent experience I had learning of a family that chose organ donation.

“Ani l’dodi v’dodi…I am my Beloved and my beloved is mine.” These words from Song of Songs, are chanted at many weddings. Is also the acronym for the month of Elul that starts tonight. Tonight we celebrate, yes celebrate Rosh Hodesh Elul—just 40 days to Yom Kippur. As the midrash teaches, it was on Rosh Hodesh Elul that Moses began his journey back up Mount Sinai to receive the second set of tablets of the 10 commandments.  

G-d was willing to give Moses, and the people of Israel a second chance.  

Yes, even after the sin of the Golden Calf, G-d will take us back in love. G-d will go with us and give us rest. So very needed in these complicated times.  

But what happened to the first set of tablets?  

According to Torah, the first set was inscribed by God’s finger – whereas the second were chiseled out by Moses and rewritten by God – but it doesn’t tell us what happened to shards. One Talmudic tradition states the broken tablets were placed in the Holy Ark along with the second, which were intact. Another tells us: “Two Arks journeyed with Israel in the wilderness. One in which the Torah was placed, and the other in which the tablets broken by Moses were placed.” 

Estelle Frankel said in her book, Sacred Therapy, that “If the two sets of tablets represent developmental stages we go through in our spiritual and emotional development, the first tablets correspond to our youthful dreams and ideals. . . . The second tablets represent our more mature visions and dreams, which perhaps are not as lofty as our youthful visions and dreams but are more viable. . . . Gathering up the broken pieces suggests that we must salvage the essential elements of our youthful dreams and ideals and carry them forward on our journeys so that we can find a way to realize them in a more grounded fashion. For ultimately the whole and the broken live side by side in us all, as our broken dreams and shattered visions exist alongside our actual lives.” 

They are like the pieces of the glass that are shattered at a wedding, that many couples keep for placing in a mezuzah to reminds them of their dreams on their wedding day.  

Today’s Torah portion, we are told “See I set before you blessing and curse.” It implies then that we then have a choice, to choose blessing. That part seems easy. Who wouldn’t want to choose something good?  

Melissa, you have chosen Jason and Jason you have chosen Melissa as your beloved. Ani l’dodi v’dodi li. As a blessing.  We, as your congregation, are excited for you. You have dreams and goals of happiness. Visions of the way life will be in your new married status. 

There are books with titles like Finding Joy and Choosing Happiness—and there is some evidence in modern psychology that you can in fact choose happiness or at least put it as a slogan on a coffee cup or a t-shirt.  

The reality is that each of us will go through experiences that will seem like curses. Can we find the blessing in the curse? That can be really, really hard to do.  

That’s because there are a couple of challenges here. The first is to not blame G-d. While our parsha tells us explicitly that blessings and curses come from G-d, I am less sure of that. The name of Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book is When Bad Things Happen to Good People, and not why? The question is what do we do when bad things happen. 

We have a choice. We can choose how we respond to tragedy. One thing I tell people preparing for a marriage is to prepare wills and health care proxies and power of attorneys. I pray that you then don’t need them for a long, long time. As part of your advance directives, I strongly encourage people to become organ donors.  

Sometimes people are surprised. They had heard that Judaism rejects organ donation. But it is not true. Even in the Orthodox world, organ donation is now encouraged. Of course, we Jews argue about everything—even this. But here are my positions as your spiritual leader. 

It says in the Talmud that if you save one life it is as though you have saved the whole world. I actually quoted this earlier this week as it related to the vaccine clinic. Some were disappointed that so few people that night chose to be vaccinated. Let’s look at that another way. While I don’t have the final number of people vaccinated that night, you can think about it that at least 5 people’s lives may have been saved.  

For much of this past year, we have talked about the principle of pekuach nefesh, saving a life. That principle relates to organ donation too. 

While some have argued no to organ donation, because Judaism prohibits the unnecessary mutilation of the dead. However, if the mutilation is done with the purpose of saving life, the principle of Pikuach Nefesh allows it. 

