Hillel said, “Do not separate yourself from the community.” Pirke Avot 2:4

I am preaching to the choir. You are the ones who are here. And you count.

Recently I went to two separate meetings. The first, back in December was a Chicago Board of Rabbis meeting where the JUF staff tasked with the upcoming population survey came to solicit our advice about the questions and the structure of what we need to know. We explained that some words are really important. It raises really important questions :

• Who is a Jew?
• Who is a member?
• Who is affiliated?
• What is a family?
• Who counts?

We know that the demographics are changing. In the last population survey JUF (Jewish United Fund) explained that there are 6000 unaffiliated Jews in the Fox River Valley. Jews who don’t belong to synagogues or other Jewish institutions. I was tasked with finding them and making CKI attractive enough that they would want to join, to become members. I called JUF to talk to them about their methodology. How did they derive this number. They extrapolated that from 6 phone calls they made into the Fox River Valley. Six. I fault the methodology but cherish the money that JUF has sunk into the region based on that number. AT CKI we are grateful for many JUF grants that we have received at CKI since I have been here. Education grants, safety and security grants, and the latest an “inclusion” grant to make CKI more accessible.

We count.

In the new study we need to ask tough questions. How do we account for adult children living at home? In our congregation we have at least four families with that configuration. This is a new national trend. How do we count households where the children are being raised as Jews but both parents aren’t Jewish? Or Jewish families that don’t affiliate at all? Or answer the question that yes they belong, because they went to High Holiday services or a shiva minyan or eat lox and bagels on Sunday morning.? What do we do with individuals where there are two religions concurrent, like Jew-Bus? Who is entitled to services? Who is a member?

Who counts?

The text for today’s extra reading says that every one must pay a half shekel to be counted. Not any more for the rich. Nor less for the poor. That barrier of entry is deliberately low so that everyone counts. Everyone. OK—in this case men of 20 years of age and older. In order to count for military service.

However, also in the parsha, and just ahead of next week’s Women of the Wall service, the rest of our text this morning clearly states that offerings of the heart come from everyone, men AND woman whose heart so desires. And women were some of the skilled artisans who helped build the mishkan, the tabernacle. Vayakhel—Moses gathered them, all of them together, to build the mishkan. It took all of them gathered together and working together. They counted. They built the building and in the process, they built community.

I also was pulled into a meeting about the local impacts of the upcoming federal census. If any of you have done genealogy you know how important census records are in tracing your roots. More importantly, counting accurately helps cities and regions get much needed federal dollars, monies for school systems and libraries, police and fire coverage, roads , infrastructure. It helps with congressional redistricting.

Here are the numbers for Elgin according to the 2010 US Census: There are 108,000 residents of Elgin. Elgin is 7.4% African American, 5.4% Asian, 43% Hispanic, 1.4% Native American, 3.5% Multi-racial, and the rest Caucasian. https://www.cityofelgin.org/DocumentCenter/View/16168/2010-Census-Elgin-Demographic-Profile?bidId=

However, the numbers of Hispanics I usually hear from official sources are 47% or 52%. What makes the difference? We know that there is a population of undocumented immigrants. We know that there is fear in the immigrant population about the upcoming census. One of the ways the library is asking for help is by spreading the word from the faith communities. Are there problems with the upcoming census form? You bet.

Proposed questions:

• Age, asked since 1790
• Citizenship, asked since 1820
  Hispanic Origin, asked since 1970
• Race, asked since 1790
  Relationship, asked since 1880 (about person 1 to person 2)
• Sex, asked since 1790
• Tenure asked since 1880 (owner, renter)

https://www2.census.gov/library/publications/decennial/2020/operations/planned-questions-2020-acs.pdf

After the “official” questions there are more questions about what I might call American culture.

“Every part of the 2020 Census is grounded in research,” Census Bureau Director Steven Dillingham said. “An accurate and complete census relies on U.S. households responding to the 2020 Census online, by phone or by mail, and the communications campaign is key to achieving that.”

So we have multiple ways of completing the census—by phone, by mail or online. But only do it once! (OK—we are in Chicagoland, vote early and often. Just kidding) We, as a Jewish community, tend to fill out the census form. But what about that fear:

“The analysis revealed five barriers that might prevent people from participating in the census: concerns about data privacy and confidentiality, fear of repercussions, distrust in all levels of government, feeling that it doesn’t matter if you are counted, and belief that completing the census might not benefit you personally.”

https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2019/2020-census-cbams.html

The biggest fear seems to be around the citizenship question. That question, which was first asked in the 1820 census is now making its way through the courts. If you say you are not a citizen is it possible that ICE may come and find you? Can you be deported for honestly filling out a census survey?

I had hoped to be able to say something else this morning. We know that the Talmud teaches that 36 times in the Torah it says that we should take care of the widow, the orphan and the stranger in our gates. The Talmud, known for its detailed citations didn’t give us the list of 36. Instead it argues with itself that it is actually 46 times. So I built the list. I went back to it, hoping that when the Israelites conducted its census it counted the sojourners. I couldn’t find it. It is one of the dangers in what is called “prooftexting.” I did find references that both King David and King Solomon counted foreign born workers—in order to pay them accurately.

1. I Chronicles 22:1-2: “And David commanded to gather together the strangers that were in the land of Israel; and he set masons to hew wrought stones to build the house of God.”
2. II Chronicles 2:17-18: “And Solomon numbered all the strangers that were in the land of Israel, after the numbering as David his father had numbered them; and they were found a hundred and fifty thousand and three thousand and six hundred. And he set threescore and ten thousand of them to bear burdens, and fourscore thousand to be hewers in the mountains, and three thousand and six hundred overseers to set the people at work.”

So counting is important—for making sure we have enough people for a minyan, for paying our workers correctly, for figuring out our resources for a military campaign, for so much more.

Yet there is a spiritual component to it is as well. G-d says to Moses we are not just counting people, we are “raising their heads”, the same root as to have an aliyah. It’s a going up, to a higher spiritual plane.

As the Lubevitcher Rebbe, whose biography the CKI book group just finished reading, taught, “When a census is taken, the count will include scholars and boors, professionals and vagabonds, philanthropists and misers, saints and criminals. Yet each counts for no more and no less than one in the total number. The count reflects only the one quality they all share equally: the fact that each is an individual human being..

But it is not, as he explained, an expression of the lowest common denominator. Rather, in G-d’s eyes, a census is a reflection of the highest common denominator. “As G‑d sees it, the soul of man is a spark of His own fire—a spark with the potential to reflect the infinite goodness and perfection of its source. Human life is the endeavor to realize what is implicit in this spark. Indeed, a person may lead a full, accomplished and righteous life, and barely scratch the surface of the infinitude of his or her soul. Another person may blunder for a lifetime in darkness and iniquity, and then, in a moment of self-discovery, fan their divine spark into roaring flame. So when G‑d instructs that we be counted, it is an expression of our highest common denominator. On the divine census sheet, our differences are transcended to reveal the simple fact of our being—a fact which expresses what is best in us, and from which stems all that is good in us.” https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/3728281/jewish/Four-Quick-Insights-from-the-Rebbe-on-the-Parshah-Pinchas.htm

We count.

There is one more thing about this counting. It is about building community.

We began a conversation last night. Counting members is much more than about who paid synagogue dues…but that is important too. It is about belonging to a community. So my question for you this morning, continuing on from last night’s conversation is what is it that you want or need in a community. Each of you have chosen to be here. Have chosen to be counted. So why are you here?

• The family that we have chosen
• Support in good times…and bad—and in good again.
• Safety and protection
• Making life easier
• A sense of accountability
• A connection with the Divine
• A connection with history and tradition and ancestors
• It is part of the covenant. I will be here. I will be present.

Let us be counted and let us build this community, together.

Yesterday I spied a Robin…and today a cardinal. It is still light as I talk to you.

About a month ago we cancelled services because there was too much snow…so the birds are welcome tonight as we reconvene to observe Shabbat Shirah, the Sabbath of Song, as a chance to honor our choir who works so hard to make our services aesthetically beautiful.

