Earlier this week I did one of those things I love. I had the opportunity to speak to a class from Judson University. They asked intelligent, thought provoking questions. Any time I do one of those, it enhances my understanding of my Judaism and helps me explain it not only to them, but to all of us. It also reduces anti-semitism. Not one of those kids had ever been in a synagogue before. They will most likely never forget being here. 

One of their questions seems relevant to today, Rosh Hodesh Adar 1 and Shabbat Mishpatim. Today is Rosh Hodesh Adar and it is when we begin to prepare for Purim which celebrates the heroism of Esther, a woman, Our preparations are well underway at CKI! And yes, we can find ways to Be Happy, It’s Adar even in the middle of this war. It is what is demanded of us. We are still happy, we are still celebrating the survival of the Jewish people even after all these years. Perhaps especially in the middle of war that threatens our very destruction. 

 The parsha today, Mishpatim, has more rules than any other parsha, hence the name Mishpatim, rules. There are three words, Mitzvot, commandments, Mishpatim, rules and hukim, statutes. Perhaps what they all are are obligations. How we set up a just, moral and ethical society. 

One of the Judson questions was what hurdles have I faced as a woman rabbi. Usually, I don’t think about it. By the time I was thinking about being a rabbi, there were already women rabbis. It never really occurred to me that I couldn’t be one. Now there are women rabbis in all the movements. Rabbi Sally Priesand was the first Reform woman rabbi. Rabbi Amy Eilberg was the first Conservative woman rabbi. Rabbi Sandy Sasso was the first Reconstructing woman rabbi and the same year I was ordained, Rabbah Sara Hurvitz was the first Orthodox woman rabbi. There are two other names you might want to know. Rabbi Regina Jonas was ordained in Berlin and then murdered at Auschwitz and Oznat Barzarni in Mosul 1590 who was the Rosh Yeshiva after her husband died. I stand on the shoulders of all of them nd am grateful for them. 

Another question the Judson students asked was what spiritual practice in Judaism do I engage in that means the most to me, With 613 commandments which we talked about last week I had to think hard. There are so many that are meaningful and what is meaningful to me may not be to some of you. That’s OK. I view spiritual practice as a way to connect with the divine. Sometimes that way changes. I finally came up  Shabbat dinner. I like converting my dining table to a mikdah ma’at, a little sanctuary. I like buying flowers, setting a beautiful table, preparing special food. I’m a little like the book Joseph who loved the Sabbath. I like welcoming guests and practicing hachnasat orchim, hospitality, The best book I read last year was Braided, the Journey of a Thousand Challahs. Here is this woman, a physician who felt her life was out of balance, Someone suggested that she start baking challah and handed her a recipe from a Mom and Me preschool challah baking class at the 92nd Street Y. The taking of challah is one of three commandments specifically incumbent on women The other two are shabbat candles and the laws of family purity and going to the mikveh, It all seems to fit together 

This day, Rosh Hodesh, is set aside to celebrate women as a special holiday for women. There are many heroes we have, Seven women prophets:  Sarah, Miriam, Deborah, Hannah, Huldah, Abigail, and Esther. There are other Biblical heroes we could add. Rachel and Leah, Rebecca, Hagar, Yocheved, Tziporrah, the daughters of Zelophefed, Ruth, and Shifra and Puah. 

Shifra and Puah were the midwives who delivered the baby boys under the threat of death when the Israelites were slaves in Egypt. They delivered Moses. Some say that maybe they were Yocheved and Miriam. Whoever they were, it took courage to do what they did. 

This week is known also as Repro Shabbat. All over the country rabbis and cantors are talking about the rights of women to healthcare, to contraception, to abortion. The rights of doctors to perform medically necessary procedures to save the life of the mother.  

I didn’t set out to be a woman rabbi, I just wanted to be a rabbi. But early on, I learned that I get questions that my male colleagues don’t get. I get questions about mikvah and menstruation, about rape and domestic violence, about breast feeding and weaning. And yes, contraception and abortion. Yes, there are answers to those questions from within a Jewish perspective.  

This week’s parsha has the beginning of the clues to this: 

When [two or more] parties fight, and one of them pushes a pregnant woman and a miscarriage results, but no other damage ensues, [the one responsible] shall be fined according as the woman’s husband may exact, the payment to be based on reckoning.  

But if other damage ensues, the penalty shall be life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.’ 

