Vayechi—And he lived. Jacob lived. This is the last portion of the book of Genesis. This is about living (and dying) and legacy. How do we live? How do we dye and what blessings. 

With apologies to Broadway, which once again seems to be shutting down due to the spread of COVID-19: 

“May you be like Ruth and Esther.
May you be deserving of praise.” 

Yet when Harnick and Bock, two of the great Broadway (and Jewish) piyutim, lyricists, they changed the traditional blessing for Friday nights. It is actually: 

“May you be like Sarah Rebekah, Rachel and Leah,” for girls. And for boys it comes right out of today’s portion:
“May you be like Ephraim and Manesseh” 

These are blessings. What we hope for our children, every Friday night as part of the traditional Shabbat table service.  

“May you be like Ephraim and Manesseh.” Say what? Who? 

Ephraim and Maneseh were Joseph’s children. Jacob’s grandchildren. And when Jacob was about to die, he called Joseph to his bedside and he blessed his grandsons sitting on his knee. “Ephraim and Mansseh shall be mine like Reuben and Simeon.” Essentially he adopted them. The grandfather adopted them. That could be a sermon for another year, but I will point out that this still happens today with lots of grandparents raising grandchildren as their own that they never expected to have to do. I am grateful for those grandparents who have stepped up to do that—whether it is because of parental illness, drug addiction, violence, imprisonment, military service or whatever. Grandparents who willingly take on this role of parent in their “golden years” are to be praised. There are organizations that can help support like “Grandparents as Parents.” 

Back to our story today. Manasseh and Ephraim become two independent tribes with their own “standard” or “flag” and their own portion of land when the Israelites inherit the Land of Israel. That is one kind of legacy.  

But in this blessing of Jacob to Joseph and Jospeh’s sons, he used these very words:  “May G‑d make you like Ephraim and like Manasseh.'” These are the very words we still use today on Friday night.  

Children are indeed a blessing. Some say grandchildren even more so. Often people add because we can spoil them and then give them back to their parents—but that is also a sermon for another time.  

Children are indeed a blessing. And our children didn’t know that recently. When we asked them how they are a blessing, they told us how to bless candles, and wine and challah. They know how to say the blessing of hearing the shofar or doing something new for the first time. But they had never thought that they themselves could be blessings. We stumped them.  

Now I know that…if for no other reason then I learned it in Brownies. In the Brownie story. You remember…twist me and turn me and show me the elf…I looked in the mirror and saw myself.” There are multiple versions of this story but it begins with the father saying, “Children are a burden” because apparently his two children weren’t doing anything to help around the house. The mother or the grandmother answers, “Children are a blessing.” 

So today I want to talk about blessings—and the legacy we leave behind—with our children and grandchildren. Some people, using Jacob in this portion as a model, actually write an ethical will which we have talked about before. But as we approach the secular new year, I encourage you to write one. There are models available here: https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/writing-and-reading-ethical-wills/ This is separate from your health care proxy and power of attorney or your will that disperses your property. Those are important too. 

But really telling people what your values are and how you expect or hope people to live them out after you are gone is important. 

Maybe even more important is telling them before you die.  

What is a blessing? How are each of you a blessing? Because, make no mistake…each of you is a blessing. To this congregation—to your families, to the wider community, to this very congregation, to the world at large and to me personally. We did this a few weeks ago. I want each of you to say one blessing to one other person. That way each of you will have a turn to say a blessing and each of you will know that you are a blessing. Really know it, in your kishkes. 

So that is precisely what we did. Every person received a blessing and gave a blessing. It was poignant, joyful, beautiful and at times even funny. At the very end of services, one person blessed me (not part of the plan) but worthy of me putting here, in case I forget. “Rabbi, we bless you with our respect and love for what a magnificent spiritual leader – and human being – you are. Your knowledge, guidance, passion, and care for all, both inside CKI and outside in our community, are beyond outstanding.  We appreciate you SO very much!  We all are blessed to have you as our rabbi.” 

This portion and this process brings me hope. As we leave our imperfect matriarchs and patriarchs for another year, we can move forward assured of our blessing and our legacy. Hope is our way forward, even in what is becoming a difficult end of the secular year.  

Another rabbi picked up a similar idea to mine. Rabbi Michael Dolgrin in Toronto put it: 

“ Jacob says that this is how we shall bless our descendants. Perhaps this means that we must be open and thoughtful about the blessings that we offer, that we cannot always control our situations. Still, despite all of this, we must have the courage to go forward and offer blessing. We must hope that those whom we have lost are not entirely gone; that family can surprise us in good ways. We must hope that blessings are available even when we are sure that the window for holiness and goodness has closed. We must hope that we can see the generations after us, whether they be our genetic descendants or not, acting on the ideals and values that we hold dear. We must hope that even when we and those we love make mistakes, they can still lead to sweet or bittersweet possibilities.” 

We end the reading of a book of Torah with this blessing: Chazak, chazak v’ntichazek. Be strong, be strong and be strengthened. This morning’s exercise has strengthened us all. It enables us to enter the next book, Exodus, and the next year, stronger, as individuals and as a community. Vayechi—And we lived. And we blessed. This is our legacy. 

Close every door to me,
Hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows
And shut out the light 

Do what you want with me,
Hate me and laugh at me
Darken my daytime
And torture my night 

If my life were important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie
Far from this world 

Close every door to me,
Keep those I love from me
Children of Israel
Are never alone 

The lyrics from the haunting song about Joseph in jail from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. 

Joseph was thrown in jail, falsely imprisoned by Potiphar and as a “self made man” he rose to power to be the viceroy of Egypt because of his ability to interpret dreams.  

This weekend is Human Rights Shabbat, something we have participated in at CKI since I have been here. One of the areas that Tru’ah, Rabbis for Human Rights has worked on consistently, are the inequities in our justice system.  

Sadly, there are still inequities in our justice system often down economic and racial lines. Here in Kane County, Sherrif Ron Hain has been working on this very problem. 

As his bio says: “Ron was elected as Kane County Sheriff in November of 2018 and his team immediately implemented employment diversion programs into the jail, along with medically assisted treatment to support and redirect inmates with drug addiction issues. Sheriff Hain’s focus is to take a zero tolerance approach to street crime while providing positive life paths for incarcerated Kane County residents in an effort to drive down recidivism and crime rates.” https://www.kanesheriff.com/Pages/Message-from-the-Sheriff.aspx  

What does that mean? His goal was to reduce the prison population 20%. He has exceeded that goal to 35%. It is an important goal to him because people who are imprisoned get tagged for life. It really wrecks havoc with the underlying fabric of society. There are other books that illustrate this point even more eloquently and well researched than I can ever do: Locked Down and Locked Out, Just Mercy and the New Jim Crow for starters. These books illustrate all too painfully what happens in a legal plagued by inequity systemic racism. 

