Life cycle events are important. They are what connect us to our past and point us, with hope, even in sad times to the future. This weekend we hosted an aufruf at CKI for a bride and bride. There was such joy in the room. An aufruf is a simple ceremony when we shower a couple with blessings and with candy. Their new life should be sweet. Joyous. Happy. People called out blessings of health, laughter, joy, parnasa, friendship, love. There were three generations there. Both brides glowed and smiled broadly. While the marriage equality logo has been on the CKI website since before I arrived at CKI 12 years ago, it was a first for CKI to have a bride and bridge stand on our bimah. It should be just standard, so I was just going to do the blessings and not make a big deal out of it. It should be no big deal. At the very end of the service, one of our Zoomers unmuted and said, “Rabbi, isn’t this our first bride and bride?” Uh, oh I thought. But no, after confirming that indeed it was, she responded. “Don’t you always teach that we should do a shehechianu for something new?” Yes, yes I do. So we did. Blessed are you, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the universe, who has kept us alive and sustained us and enabled us to reach this very joyous moment. It was powerful. It was perfect. It was just right. It connected all of us to their upcoming nuptials, to our ancient tradition made relevant and new and to generations come and gone. 

As Peter, Paul and Mary sang, “Music speaks louder than words.” Cantor Lois Kittner “wrote this song for her dearest friends. It is a love song about our friendship.” That’s connection. Cantor Lois Kittner, a cantor in New Jersey who was ordained by the Academy for Jewish Religion sings a song for her forever friend.  

Rabbi Michael Zedek, rabbi emeritus of Congregation Emanuel in Chicago and author of Taking Miracles Seriously adds to our understanding of I-Thou and connectedness: 

As to connections, I would paraphrase Martin Buber (this year happens to be the 101st anniversary of I and Thou. Were he alive today, I’m sure he’d say it this way, but he was not sensitive, as we have become, to chauvinistic language. To paraphrase, we become what we are, children of God by becoming what we are to brothers and sisters of each other. In brief, it is precisely in the connections with others that we have the opportunity to meet the sacred. Additionally, I suspect the lack of that quality in our world is another way to account for why ideas about God seem to suffer or at least are insufficient 

Rabbi Michael Zedek 

Rev. Ferner said, “Our longing is a natural outcome of wanting to be one with all that.” He hints at the idea of what we all desire. The world religion comes from the Latin, religio, to tie back up into. We want to be connected. We want to feel loved. To be loved. We want to not be isolated. In Psalm 27 which we read every day this month, we find this line:
“For though my father and my mother have forsaken me, God will take me up.” That’s the kind of thing that Emerson was talking about. That is also part of what Ron Wolfson talks about in his book, “Relational Judaism.” 

Yes, we all create programming at synagogue. Services. Religious School. Adult Education. Social Events. Men’s Club. Sisterhood. On and on. Yet consistently what people say they really want is connection. Community. An I-Thou relationship. Martin Buber wrote about I-Thou.  

“I believe that the key to creating society that is nourishing, empowering and healing for everyone lies in how we relate to one another.” — Martin Buber 

In our very divisive world we need to think about these words. How are we nourishing, empowering and healing? How can we learn to be more so? How do we remember that every person is created b’tzelem elohim., in the image of G-d?” How do we do that when the person doesn’t look like us, sound like us or even smell like us? Yes, smell, recently I was told that someone hadn’t taken a shower and that made her uncomfortable. Others are uncomfortable with people who are older, who might have mobility or hearing issues, who have obvious mental health or intellectual disabilities. How do we bring it back to everyone, and I mean everyone is created in the image of the Divine. All means all. It is a challenge and an opportunity.  

Wise words from the Rev. Dr. David Ferner:

CONNECTED TO WHAT? 

So many of us feel disconnected these days…from each other, from G-d, 

from creation, and even from ourselves. Many factors have contributed to 

this reality and it would take many essays to speak to it. Certainly, the 

pandemic exacerbated our sense of detachment, but seeds of this 

perception have probably always been true of human experience. In more 

recent times we have seen the breakdown of the familiar as families, 

friends, and acquaintances have spread out across the world, no longer 

living in tight, small neighborhoods with inescapable connection. Our lives 

as humans have become more nuclear, especially over the last couple 

centuries and that makes us lonely and longing for deeper connection. 