Judaism encourages the quick burial of the dead and prohibits the postponement of burial, and harvesting organ may postpone burial, if it is done with the purpose of saving life, the principle of Pikuach Nefesh allows it. This applies as well for donating a body “for medical science” 

We are also prohibited from benefiting from the dead.  Although the recipient of the dead person’s organs benefits, since this was done with the purpose of saving life, the principle of Pikuach Nefesh allows it. 

Israel, in particular, in 2008 passed laws allowing organ donation passed with the full support of its Chief Rabbinate. The Halachic Organ Donor Society and other organizations like that, including Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz my friend and colleague who happens to be an Orthodox rabbi,  who has donated his own kidney and arranges for others to do likewise, encourages and supports organ donation. 

In my role as police chaplain, I recently learned about a family that chose, our key word, to donate the victim’s organs, after tragedy. Six people received the gift of life. I am grateful that that family in the midst of unspeakable tragedy had the courage to choose blessing. May we all be able to do likewise. See, I set before you blessing and a curse. Choose blessing. Be a blessing.  

Every now and then, you write a sermon and it doesn’t “preach well” Here is what I was trying to say. You need two eyewitnesses. Eye witness testimony is unreliable. Just look at the research on the black blue dress. So in pursuing justice, and setting up fair courts, the death penalty, while permitted by Biblical law is not used in rabbinic law. Here is the full, edited sermon:

“Seeing is believing.” We’ve all heard that. But my answer is “Well, maybe.” 

Seeing places an important role in Judaism. We are told in the same chapter that we are commanded to “Love our neighbors as ourselves,” to not out a stumbling block before the blind. We are told that we cannot see G-d face to face and live and that Moses was the only one who did—and that Moses saw G-d’s backside. What does that mean? Sometimes when I am teaching kids I say that it is like the wind. You cannot see the wind and yet you know it Is there. You feel the breeze on your face. See the leaves rustling. Sometimes, like this week, you see the destructive nature of wind, and you know it was there. You witness it. 

We witness G-d’s presences by feeling G-d’s loving compassion and mercy. We emulate that by doing similarly. As Sotah tells us, just as G-d clothed Adam and Eve, we should clothe the naked. As G-d visited Abraham, we should visit the sick. As G-d fed the Israelite manna, we should feed the hungry. As G-d buried Moses, we should bury the dead. Each of these is the visible sign of G-d’s compassion. That is how we walk in G-d’s ways. It is about walking the talk, to use that business phrase.  

The Sh’ma, the proclamation that G-d is one, the watchword of our faith commands us to hear.  But there is also a command to witness. The last letter of Sh’ma, Hear is ayin (which actually means eye) and the last letter of echad, dalet, taken together these two letters, ayin dalet mean witness. 

Today’s Torah portion has lots to do with justice, tzedek, tzedek tirdof, justice, justice shall you pursue. Part of that is in creating fair, equitable courts. One thing you need is two witnesses. Male, of course. We women didn’t count.  

And as a footnote. That is still true today. As recently as 2001 and again in 2004, in a Committee on Jewish Law and Standards for the Conservative Movement, in a well researched and documented responsa went through all the halacha. https://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/sites/default/files/public/halakhah/teshuvot/19912000/geller_womenedut.pdf  

https://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/sites/default/files/public/halakhah/teshuvot/20052010/mackler_women_witnesses.pdf  

So women can be witnesses but cannot sign legal documents especially for gittin, divorce decrees.  

To this day, when I meet with wedding couples I suggest strongly that they have two, male, non-related witnessed for the ketubah signing so that there are no questions about status in case they ever want to move to Israel. It is always a painful part of pre-marriage counseling.  

And it is important for another reason. In the case of an agunah, a chained woman, In the case of a classical Agunah, a woman whose husband has disappeared and it is not known whether the husband is still alive, a single witness (even a woman or slave, normally invalid as witnesses) may testify that the husband has died, and on that basis the woman may remarry. 

Take a breath. That was a long footnote…and while that is important, you need to understand that there are two kinds of witnesses in Judaism. Testifying—those that witness a crime for instance and attesting, those that witness something like a chance in status—marriage, divorce, conversion, even rabbinic ordination. 