My former student, Tony award winning sound designer, Rob Kaplowitz recently said this: “One of my gigs requires me to re-apply for it every once in a while. Recently, they added Background Checks, which include criminal history stuff. Took me 6 minutes and I was done. I have good friends and admired colleagues with misdemeanors and felonies – some earned, some hung on them because they are Black Men in America. If I had checked the box, I would have had to provide a detailed report on my entire criminal history, including documents I’d probably have to pay to obtain. It would have taken up the majority of my night, if not more, and made me sweat bullets, wondering if a gig I thought I’d already gotten would be taken away from me. Those who have served their time and been released? Those who had their charges reduced or just accepted misdemeanor judgements because they were told “just plea guilty and you’ll walk away with a fine?” This idea of punishing someone for life – especially now that we can all agree that many Black Men get arrested for simply wearing the skin into which they were born? It’s straight bullshit.” 

This can affect every area of life: employment as Rob has described. Housing—not just for you but for your family. Securing a loan. Education. Access to health care. Things that many of us take for granted in our privileged world. The very things that our holiness code, Kedoshim, Leviticus 19 told us we needed to guard against:
 

“You shall not render an unfair decision: do not favor the poor or show deference to the rich; judge your kinsman fairly.” (Lev 19:15) 

Once people who are imprisoned, like Joseph, falsely, even if the government attempts restitution in a wrongful conviction, it is difficult maybe impossible to rebuild your life. https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/criminal-justice/ct-chicago-police-wrongful-conviction-lawsuit-verdict-eddie-bolden-20211029-oj7wm5vadzeazmndcdsscyscni-story.html 

What price can you put on losing 30 or 40 years behind bars for a crime you did not commit? 

All of this has been exacerbated by COVID-19. My own nephew, Dr. Brennan Klein, recently published an academic paper on the inequities of who was released from prison as a way to stem the spread of COVID-19. Here is the abstract: 

“During the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of incarcerated people 

in the United States decreased by at least 16%—the largest, fastest reduction in prison 

population in American history. Using publicly available data on prison demographics 

across all 50 states and the District of Columbia, we show that incarcerated white people 

benefited disproportionately from the resulting decrease in the U.S. prison population, 

and the fraction of incarcerated Black and Latino people sharply increased. This pattern 

deviates from a decade-long trend before 2020 and the onset of COVID-19, when the 

proportion of incarcerated Black people was declining. Using case studies of several 

states, we explore and quantify multiple systemic mechanisms that could explain the 

disparities we identify: temporary court closures that led to fewer prison admissions, 

state-level prison release policies that sought to de-densify congregate settings, and 

changes in the frequency of police interactions. Ultimately, these findings illuminate 

how systemic racism pervades juridical and penal institutions and is the engine of mass 

incarceration in America.” The full paper is available upon request. 

 Joseph was falsely accused and falsely imprisoned. Our tradition commands us to pursue justice. Tzedek, tzedek tirdof. It is our obligation as Jews to stand up and to fight against the inquities in our justice system. 

According to Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, of blessed memory, this morning’s portion changes the trajectory of the world. It is the first time in all of the book of Genesis with it’s imperfect people, where we meet the concept of forgiveness. This happens when Josepeh reveals himself to his brothers.  

“I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you… it was not you who sent me here, but God.” (Gen. 45:4-8) 

Instead of blaming his brother’s for throwing him in the pit, which causes him to be sold to the Ishmaelites, who sold him to Potipher who threw him in jail, which caused him to interpret Pharoah’s dream’s which caused him to rise to the highest ranks of government which is causing him to provide food for his family who now meets him in Egypt. My Hebrew class that is a whole bunch of hipheal verbs… 

But can you forgive the brothers for throwing him in the pit? Sacks argues that’s exactly what Joseph does:  “According to the Midrash, God had forgiven before this, but not according to the plain sense of the text. Forgiveness is conspicuously lacking as an element in the stories of the Flood, the Tower of Babel, and Sodom. When Abraham prayed his audacious prayer for the people of Sodom, he did not ask God to forgive them. His argument was about justice, not forgiveness. Perhaps there were innocent people there, fifty or even ten. It would be unjust for them to die. Their merit should therefore save the others, says Abraham. That is quite different from asking God to forgive.” 

Note, that it seems in these examples that even G-d has a hard time forgiving:  Think Adam and Eve expelled from the Garden of Eden, Cain forced to wander for the rest of his life, the destruction of the world by flood,  the Tower of Babel, and then Sodom and Gemorah. 

Now, this is Judaism, and some other rabbis argued that really the concept of forgiveness began in the story of Abraham and Abimelech. Nonetheless, the concept of forgiveness is something that Judaism gave to world and is part of what sets us apart as a moral people.  

And yet, in next week’s parsha, the brother’s actual asked for forgiveness: 

They sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers for the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept. (Gen. 50:16-18) 

Now, I want to be clear. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It is isn’t easy. It can be more like an onion, with layers and layers and needed to do it over and over again. So why bother?  

We had a very rich discussion last night. One person said that after holding a grudge for 10 years they offered forgiveness to someone and felt a huge wait lift off of them. Another person who forgave because she felt it was too toxic to hold onto the anger really worked on it. She totally forgave the person but may never quite trust the person again.  

The Templeton Foundation, that offers the Templeton prize and also is the foundation that funds the Scientists in the Synagogue grant that we are finishing up, has spent roughly $10M on the Science of Forgiveness. Coming out of that is a 55 page document written by Everett Worthington on the Science of Forgiveness. https://www.templeton.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Forgiveness_final.pdf  

However, our congregants are on to something. We forgive because we need to do it more for ourselves than for the person or persons we are forgiving. Rabbi Harold Kusher has much to say about this.  

“The embarrassing secret is that many of us are reluctant to forgive.  We nurture grievances because that makes us feel morally superior.  Withholding forgiveness gives us a sense of power, often power over someone who otherwise leaves us feeling powerless.  The only power we have over them is the power to remain angry at them. There may be a certain emotional satisfaction in claiming the role of victim, but it is a bad idea for two reasons.  First, it estranges you from a person you could be close to.  (And if it becomes a habit, as it all too often does, it estranges you from many people you could be close to.)  And secondly, it accustoms you to seeing yourself in the role of victim—helpless, passive, preyed upon by others.  Is that shallow feeling of moral superiority worth learning to see yourself that way?” 

Kushner counseled a woman still angry with the husband who left her years ago.  He said, “I’m not asking you to forgive him because what he did wasn’t so terrible; it was terrible.  I’m suggesting that you forgive him because he doesn’t deserve to have this power to turn you into a bitter, resentful woman.  When he left, he gave up the right to inhabit your life and mind to the degree that you’re letting him.  Your being angry at him doesn’t harm him, but it hurts you.  It’s turning you into someone you don’t really want to be.  Release that anger, not for his sake—he probably doesn’t deserve it—but for your sake, so that the real you can reemerge.” 

This fits with what Worthington says in his work at the Templeton Foundation.  