From this, in today’s portion, the rabbis (all male) derive that it is permissible to have an abortion to save the life of the mother, Full stop. I can go through all the sources with you, as I have done before. Just two more: 

In cases of capital law, the Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi says with regard to that which is written: “If men struggle and they hurt a pregnant woman…and if there shall be a tragedy you shall give a life for a life” (Exodus 21:22–23), the reference is to a monetary payment for the life that he took. The tragedy referenced is the unintentional killing of the mother. (Sanhedrin 87b) 

Rav Ḥisda raised an objection to Rav Huna from a baraita: If a woman was giving birth and her life was being endangered by the fetus, the life of the fetus may be sacrificed in order to save the mother. But once his head has emerged during the birthing process, he may not be harmed in order to save the mother, because one life may not be pushed aside to save another life. If one is permitted to save the pursued party by killing the minor who is pursuing him, why is this so? The fetus is a pursuer who is endangering his mother’s life. The Gemara answers: This is not difficult, as it is different there, with regard to the woman giving birth, since she is being pursued by Heaven. Since the fetus is not acting of his own volition and endangering his mother of his own will, his life may not be taken in order to save his mother. (Sanhedrin 72b) 

This may surprise you, but I serve on the Community Leadership Board of a Catholic Hospital. When they first approached me, I was very clear. I was Jewish and a woman and a woman rabbi. I might not agree with them on abortion and birth control. They said that was precisely why they wanted me. I agreed. Now, it is important to note that hospital doesn’t have an OB-GYN group. When I was doing my CPE at a Catholic Hospital in Boston, there was a young woman who came to the hospital after having an abortion in New Hampshire. The doctors had missed that it was an ectopic pregnancy and she was bleeding out. The hospital I was interning in, did was a medically necessary and appropriate. This young Protestant woman in a Catholic hospital wanted me, the Jewish chaplain to assure her she wasn’t going to hell. I did the best I could but I always wonder what happened to her. These days in some states she could have died.  

My religion is very clear. The life of the mother for physical or even mental reasons comes before the life of the potential life.  

I am grateful that we live in Illinois where despite the overturning of Roe v Wade, it is still a right here. I am never sure for exactly how long that right can be guaranteed. It requires vigilance on our parts. I also know that these choices are incredibly painful and need to be done in consultation with your physician, and your partner and trusted advisors 

Let me be clear. I work for access to health care services for all. I will sit with a couple and discuss a range of options for contraception, for IVF, for abortion, for keeping a child, for pregnancy and birth, for preganancy loss, for fostering a child, for hysterectomies or vasectomies, for breast feeding and breast cancer, for rape and sexual assault, for the whole range of “women’s health” for whatever the couple or the woman herself, by herself, is concerned about. I will make the appropriate referrals as necessary. The challenges to me being a woman rabbi are great. But the challenge of just being a woman are greater. May we all live to see a world where women’s stories and concerns are believed, where the health care of men and women are treated equally and equitably. Ken yihi ratzon.

The watchword o our faith, the central verse is Sh’ma. “Sh’ma Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad. Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our G-d, the Lord is One.” Listen, Hear.  

But it is not in today’s portion. Today’s portion has a lot to do, nonetheless with listening. It begins with the story of Yitro, Jethro. Moses’s father-in-law, who instructs Moses, that he can’t do this job alone. He needs to delegate or risk what we would call in the modern world burn out. Exhaustion. And Moses listens.  

Then Moses listens to G-d when he is given the instructions, for how to prepare himself and the people to receive the Torah, the 10 commandments, whatever is about to happen on Mount Sinai. But he doesn’t repeat it correctly. He adds to the instructions and tells the people to not go near a woman. Did he not listen? Did he have his own agenda separate from G-d? Did some scribe write it down wrong? We will never know.  

It goes to a concept of active listening. It would appear that even Moshe Rabbenu, our greatest teacher needed to practice active listening more.  

Active listening can be defined as a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It is an important first step to defuse the situation and seek solutions to problems. 

Active listening involves noticing cues that are both non-verbal, things you see, and verbal, the things said.  

Being a good listener means making eye contact, focusing on the other person, leaning forward, leaning into the conversation or nodding, sitting still, and letting the other person finish what they are saying without interruptions, and an interested silence, giving space for the person to respond.  

Being a good active listening can mean restating what someone says, reflecting what they are feeling, and asking open-ended clarifying questions like “What happened?” or “How did you feel about that?” Or “What I think you are saying is…?” 