I hope they feel well feted and their music—our music lifts our spirits.

Music and words are important. Sometimes music even more so:

Peter, Paul and Mary wrote: Music speaks louder than words.

Music speaks louder than words
It’s the only thing that the whole world listens to.
Music speaks louder than words,
When you sing, people understand.

Sometimes the love that you feel inside
Gets lost between your heart and your mind
And the words don’t really say the things you wanted them to.
But then you feel in someone’s song
What you’d been trying to say all along
And somehow with the magic of music the message comes through.

The longer I live the more I find that people seldom take the time
To really get to know a stranger and make him a friend.
But the power of a simple song can make everybody feel they belong.
Maybe singin’ and playin’ can bring us together again.
Singin’ and playin’ can bring us together again.

We know the Chasidic story about the little boy and his flute, a chalil in Hebrew. He didn’t know how to pray and so took out his flute and blew it on the most holy day of the year, Yom Kippur. Everyone was shocked. The Ba’al Shem Tov, founder of Chasidic Judaism stops his praying. He told the hushed crowd that this little boy’s prayer had propelled the entire congregation’s prayers to the very vault of heaven.

Tomorrow we will be talking still about how to make a holy place so that G-d will dwell among us. Just before beginning this evening, we learned about the tragic shooting in Aurora this afternoon. While all the details are not yet known, I am sure of this. Words fail. As we pray for the victims, including the police officers that were wounded, we work for a time when everyone can sit under their vine and fig tree and none will make them afraid.

A reading before Kaddish:

Words fail, Lord.
Word fail.
And prayers too.
Thoughts and prayers.
Fail.

.As children die in classrooms.
As young people die at concerts or movies.
As old people die in their pews.
As officers race into buildings.

How many people?
How many more?
How many more are enough?
Do You demand this sacrifice?

How many words?
How many prayers?
What are the right words?
What are the right prayers?

Ours is not to finish the task.
Neither are we free to ignore it.

Give us courage.
Give us strength.
Give us courage to act.
Give us strength to speak.

Words of comfort.
Words of peace.
Words that lead to action.

You tell us
To do justly
To love mercy
To walk humbly with You.

Walk with us.
Teach us the right prayers.
Teach us that prayers are not enough.

Teach us to not be afraid.
Teach us to love our neighbor as ourselves

Be with us in our pain and in our grief.
Be with our first responders
With our skilled and compassionate care teams.
Be with us as we struggle.

As we struggle to build a world
Based on Your vision
One of love—of chesed and ahavah.

Then on Saturday:
Today’s portion is about ordination…and call.

Moses was called…to go to Pharaoh and say, “Let my people go.” And then to accompany them, to lead them as they wandered in the wilderness.

And Aaron was called to meet his brother in the wilderness and accompany him. To be his spokesperson when words failed Moses. And then to lead the people when Moses was on top of Mount Sinai.

The answer to both was Hineini…Here am I.

We know that word. From the haunting sounds of the cantor’s prayer on the High Holidays. Hineini. Here am I, trembling and full of awe, humble before you. The messenger of the people.

The word Hineini shows up 178 times in the Hebrew Bible. Eight in Torah alone.

Abraham answered Hineini when asked to take his son, his only son, the one he loves, Isaac and offer him as a sacrifice. Jacob answered Hineini to the divine call twice. Joseph answered his father with Hineini. Moses, as we mentioned at the Burning Bush. Samuel, Eli, David, Isaiah, each find the word.

Each time the word Hineini is used, it is a turning point. A life changing moment. The person responding heard and accepted G-d’s call, a unique and special mission. Prepared and ready to do it. Even if it seems hard. Impossible. Even if you would rather not.

How do we say Hineini with our lives? Because Hineini is not just for those back in the Bible. It is for us today.

We may answer Hineini to a call. Or sometimes we maybe a little less clear, like when your mother (or your father!) calls you to do something and you say, “OK, in a minute, let me finish this round.” Or “I need to finish this article.” Or “I’m too busy. Find someone else.” Maybe you find a way to run away to Tarshish like Jonah.

Or perhaps, it is saying, :OK, Here am I, I am ready to take a stand. Here I am. I am ready. At your service.”

We’ve been talking about gemilut chasadim, acts of love and kindness. Before Shabbat I sent a list of those hidden, anonymous acts this week…

• One class who made Valentine’s Day cards for kids in the hospital
• Someone who set up the Gaga pit and then someone else who put the Gaga pit away
• Someone who helped deliver those cards to Advocate Children’s Hospital and their child life coordinator who made sure I got to the right next place at Advocate Lutheran General
• Someone who visited the sick
• Someone who brought more food to the Martin Luther King food drive
• Someone who waited in the parking lot to make sure everyone’s car was scraped and started safely after the board meeting
• Someone bringing special kosher chocolate to class
• Someone who brought tulips to brighten up the social hall
• Someone who sent a special card to the office and someone else who sent an unexpected donation
• Someone who texted me to make sure I was OK when I didn’t show up at anticipated meeting

These are ways we answer Hineini with our lives.

Yet, when G-d calls out to Adam and Eve, “Where are you? Akeykah, “they do not answer Hineini. And when G-d demands that Jonah go to Ninevah, Jonah doesn’t answer Hineini, he runs away to Tarshish.

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel remarked:

“When Adam and Eve hid from His presence, the Lord called: Where art Thou (Genesis 3:9). It is a call that goes out again and again. It is a still small echo of a still small voice, not uttered in words, not conveyed in categories of the mind, but ineffable and mysterious, as ineffable and mysterious as the glory that fills whole world. It is wrapped in silence; concealed and subdued; yet it is as if all things were the frozen echo of the question: Where art thou? (God in Search of Man p. 137)

Where are you may be the most important question in our lives. Not the stopped at a stoplight “Where are I going?” but a more metaphysical question…which can also happen at a stoplight. “Where are you? Where are you going?”

Here I am. I’m right here. Ready to do Your service.

Heschel continued, “In our own lives, the voice of God speaks slowly, a syllable at a time. Reaching the peak of years, dispelling some of our intimate illusions and learning how to spell the meaning of life-experiences backwards, some of us discover how the scattered syllables form a single phrase. Those who know that this life of ours takes place in a world that is not all to be explained in human terms; that every moment is a carefully concealed act of His creation, cannot but ask: is there anything wherein His voice is not suppressed? Is there anything wherein His creation is not concealed?” (God in Search of Man, p. 174)

“Here am I” is about being fully present. Not being distracted by cell phones or social media or the pile of dishes in the sink or any number of things. Right here, right now, in this exact time and place.

Since we are now in Adar, I think of Queen Esther. The action changes in the Book of Esther when Mordecai demands that she go to the king to save her people. She argues and Mordecai says, “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will come from another place…And who knows whether you have come into your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)

Sometimes the messages of how we are called come one syllable at a time, as Heschel suggested. Sometimes, they come from another person, as they did to Esther. Sometimes, they come in the still, silent voice of G-d, as Elijah the prophet describes.

I love this quote of Frederick Buechner, and quote it often: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

How does G-d command us? How does G-d call us? What does G-d demand of us?

“Only to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our G-d.” (Micah 6:8)
To love G-d, love our neighbors and love the sojourner.

Then in this portion, G-d confirms that calling with a special ceremony…ordination…which back in the day was a pretty bloody and gorey ceremony with measures of flour and oil, sacrifices of bulls in a precise order, smearing of blood on Aaron’s earlobe. I’m not sure if that was the rabbinic ordination ceremony I would have been so interested.

Yet the very end of our portion, after the mishkan, the tabernacle is built, and after Aaron and his sons are ordained to serve G-d. Then G-d’s presence will dwell among us.

Last week we sang, “V’asu li mikdash, v’shachanti betocham, Build for Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them” (Exodus 25)

I, G-d, will dwell among you. I, G-d, want to have a relationship with you. Even today. Even as I call you by name. If only you would listen to my voice. If only you would answer “Hineini, Here am I.”