The next question then becomes are there limits to forgiveness. Yes. “Our own tradition says that there are some limits to forgiveness. At the individual level there are also some sins that seem to be beyond forgiveness. In my thesis, “Citing Maimonides, Dorff lists several categories of sinners who permanently lose their place in the world to come, heretics and those who deny the authority of the Torah, those who cause a multitude to sin, who secede from the community, who commits sins in a high-handed fashion, informers against the Jewish community, those who terrorize a community other than for religious purposes, murderers and slanders and those who remove the mark of their circumcision .” 

At the end of the Torah, in the book of Deuteronomy we are told to “Remember never forget Amalek.” Why, the Amalekites attacked the rear guard when the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness on their way to Israel. The women, the children the old.  And our tradition teaches that Amalek’s line leads to Haman that may lead to Hitler. Is it possible to ever forgive Hitler. That’s hard. Perhaps impossible.  

In Simon Weisenthal’s book, The Sunflower, that I gave to every commander at the Elgin Police Department several years ago, the famous Nazi hunter was confronted with a choice, a moral dilemma. A wounded Nazi officer who had driven hundreds of Jewish families into a house and set it on fire wanted absolution.  

Rabbi David Markus points out that forgiveness is not absolution: “But “forgiveness” isn’t absolution. We can “forgive” even if someone doesn’t deserve it—because we ourselves deserve the peace that can come by releasing pain and grudges. That’s forgiveness. It doesn’t absolve wrongs or withhold justice, but helps us live resiliently amid brokenness. It’s among our most powerful spiritual tools—and sometimes difficult to use.”–David Markus  

Could Weisenthal actually forgive the soldier? Weisenthal decided no, Judaism teaches that only the victims can grant forgiveness. The rest of the book, the rest of his life, he wrestles with this decision. The back of the book is a symposium on this topic with many famous scholars and leaders weighing in on Weisenthal’s discussion. It seems to split down Jewish and Christian understandings of forgiveness.  

Forgiveness only exists in a culture in which repentance exists. Repentance presupposes that we are free and morally responsible agents who are capable of change, specifically the change that comes about when we recognise that something we have done is wrong and we are responsible for it and we must never do it again.” Says Sacks.  

The person that we forgive then needs to go through the process of t’shuvah–repentance. We talk a lot about this during the High Holy Day season. As part of the steps of t’shuvah you must admit or confess you did something wrong, promise to never do it again, make restitution and then when confronted with the same circumstances, not do it again. T’shuvah isn’t easy either. And then if someone offers you forgiveness and you are, shall we say stubborn and you don’t accept the offer of forgiveness…three times according to Maimonides, then it is on you.  

When I looked at forgiveness for the thesis, I came to the conclusion that in order to forgive you need to feel safe. Therefore, victims of domestic violence for instance should not forgive until they are safe. We should not be telling victims to go back to their perpetrators and make up for instance.  

The 13 attributes of the divine, teach that G-d is a forgiving G-d, forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin. That’s why we sing it on the High Holy Days. We are told to be like G-d, so therefore we too should be forgiving, for us, for the world, but only if we are safe when we are doing it. Jospeh when forgiving his brothers, showing us a higher moral compass, was already safe. May we become like G-d and like Jospeh.  

“It was a miracle…wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles,” so begins a lyric from  Fiddler on the Roof. It is all about love. Then the song goes on to list some of the BIG miracles outlined in the Bible.  

God took up Daniel once again
Stood by his and side and miracle of miracles
Walked him through the lions den

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles
I was afraid that God would frown
But like he did so long ago, at Jericho
God just made a wall fall down

When Moses softened Pharaohs heart
That was a miracle
When God made the waters of the red sea part
That was a miracle too

But of all God’s miracles large and small
The most miraculous one of all
Is that out of a worthless lump of clay
God has made a man today 

Hanukkah is all about miracles. There is the story of the oil. Or maybe the miracle is that the ragtag group of Maccabees using some form of guerrilla warfare managed to turn over a very large, organized military force.  Our job, our obligation is to publicize the miracle. That’s why some families put the chanukiah in the window or on the porch or in a courtyard. 

In our liturgy we talk about miracles. In the full Song at the Sea, we explore the miracle of the parting of the See of Reeds. Portrayed in this song, which we use parts of every week in the Mi Chamocha, we praise G-d for being on our side. Horse and Rider, He has thrown into the sea.  

The midrash teaches us that when the Israelites saw the power of G-d at the parting of the sea, in one voice they exclaimed, “Ze Eli, This is my G-d.” Another midrash says that even a lowly bondswoman, a slave saw G-d, saw the miracle in that instant while Isaiah and Ezekiel, two of our greatest prophets only had visions of G-d, not first-hand direct experience. 

In the Modim Anachnu prayer we thank G-d for all the miracles we experience and we say:
“We shall thank You and declare Your praise—for our lives which are in Your hand, for our souls which are in Your care, for Your miracles that are with us every day and for Your wondrous deeds and favors at all times: evening, morning and noon. O Good One, whose mercies never fail, O Compassionate One, whose kindnesses never cease: forever do we put our hope in You.” 

To this prayer we add an extra prayer specifically for Hanukkah:
“And for the miracles and for the wonders and for the mighty deeds and for the salvations and for the victories that you wrought for our ancestors in their days and in this day.” 

There seems to be a difference between wonders and miracles.  

The language of Al Hanisim parallels the blessing for the Hannukah candles:
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha’olam she’asa nisum l’avoteinu, bayamim hahem bazman hazeh.  

Blessed are You, Lord our G‑d, Ruler of the universe, who performed miracles for our ancestors in those days, and… 

And what? In some versions this prayer ends “bayamim hahem bazman hazeh”. In others “bayamin hahem uzman hazeh,” including our own Siddur Sim Shalom. What’s the difference? 

The first says that G-d performed miracles for our ancestors in those days. The second says that G-d performed miracles in days of yore and in these days. G-d still performs miracles. Today. Right now. If only we would open our eyes.  

Earlier this week, I asked people what miracles they have experienced in their lives. Sunrise, sunset, the birth of a child were the most common responses. So, I ask you today…when have you experienced a miracle? Other answers included working through infertility. Healing from a disease. One person described falling off a horse. She couldn’t feel anything but knew she wanted to hold a grandchild. Then the feeling returned. Another said, ‘The way everything works. The variety and diversity of people and animals.” 

I wrestle some with miracles. I am not sure that it is appropriate to pray for a miracle or to wish that G-d is on our side. How do we explain how some people were shall we say lucky to survive 9/11 but other people did not “deserve” a miracle. Or survived the Holocaust but 6 million Jews, 13 million people and 1M children, what was the reason they did not survive? It seems like a slippery slope. What do we do with all the recent COVID deaths? 

Was it a miracle that I survived that car crash at this season in days of yore? I could have been killed in that seven car pile up? Or was it the first responders and then the medical care I received at Saint Vincents in New York? Was it a miracle that I survived that violent attack in Israel? Some would like to think so. Was G-d present that night. I believe so. But miracle, not so clear to me? Is it a miracle I found Simon, my bashert?  