We aren’t going to change these physical realities. It is more important that 

we reorient our thinking – our perceptions – our longings. In a new book, 

Why? The Purpose of the Universe, Philip Goff, an agnostic by admission, 

speaks of a purposefulness in the creation of the universe. While he tries 

not to use the language of religion, he writes of a life force in everything in 

the universe, from the smallest inanimate object to the most complex and 

conscious – humans. If we carry his thinking to a conclusion, it says that 

we are connected to everything that is. Our longing is a natural outcome of 

wanting to be one with all that is including, for those of faith, with the One 

who is responsible for the universe’s soul force. It means we are 

connected, with each other, with all that we see, hear, and touch, and with 

the Holy One. We don’t need to go seeking connection because we are, by 

nature, connection because of this soul force. The task for us all is to 

cultivate this reality and deepen what already is. 

Rev. Dr. David Ferner 

Yesterday was 9/11. For many of us we know exactly where we were. We have searing memories. I spent part of yesterday calling the people I spent part of that day with, whether in person or on the phone, once I made it to Connecticut and the cell phone towers worked for me again.  

Those are people I have life long connections to. My study partner who I wrote about yesterday. Many of the AJR community because I was at AJR in Riverdale when the nightmare began. My cousin who had just given birth the week before and I was stopping by to do a baby naming. The naming didn’t happen that day. We waited until Thanksgiving. A principal from Massachusetts, one of my huppah holders, who had two kids whose father was on Flight 11. A UCC minister, whose congregant was the pilot from Flight 11. And of course, my husband, who again I couldn’t reach until I got to Connecticut. They had been dear friends before. Even more so after this tragedy.. 

Partly because we were living in Boston, and I was going to school in New York my memories are very sharp. That might be a post for another time. Although I feel the need to write those out before I do forget. 

Today, in the Elgin 9/11 Memorial I had a chance to reflect. What we witnessed that day was evil. And while it happened on American soil shocking many, it was not limited to the United States.  115 countries lost people on 9/11. 26 days after the attacks, the United States launched the Global War on Terrorism.  

But a war on terrorism already existed and had for a number of years. Today’s connection goes all the way back to the Ottoman Empire, the British Mandate, the life in the Middle East prior to 1948, 1947 and the vote to partition Palestine. 1948 and Israeli Independence Day, 1967, Munich 1972 (remember that terrorism at the Olympic games?), 1973, two intifadas, bus bombings, pizza bombings, Hebrew University, the withdrawal of Israel from the Gaza Strip in 2006, the embargo of the Gaza Strip, Iranian sanctions…and more. 

And yes, October 7th. Sadly, During the debate on Tuesday, we heard a brief discussion on the US withdrawal from Afghanistan. It is all still sadly connected. We cannot talk effectively about making peace and seeking justice without understanding the history that stretches way, way back.  

Ufros Aleinu Sukkat Shlomecha, Spread over us the Shelter of your peace. Oseh Shalom Bimromav…May the God who makes peace in the high heavens make peace here on earth. Because we don’t see to be able to Because maybe only You can.  

Studying together brings a connection, a closeness that is unparalleled in my experience. From our earliest days, when hopefully a parent reads bed time stories snuggled under the covers, we are deeply connected to our parents and we begin to know we are loved. When we go to school, we make new friends as we puzzle out words, and meanings of those words, and math concepts. When we play on the playground, we may build friends for life while we are building sculptures in the sand box.  

As we go through the years, elementary, middle school, high school and college, we often make friends. Connections. We work on projects together. We all wind up on the same team, or chorus, or band, or theatre. We build micro-communities. 

One of my favorite books is Lifelong Kindergarten whose subtitle is Cultivating Creativity through Projects, Passion, Peers and Play. I would add that in addition to cultivating creativity, allowing the space for the 4 Ps creates community and fosters the kind of connection we have been talking about. 

I am still in touch with people from elementary school (Breton Downs), high school (East Grand Rapids High School) college, (Tufts University) and my seminary,(Academy for Jewish Religion). Thanks go in part to Facebook. 

What I want to talk about is AJR, and Jewish study in particular. There is a concept of chevruta, study with a partner. The root of chevruta is friend. My chevruta partner and I puzzled over Talmud, over codes, over life. Childrearing, balancing work, school and family. We buried parents together and worked through health issues together. The meaning of life. Beyond the answer 42. We talk most days still, There is a deep, deep connection. We can make each other laugh. We have cried with each other. Meditated together. Led services and study sessions together.  

We survived 9/11 and its aftermath together, which seems especially appropriate to say on this day of all days.  

Together is the key word. We are a thousand miles away and are still the best of friends.  

All because we laughed (and sometimes wept) through a codes class. We actually sometimes begin a call with “I can make you laugh,” which then is often true.  

My hope is that when you study with someone you find that deep sense of connection and togetherness. 