This fits with another use of Hineini in the Hebrew Bible. In Isaiah, we are told, there will come a time when if we act ethically and call out to G-d, then G-d will respond, “Hineini, Here am I.” (Isaiah 52:6, 58:6-9, 66:1) http://jewcology.org/2011/11/here-i-am-responding-to-the-call-in-creation/

Let us listen for the syllables and the still, small voice calling us…Hineini., Here am I.
Let us answer Hineini with our lives…Hineini…Here am I.
Let us call out to our fellow who needs to hear us…Hineini, Here am I.
Let us reach out to one another with the actions that need to be taken and say, Hineini…Here am I.
Let us say it to G-d….Hineini, Here am I.

(Based on a reading here: https://www.tbespringfield.org/here-i-am-hineni )

Last week we talked about “chesed” and building the world with love. This week we are going to talk about “ahavah” love.

In this week’s portion we begin to build the mishkan, the traveling tabernacle in the desert, the place where G-d will dwell. Mishkan, dwelling place is an interesting word. We derive Shechinah, the in-dwelling presence of G-d, the feminine aspect of G-d.

We are told that G-d wants us to bring gifts. G-d needs our gifts? Yes! Freewill offerings. Gifts from the heart. This is not the census tax or the membership fee. This is what you want to bring. Whatever the heart directs.

What are the gifts that we bring?

Our gifts of making the place beautiful, our artistry, our sense of beauty, the gift of time, our love of cooking and baking—just ask those who were gathered to bake challah this week. The text specifies to accept gifts of gold and silver and copper, linen in purple, crimson and blue and more. All to build a house so that G-d can dwell among them.

In short, we are to bring our whole selves.

Debbie Friedman, z”l wrote this song:

These are the gifts that we bring
that we may build a holy place.
This is the spirit that we bring
that we may build a holy place.
We will bring all the goodness
that comes from our hearts
And the spirit of God will dwell within…..

These are the colors of our dreams
we bring to make a holy place.
This is the weaving of our lives
we bring to make a holy place.
We will bring all the goodness
that comes from our hearts
And the spirit of love will dwell within…..

These are the prayers that we bring
that we may make a holy place.
These are the visions that we seek
that we may build this holy place.
Let our promise forever be strong,
let our souls rise together in song,
that the spirit of God
and the spirit of love,
Shechinah,
will dwell within.

This week we started a new class for Rosh Hodesh, the beginning of the new month. Based on the book Spiritual Kneading we will gather to bake challah, some to take home and some for Shabbat at CKI and some to deliver to our shut-ins. I had the opportunity to take one of those loaves to one of our members in their new home at an assisted living facility. They were so happy to see me and to have a challah for their first Shabbat in their new home. That was a gift. That was love.

In the case, people asked why there are two challot on Shabbat. It is the tradition because when manna fell in the desert, there was a double portion on Friday so we didn’t have to collect on Shabbat. That manna was a gift. That was love.

The book Love and Knishes is an old Jewish cookbook that both Simon and I grew up with. I think we brought two copies into the marriage. The very first page says, “If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, then knishes will get there faster…and stay longer.” While the sentiment may seem a bit dated now, the idea that way to anyone’s heart maybe through good cooking is not.

Shabbat at home is supposed to be filled with joy and peace. And that extra spice that is Shabbat. “Caesar asked Rabbi Joshua ben Chananya: Why do Shabbat foods smell so good? Said he to him: We have a special spice, ‘Shabbat’ is its name . . .” (Talmud, Shabbat 119a) Others have said that extra ingredient is love.

Our homes are to be a mikdash me’at, a little sanctuary. And the challah re-enacts the sacrifice that was offered in the Holy Temple for Shabbat. Our homes are to be filled with Shalom Bayit, peace of the house.

But sometimes, they are not. This weekend is dedicated as Shababt L’Amour by Jewish Women International. It is our hope that we use this time to focus on our homes being a little sanctuary, and building our world on love. That is the real gift. That is love.

Next week, on Valentine’s Day, we are helping to sponsor an event at Elgin Community College, Long Red Line—One Billion Rising which ties to an international movement started by Eve Ensler. Come join me at 10:00 at ECC to say that no woman should be beaten, that every person deserves to live in a house filled with shalom bayit and that extra spice of Shabbat. That too would be a gift. And love.

Cantor Julia Cadrain took the verse from our portion this week, to make for G-d a sanctuary so that G-d can dwell among us and combined it with a hymn that may be familiar to many:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W_XxCh2b30

“Ve’asu li mikdash veshachanti betocham,” which means “Build for Me a Sanctuary that I may dwell among them.” (Exod. 25:8) It says “them,” meaning God may dwell among them–the people, rather than it–the Sanctuary. This is the idea that God isn’t contained within any particular physical space, but rather exists in the spaces between people and in the relationships we have with each other. V’asu li mikdash V’shachanti b’tocham Va-anachnu n’varech Yah Me-ata v’ad olam! Lord, prepare me to be a Sanctuary Pure and holy, tried and true With thanksgiving I’ll be a living Sanctuary for You!”

She is correct…the real gift is not the building itself but the people in the building in relationship with each other. People facing each other, looking into each other’s eyes, just as the cherubim in today’s reading. It is about being in relationship with each other. The I-Thou relationship that Martin Buber talked about and that Ron Wolfson discussed in Relational Judaism.

In the haftarah, we learn that “There was shalom/friendship between Hiram and Solomon, and the two of them made a covenant, a treaty.” Another translation would be that there was peace between them. Without peace, it is hard to have friendship.

At the very end of the haftarah we learn that I will abide among the children of Israel, and I will never forsake My people Israel.”

That is the gift of this very building. The gift of G-d dwelling amongst us. The gift of peace. The gift of friendship. The gift of a challah—and maybe the extra spice of Shabbat.

Shin-Mem-Ayin—Listen. Hear. The opening word of today’s Torah portion. Moses listens to Jethro, the priest of the Midianites and his father-in-law. “You can’t do this job alone,” Jethro tells him. And Moses hears him. Jethro explains it is better to delegate, to find other people to help him. And Moses did exactly that. He heard Jethro and he listened.

In the very next chapter, the people of Israel are gathered round the mountain. Something is about to happen. G-d tells Moses to tell the people “If you will obey me faithfully and keep My covenant…” but obey has the same root, shin-mem-ayin. If you listen to me and do what I say…then you will be a treasured people and a holy nation.

G-d continued…”I will come to you in a thick cloud, in order that the people may HEAR when I speak with you…” Then Moses reported the people’s words to G-d. “All that the Lord has spoken, we will do.”

“We will do and we will hear.” Seems out of order. How do they know what to do if they haven’t heard the commandments yet? Sometimes you just know what the right thing to do is. You have already heard the rules—from your mother or your father or some internal sense. You know right from wrong. (That’s what our littlest member said!)

Let’s try something. Sitting in a circle I am going to whisper something in that littlest member’s ear. She’s about 6. She whispered “I am the Lord your G-d and I love you.” It went all around the circle and came back to me correctly. It was an amazing game of “Telephone.” Seems silly, but it was effective.

Moses, however, didn’t get the game of telephone right. He heard G-d tell him to tell the people how to prepare: “Go to the people and warn them to stay pure today and tomorrow. Let them wash their clothes. Let them be ready for the third day; for on the third day the LORD will come down, in the sight of all the people, on Mount Sinai. You shall set bounds for the people round about, saying, ‘Beware of going up the mountain or touching the border of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall be put to death: no hand shall touch him, but he shall be either stoned or shot; beast or man, he shall not live.’ When the ram’s horn sounds a long blast, they may go up on the mountain.”

Moses came down from the mountain to the people and warned the people to stay pure, and they washed their clothes. And he said to the people, “Be ready for the third day: do not go near a woman.” “Do not go near a woman.” Where did that come from? Moses seems to have added that.