You need to be quiet in order to hear, Be still and know that I am G-d. That is part of the message of Elijah who teaches us that the voice of G-d is the still, small voice, 

There was thunder, there was lightening, there was smoking and quaking. There was the sound of shofars. But we are told that it was so quiet that even the birds did not chip. Everyone was straining to hear the voice of G-d. There was even a voice for very young children.  

Close your eyes. Sh. Imagine being at the base of Mount Sinai. Sh. What are you feeling?  

What are you hearing? The voice of G-d booming over the thunder and the lightning? The voice of Moses repeating what G-d is saying? The internal voice, that still small voice within? A child standing next to you, perhaps demanding more water, more food? Maybe you hear a goat bleating. It ia noisy standing there. You are straining to hear. Maybe it is like a rock concert or an NFL game. Maybe it is the Superbowl itself. 600,000 people strong. A mixed multitude A cacophony.  

And then nothing. Silence. Not even a bird chirping. Sh. 

(Read 10 Commandments here):
1) I am the Lord Your G-d, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 

2) You shall have no other gods before Me. 

3) You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. 

4) Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. 

5) Honor your father and your mother. 

6) You shal not murder. 

7) You shal not commit adultery. 

8) You shall not steal. 

9) You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. 

10) You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor. 

Sh. 

See the thunder and hear the lightning. That is not the natural order of things. Ordinarily you see the lighting and hear the thunder. Something powerful just happened. We lack adequate words to describe it. You are standing there in awe. Wow! 

Sh. 

As Jews we call these the Aseret Debrot. The 10 Sayings, the 10 Words, the 10 Things, The 10 Pronouncements. They are core to our identity. Notice, however, that they are not the 10 Mitzvot. In English we call them the 10 Commandments.  

A commandment is something that if someone believes that G-d has directed them to something, then it is a commandment. An example I found online aimed at high school students: “If your parents grimly order you to clean your room, you can also consider that a commandment.” But as that source pointed out “strictly speaking, a commandment is divinely ordered, like the Ten Commandments in the Bible. But you should feel free to use this word for any solemn, serious directive or set of guiding principles. The commandments of your French club, for example, might include “no speaking in English” and “don’t be late — unless you brought croissants.” 

We Jews have 613 Commandments. We cite Rabbi Simlai as the source in the Talmud, Makkot 23b. The 613 commandments include “positive commandments”, to perform an act or in Hebrew a mitzvot aseh, and “negative commandments”, to abstain from an act or mitzvot lo taaseh. The negative commandments number 365, the number of days in the solar year, and the positive commandments number 248, a number believed to be the number of bones in the body. Maimonides reiterated the 613 number and even enumerated them. 

But no individual can do all 613. Many of them are only ones for the Holy Temple in Jerusalem which was destroyed in 70CE. That leaves 77 positive commandments and 194 negative commandments of which 26 only apply in the land of Israel. That seems much more doable.  

Doable, the commandments are about things we do (or don’t do). The people standing at the foot of the mountain said “We will do, and we will hear.” How could they do things before they knew what they were? I think they were willing to do whatever it takes. It’s like the Nike slogan, “Just do it.”  

Some of it seems so obvious, How do set up a just, righteous, moral society, The rabbis identified 7 laws that are incumbent on all the descendants of Noah.  Establishing laws and courts, and the prohibition of blasphemy, idolatry, adultery, bloodshed, theft, and eating the blood of a living animal. Not quite the 10 commandments, but close.  

Maybe it is more like Debbie Friedman sings, 
“Well, there were 613 commandments that Moses handed to us
As we stood at the foot of the mountain of Sinai
Our dear Moses started to fuss
He threw two tablets onto the ground
And much to our surprise
The ten commandments broke into pieces
And we couldn’t believe our eyes.
We are chosen and to choose.
Had we not made a promise to be chosen and to choose
Remember there wouldn’t be a people that we call the Jews.” 

Close your eyes again, if you are willing. Sh. What do you hear? What choice are you making? As Heather often says, “Make Good Choices.” I would add, “listen to that deep well of knowledge, that internal voice that tells us what we are commanded to do,”  

Today we read the Song at the Sea, the song that the Israelites sang when as I say week after week they sang with Moses when they reached the other side after the Sea of Reeds parted, after the Israelites walked through, after the Egyptians drowned, the chariots, the drivers, and yes, the horses.  