It leaves us with a critical question:  

What, then does it mean to witness something?  

Scientific American did an entire issue on this important topic.  https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-seeing-believing/  

We have all seen, yes seen, and probably argued about the blue or gold dress Perhaps you saw a blue dress with black stripes or a white dress with gold stripes.  

https://slate.com/technology/2017/04/heres-why-people-saw-the-dress-differently.html  

For more fun, including the tennis shoe. Is it teal or pink, try this article: https://www.insider.com/best-optical-illusions-photos-2017-10#as-you-probably-know-by-now-the-dress-turned-out-to-b 

It is fascinating to think about how the eyes see something and then the brain processes it. Apparently most people at first saw the dress as white and gold but in reality the dress was really black and blue. Read the article. It is fascinating and fits within our scientists in the synagogue grant. How do we really see what we see? 

It has practical implications for this very Torah portion. We need just courts. One of the most significant books I read in 2020, just before the world shut down, was Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson about his death penalty work. There is a movie by the same name, which I confess I haven’t seen but should. We know in this country that people who are on death row are disproportionality people of color have not had the same access to quality legal representation. It is part of why my husband’s brothers, both attorneys, have argued death penalty cases at the US Supreme Court. This is a topic with my own commitment to racial justice I too feel passionately about.  

But what does Jewish tradition say? Like everything, the rabbis argue about it. Biblical law allows for the death penalty in 36 offenses. They include crimes like murder and kidnapping, adulty to incest and rape, idolatry and apostasy and, pay attention kids, disrespecting parents.  

And yet, by the time of the Talmud, in Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:5 we learn that rarely was there is a need for “presenting completely accurate testimony in capital cases because for any mistakes or falsehoods could result in the shedding of innocent blood. If any perjury were to cause an execution, ‘the blood of the accused and his unborn offspring stain the perjurer forever.’” This is the root for learning, which I quoted last week in a different context, that “if you save one life it is as though you’ve saved the whole world. If you take a life it is as though you have destroyed the whole world. 

In Talmudic times, capital cases required a 23-judge court, while you only needed 3 for a non-capital case. The US Supreme Court is 9 people (and yes, it includes women!) And coming out of today’s portion, you needed two or more eyewitnesses to testify to the defendant’s guilt. (Sanhedrin 4:1) Judges were urged to rule against conviction and if there was a one-vote majority, you could not convict. So additional judges were added in pairs until the majority ruled against conviction. (Sanhedrin 5:5)  That piece was new learning for me, so if you look at current discussions about “packing the court” I guess as Ecclesiastes says “there is nothing new under the sun.” 

The real argument against the death penalty is here: “Said one: The Sanhedrin (Supreme Court) that puts to death one person in seven years is termed tyrannical. Rabbi Eleazar Ben Azariah says, ‘One person in seventy years.’ Rabbi Tarffon and Rabbi Akiba say, ‘If we had been in the Sanhedrin, no one would have ever been put to death.’ Rabban Simeon Ben Gamaliel says, ‘They would have thereby increased the shedders of blood in Israel (Mishnah Makkot 1:10).’” 

Many have argued through the years that the death penalty serves as a deterrent. That argument was made to me recently as it relates to the sentencing in the Poway Chabad shooter, most research has shown that the death penalty does not work as a deterrent. Would that have made a difference with an Hitler? An Eichmann? It is an important question.  

While the last line of this sugiya, argument may be used to support a belief that the death penalty, if carried out judiciously, can be a deterrent, prevailing Jewish thought in every major Jewish movement in the United States has followed the previous opinions, which either oppose the death penalty outright, or allow for it only in the most extreme — once in seventy years — circumstances. Following this line of thinking, the major Jewish movements in the United States all have specific policy supporting either abolition of the death penalty, or a moratorium on its use. 

And here’s why. If you convict on eye witness testimony it may not be accurate. We just proved that back with the white and gold, or wait, blue and black dress. People see what they see.  

In 1992, the Innocence project was founded to use DNA testing to clear wrongly convicted people. As of  August of 2019, they have won 365 exonerations including 20 people on death row.  