“All the people witnessed the thunder and the lightening, the blare of the shofar and the mountain smoking and when the people saw it, they fell back and stood at a distance. You speak to us, they said to Moses and we will obey. But let not G-d speak to us, lest we die. Moses answered the people, Be not afraid.”

“Shmati.” I have heard. Some people, particularly in Jewish Renewal circles to say Shmati when someone has finished speaking.

From the US State Department website, we learn:

“The most common problem in communication is not listening! A Chinese symbol for “To Listen” is shown below.  It is wise beyond the art. The left side of the symbol represents an ear. The right side represents the individual- you. The eyes and undivided attention are next and finally there is the heart. This symbol tells us that to listen we must use both ears, watch and maintain eye contact, give undivided attention, and finally be empathetic.  In other words we must engage in active listening!”

https://www.state.gov/m/a/os/65759.htm

People reminded me that you can listen without hearing. A story was told of someone who is a communication professional who told an employee something. “Oh, that makes sense. How come you haven’t told us before?” Someone else responded, “He’s told you five times.” The communications professional added that people only hear when they are ready to hear. (This was a holy moment during the service!)

You also need to be quiet. And not jump ahead…something I am guilty of sometimes.

When G-d gave the Torah, no bird sang, no fowl flew, no ox lowered, the sea ceased to roar, and all creatures were silent. The entire world was hushed into stillness and the Voice spoke forth, “I am the Lord…” (Midrash)

From Rabbi Larry Kushner’s Book of Miracles: “No one really knows for certain what happened at Mount Sinai. Some people believe that G-d dictated the entire Torah word for word. Others believe that it included the Oral Law as well. Some believe that G-d inspired Moses. In Makot 23a and b, the rabbis of the Talmud were having just such an argument—what happened at Sinai. It teaches us that G-d didn’t give the Ten Commandments, but only the first two sayings. One who remembers that there is a G-d who frees people and who has no other gods will be religious. Another rabbi argued that it was just the first saying. Still another said that it was just the first word of the first saying, Anochi. But Rabbi Mendl Torum of Rymanov said, “Not even the first word. All G-d said was the first letter of the first word of the first saying, the first letter of the Alef-bet, alef” Now this is somewhat problematic, since Alef is silent. Almost but not perfectly. You see alef makes a tiny, little sound that is the beginning of every sound. Open your mouth (go ahead, do it). Stop! That is alef. G-d made the voice of Alef so quiet that if you made any other noise you wouldn’t be able to hear it. At Sinai, all the people of Israel needed to hear was the sound of Alef. It meant that G-d and the Jewish people could have a conversation.” This is the basis of Buber’s I-Thou relationship, the basis of Wolfson’s book, Relational Judaism. It is transformational. And it doesn’t just apply to the Jewish people, but to all people.

Continuing with Rabbi Kushner: The Zohar teaches that Alef, contains the entire Torah. But not everyone is ready to hear the gentle sound of alef, People are only able to hear what they are ready to hear. G-d speaks to each of us in a personal way, taking into consideration our strength wisdom and preparation. The Midrash even tells us that G-d’s voice is so powerful and frightening that G-d tempers it by creating different sounds for each person.

There was even a different sounding voice just for the ears of small children.”

And while we sing of G-d’s powerful voice in the Psalms—both Friday night and when putting the Torah way, there is another idea of G-d’s voice. When Dreamworks was putting together Prince of Egypt, the animated movie about Moses and the 10 Commandments, they employed a group of Jewish, Christian and Muslim leaders to advise. They decided two important things. The first was to try to make G-d not be gendered. The second was that the voice of G-d would be played by the same one who played Moses.

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/filmchat/2018/12/20-things-about-the-prince-of-egypt-which-turns-20-today.html

This fits with another idea we find from Elijah:

Come out, G-d called, “and stand on the mountain before the Eternal.” And lo, the Eternal passed by. There was a great and mighty wind, splitting mountains and shattering rocks by the power of the Eternal; but the Eternal was not in the wind. After the wind—a mighty earthquake, but the Eternal was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake—fire; but the Eternal was not in the fire. And after the fire—a still, small voice. 1 Kings 19:11-12

The still small voice. The conscious. Jimminy Cricket.

Let’s try one more thing. Let’s practice active listening. So we will be prepared to hear the 10 Commandments. So we will be better friends and co-workers, spouses and parents. It is a way we live out, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

1. Pay attention
2. Withhold judgment
3. Reflect
4. Clarify
5. Summarize
6. Share

No 1: Pay attention. One goal of active listening is to set a comfortable tone and allow time and opportunity for the other person to think and speak. Pay attention to your frame of mind as well as your body language. Be focused on the moment and operate from a place of respect. (I’ll add: maintain eye contact. Don’t look at your phone. Don’t become distracted.)

No. 2: Withhold judgment. Active listening requires an open mind. As a listener and a leader, you need to be open to new ideas, new perspectives and new possibilities. Even when good listeners have strong views, they suspend judgment, hold their criticism and avoid arguing or selling their point right away. (I’ll add: Don’t jump ahead. Don’t formulate your response while the person is still speaking. Don’t jump in with too many of your own stories. Don’t think you know where the conversation is going.)

No. 3: Reflect. Learn to mirror the other person’s information and emotions by paraphrasing key points. Don’t assume that you understand correctly or that the other person knows you’ve heard him. Reflecting is a way to indicate that you and your counterpart are on the same page. (I’ll add: reflecting is a way to show that you are paying attention and have heard them.)

No. 4: Clarify. Don’t be shy to ask questions about any issue that is ambiguous or unclear. Open-ended, clarifying and probing questions are important tools. They draw people out and encourage them to expand their ideas, while inviting reflection and thoughtful response. (I’ll add: try these: “What you are saying is? Did you say this? I think I heard this…)

No. 5: Summarize. Restating key themes as the conversation proceeds confirms and solidifies your grasp of the other person’s point of view. It also helps both parties to be clear on mutual responsibilities and follow-up. Briefly summarize what you have understood as you listened, and ask the other person to do the same. (I’ll add this: So what you are saying is? Can you say that again? I want to make sure I heard you correctly.)

No. 6: Share. Active listening is first about understanding the other person, then about being understood. As you gain a clearer understanding of the other person’s perspective, you can then introduce your ideas, feelings and suggestions. You might talk about a similar experience you had or share an idea that was triggered by a comment made previously in the conversation.

https://www.ccl.org/multimedia/podcast/the-big-6-an-active-listening-skill-set/

Sh’mati!

Last week we talked about puzzles, and New Year’s and figuring out the puzzle of our lives. Making meaning. This week’s portion also has a puzzle. It is one of the most complicated portions in the entire Torah.

So now that we are in the first week of the New Year, how are those New Year’s resolutions going? Not so well? Not surprised. I prefer making New Year’s goals, taking the time to daydream about what I want to do with this clean slate stretching out before me.

And this week’s portion actually will help with that. Here’s the puzzle. G-d gave us, all of us free will or free choice. But then in this week’s portion G-d seems to say that G-d hardened Pharaoh’s heart. How is that possible if G-d gave us free will? Isn’t that taking away the free will?

Let’s look a little more carefully. There are Ten Plagues and ten responses of Pharaoh’s heart.

The Ten Plagues and Pharaoh’s Heart

1. Blood: Pharaoh’s heart “became hard” (7:22)
2. Frogs: Pharaoh “hardened his own heart” (8:15)
3. Gnats: Pharaoh’s heart “was hard” (8:19)
4. Flies: “Pharaoh hardened his own heart” (8:32)
5. Livestock die: Pharaoh’s heart “was hard” (9:7)
6. Boils: “The Lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart” (9:12)
7. Hail: Pharaoh “hardened his own heart” (9:34)
8. Locusts: God announces that he has “hardened Pharaoh’s heart” (10:1,10:20)
9. Darkness: God “hardened Pharaoh’s heart” (10:27)
10. Death of the firstborn: God “hardened Pharaoh’s heart” (11:10)

So not until the sixth plague, where we start reading today, does G-d harden Pharaoh’s heart. I have puzzled over this for years. I finally understood it in a Bible discussion group that Simon and I were a part of for years in Boston. A nun explained it. It is about habits. Pharaoh kept making the wrong decision. He hardened his own heart. Over and over again. It became a habit.