“We just lived through a miracle, we’re going to dance tonight,” Debbie Friedman, z’l wrote as part of her song. And dance they apparently did. And sang. With their tambourines. The women remembered to bring them with them when they fled from Egypt. I don’t know that I would have remembered mine. And yet even before having participated in Violins of Hope last year, we know that people fleeing the ravages of the Holocaust most certainly carried their instruments with them. Maybe not a piano, and only a very few cellos, but my tamborine might have fit.  

Last night we brainstormed what we would be feeling, now that we have escaped out of the narrow places: 

Relief, joy, anxiety, fear, trepidation, amazement, awe, determination. There may be even more. 

Yet they all sang. Together but In the singular. Az yashir, Then Moses…Ze eli, this is my God. 

Last night we listened to a variety of Mi Chamocha songs that represent many of those emotions we could name and imagine. (Some are at the end of this writing.) 

At Torah Study I said that I have a hard time with this text. Once I said that in this congregation and people were surprised that a rabbi would have a problem with Torah text. We should just accept it as written. The sense was it came from God and therefore we can’t question it. But Jews are Godwrestlers, so wrestling and questioning the text is appropriate.  

As a woman I am not comfortable with the idea of G-d as a G-d of War. Usually, I don’t think that there is much of a difference between women’s images of G-d and men’s.  But here “Miriam took her timbrel in her hand and all the women followed her, just as she had planned.” The text tells us they sang the same song, or at least the beginning of the song. Or as some sources say, it was really Miriam who wrote the whole thing.  

Mekhilta teaches us that while Ezekiel and Isaiah had visions of the Divine, “even a lowly bondswoman  at the shore of the sea, saw directly the power of the Almighty in splitting the sea unlike Isiah and Ezekiel who only saw visions of the Divine. All recognized in that instant their personal redemption and therefore all of them opened their mouths to sing in unison. 

And still maybe not everyone saw the miracle: 

Rabbi Larry Kushner tells the midrashic story of Reuven and Shimon. They kept their heads down complaining about the muck. While the sea parted and was safe to walk on, (I imagine it like the walk to Bar Island in Bar Harbor), it wasn’t completely dry, more like a beach at low tide. “This is just like the slime pits of Egypt!” replied Reuven. “What’s the difference?” Complained Shimon. “Mud here, mud there; it’s all the same.”  

And so, it went for the two of them, grumbling all the way across the bottom of the sea. And, because they never once looked up, they never understood why on the distant shore, everyone else was singing and dancing. For Reuven and Shimon the miracle never happened. (Shmot Rabbah 24:1) 

I have wrestled with this text for so long, I wrote a paper about it in rabbinical school. What saved it for me then was the line, “Ozi v’zimrat Yah, v’hi lishu’a. G-d is my strength and my might and my song, G-d is my deliverer.” I need strength, Lord, Oh, do I need strength. You might too. Strength and courage and fortitude: determination and perseverance to face whatever comes next, to come out on the other side, just like the Israelites walking through the sea. I once sang this song riding a bicycle in a fundraising event. I don’t ride bicycles and I was petrified. Note again, this song is in the singular, that we sing as a collective. 

But this text needed to be looked at again, particularly this year as the war in Israel and Palestine continues. I don’t pray that G-d is on our side and this feels dangerously close to that. I don’t pray that Michigan wins a football game either. I may pray for a clean game with no injuries and no penalties. But not usually. (in case you are wondering) 

This weekend we mark the yahrzeit of Yuval Berger. You will hear his name later on the Kaddish list. He was my boyfriend in high school. He was part of a Reform Movement exchange program and spent six months in Grand Rapids. The night he was heading back to Israel I got a flat tire in his host family’s driveway. We started up our relationship again when I lived in Israel as an undergraduate. We spent time hiking and swimming as many young Israeli couples do. We planned to get married after I finished Tufts. I would become a rabbi and he would be a shliach, an emissary. Six months we would live in the States. Six months we would live in Israel, working with American kids falling in love with the land, the people, the state of Israel. That dream was not to happen. There was no miracle for Yuval. But I didn’t blame G-d, and I didn’t blame Lebanon, and I didn’t blame Israel. He died a hero making sure the men under his authority were not also killed. I worked for peace so that no family would have to experience the pain that I endured. I even wrote part of my rabbinical thesis about the Israel Palestine conflict. That section is sadly very much in play. 