Nor does it bring me much comfort to apply the theory that G-d helps them that help themselves. I can think that the medical science that has brought us vaccines and cures for various diseases, not just COVID is a series of miracles. 

For me then, miracles happen. Not because I as an individual necessarily deserve one, because most assuredly I do not. No, rather because of the chanun, the grace and compassion of G-d, the chesed, the lovingkindness of G-d. I am no more deserving than the next person or visa versa. A miracle just is. Something to relish. Something to cherish. Something that just is. 

Later today, we will be watching the Michigan-Iowa Big 10 championship game, I am sure that there will be some who pray. On both sides. Mine are always for a clean game, good officiating and that no one gets hurt. May the better team win.  

When my mother was still alive, we had a unique tradition that we have kept going to this day. After the candles are lit, we name them. Often names that coordinate with the colors, so  a yellow one might be sunshine, a green one nature, a blue one, peace, a white one holiness. You get the idea. And then we would bet on the candles. Which one will go out last. Which one will most closely repeat the miracle of the oil. It causes us to slow down and really look at those candles. Maybe that is the miracle.  Slow down. Open your eyes and find your miracle.

Adding this lovely poem about miracles and light that I found later. My dear friend, Alden Solovy, wrote beautifully. Again.

Meditation for the End of Chanukah

The  Old Shall Dream Dreams: 

Childhood was for fantasies, for nursery rhymes and toys.
The world was much too busy to understand small girls and boys.
As I grew up, I came to learn that life was not a game,
That heroes were just people that we called another name.
And the old shall dream dreams, and the youth shall see visions,
And our hopes shall rise up to the sky.
We must live for today; we must build for tomorrow.
Give us time, give us strength, give us life. 

Now I’m grown, the years have passed, I’ve come to understand:
There are choices to be made and my life’s at my command.
I cannot have a future ’til I embrace my past.
I promise to pursue the challenge, time is going fast.
And the old shall dream dreams, and the youth shall see visions,
And our hopes shall rise up to the sky.
We must live for today; we must build for tomorrow.
Give us time, give us strength, give us life. 

Today’s the day I take my stand, the future’s mine to hold.
Commitments that I make today are dreams from days of old.
I have to make the way for generations come and go.
I have to teach them what I’ve learned so they will come to know.
That the old shall dream dreams, and the youth shall see visions,
And our hopes shall rise up to the sky.
We must live for today; we must build for tomorrow.
Give us time, give us strength, give us life.
Give us time, give us strength, give us life. 

Debbie Friedman, z’l 

And the Youth Shall See Visions 

Our story opens today learning that Joseph is a dreamer. He is the favored son of Jacob, who repeating a pattern of his father Isaac, singles Joseph out for special treatment. Giving him a special coat, Isaac tells Joseph to go find his brothers in Shechem. Joseph simply answers Isaac, Hineini, which our translation says is “I am ready” and can also be “Here am I.”  

Joseph is ready…to do his father’s bidding and to find his brothers. On his way he encounters a nameless person—an ish—a man—is all the text tells us. Remember, we saw an ish in the story of Jacob’s wrestling. This ish is someone who points him in the right direction and changes, quite literally, the direction of his life.  

Yet Joseph was a dreamer. First, he dreams about himself and his brothers.  “There we were binding sheaves in the field, when suddenly my sheaf stood up and remained upright; then your sheaves gathered around and bowed low to my sheaf.” Later, in another dream, the sun and the moon and 11 stars bow down to him.  It seems pretty clear, and Joseph telling his brothers about these dreams only make them even more angry. With him Even if, as we know, these dreams foreshadow the action later in Genesis.  

Still later, Jacob is able to interpret dreams while he is in jail.  That’s where our story picks up today in the triennial cycle.  There will be two more dreams next week that Joseph (correctly) interprets for Pharaoh earning his way out of jail.  Are these dreams somehow communication from the Divine, pointing the way or are they foreshadowing. Is Joseph going to live into his dreams? All this well happens well before Frued or Jung.  

How do we interpret dreams today? Here are some tips: 

• Keep a Dream Journal: Keep some paper, or an electronic device by your bedside so when you are awakened by a dream, you can jot it down so you don’t forget. You can also use a voice recorder if that is easier—and doesn’t wake anyone else up! You can then look for patterns in recurring dreams.  
• Reflect on Your Feelings: After you recall a dream, identify what feelings the dream brought up for you and consider how those feelings may be linked to your current situation in life. I am told to remember in modern dream interpretation that we are each every element of a dream. So if you dream about a menorah, for example, identifying how you are the menorah can help with the interpretation. How does that menorah make you feel? 
• Talk With an Expert: Sometimes it is necessary and helpful to talk with an expert, a professional therapist. You can talk about your dreams and how they make you feel with a professional therapist. They may have suggestions for interpreting dreams specific to your situation. 

Back to our story. Perhaps, even more important to this story of Joseph the dreamer, is his Hineni, his being ready. He grows from a selfish, privileged boy where he uses his dreams to lord over his brothers, into a compassionate, caring leader that uses his interpretation of Pharoah’s dreams to prepare not only Pharaoh but an entire nation for the difficulties that are to come.  

The question I have for you today is how do we take our dreams and answer the question they pose with that sense of “Hineni, Here am I, I am ready.” 

Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it you can do it.” 

And John Lennon said, “A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” 

Herzel said, “If you will it, it is no dream.” Debbie Friedman set that to music too: 

Im Tirtzu Ayn Zo Agadah. L’hiyot am chofshi b’artzeinu B’eretz (Eretz!_ Tzion (Tzion!) VirushalayimIf you will it, it is  no dream. 

Turning a dream into reality takes working towards it, often with others.  What sets Joseph apart then, is he takes these dreams and turns them into reality.  

Each of us has a dream.  Each of us have people along the way that point us in the right direction and help us crystalize that dream.  

As this is still Thanksgiving and there is still a need to be grateful, as I did at ordination, I want to thank the little people, the ones who made it possible for me to stand here. Some have names, like Rabbi Al Lewis, who convinced me to learn to run. Like Rev. David Ferner, a great interpreter of dreams who told me after listening deeply that it was time to fish or cut bait. Like the barista at the Chelmsford Starbucks who for a long time was nameless but kept me caffeinated and made me smile.  

Who are the anashim, plural of ish for each of you? How do you answer Hineini to your dreams? 

In the Polar Express, a book written by an East Grand Rapids High School alum, Chris Van Allsburg, Josh Groban, sings: 

Children sleeping
Snow is softly falling
Dreams are calling
Likes bells in the distance 

We were dreamers
Not so long ago
But one by one
We all had to grow up 

When it seems the magic slipped away
We find it all again on Christmas Day 

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that’s playing
There’s no time to waste
There’s so much to celebrate 

Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe 

Joanne Fink: 

This week’s Torah portion, Veyeshev, begins with the story of Joseph and the multi-color coat given to him by his father, Jacob. Joseph is a dreamer—who freely shares his dreams and interprets dreams for other people. Reading how Joseph grows from a selfish young man to a caring, dedicated one, inspires me to strive to grow into the best person I am capable of being. 