The classical Jewish sources tell us something similar. Exodus Rabbah, the midrash, tell us the first time the Torah tells us G-d hardens Pharaoh’s heart is Exodus 9:12. “Since God sent [the opportunity for repentance and doing the right thing] five times to him and he sent no notice, God then said, ‘You have stiffened your neck and hardened your heart on your own…. So it was that the heart of Pharaoh did not receive the words of God.’”

Five times before Pharaoh hardens his own heart. Pharaoh turned away from Moses’s call and demand. He didn’t hear the suffering of the Israelites and it would seem he didn’t care. Five times, as Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg says, “he made his own heart less and less supple and soft.” Pharaoh sealed his own fate, for himself and his relationship to G-d.

I am uncomfortable with this. I thought the gates of repentance are always open. I thought the Dutch Reformed Calvinists were the ones who believed in pre-destination, but here it is right in our own sacred text. Right in our own portion of today.

Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto, an 18^th century Italian commentator said this (remember, this is before Freud!) “Our external actions have an effect on our inner feelings. We have more control over our actions than our emotions, and if we utilize what is in our power, we will eventually acquire what is not as much in our power.” https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/who-really-hardened-pharaohs-heart/

So what does this have to do with New Year’s. Each of us has the potential to impact our own lives. To make incremental decisions that affect our lives, that affect our hearts. Our tradition can help, too.

There are three songs that we sing routinely that deal with hearts. The first, V’tahair Libeinu is what I sing on the elliptical. “Cleanse our hearts that we might serve You in truth.” If I do enough miles on the elliptical, maybe G-d will not harden my arteries. If I keep making the right choices, I will be healthier, mentally, spiritually and physically.

The Cleveland Clinic recommends this steps for heart healthy living:

1. Eat healthy fats
2. Practice good dental hygiene, especially flossing every day
3. Get enough sleep
4. Don’t sit for too long
5. Avoid second hand smoke. LIKE THE PLAGUE!

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/5-things-to-do-daily-to-keep-your-heart-healthy/

LIKE THE PLAGUE! How appropriate for today. And if you are wondering what you should eat…think about this list from the Mayo Clinic:

1. Portion size
2. Eat more fruits and vegetables
3. Select whole grains
4. Limit unhealthy fats
5. Choose low-fat protein sources
6. Reduce the sodium in your food
7. Plan ahead: Create daily menus
8. Allow yourself an occasional treat

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heart-disease/in-depth/heart-healthy-diet/art-20047702

Again, it is about building healthy habits. Learning to become the opposite of Pharaoh

But there is one more thing you maybe trying to eliminate in the New Year to be more heart healthy. That is stress. Recently I saw a communication from my colleague, Rabbi Shmuly Yankovitch who is a modern Orthodox rabbi in Phoenix with a similar bent towards social justice to my own. He wrote:

“Receiving constant phone calls from the Dept. of Child Services every day (even late at night!) with tragic cases of abused & neglected children that desperately need to be placed in loving homes. Sweet innocent children with nowhere to go.

After each call, I feel sick.

The Zohar, on this week’s parsha, says Moshe was sick. This is why he didn’t have proper speech. He had a voice but no speech. His speech was in exile and unable to articulate freedom. It was an existential problem. Sometimes we can talk about the brutalities we witness but we can’t really explain the depths of our understanding, the depths of the pain associated with seeing suffering and not being able to alleviate it, the paralysis of empathy, silenced by the shock of an open heart. The limitations of human language. Knowing G-d is with you but having no imaginable path toward freedom, toward a promised land. A voice of sweet freedom but speech stuck in brutal exile.”

How horrible for those children. How horrible for Shmuly. How horrible for Moshe. Moshe was sick. Maybe he was experiencing burn-out or compassion fatigue. Maybe it was too much stress. Later Moses, through his father-in-law Jethro will learn to delegate. It doesn’t come easily to him. Or to me or to some of you. Just say no. But here is another list:

• Identify stressors
• Eliminate unnecessary commitments
• Procrastination
• Disorganization
• Late
• Controlling
• Multitasking
• Eliminate energy drains
• Avoid difficult people
• Simplify life
• Unschedule
• Slow down
• Help others
• Relax throughout the day
• Quit work
• Simplify your to-do list
• Exercise
• Eat healthy
• Be grateful
• Zen-like environment

https://zenhabits.net/20-ways-to-eliminate-stress-from-your-life/

May this be a Shabbat, a year where we learn to be heart healthy, yet full of courage and compassion.

Last night we talked about the Names of G-d. In this week’s Torah portion we learn the ineffable, unpronounceable name of G-d. G-d spoke this name out of a burning bush, a bush that was burning and was not consumed. An ordinary place, an ordinary bush, but something was special, something was unique. Moses took off his shoes. He was standing on holy ground.

Last night we read the book, In G-d’s Name, by Rabbi Sandy Sasso where together with the beautiful illustrations, she explains that there are many names for G-d. She explores names like Source of Life, Creator of Light, Maker of Peace, Sheppard, Mother, Father, Rock, Friend, Comforter, Healer. All are names for G-d. There are lots of names for G-d.

Last night when I got home, I opened up our annual New Year’s puzzle to work on. It is fun way to spend time with out of town guests. It is relaxing and it allows us to take a breath. Shabbat is a breath. The pause that refreshes. So take a deep breath. Another one. Another one.

This week we start reading a new book of the Torah. We begin reading Sh’mot, Names, in English it is called Exodus because it tells how the Israelites were freed from Egyptian bondage.

These words from my colleague and dear friend, Rabbi Mike Rothbaum, really resonated with me this week:

“After Moses tells the Israelites about their shiny new God-name, the Torah tells us, Lo sham’u. The Israelites “didn’t listen.” They couldn’t listen. Moses teaches a Divine Name made up of vowels, of breathing sounds. But, according to the Torah, the Israelites are prevented from listening by kotzer ruach – “shortness of breath.” Or, another translation: “crushed spirit.” The word ruach can mean “breath.” Or “spirit.” A person who suffers distress or oppression is short of breath and short of spirit. She isn’t able to breathe. The Israelites can’t hear because they can’t breathe.

Later they are told to Listen. We know this one. Sh’ma Yisrael. Listen Israel, The Lord (That same YHVH that we learn about this week, the same name that Moses is given at the Burning Bush), Our G-d, the Lord is One. And only one. Unique. Even though G-d has many different names. Still the same One G-d.

The same G-d who promised the land of Israel to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob as part of the covenant. The same G-d who keeps that covenant even now.

So take that breath again. Today we are going to focus on breath. This Shabbat, this weekend is a breath. A pause to re-evaluate where we are and where we are going. A pause that may help us find meaning. Help us find balance.

In that quiet. In that space, that reset button, it may be possible to hear. What do you hear?

Is it possible to hear G-d calling? This is holy ground. Take off your shoes. Breathe in the Divine. Exhale. Breathe in again. Really feel it in your kishkes. Breathe again.

What is G-d calling? How do you answer?

Each of us has a name…earlier this week I read the Zelda poem. Each of us is given a name. By our parents, sometimes by our classmates, sometimes we are given a nickname. Sometimes we gain a new name when we marry, or when we achieve a new title. Sometimes we earn the name Mom or Dad. Or Gramps, Grandfather, Zayde. Sometimes we have a Hebrew name. Sometimes we have a name in another language.

Moses answered his calling with this simple word. Hineini. Here am I. How do we answer Hineini with our lives?

Our job is not to be Moses. That has already been done and the text is clear. There arose not a prophet like Moses. Only Moses was Moses.

The story is told of Reb Zusia on his death bed. He was crying and his disciples could nto figure out why. He said that question he would be asked in heaven was not ‘Why are you not Moses but why are you not Zusia.’