I looked at the 13 Attributes of the Divine. You know them and we will explore them again at Passover. The Lord is G-d, merciful and gracious, slow to anger and full of lovingkindness. This is the G-d of love, the opposite of the zealous, jealous G-d of war. BUT the verse doesn’t end there. It continues that G-d visits the sins of the parents on the children and the children’s children to the 3rd and 4th generation. How can that be? It would seem we are seeing it now in the very context I explored in my thesis.  

I don’t have the answers. But I do know this. In order for there to be forgiveness and reconciliation, prerequistes for peace, there needs to a sense of safety. At the moment, no one in Israel or Palestine feels safe. Whatever happens next I fear that there has been damage to the next two or three generations. On both sides. Full stop. I fear that something even worse will emerge after Hamas. I fear. I am sad, angry, disappointed. And yet, I find hope. Hope is in the Kibbutz Be’eri planting wheat again, Hope is in the volunteers rising to keep Israel’s rich agricultural industry going. Hope is in people making breakfasts for soldiers, providing protective gear, stepping up- in all sorts of unimaginable ways. Hope is providing help for those suffering from PTSD and trauma, because make no mistake this is trauma. And hope is finding people who continue to work for peace. 

God is a God o War? I am not so sure. People are people of peace or war. Ecclesiastes teachs that there is a time for everything. A time for peace and a time for war. I pray it is not too late. I will continue to work for peace as part of Yuval’s legacy. 

So the Israelites are safe on the other side and they are singing,  

In the Hagaddah  we learn a teaching from the Talmud. As we are spilling out a drop of wine one for each plague, : 

“The angels rejoicing and breaking out into song (Isaiah 6: 3) when the Israelites are finally safe. The Holy One isn’t pleased with their rejoicing. “My creatures, the work of my hands, the Egyptians are drowning in the sea and you sing songs.” This indicates that God does not rejoice over the downfall of the wicked. Rabbi Elazar said that this is how the matter is to be understood: Indeed, God Himself does not rejoice over the downfall of the wicked, but He causes others to rejoice. (Megilah 10b) 

 I am not alone in wrestling with this verse that God is a God of war. Rabbi Evan Schultz also wrestled with this text:
“As they continue on, however, as they get closer to the shores of the sea, the Israelites shift their song. They begin sing of God’s love and compassion. How can God be both? Which one is it? Is God a God of war or a God of love? Perhaps it is both. In so many ways we humans emulate the divine. There are times, most painfully, as we see right now, that we are people of war. I know, too, that we are, and have the potential to be, people of love and compassion.” 

May we be like G-d, finding love and compassion for all God’s creatures. For Israelis and Palestinians. For all those grieving, whether recently or in times gone by.  

 May we hear the words of Joanne Fink, the poet artist who said this week: 

Grant me the courage to enter
the waters of the unknown,
and the faith to believe You will always provide a path.
When I am stumbling across the desert of uncertainty and despair,
help me remember that You accompanied my ancestors
as they journeyed from slavery to freedom—
and that You are with me, too. 

OPEN MY EYES
to the beauty and miracles surrounding me. 

OPEN MY LIPS
that my soul may burst forth in song. 

OPEN MY HEART
that the notes I sing may become part
of the canvas of my prayer. 

Amen. 

Some links to Mi Chamocha:

Nefesh Mounttain:

Ashira L’adonai: Formal

Debbie Firedman:

“And when your children ask you, ‘What do you mean by this rite?’ 

you shall say, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice to YHVH, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt when smiting the Egyptians, but saved our houses.’ (Exodus 12:26-27) 

The earliest “seder” was simple. It was lamb, unleavened bread (matzah)and bitter herbs. That’s it. No two entrees. No matzah ball soup and giilte fish. No competition on who can make the tastiest kosher for Passover dessert. It was designed to get children to ask this very question. “What do you mean…” 

In other parts of the Exodus there are other answers. We know this language. It is part of the Hagadah, the telling of the story of the Exodus from Egypt, the story of our people’s very beginning.  

Ms nishtanah…why is this night different? It is because of what G-d did for ME when I went forth from Egypt.” But really was I there? The midrash would say yes. We all participated in the Exodus, even those not yet born. We all walked through the Sea of Rees. We all stood at Sinai, 

But how do we tell the story?  

Once upon a time…no that’s not quite right. This story is not yet over…we are still completing it and all o the story does not end happlily ever after. 