May the dreams you cherish  

fuel your personal purpose 

and help you grow in  

strength, compassion and resilience.  

May each candle you kindle 

light the way to a future based on 

love, trust, connection, friendship; 

equality, justice, hope and peace. 

May the generations who came before you  

inspire you to be a light in the world 

and may you, in turn,  

be a source of inspiration to others. 

Amen!

Before Aleinu:
The  Merger Poem 

And then all that has divided us will merge
And then compassion will be wedded to power
And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and unkind
And then both men and women will be gentle
And then both women and men will be strong
And then no person will be subject to another’s will
And then all will be rich and free and varied
And then the greed of some will give way to the needs of many
And then all will share equally in the Earth’s abundance
And then all will care for the sick and the weak and the old
And then all will nourish the young
And then all will cherish life’s creatures
And then all will live in harmony with each other and the Earth
And then everywhere will be called Eden once again. 

  Judy Chicago 

In Memory of Sondheim: 

Barbra Streisand – Somewhere (Official Video) 

There’s a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere

[MARIA]
There’s a time for us
Someday a time for us
Time together with time to spare
Time to look, time to care
Someday!

[TONY]
Somewhere
We’ll find a new way of living

[MARIA]
We’ll find a way of forgiving
Somewhere

[BOTH]
There’s a place for us
A time and place for us
Hold my hand and we’re halfway there
Hold my hand and I’ll take you there
Somehow
Someday
Somewhere! 

 As we prepare to celebrate Thanksgiving, perhaps your celebration will include seeing family you haven’t seen in a long time.  There is lots written in magazines (remember those) and social media sites of what to say and what not to say at that all important dinner table. These are not new topics. Today’s Torah portion has a lot to teach us about family relationships, in  a series of vignettes.  

Jacob is going home! After 20 years, working 7 years for each “girl” and some extra time to please Laban and amass some wealth. He is going home! But he is scared, anxious, and he sends gifts ahead to pave the way for his return. 

Jacob wrestles with something—an ish, a man the text tells us, or maybe some divine being—and his name is changed from Jacob, meaning heel to Yisrael, one who struggles with G-d and prevails. This encounter happens alone.  

When it becomes morning, So Jacob named the place Peniel,. As Sefari’s translation explains, “eUnderstood as “face of God.” meaning, “I have seen a divine being face to face, yet my life has been preserved.”” 

Then they continue on their way. Those gifts, those substantial gifts? When Jacob finally meets Esau, Easu asks why Jacob sent them.  

Jacob’s answer is telling: Jacob said, “No, I pray you; if you would do me this favor, accept from me this gift; for to see your face is like seeing the face of God, and you have received me favorably. 

As many of you know, I survived rabbinical school by listening to Broadway show tunes driving back and forth from Boston to New York. Our friend Anita Silvert who has done Bibliodrama here at CKI has recently started a podcast called Verses that looks at biblical verses together with Broadway. Her first two are about Newsies and West Side Story. It is well worth listening to.  

In one of my favorite musicals, one Anita hasn’t gotten to yet, Les Mis, at the very end of the musical, Eponie and Fantine sing “To love another person is to see the face of G-d. Les Misérables ” Epilogue . Finale 

The beginning of the book of Genesis teaches us that we are all created b’tzelim elohim, in the image of G-d, a reflection of G-d, with a divine spark inside. We need to learn, to really understand in our kishke’s that to see another person, to love another person is to see the face of G-d. We are each, each a reflection of the divine image. 

Recently I was asked as co-president of the Coalition of Elgin Religious Leaders whether we were going to host a vigil or make a statement about rising violence in Elgin. After listening to my own brother who asked an important question. After you say, “We deplore the recent gun violence, shootings and killing,” what is your next line? How does that help? The Coalition of Elgin Religious Leaders will be hosting, probably with Gail Borden Public Library, and the EPD a workshop on the underpinnings of violence. It is a work in progress still so I don’t have the details. 

What are the underpinnings of violence. How is it possible that someone can value the life of another human being that they can look someone in the eyes and shoot first or stab them? That is an age old question. Sometimes it is about fear. Sometimes it is about someone having something the other person wants. And sometimes, I think we will just never know. Professor Dave Grossman thinks maybe he understands. He wrote a book called, “On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society.” It is too easy to just blame easy access to guns, or the prevalent and popular video games or mental health issues. The root causes are deeper than this.  

How does this relate to the parsha? Jacob and Esau seem to find that divine spark and are able to reconcile. They don’t actually resort to murder or killing. They can see the face of G-d in the other. 

Then we have a chapter that is nearly inexplicable. What happened to Dinah isn’t entirely clear from the text. We will leave that discussion for another year. What is clear is that Jacob, and G-d are silent. I struggle with that silence. Jacob’s sons then take matters into their own hands. Trying to defend Dinah’s honor, they demand that every male is circumcised. And then while the men of Shechem are hurting, they kill them all. Their response and explanation to Jacob as to why they did it, “But they answered, “Should our sister be treated like a whore?” 

To love another person is to see the face of G-d. Somehow, Jacob’s sons were not able to see the face of G-d in their neighbors. We are taught that we need to actively pursue justice. To run after it. But not like Jacob’s sons.  

Our tradition teaches us that “Tzedek, tzedek tirdof, Justice, Justice shall you pursue.” Learning to see the other, to love your neighbor as yourself is part of justice. The repetition of the word justice here is important.  

Rabbi Amy Eilberg teaches, “Notably, two commandments are explicitly articulated not as responses to a particular situation, but as imperatives to be followed – indeed, pursued – at all times. We are not only to act in accordance with these imperatives passively when the occasion arises. We are to actively seek out opportunities to engage in them. The two cases are the pursuit of justice, of which it is said, “Justice, justice shall you pursue” (Deut. 16:20) and the pursuit of peace, of which it is said, “Seek peace and pursue it” (Ps. 34:15). “ 

At G-d’s command, Jacob returns to Beth El, the place where he had first encountered divine beings or messengers going up and down the ladder, where Jacob is blessed again. Jacob erects an alter to G-d and names that place Beth El and they continue on. Rachel dies in childbirth on the road, in what is now Bethlehem and they name this last child Ben Oni or Benyamin.  

The tradition is that Rachel continues to weep for her children. And that a pilgrimage to the Tomb of Rachel will help with infertility. To this day, there is a Tomb of Rachel, located in Bethlehem, on the West Bank. Sadly, it is a point of friction between Jews and Muslims, Israelis and Palestinians. They haven’t yet figured out how to see the face of G-d in all who want to worship there. 

Then something remarkable happens in our text this morning. While Jacob and Esau go their separate ways, after they have repaired their relationship, Isaac dies.  

“Isaac was a hundred and eighty years old  when he breathed his last and died. “Isaac.” was gathered to his kin in ripe old age; and he was buried by his sons Esau and Jacob.” 