Each of us has a unique role, a unique calling. Finding our own authentic selves is why we are here. It is my belief that Judaism can help us find our own authentic selves and that is the puzzle that we are really trying to solve.

Another question that might be asked in heaven is “Have you seen My Alps?” G-d has created a beautiful, precious world with amazing things to appreciate. G-d does not want us to deny ourselves pleasure. We are not an ascetic people. But sometimes we get the balance out of whack.

Dr. Ron Wolfson in his book The Seven Questions You’re Asked in Heaven, identifies these questions:

• Were you honest?
• Did you leave a legacy?
• Did you set aside time to study?
• Did you have hope?
• Did you get your priorities straight? (that’s the balance question)
• Did you enjoy this world (that’s the Alps question)
• Were you the best you could be? (That’s the Zusia question)

So today, to celebrate New Year’s and this reset button, I am going to give you a Magan David. A Star of David, a shield, for you to create your own balance, for you to figure out your own unique call. This is not about making New Year’s Resolutions, or even goals.

What would you put in the center? G-d? Family? Health? The word Hineini?

Then you have six points to surround the outside with.

Here is a list of puzzle pieces prepared by Linda Sonin, our partner at the Chicago Bureau of Jewish Education. These are some of the core values of Judaism. She actually asks the question, “How will you piece together your most meaningful life?” Would you add something from this list? Is there something missing from the list?

Maybe you can’t pick just six. That’s OK. They are all valid.

If you think about the star, they are two interlocking triangles. I’ve played with this puzzle for years. Perhaps G-d goes in the center, with Torah or learning, Israel or community, Tikkun Olam in triangle and family, job, self in the other one. I’ve never been sure that I have the balance right.

Family is interesting because according the most recent Pew Study, most Americans derive the most amount of meaning from their families.

Job? But what job is right for you? Is it a career or vocation or just a way to pay the bills. I love this book, Being G-d’s Partner by Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin who also wrote putting G-d on the Guest List. He uncovers the hidden link between spirituality and work. I describe it as What Color is Your Parachute for Jews. And he begins with a story of watching the movers pack up his house—and the care and concern they took. It was spiritual. I loved Danielle Lindow’s line this week that she learned from her Zayde. “No job is beneath a Lindow.” I thought about that as I was putting down salt on the parking lot this morning. I won’t ask any of you to do jobs at the synagogue that I am not prepared to do myself.

So take this home and play with this puzzle. It is possible to do it over again. Nothing is carved in stone but it is useful tool as we approach this new year.

It is not a craft project per se, so take another deep breath. Breath in G-d. Breath out stress. Know that you are standing on holy ground, wrestling with the Divine and finding meaning. Happy New Year

The list:

• Appreciation of beauty
• Gratitude
• Love of learning
• Perspective
• Wisdom
• Curiosity
• Creativity
• Judgment
• Fairness
• Justice
• Leadership
• Teamwork
• Perseverance
• Bravery
• Courage
• Resilience
• Honesty
• Contentment
• Prudence
• Temperance
• Forgiveness
• Humility
• Kindness
• Social intelligence
• Humanity
• Love
• Humor
• Hope
• Spirituality
• Faithfulness

Today’s Torah portion continues the cycle of Joseph. Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers. Joseph who worked for Potipher and was accused of sexual improprieties and was thrown in jail.

This is Shabbat Chanukah, the darkest Shabbat of the year. But today, this sixth day of Chanukah is also Rosh Hodesh Tevet, the light is starting to return and that brings us hope. Rabbi Kaya Stern Kaufman points out that “the rabbis created this festival of light to answer our yearning for light and warmth…we are reminded that the light is returning, that the light, in fact, always returns. We nurture an attitude of trust in the returning light even when there is an abundance of apparent darkness.”

For her, this is a holiday about trust. She points out that there is no Havdalah, no separation between Chanukah and the rest of the year because light and trust are always available to us.

But what if you were like Joseph and thrown in jail. How would you find the light? How would you learn to trust? You might remember this from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat:

Close every door to me,
Hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows
And shut out the light

Do what you want with me,
Hate me and laugh at me
Darken my daytime
And torture my night

If my life were important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie
Far from this world

Close every door to me,
Keep those I love from me
Children of Israel
Are never alone

For I know I shall find
My own peace of mind
For I have been promised
A land of my own

Joseph seemed to trust. To trust in his destiny, that somehow, even while in jail, he would rise above, he would be rescued, he would find the light.

This week, the New York Times published an op ed about the Hypocrisy of Hanukah, this is a holiday about rights, about religious freedom and our ability to celebrate this season as Jews. I don’t think it has to be so. t is ironic that a holiday that commemorates fighting against assimilation, has become the most assimilated of holidays; I don’t think that is hypocrisy. That is a discussion for another day.

That story of s small band of people who had hope, and the small vial of oil that lasted for eight days and restored the light—brings us hope today. The Maccabees trusted in their spiritual mission so they persisted and were victorious. The real miracle of Chanukah is that we are still here 2000 years later. Still discussing it. Still arguing about it. Still celebrating.

The word Chanukah itself means dedication. We are commanded to be a holy people, a light to the nations. And so we spread that light. That’s Torah. That’s why we are rededicating our sacred scroll tomorrow, during Chanukah, so we can live out our vision of lifelong learning and meaningful observance. Black fire on white fire.

As the English version of Mi Yimalel says “In every age, a hero or sage came to our aid.” That brings us hope—and trust—bitachon. In this age, people are concerned about the rising anti-semitism. The commandment for Chanukah is to publicize the miracle—whether that is the victory of the Maccabees or the light that increases. We place that Chanukiah at the entrance of our doorways, much like a mezuzah. And they guard our coming in and our going out. But there is a clause that says, except in times of danger. Many have argued with me this week that they were afraid—to wear their leggings in public, to put a Chanukah decoration on their door, to identify as Jews. I even had several conversations about wearing my kippah.

And yet…

I can’t live in that place of fear. I have to have hope. And trust. Alan Morinis, Rabbi Kaufman reminds us, “is that bitachon gives us the capacity to act fearlessly. A heart cannot hold both fear and trust at the same time. Joseph was able to learn bitachon. It is part of his legacy, despite his harsh circumstances from exile from his family, false accusations, imprisonment.”

This is Human Rights Shabbat so sponsored by Truah, Rabbis for Human Rights, which does a lot of the social justice work nationally that I engage in locally. I am a proud member of Truah.

One of their campaigns is around Mass Incarceration. It is shocking, and Sarah just read this statistic to me this week again, one out of two Americans have been incarcerated. Currently 1 out of 100 Americans are incarcerated.

Truah’s campaign around mass incarceration is about :

• Advocating for an end to police practices that result in disproportionate stops, arrests, and deaths of people of color.
• • This is why I serve on the task force with the police department and other clergy on racism and policing.
• Organizing rabbis and their communities to protest police violence and to demand full investigations in cases of killings by police officers.
  • This is why I have been working quietly behind the scenes on the city’s response to the officer-involved shooting death of Decynthia Clements back in March. Just this week the clergy delivered a formal letter to the police chief asking that the lieutenant not be returned to active duty. I chose not to sign that letter although Rabbi Kohn did, because of my unique role as chaplain and community leader. I did, however, write my own letter, praising the department for their work with the Jewish community—and also explaining why because of safety concerns and trust concerns, he should not return. The letter—and the jelly donuts—were well received and I received a thank you text message from the chief shortly after.
• Advocating for more just sentencing policies.
  • And consistent ones. Long before I arrived in Elgin.
• Organizing to end prolonged solitary confinement, which international law experts have classified as torture.
• Helping Jewish communities to volunteer with incarcerated individuals and their families, employ the formerly incarcerated, and engage in local campaigns to change state criminal justice laws.
  • Do you know that we have one member who is in jail—at Elgin Mental Health. And at least two members who were convicted of felonies who have spent time in jail? We need congregants who are willing to go to jail—with me or by yourselves to visit, when needed.
• Educating the Jewish community about why our current system of mass incarceration benefits none of us.