The Hagaddah itself gives us clues: 

“In every generation one is obligated to see oneself as one who personally went out from Egypt. Just as it says, ‘You shall tell your child on that very day: “It is because of this that God did for me when I went out from Egypt.” ’ (Exodus 13:8) Not only were our ancestors redeemed by the Holy One, but even we were redeemed with them. Just as it says: ‘God took us out from there in order to bring us and to give us the land God swore to our ancestors.’ ” (Deuteronomy 6:23) 

 Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz , in article for the Jewish Journal said: “Such spiritual work is never simple. The esteemed 20th-century Musar teacher Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe explains: “We see ourselves in the other, as if every person we encounter is simply a mirror in which we see ourselves! … [W]e have not yet freed ourselves from the self-centered perspective to see that the other is not identified with us…. [I]t is incumbent upon us to focus on the way the other differs from us and see that which the other needs, not that which we need.” (Alei Shur 2:6) Rav Wolbe teaches powerfully here that to understand the other, we must transcend the self. While it is difficult to understand another’s trauma and impossible to grasp the extent of another’s suffering, we can create the spaces to listen, to cultivate empathy and respond to others’ needs. We must go beyond the notion that we tend only to our own needs — that is not ethical Judaism. Rather, it is essential that we tend to the needs of the other in our midst.” 

 Each of us is to see ourselves as though we came out of the narrow places because that’s what Mitzrayim, Egypt means. Each of us have had narrow places we have been in. Telling those stories, both the ancient Exodus from Egypt and our own stories is what this parsha is about. 

How do we do that? Some people compile their own hagaddah. Some people write their own cookbook and tell family history through the recipes. Some people write an ethical will, which we talked about a few weeks ago.  Some people sit around the Passover table during the meal itself and tell these very stories.  

And some people write a memoir. Memoirs are an important style of writing. There are fill in the blank books to help you with this. Bruce Feiler provides a template in the extras of his book, Life is in the Transitions. The same format he used with his own dad. One of my favorite quotes is “Everybody has a story, and not always the story the listener or teller expects to hear. The sharing is what brings out the surprise.”  

There are other online guides. Gareth used to teach a class at Gail Borden. Others may at various other places. 

Here are some suggested seven steps from one online source: 

1. Narrow your focus 
2. Include more than just your story
3. Tell the truth 
4. Put your readers in your shoes
5. Employ elements of fiction 
6. Create an emotional journey 
7. Showcase your personal growth 

https://thewritelife.com/how-to-write-a-memoir/  

What is the story we want to tell our children? And what is the story our kids want to hear. One in the congregation this Shabbat said, “What are the tips that you can give us to get through our B’nei Mitzvah.” Another said, “What mistakes did you make? What did you learn from them and how do we avoid them.” Thos mistakes may be talking about how we got out of our own narrow spaces, our own Mitzrayim. Is it any wonder as we sit her on a cold Shabbat morning when the spring holiday of Passover seems so very far away that Passover is the most celebrated of American Jewish holidays? It is all about the story telling!  

This weekend marks the 100th day of Israelis in captivity in Gaza. There are still 129 people being held. Let me perfectly clear, the attacks on Israel on October 7, 2023 were reprehensible. They need to be condemned in the strongest possible terms. We were asked to particularly keep Hersh Goldberg in mind, so as I kneaded my challah this week that is who I was thinking of. #bring_hersh_home. Bring them all home now.  

This week we will be treated by a presentation of Alden Solovy, a poet who writes as he calls them poem prayers. He was here at CKI last year on Tisha B’av. I read his material regularly because I would call him a modern day piyutan, a poet who writes liturgical prayers. For example…You need a prayer for healing of breast cancer? He’s got one. You need something about fetal demise? He’s got one. Almost any modern day crisis? He’s got one.  

But he discovered early in the war he had no words. What happens when a poet has not words? Perhaps we will find out. And then he did find some. Here is one example fitting for today: 

The Court of the Captives
One day,
The court of the captives
Will convene
Before the halls of power.
They will bring
Their torment and suffering
As evidence against us,
As evidence of our failure
To protect them,
As evidence of our failure
To redeem them
With speed and urgency. 

On that day,
The court of the innocent
At the gates of heaven
Will join the chorus –
The newly murdered,
Babies and dreamers,
Parents and children –
Bringing their blood
As evidence against us,
As evidence of our failure
To protect them,
As evidence of our failure
To secure our land and our people. 