Esau and Jacob, apparently were already buried together. And then, what I think is most remarkable, we get a full lineage, a full genealogy of Esau’s line. Remember, we don’t always know the names of our Biblical ancestors. Who is Mrs. Noah for instance? Or Lot’s wife?  

Knowing a name of someone is a sign of intimacy. Knowing all these names of the descendants of Esau is important. It is one way that we recognize that they are created b’tzelem elohim. That they are really human with the divine spark inside. To see another person is to see the face of G-d. 

It has been hard to see people’s faces during the pandemic. Heather and I tell people, kids especially to smile with your eyes. Sometimes it is hard to recognize someone with their mask on. But this is what the text wants us to do. To see another person, to love another person is to see the face of G-d, that divine spark that is in each of us.  

Somehow, we still find it a challenge to love another person and see the face of G-d, whether right here in Chicagoland or in Israel. Maybe then we can reduce the violence plaguing our world.  

When you return home this week—or if you are hosting—remember the teaching of Esau—to see another person is to see the face of G-d. And the teaching of Les Mis—to love another person is to see the face of G-d. Then it will be truly a grateful Thanksgiving.  

When I was growing up the question was never where would I be for Passover, the High Holy Days or Chanukah. No, the question was, where would I be for Thanksgiving and the 4th of July. Those American holidays. 4th of July made sense. My mother’s birthday was the 6th of July and my father’s was the 7th. It was a weeklong summer celebration. 

Thanksgiving had its own rhythm. There were always guests. Practicing the mitzvah or welcoming guests that we learn from Abraham and Sarah. If you didn’t have a place to go, you came to our house. That was always fun. My mother often was asked to say “grace” and her choice was always the blessing over the wine. Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine. She made all of us memorize it. 

So, is Thanksgiving Jewish? Maybe. The concept most certainly is. Based on the Israelites celebration of the harvest festival of Sukkot, the Puritans gathered to give thanks in Plimouth Plantation when they survived that first winter and the harvest was “gotten in”. I have written extensively on Governor William Bradford’s Hebrew manuscripts and his description of that first Thanksgiving in his book, On Plimouth Plantation. The celebration was based on the Jewish holiday of Sukkot. The Puritans definitely saw this land, not yet a country, as the new Israel, the new Jerusalem, a utopian world where they could worship G-d in the way they saw fit. Sometimes, knowing that history has filled me with pride. Other times, it seems, well, complicated. 

This year is one of those complicated years. How do we pray together in an inclusive, non-offensive way with people who may not see G-d the same way or may not even believe in G-d at all? Without losing our own authenticity?  

For more than 30 years I have been involved in planning Interfaith Thanksgiving services. Some years are harder to plan than others. In a planning meeting for this year, in what I thought would be a simple exercise of kids passing a candle and saying, “I am thankful for……..” there were some objections. What if we said, “Thank you for…….” Who is the you? Is that G-d? Could it be misinterpreted? Could someone be offended? I didn’t think so but it was hotly discussed. It actually showed a great deal of sensitivity and compassion on the part of the person who initially raised the question. I am grateful for that. 

I was also recently asked to attend an Interfaith Prayer Breakfast. Later I was actually asked to speak to this same question at that very breakfast. The organizer feels as an Evangelical Christian he can only pray in Jesus’s name but has come to realize that might be offensive to non-Christians. Can we pray at all together? My answer was yes. But it is complicated. This is what I said. 

“If your understanding of G-d includes Jesus, then pray that way. That is your understanding of the One G-d. The Muslim community has 99 names for G-d. In my tradition, we have many names for G-d. Even many understandings. One of our prayers, that praises G-d for our ancestors, says the G-d of Abraham and the G-d of Isaac and the G-d of Jacob. More recently we have added the matriarchs too. English teachers get upset. Too many repeated words. But the rabbis 2000 years ago, in the time of Jesus, taught that each patriarch and each matriarch had their own way of understanding G-d. And their own way of praying. Abraham got up early in the morning. Isaac meditated in a field. Jacob put a rock under his head for pillow. Each of those was a prayer. Jesus left us examples of prayer—very Jewish I might add. The Lord’s Prayer, beginning, Our Father who art in heaven, is a very Jewish prayer and since Jesus himself is praying, he doesn’t end it “in Jesus’s name, Amen.” Lastly I need you to understand that in this rising time of anti-semitism, for thousands of years Jews have been killed in Jesus’s name so some of my people may be uncomfortable at best.” 

This year is complicated because there have been arguments to once again to call this a Christian nation. While the Puritans most certainly came to this land for religious freedom, they did not found a Chrisitan nation. The earlier settlers were not comfortable with differing expressions of Christianity, kicking Roger Williams out of Massachusetts who then founded Rhode Island, for example. However. our Founding Fathers made sure to include freedom of religion in the Bill of Rights. Some of that language was from Alexander Hamilton and some from George Washington himself, in his letter to the Jewish community of Newport RI. 

This past week I attended the Academy for Jewish Religion annual retreat. This year was on mindfulness. Mindfulness is an important component of spirituality. It is about living with intentionality. It is about noticing your thoughts and emotions and not ignoring them. It is about prayer. It has become all the rage, even in places like corporate America and places like Weight Watchers.  

Recently, I spoke about finding G-d. Jacob found G-d in his dreams, when he was alone with nothing more than a stone for his pillow. In my adult Hebrew class we looked at Jeremiah 29. There was a verb question that might change the meaning of verse 14 in its entirety. It either says, God will let himself be found. OR G-d will be found. It is a fascinating discussion. A little like a game of hide and seek. 

Where then do I find G-d? How do I pray? I find G-d in exactly this kind of intellectual debate. In the quiet stillness of the late night or early morning. In being outdoors in nature. In my own sanctuary saying prayers that were created 2000 years ago or in the words that are being created right now. I find G-d in doing G-d’s work to make this world a better place, in acts of tikkun olam, that I do with my clergy friends and colleagues. 

I pray this Thanksgiving: 

For gratitude
For this great nation.
For signs of Your creation, morning. Noon and night.
For people who work together to make this world a better place
Who partner with you to repair this earth. 

For courage
To do difficult thing
To speak with civility and clarity
To work with those who are difficult
To take on new challenges
To be a force for good. 

For strength
To turn the darkness into light
To feed the hungry
To clothe the naked
To house the homeless
To cure the sick 

For hope
To learn to smile and laugh
To sing
To pray
To rest
To live with kindness and compassion 

May each of you have a Thanksgiving filled with gratitude and meaning and a hide and seek game with G-d.

“There are no atheists in foxholes.” Whether this is true or not, I cannot say. I can’t even tell you, for sure, the origin of it. Many people try to take claim for it. It seems to come from somewhere during World War II.  

However, it seems to be an important thing to discuss when we look at this week’s portion. Jacob is fleeing home, running away from Esau who has threatened to murder him. He pauses to rest for the night. Puts a stone for a pillow under his head and he falls asleep. Then he has a dream.  

Machalim are ascending and descending a stairway or a ladder. Malachim—angels or messengers.  

“Surely G-d is in this place and I knew it not.” 