This, is part of what we learn out of today’s portion. Tzedek, tzedek tirdof. Justice, justice shall you pursue, by setting up just and merciful courts AND making sure that they are equitable with honest eyewitnesses and the right kind of evidence. And that we should not support the death penalty, not even once in 70 years.  

Part of the Scientists and the Synagogue grant:
Va’etchanan: Deuteronomy 3:23-7:11 

Parsha Summary: 

This is BiG, this is really, really BIG. This Torah portion has the repetition of the 10 Commandments. Well almost, There are a couple of key differences. And then the Sh’ma and V’ahavta. The watchword of our faith. The proclamation that G-d is One. Something we are witness everything we say it. 

This week in our synagogue service, our Bar Mitzvah proclaimed, called out, read the Sh’ma from the scroll itself. What a thrilling moment.  

Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our G-d, the Lord is One.  

Listen up folks. G-d is the only G-d; there is no other. The Israelites have been told that over and over again. All the way back to when G-d was more powerful than Pharaoh. They have seen G-d’s might displayed. The 10 plagues. The Exodus. The parting of the sea. The quaking of Sinai. But this is the new generation.  

Earlier the Israelites had promised that they would do and they would hear. How could they promise to do something before they knew what they were promising? 

The rabbis in the Talmud teach a couple of interesting things about this verse. We are commanded to recited the Sh’ma twice a day. These very words. When we lie down up and when we rise up. The rabbis wonder whether it counts if we read the words out of the scroll. The answer is no. You have to intend to say them, not just read them. They also teach that your ears have to hear what your mouth is saying.  

The Sh’ma is so important that in order to have the right intention, the right kavanah, you need to really hear it. This notion fits within the context of the therapeutic relationship. Psychologists know that by saying something out loud, then it becomes more concrete, more real.  

That raises questions about what happens if someone cannot hear.  We are told we should not put a stumbling block before the blind or curse the deaf.  (Lev. 19) But living with someone who lost his hearing, or most of it, while undergoing chemotherapy, it can be very frustrating.  

Ultimately the question here becomes how do we hear? How do we listen? How do we obey?  Scientifically, here is a great TED Talk to explain it: https://ed.ted.com/lessons/the-science-of-hearing-douglas-l-oliver 

The good news is that we understand so much more about hearing than ever before AND the technology for helping hearing impaired people has improved so much. This is clearly a time to be grateful for the scientists and all their work on this topic.

Table Topics: 

1. What does it mean to hear? 

1. Why does the Exodus version of the 10 Commandments say “Remember the Sabbath” and this version say “Keep” (Or guard or watch)? What is the difference? Is there a difference? 

1. How do you show that you love G-d with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might/being, all your everything? 

1. How can G-d command an emotion? 

Labs at Home: 

1. Materials: 

• Plastic wrap 
• Container with wide opening 
• Uncooked rice (any other small grain will work) 
• Tin cookie sheet (or other noise maker)  

It’s easy to make a model of the eardrum (also called the “tympanic membrane”) and see how sound travels through the air. Just stretch a piece of plastic wrap over a large bowl or pot (any container with a wide opening will work). Make sure the plastic wrap is stretched tightly over the container. The plastic represents the eardrum. Place about 20-30 grains of uncooked rice on the top of the plastic wrap. Now you need a noise maker. A tin cookie sheet or baking tray works well. Hold the cookie sheet close to the plastic wrap. Hit the cookie sheet to create a “big bang” noise and watch the rice grains jump. 

The “big bang” produces sound waves (changes in air pressure) that cause the plastic sheet to vibrate which causes the rice grains to move. Sound waves vibrate the eardrum in much the same way. 

2. Play the game telephone. Sit in a circle. Someone starts by whispering a sentence to the person next to them. That person whispers what they heard or think they heard to the person next to them and so on until it gets back to the person who started. See how the sentence changed. 

Act of Kindness: 

Help someone go to an audiologist to get a hearing test. See how the Lions Club makes a difference in vision and hearing in your community. 

Song: 

Check out this version of the Sh’ma done in sign language. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDUU4vy2tmM