On that day,
The court of the captives,
And the court of the innocent,
Will minister to each other
At the gates of righteousness,
Both in heaven
And on earth,
Offering torn cloth
Soaked in tears
To bind their wounds,
To bless the living,
And to console the lost. 

Today,
Yes, today,
The court of the captives
And the court of the innocent in heaven
Convene,
Arraying the charges
Before us,
And wait,
Still wait,
For us to answer. 

© 2023 Alden Solovy and ToBendLight  

This week we learn from our parsha: 

Pharaoh hardened his heart. Pharaoh was stubborn. 

Our parsha today is set up for us to like the Israelites and dislike Pharaoh. After all we want Pharaoh to release the Israelites. As I type this I want to scream and I want Hamas to release the hostages.  

We see Pharaoh’s stubbornness as negative. G-d apparently does too because in the later plagues, it is G-d who hardens Pharaoh’s heart. That makes many ask the question what happened to free will? In genesis  

What does it mean to be stubborn. The dictionary definition says:  

having or showing dogged determination not to change one’s attitude or position on something, especially in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so. 

“a stubborn refusal to learn from experience” 

 The word stubborn implies a negative trait. Someone’s inability to give in, to change his or her ways, rules, ideals, beliefs. Dogged determination is good. It is how I got through rabbinical school. It is what enables me to run a marathon. Persistence is good. 

As a leader, Pharaoh seems to do two things. He is interested in protecting his power. And he lacks an empathy for his people. Any of his people. When he turns around and goes back inside his palace, he does not seem to care about his people not having clean drinking water. As was pointed out in Torah Study this week, sadly. we can see echos of this in modern day leaders.  

There are many styles of leadership, and many qualities good leaders should possess.  

What qualities do good leaders possess: We could brainstorm that list:  

• Dynamic 
• Courage 
•  Knowledgable and smart 
• Life long learner 
•  Visionary 
•  Good listener 
•  Good Communicator  
• Lifelong learner 
•  Sense of humor 
•  Integrity 
•  Team player 
•  Accountable 
•  Respectful 
•  Solicits opinions 
•  Humble 
•  Sympathetic 
•  Empathetic and compassionate 
• Kind 
•  Honest 
• Authentic 
• Self-aware 
• Creative 
• Flexible 
• Accountable 
• Resilient 

Many of those characteristics are words you chose as your word last week to represent your year. (See last week’s post) They are also on the list from Vistage of leadership competencies.
But being stubborn is not on the list! 

https://www.vistage.com/research-center/personal-development/leadership-competencies/20230725-what-makes-a-great-leader/?ls=Google%20AdWords&lsd=DEPT_PMAX_Google_Performance%20Max_Prospecting_Member_NAMER_US_SQL_CPL_Test_pMax&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=acqmember&utm_medium=cpc&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAhomtBhDgARIsABcaYylHlnemio4umzfecgLs_Lts_F8yQG80wPeaD80C2_iDTfp_-dQO5yQaAshKEALw_wcB 

One of the older Junior Girl Scout Handbooks had several leadership styles. Each of you gathered today may be one of them, or a combination of them. Each of the leaders we see in today’s parsha, Moses, Aaron, Pharaoh, G-d also may fit these patterns: 

Director: Gives very good direction and makes sure everyone does his or her job. Makes certain that rules are clear and that everyone is expected to follow them. 

Coach: Uses a style that provides both direction and supervision but encourages the involvement of everyone. Will explain the work that lies ahead, discuss decisions and answer questions. 

Supporter: Works with other members of the group to set goals and list steps to achieve the goals. Encourages everyone to make decisions and gives each member the help they need. 

Delegator: Gives everyone a share of the work. Lets group members make decisions and take on as much responsibility as they can handle. Is there to answer questions, but wants them to take as much responsibility for their actions as possible
(Previous definitions from the The Guide for Junior Girl Scout Leaders, copyright 1994, New York, New York 

Convener: Calls the group together, inspires, organizes 

But again, stubborn is not on the list.  

I believe I have a collaborative leadership style. I may have an opinion about what should be done but I try to bring people along with me. That’s why the decision today was made in conjunction with Robin and Gene for example. It’s why when there are halachic issues such as instrumentation on Shabbat on interfaith burials at Jewish cemeteries or even the use of Zoom, I write a teshuva, a responsa that I vet with other rabbis, at least three then I submit to the ritual committee for further discussion and opinions. That is one style of leadership. 