Where do we find G-d? Where do we encounter G-d? One said in this very sanctuary. Others say at their parent’s grave or during a crisis. Some said while hiking in the mountains or walking by the ocean. Some say in a large group—praying together or at a large concert or even at a football game. Some would say in Israel. Maybe in Jerusalem. Others say anytime any place.  

Sometimes that encounter happens late at night or in the wee small hours of the morning. Others find G-d alone. 

And maybe, just maybe in a foxhole. Which would provide that sense of crisis. Fear can be a driver for finding G-d.  

This portion has a lot to say about G-d. Recently I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine. She remembered from her Hebrew School days that Abraham discovered that there is only one G-d. But she wasn’t sure why that is important. One of our members of blessed memory used to say that our whole purpose in life is to praise G-d. Our early part of the service supports this with quotes like, “that I might sing Your praise unceasingly” (Psalm 30),“Let every breath of life praise G-d, Halleluyah!” (Psalm 150) and “The beath of all that lives praises You, Adonai our G-d.” (Nishmat Kol Chai) 

So this is our objective. This is part of how we find meaning.  

One G-d might mean that no G-d is better than another, reducing competition. My G-d is better than your G-d. We see this answer We see that in Michamocha/Ain Kamocha. Who is Like, O G-d? No One is like You. Yet wars continue to be fought over our global understanding of the one true G-d. 

One answer I received from a former student, now teaching Hebrew School herself: “Hashem as one G-d remained and remains consistent and unchanging in terms of who created what, had what powers etc. In that sense it was an act of rebellion in maintaining communal/tribal identity in a turbulent, violent, imperialistic world. It’s part of what makes Ancient Israelites (and Jews throughout history) different.” 

Not only does Jacob have an encounter with the Divine but others do as well.  

Later, in the portion, in a bookend moment, Laban has an encounter with G-d in another dream sequence: 

“But God appeared to Laban the Aramean in a dream by night and said to him, “Beware of attempting anything with Jacob, good or bad.” 

Sometimes, people don’t have faith. Sometimes those crisis moments or those moments of suffering push people the other direction. In fact, there is a whole organization called “Atheists in Foxholes.” According to Psychology Today, “Some estimates suggest that 7 percent of our enlisted men and women today are atheists….Some people in scary, dangerous, or threatening situations can and sometimes do lose their religious faith. For some people, the horrors they witness or the suffering they endure can render belief in an all-powerful, all-loving deity.” unsustainable.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-secular-life/202106/are-there-atheists-in-foxholes  

One thing we have is  a sacred obligation, is to work with our veterans who have seen frequently unspeakable things, to make sure they are not suffering. We need to work to heal PTSD and to prevent the ongoing suicides of our military veterans. “The suicide rate among active duty service members in the US military increased by 41.4% in the five years from 2015 to 2020, according to data provided in the annual report from the Department of Defense on suicide in the military.” https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/30/politics/military-suicide-report/index.html  There is a little bit of good news. While the suicide rate of US Veterans is still higher than the general US adult population in 2019, the last year the numbers are available for, there was a drop in percentage. https://blogs.va.gov/VAntage/94358/2021-national-veteran-suicide-prevention-annual-report-shows-decrease-in-veteran-suicides/ Nonetheless, the rate remains too high. In the same period, 17 veterans took their own lives each and every day. 30,000 US Veterans have taken their own lives since September 11, 2001, more than died in Afghanistan https://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2021/09/28/veterans-suicide-prevention-afghanistan-anna-richardson-sarah-roxburgh .  

 In our portion, we need to ask about Rachel. Rachel isn’t quite convinced that G-d is going to protect her, so she steals her father’s idols to go on the journey with her. Laban, himself comes looking for them. She devises a unique way to protect them. 

Our portion ends with one more example of finding G-d.  

Jacob went on his way, and angels of God encountered him.  

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יַעֲקֹב֙ כַּאֲשֶׁ֣ר רָאָ֔ם מַחֲנֵ֥ה אֱלֹהִ֖ים זֶ֑ה וַיִּקְרָ֛א שֵֽׁם־הַמָּק֥וֹם הַה֖וּא מַֽחֲנָֽיִם׃ {פ}
When he saw them, Jacob said, “This is God’s camp.” So he named that place Mahanaim. 

My hope is that this sanctuary, and our sanctuaries at home are G-d’s camp. This is G-d’s camp. Right here. Whether you are in the room or in the sanctuary of your home. It is a place we camp and we encounter G-d.  Ma Tovu Ohalecha Ya’akov. Mishkenotecha, Yisrael. How lovely are our tents,  our dwelling places O Israel, our sanctuaries O Israel.  

As we head into Chanukah, we learn that the world Chanukah so often translated as Dedication, can also be split into two words, Chanu, Coh, Thus they camped. Here we camp. Providing a space, a makom to encounter G-d. Our job is to continue to make this a place, a makom,  a safe place to encounter G-d  and to praise G-d’s holy name. 

After the Prayer for our Country 

A prayer for Veteran’s Day.  

God of compassion,
God of dignity and strength,
Watch over the veterans of the United States
In recognition of their loyal service to our nation.
Bless them with wholeness and love.
Shelter them.
Heal their wounds,
Comfort their hearts.
Grant them peace.
God of justice and truth,
Rock of our lives,
Bless our veterans,
These men and women of courage and valor,
With a deep and abiding understanding
Of our profound gratitude.
Protect them and their families from loneliness and want.
Grant them lives of joy and bounty.
May their dedication and honor
Be remembered as a blessing
From generation to generation.
Blessed are You,
Protector and Redeemer,
Our Shield and our Stronghold. 

(Alden Solovy) 

Before Kaddish: 

THE YOUNG DEAD SOLDIERS DO NOT SPEAK
Nevertheless they are heard in the still houses: who has not heard them?
They have a silence that speaks for them at night and when the clock counts.
They say, We were young. We have died. Remember us.
They say, We have done what we could but until it is finished it is not done.
They say, We have given our lives but until it is finished no one can know what our lives gave.
They say, Our deaths are not ours: they are yours: they will mean what you make them.
They say, Whether our lives and our deaths were for peace and a new hope or for nothing we cannot say: it is you who must say this.
They say, We leave you our deaths: give them their meaning: give them an end to the war and a true peace: give them a victory that ends the war and a peace afterwards: give them their meaning.
We were young, they say. We have died. Remember us. 

Archibald MacLeish

In this season of gratitude, we spoke last night about ethical wills and blessings.  

 Isaac calls his son Esau, his favored one, the one he loves, the redhaired one (yesterday was redhead day, which by the way is a genetic trait one that is dying out), the one who hunts his beloved game, and says that he is to hunt and prepare some game and then he will bless him. He wants to give his son a blessing. It is a form of an ethical will, the values that Isaac wants to pass down to his son. It is his legacy.  

Esau departs for his task. Jacob, at Rebecca’s urging, slips in and tricks Isaac and receives the blessing that Isaac had intended to give to Esau.  