Much like an episode in Orange is the New Black, one day the Kane County Jail called. They were being swamped with people requesting kosher meals and they were desparate to save money on that added expense. I went out to the jail and looked at how they were service kosher food and saved them plenty. Cheerios, for instance, is kosher, whether it comes from the Cheerio box that they serve all inmates from or whether it comes pre-packaged for specifically kosher meals. Now if I can just get them to save on Styrofoam. And they were spending a fortune on Kosher Meat. None of these inmates were Jewish per se…but had heard that kosher food was better, after all, we answer to a higher authority.

Now Rabbi Maralee Gordon has a slightly different story from the McHenry County Jail. McHenry County is the closest detention facility to O’Hare so people seeking asylum who fly through O’hare are often taken there. Recently she told her story on the T’ruah list serve. So I asked her to come and tell it here this morning. And she brings with us Fair Trade chocolate. How perfect for Shabbat Chanukah where we read about Joseph in jail—no fair trade chocolate I am sure and Human Rights Shabbat. Because after all, in Connecticut I once saw a billboard that said, “Chocolate drizzle is a right.” Not really, but a real sign!

“As part of the Interfaith Committee for Detained Immigrants, I visit weekly with immigrants detained by ICE at the local county jail . About a year and a half ago, the Lieutenant in charge of the jail asked if I would like to teach a class on Judaism, as one of the immigrants had requested it. Ever since, this has been a highlight of my week. Last year I was away for Chanukah, but today we had a Chanukah party during class. The eleven attending today were originally from Nigeria, Belarus, Ramallah, Venezuela, Ghana, Mexico, Ethiopia, Jamaica and Mongolia. Some are/were Muslim, some Christian, and three have strong ties to Judaism.

After we ate latkes with sour cream, salsa and/or applesauce, and Israeli candy bars, we talked about the Maccabees, the seven branched menorah in the Temple and nine-branched chanukiah, light during dark times, and sang some Chanukah songs. We got ready to play dreidel with Truah Fair Trade chocolate coins accompanied by discussion about the ethics of gambling (they brought it up, not me).

J looked at the coins and said, “Hey, it says Ghana on the coins – I’m from Ghana!” He knew that Ghana produces chocolate, and I explained that this was fair trade chocolate from Ghana, only then realizing myself why the coins had “Ghana” imprinted on them.

The “icing on the cake” was when C, from Venezuela, wanted to share a different melody for the Sh’ma than the one we usually use. It was Debbie Friedman’s Sh’ma! He said he loves all her music. Another astounding afternoon at the jail!”

Light banishes darkness. Finding light even in the darkest of places, like the Kane County or McHenry County Jail. And chocolate. Fair Trade. Because no one should be a slave. Not Joseph. Not the Israelites. Not those in Ghana. Or tomato workers in this country. And the fact that we are discussing this based on Torah values. That is the real miracle of Chanukah.

Anyone ever had issues with their in-laws? Dread the Thanksgiving dinner discussions? Imagine being Jacob. You worked for Rachel for seven years. You were tricked and received Leah. You worked for another seven years and finally got the girl. Then you worked for six years for your flocks. Imagine now wanting to leave.

Imagine that dinner discussion. What would you say to your father-in-law? To your wives? To your children?

Telling your wives that their father cheated you, that G-d has taken away their father’s livestock and given it to you, probably violates every polite dinner conversation.

Fast forward, it is now 2018. Your family is gathering for Thanksgiving. All of the women’s magazines will tell you what you should talk about. And what you shouldn’t. No religion, no politics. No complaints about your vegan niece. No comments about how much food Aunt Suzy piles on her plate. No discussion of why is someone majoring in English. Or not yet dating. Or dating the wrong person. Or not married. Or not yet pregnant.

So how can we have a positive conversation in our politically diverse, culturally diverse families? How can we have meaningful, deep conversations without being rude?

Suggestions included talking about a favorite trip this year, how driver’s ed is going, ways that we can give back, what was most meaningful in the year.

I pulled some of these suggestions:

• What are you grateful for this holiday season?
  How can you pay it forward?
• What is your favorite part of Thanksgiving Day?
  What is your favorite family memory?
  If you could share Thanksgiving with one person in history, who would it be and why?
• What is your most embarrassing Thanksgiving moment?
• What is one thing you want/hope for this season?
• Where would you like to be next year at this time?

Edited from https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B5D2BUR6aFFzUWlpbzhhQnRzMkU?usp=drive_open

(And if you go to the site, they are on pretty fall leaves that you can print out on any color fall paper and then decorate your table with them!)

So it seems there are plenty of things to talk about without getting into a huge debate. But if there is some sparring—maybe that is OK. Next week we talk about Jacob wrestling with an angel, or a messenger, or a man—or maybe himself. His name is changed to Israel, whi ch means G-dwrestler. So go ahead and discuss. Argue. Debate. But do it civilly.

Judaism has much to say about how to have a discussion. How to speak. The Chofetz Chayim, (1839-1933) wrote several books on the power of speech, including “Guard your tongue” about the dangers of gossip and “lashon ha’ra, evil speech”. They can be dispelled to the ten rules below.

The Buddists have another way of simplifying whether you should say something. Think before you speak.

T—Is it true?

H—Is it helpful?

I—Is it inspiring?

N—Is it necessary?

K—is it kind?

Or is in necessary, is it kind, it is true. If it is not all three, don’t say it!

May all your dinner discussions this Thanksgiving sparkle!

A woman of valor, who can find? For her price is far above rubies.
She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness.
She gives food to her household and a portion to her workers.
She stretches out her hands to the poor, and she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the law of kindness is on her tongue.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her saying,“Many daughters have done valiantly but you exceed them all.”
Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who reveres the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31

And the years of the life of Sarah were 100 years and 20 years and 7 years. And Sarah died. (Genesis 23:1)

That is how this morning’s Torah portion starts.

We are then told that Abraham came from Beer Sheva to Kiryat Arba, now Hebron, to eulogize her. I had planned to talk about this before the tragic events of last week. To be clear, Shabbat interrupts the public mourning, but this has been a week of mourning. So for me—in the middle of a class prayer—prayer seems to be an act of defiance and courage. We are here. We are still here. And with the numbers of people who have reached out to us this week, me personally and to the congregation, I have hope too.

So here we are today, talking about a eulogy, after a week of mourning. I can imagine that these very words were said over and over again in Pittsburgh this week.

There are actually two deaths in this chapter. At the very end of the portion, Abraham also dies. And again, we see people coming together to mourn. Isaac and Ishmael both of whom had near death experiences because of their father, came back together again to bury him. It is a model we have seen play out all across our country this week.

We started this conversation last night. A woman of valor. I read this at many funerals and memorial services. It is a picture of the ideal Jewish woman. We did not read it at my mother’s funeral—whose yahrzeit we commemorate this weekend. She felt it didn’t fit her feminism. I always disagreed.

A woman of valor represents a strong woman, a woman of courage. A woman like my mom—who my cousin described her as one of the first women libbers, who had a college degree and worked as a research scientist on diabetes. A woman who was on the front lines of civil rights. Who ran for political office (and lost) in Evanston. Who raised two children. Took care of her husband. Who was a Girl Scout leader. Who bought and sold property. Who owned her own business. Who ate not the bread of idleness.

But these same words, whether you see them as feminist or not, while in officially in Proverbs, are the very words according to the midrash, that Abraham used to eulogize Sarah. (Midrash Tanchuma, Chayei Sarah 4)

Let’s think about it. She had courage, valor, when she left her household and traveled with Abraham to the land that G-d would show them. She looked well to the ways of her household and gave a portion of food to her workers, to her maidens. She raced to feed her guests. She laughed at the time to come when she was promised a child.