This is a warning! If you befriend me, there is a high statistical chance that you will move out of town in the near future. Ever since my childhood everyone I have been close to has moved away. 

Connecting with people becomes more difficult as you get older. You are not a blank slate to be written on with shared experience. You have to explain your past to anyone you might hope to form a friendship with. 

As difficult as it was to lose connection with individuals along the way, I also experienced the loss of an entire community when I had to give up riding horses after 40 years. You lose proximity to people you saw on a daily basis, not to mention the ups and downs of riding and showing. 

I drifted away from the equestrian world slowly. For a while I visited at horse shows and barns of old friends, but I soon began to feel like an outsider, losing connection. 

But then something wonderful happened, albeit out of a tragedy! After the Tree of Life Synagogue massacre Jews were called on to Show Up For Shabbat and I did! 

I was a little nervous about walking into a room where I didn’t know anyone, but the sounds and sights of the service were so familiar and comforting to me that I soon began to feel connected! 

And the people!! All so welcoming! I truly felt connected! And more so once I started participating in the various study groups, Hebrew class, Torah Study, Java and Jews. So many connections to be made that I am sure will not be broken. 

But more than connecting with people, important as that is, I’ve connected with Judaism in a way I never thought I could. I’ve learned so much and developed a deep connection with Torah and the rituals of connecting to Torah.  

Myrna Rosenbaum 

We last talked about the beloved community and connections between people. Those connections are one important way we build community. This weekend was an important weekend in the life of our congregation.  

We started the weekend with First Friday Family Shabbat, geared to young families. As part of this we named a new baby boy and welcomed him and his family into the Jewish people. That is a strong connection! And the parents of our young students are connected and formed their own little kahal, group. They enjoy seeing each other and schmoozing, catching up month after month.  

On Saturday we had our regular Shabbat morning services during the course of which one of our older students was called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah. He had worked really hard and has been in our Torah School since kindergarten. He did an outstanding job. His parents, his grandparents, aunts and uncles are so proud of him. His teachers, his ed director, and of course, I, as well are also so proud of him. Creating Jewish memories for our students and allowing them to shine, to rise to the occasion is part of what being a community and forging those deep connections is about. 

Next weekend we have an aufruf, where we shower a couple with blessings and sweet candy before their wedding ceremony. It is another moment of deep connection that we hope the couple and the families never forget. It helps bind the couple to each other and to our community, hopeful building lasting connections. 

Sadly, however, everything is not joyous. A member of our community has died. Coming together to help the family mourn and creating a meaningful funeral and shiva is a big part of what a caring community does. We may not want to. We may be sad. But making sure that the ritual is appropriate for each family and the deviled eggs perfect adds to their sense of being supported, cared for and loved. Rabbi Sharon Brous in her book, The Amen Effect talks about just showing up. That’s what we need to do, across all the life cycle events, birth, coming of age, marriage and death. Show up.  

Maureen Manning, the Executive Director of the Community Crisis Center spoke to our Torah School parents on the first day of school this weekend. Her message: Look around you. These other parents will be your friends. They will be there for bar mitzvahs, for high school graduations, college graduations, baby showers, wedding showers and for those inevitable times when life gets hard, because it will. It always does at some point for all of us. They will help you bury your parents, or your spouse or G-d forbid your children. But they are the ones you will be connected to. Your life long friends. Just show up.  

Danise Habun talked about the groups she is connected to. She is also teaching me about “the beloved community,” an important concept of Dr. Martin Luther King’s non-violent organizing principles. That’s what we are trying to build in the world, when we talk about tikkun olam, repairing the world. We are working towards the beloved community. https://thekingcenter.org/about-tkc/the-king-philosophy/ We are reading the book as a group, “Healing Resistance, A Radically Different Response to Harm.” 

At a recent gathering of people brainstorming what the beloved community would look like we were asked what we love, and specifically about Elgin. I am proud to be part of this group of leaders from a wide range of Elgin and know many of the people in the room and feel connected to them.  

 When it was my turn to speak, I commented on my bracelet which says “Ani L’dodi v’dodi li, I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.” A verse from Song of Songs it is used in many Jewish weddings. It is an acronym for the Jewish month Elul that we are in, And it is seen as reassuring. That G-d is our beloved and we are G-ds. We are connected to something bigger than us and that brings comfort. It is reminder of the I-Thou relationship that Buber talks about. We will talk more about that as the month progresses.  

 The principles of Kingian Non-Violence and building the beloved community can happen anywhere. My question would be what does the beloved community look like to you. How are you connected to your community?