Esau comes back and wails “do you have no blessing for me.” It is a painful chapter. Isaac does bless him, but it sounds more like a curse.  

It is painful from the beginning. I want to look carefully at that language.  

“When Isaac was old and his eyes were too dim to see, he called his older son Esau and said to him, “My son.” He answered, “Here I am.” 

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֵלָיו֙ בְּנִ֔י וַיֹּ֥אמֶר אֵלָ֖יו הִנֵּֽנִי׃ 

Do you hear an echo here? It is exactly the words that Abraham and Isaac exchanged when they were walking up the mountain. The generational trauma seems to continue. Isaac who is almost sacrificed at the hand of his father, gets tricked and gives the wrong blessing to Esau. Isaac, conditioned by his own father, misses the moment. In our High Holiday liturgy we learn the words that G-d taught Moses, Adonai, Adonai, El Rachum v’chanun….The Lord, the Lord G-d is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and patient, full of lovingkindnes and truth, extending kindness to the 1000th generation and forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin, But there is a back half of that sentence that we don’t say in our liturgy. “yet God does not remit all punishment, but visits the iniquity of parents upon children and children’s children, upon the third and fourth generations.” Are we seeing evidence of that here? Cain and Abel, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau and soon to come Joseph and his brothers. Sins passed down generation to generation? 

As Rabbi Marc Katz, said, “The Torah is not a parenting manual.” Our patriarchs and matriarchs are not perfect people. Being perfect is not the object. Perhaps, what we learn from our ancestors is what not to do. We should not favor one child over another. And we should learn to break the cycle.  

It should be noted that when we bless our children on Shabbat evening, we bless our girls in the names of our matriarchs, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah. But the boys are blessed not in the names of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob but the grandchildren, Maneseh and Ephraim.  

Is there only one blessing for each person? I don’t think so.  

Harold Kushner in his book, How Good Do We Have to Be, says that one of the issues with sibling rivalry, exhibited right here, is that idea that “Mom loved you best.” But the secret is that “love is not like a bank account that is depleted when it is given away.  It is rather like a muscle–the more it is exercised, the more it can be used.  And the gift of that blessing–especially for parents with small children–can help to bridge the gap between you and your children, between your children, and between us and the One we call Avinu, the One we call our Parent.” 

Last night we looked at blessings and ethical wills. Often when I do a funeral someone says it would have been so nice for the person to hear what was said about them before they die. We don’t always get that chance. So let’s try it here. The rabbis of the Talmud teach that we should give 100 blessings a day. This is how we demonstrate that there is enough love to go around.  

Sometimes we have a hard time asking for the blessing we need. What blessing do you need?  I need strength and patience.  

I started last night with Joy. Joy was a blessing when she designed a beautiful sign in her lovely calligraphy and went and put it on the synagogue door. Her enthusiasm and her willingness to help and to learn is a blessing.  

Other blessings that were mentioned: 

• Watching a couple dance during the Torah service 
• People showing up, making sure that there is always a minyan 
• Pitching in to lead parts of the service 
• Beautiful Torah and haftarah reading 
• Always having an encouraging word for someone 
• Being able to find any literature reference as a retired librarian during Torah Study 
• Always being willing to help with technology
• Always making sure that people are welcomed.

At least one unique blessing for every person present.

There is enough love and enough blessings to go around. May you find your blessing and may you give a blessing, at this season of thanksgiving and always. 

Toldot: Genesis 25:19-28:9 

Parsha Summary:
After the three deaths in last week’s portion, Sarah, Abraham and Ishmael, this is about the birth of Jacob and Esau.  Rebecca was barren and Isaac prayed to G-d.  The text tells us that Isaac was 40 when he married Rebecca and 60 when she finally gave birth. That is a long period of infertility, something women still struggle with today. What do we make of these fantastical numbers in the book of Genesis. Was Sarah really 90 when she gave birth? Isaac really 60? Does it matter? 

Her pregnancy is not easy and she wonders why she even exists. She goes to “inquire” of G-d what is going on. G-d responds  that there are two nations in her womb and the younger will serve the older foreshadowing much of what is to come. Esau is born first, hairy and red. Jacob, meaning heel comes out next, holding onto Esau. Isaac preferred Esau and Rebecca preferred Jacob. Esau trades his “first born” birthright for a pot of lentil stew.  

There is an interlude repeated almost verbatim the scene with Abraham and Sarah,  with Abimelech, Kind of the Philistines. Is Rebecca Isaac’s sister or his wife? Is this an early #MeToo Moment? Then more fighting over wells. Fighting over water rights continues to this day. One only needs to look to the Western United States and treaties over the use of the mighty Colorado River. These battles will continue to intensify as water sources continue to diminish.  

When Isaac was old and his eyes were dim, he called Esau to him to bless him. What made Isaac’s eyes dim? His experience on the mountain with Abraham and the tears he must have shed? Something more like cataracts or macular degeneration? Could modern medicine helped here?  

With Rebecca’s help, Jacob tricks Isaac into giving him the blessing reserved for the first born. Esau pleads with Isaac for some blessing which Isaac offers, sadly, differently. Esau threatens to kill Jacob. 

Table Topics: 

1. What do you think of the debate about nurture versus nature? Do you see examples of this question in this week’s portion? How does this play into sibling rivalry?
2. When Rebecca who was barren went to l’derosh G-d, to seek out G-d, how is she different, or alike women today who struggle with infertility and go to a fertility clinic. How could modern science have helped Isaac and Rebecca?
3. What legacy do we want to leave our children? What blessings do we want to give them?
4. How do we feel about Esau? About Jacob? Did the right person get the birthright? Was there a way to share? Did Jacob (and Rebecca have to trick Isaac? 

Labs at Home: 

Read this summary about nurture versus nature about whether grit is learned or genetic. It is about twins. https://characterlab.org/tips-of-the-week/nature-versus-nurture/  

The full, academic abstract from a Spanish genetics team is here: https://www.pnas.org/content/102/30/10604  

Songs::
He Aint Heavy, He’s My Brother 

We are Family—I’ve got all my sisters with me 

Acts of Kindness: 

Write an ethical will. This is most often a spiritual, emotional, values based letter to your descendants outlining your wishes and hopes and dreams for your children and grandchildren. It is not how to disperse property or the living will/durable power of attorney. There are plenty of examples here:
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/writing-an-ethical-will-how-to-get-started/  

Alternatively, make a pot of lentil stew and share it with friends, family, neighbors. It is a good source of protein and it may even help with climate change—but that is a story for another day. Here is a recipe: 

Lentil Barley Soup 

2 cups red lentils
3/4 cup pearl barley
2 carrots, diced
1 large onion, chopped
2 stalks celery, diced
8 cups water or stock
1/2 tsp. oregano
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes (optional)
1 1/2 tsp. salt 

Add all ingredients together in a soup pot, bring to boil and simmer one hour. Stir occasionally. The soup thickens as it cooks, so add water as needed to desired consistency. 

Very hearty, thick soup… and it freezes well!
From the More with Less Cookbook and Anne Schwartz