The rabbis in the midrash teach this strange linguistic construction at the beginning of our chapter. She was 100 years and 20 years and 7 years. Why repeat the and years? No English teacher with a red pen would let students do that! Since we are taught there are no extra words in the Torah they must come to teach us something. “When she was twenty, she was as seven for beauty…when she was one hundred, she was as twenty for sin. (Genesis Rabbah 58:1)

Later in Genesis Rabbah we learn that Abraham and Sarah were so respected, so important that “all the inhabitants of the land locked their doors and came to pay their respects to Sarah, (by accompanying her funeral). And that all those “who accompanied Sarah to her final resting place merited to do so for Abraham as well, so that they could also be present at Abraham’s funeral (38 years later). (Genesis Rabbah 62:3)

If we were to write our own modern version of Eishet Chayil, what would you include? Who is a woman of valour.

We said:

A woman of valour—one who thinks for herself, who stands up for herself and speaks up. Who speaks with kindness. Who achieves a work-life balance. Who is creative. Who has the choice to work or not, finding meaningful employment. Who makes time for her family, her community. Who nurtures her intellectual self and her emotional self and her spiritual self. Who is economically secure and gives tzedakah.

Then we read a modern version of Eishet Chayil written by Ahava Lilith EverShine. https://ritualwell.org/ritual/todays-woman-valor

Eishet Chayil is also part of the traditional Friday night table service at home. The husband reads it to his wife. Last night we did that here—and the reading that now many wives read to their husbands. We blessed the candles, “made” Kiddush, blessed the children and sang Shalom Aleichem. It is part of how we build shalom bayit, peace of the house. So sorely needed, especially this week. Our homes are to be a mikdash me’at, a little sanctuary. Our homes, through the Shabbat table service is to mirror the way Shabbat was celebrated in the Holy Temple. And bring us peace. So shalom bayit is a critical value in the Jewish people.

However, like every other socio-ecomonic, educational, ethnic, racial group, there is Domestic Violence in the Jewish community too.

Yes, there is domestic violence in the Jewish community. For some that is shocking.

Sadly, the statistics are the same for every socio-ecomonic, ethnic, religious, educational class. We talk about 1 in 4 women will experience violence against them sometime in their life time. 1 in 4. 25% That means that someone sitting in this very room just might be a survivor.

There are resources specific to the Jewish community—and right here in Elgin. The Community Crisis Center. Shalva. Jewish Women International. You may have noticed the posters in the bathrooms. Both the men’s and the women’s. If you are woman or a man—because men can be victims too—reach out. You are not alone. Help is available.

In light of the #MeToo movement we felt that this was an especially important message to convey this year. It has been a long time passion of mine. In May I was tapped by the Crisis Center to be on a panel about #MeToo and Spirituality. Next week I am participating on a panel to address sexual harassment in the Jewish workplace, as an example. Maureen works full time on this issue.

But domestic abuse, family violence, sexual assault is not new. Sarah had her own #meToo moments…when she was told to pretend to be Abraham’s sister—not his wife. Desperate people sometimes do desperate things. There was a great famine in the land and Abraham and Sarah went down to Egypt to find food. They were refugees. They were desperate. They Her beauty was indeed noticed and she was offered up to the Pharaoh in Egypt as one of his wives in his harem. Before he actually takes possession of her, the ruse is revealed and she is returned to Abraham.

The continuation of this week’s portion includes finding a wife for Isaac. Part of what we learn in this long, repetitious chapter, is that women are required to consent. Rebecca has to say “Yes” to her family and to Abraham’s servant. She has to opt in to go. Yes, consent is that early. Then the rest of the story reads like a Hollywood script. She arrives on a camel. Isaac looks up. Sees her from afar. The camel bends his knee (watch that verb—the camel isn’t blessing!). She falls off the camel. He takes her to Sarah’s tent. He loves her. The first mention of love in the Bible. And he is comforted on the death of his mother. We’ve come full circle.

Later tonight is the first performance of Rosenstrasse. It is again about strong women. They step out of their comfort zone. They speak up—I’m not sure that the law of kindness is on their tongue—and they do it while taking care of their jobs, their children and their households. Spoiler alert: They take on the Nazi Gestapo, and win. Managing to rescue their husbands, saving 1700 lives. They were true Women of Valor.

I can’t imagine a more poignant way to mark my mother’s 10^th yahrzeit than by watching my daughter produce this play. My mother’s legacy lives on in the strength of my daughter. I am so very, very proud.

There has been a lot written since the tragedy in Pittsburgh. I have written other pieces as well. But I was just asked to do this for the Washington Post. Where was G-d? Here is my answer…

Last week on Monday I received a call from the police department to attend a death scene as a chaplain. You never know quite what you are walking into. Tragically, this was a 16 year old who died from leukemia having just completed his last round of chemo. The mother was understandably upset. She kept leaning over her boy, “Breathe. Just breathe.” It was heart wrenching. Gut wrenching.

She was very, very angry with G-d. I understand that. And my G-d can take it. But I don’t believe that G-d caused it. And I don’t believe that G-d needed another little (he wasn’t quite so little) angel. It is OK to be angry with G-d.

Where was G-d?

On this past Shabbat, Jews around the world read the story of Abraham and Sarah and their wide-open tent to receive visitors. It is a story of audacious hospitality. The haftarah, the section from the prophetic books, tells another story of audacious hospitality. Chapter 4 of II Kings, tells another story, where the rich woman prepares an upper chamber for her guest, Elisha. He promises her that like Sarah before, she will conceive and bear a son. And she does. But one day, that son had a horrible headache, sat in her lap, and died. She summoned the holy man Elisha, and he was brought back to life.

This past weekend, just as we were reading these very words, others were dying in a synagogue in Pittsburgh. Murdered while praying. For being Jews. Again the question.

Where was G-d?

This week the Washington Post asked just that question. I decided I would try to write, between my own tears and my own anger. Just 800 words.

Where was G-d?

G-d was with Cecil and David Rosenthal as they practiced their own audacious hospitality, wishing everyone who entered Tree of Life Synagogue, Shabbat Shalom, a Sabbath of peace.

G-d was with the first responders whose voices you can hear calmly answering the dispatchers questions—and those calm dispatchers responding. I know, I spend time in our own communications department at EPD where it is often eerily calm, including when I called in on Saturday morning.

G-d was with the doctors and nurses, some of whom were Jewish who treated the victims, including the shooter, even has he hurled anti-semetic rhetoric.

G-d was with the wider community who showed up, on no notice, often bearing flowers or baked goods or a hug or a note.

G-d was with every preacher who preached. Every person who stood silent in a vigil. Every one who lit a candle or sang a song. Hiney Ma Tov–how good and how pleasant it is to dwell together. Olam chesed yibaneh. Build this world on love.

G-d was in our tears and our screams and our rage.

After 9/11 I was asked this very question. I was living in a suburb of Boston and some of the victims were my neighbors, my co-workers, my friends. How could G-d let this happen?

Where was G-d?

I learned this very lesson from my UCC minister colleague, Rev. Larry Zimmerman. G-d wept with us.

G-d didn’t cause those planes to crash. People did. So like Rabbi Harold Kushner who wrote When Bad Things Happen to Good People, I believe that G-d gave us free will. Once we choose to do something evil, G-d, having given us free will, can’t then step in and stop it.

Most rabbis changed their carefully crafted High Holiday sermons that year. I did too. On the first day of Rosh Hashanah we read the story of Hagar. She cries out to G-d, “Don’t let me look on while my child dies.” G-d hears her cries and the cries of the lad. G-d opens her eyes and she finds a spring of water.

This story, too ,was part of the portion we read on Shabbat last week.

We all need to open our eyes and find another way. Another way that may have been there all along, like that well of water of Hagar. We need to keep trying, again and again and again.

In this case, we need to find the wellspring of love. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” “Love the stranger in your gates.” Over and over and over again this is the message. 36 times in the Torah, that very Tree of Life as the Torah itself is called, it tells us to love the stranger. That is where G-d is. In acts of baseless love combatting baseless hatred. Who will join me…because that is where we will find G-d.