Friday night I read a part of a charming children’s book, Snow in Jerusalem. It is a PJ Library offering and it features a Jewish boy and a Muslim boy both of whom live in the Old City of Jerusalem. Both of them are feeding a cat. Both of them think that the cat is their own. One of the best parts of PJ Library is the supplementary material that comes with it. In addition to some material on treating animals well which is a Jewish value, and information about Jerusalem, Yirushaliym, it contains a useful page on helping children deal with conflict. Perhaps this book and these our children will be the ones to find solutions to peace. Both our traditions pray for it, hope for it, demand it.  

Later in the weekend I was studying the Song at the Sea with my Chai School students. I was reminded that while G-d is depicted as a G-d of war and G-d drowns the Egyptian chariots (and yes the horses), there is a midrash that teaches about the angels rejoicing and breaking out into song when the Israelites are finally safe. G-d isn’t pleased. With their rejoicing. “My creatures are drowning in the sea and you sing songs”. 

What is happening in Gaza is tragic. There will be another two generations that will live in fear and something even worse than Hamas may emerge. .” 

Sometimes I think there is no way that I can solve the crisis in the Middle East. I am just a small town rabbi. Then I think as a woman I do have the solution. So, here is my plea. It’s simple. Everybody. And I mean everybody. Put down your arms. Don’t be stubborn. Release the hostages. Now. Don’t be stubborn. Bring them home now. Don’t be stubborn. 

Heather ends many of her classes with the phase, “Make good choices.” Make good choices. Now. Make peace now. Work for peace. Now. Please. 

Any of you make New Year’s Resolutions? How’s that going for you on January 6th, almost one week into the new year? 

Today’s portion contains an unforgettable scene. Moses, shepharding his father-in-law’s flock of sheep, sees something odd. A bush that is burning but is not consumed. It is not burning up. Why is this? What is going on? He is curious and instead of backing away or running away, he draws closer and hears a voice calling, “Moses, Moses!” “Hineini, Here am I.” Whose calling? Who’s there? That voice continues to call. 

“And [God] said, “Do not come closer! Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you stand is holy ground!” and continued, “I am the God of your father’s [house]—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God.” 

Later: 

“Moses said to God, “When I come to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers’ [house] has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is [God’s] name?’ what shall I say to them?”  

And God said to Moses, “Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh,” continuing, “Thus shall you say to the Israelites, ‘Ehyeh sent me to you.’” 

Vayikra…and He called is language that is sprinkled throughout the Torah.  

What does it mean to hear the voice of G-d? We have different understandings of that. For the Psalmist it was a powerful voice able to shatter ceders of Lebanon. For Elijah, it was a still small voice. Can we even hear it at all today? What does it mean to be called. 

As I have written before, “When I first thought I wanted to become a rabbi, I tried to talk about it in the language of call. After all, I grew up in Grand Rapids and I had friends who felt “called”. At that stage, people closest to me thought perhaps it was a mental health issue. That I was hearing voices (I was not) and the Jewish community at that stage was not comfortable with this language, having ceded it to Christianity. Often times in theology that there is a pendulum that swings and now it is more acceptable to talk about the rabbinate this way. But calling is not limited to professional clergy.” 

Each of us is called to do something. To be something. Each of us can hear that call. There is something that is uniquely ours to do, some unique role we play. Figuring out what that call might be adds meaning to our lives.  

Teachers often describe their work as a calling. Doctors, nurses, first responders. But not just those. Rabbi Jeffry Salkin in his book Being God’s Partner that I describe as What Color is Your Parachute for Jews tells this story:  

“The boss of the moving crew was a delightful, crusty gentleman, a dead ringer for Willie Nelson. I had never met anyone so enthusiastic about his or her work, and I asked him the source of that enthusiasm.  

“‘Well, you see, I’m a religious man,’ he answered, ‘and my work is part of my religious mission.’  

“‘What do you mean?’ I asked.  

“‘Well, it’s like this. Moving is hard for most people. It’s a very vulnerable time for them. People are nervous about going to a new community, and about having strangers pack their most precious possessions. So, I think God wants me to treat my customers with love and to make them feel that I care about their things and their life. God wants me to help make their changes go smoothly. If I can be happy about it, maybe they can be, too’” (Jeffrey Salkin, Being God’s Partner). 

Frederick Buechner, of blessed memory,  said that “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”  

Our calling may be our work. It may be something as Buechner suggests we are passionate about whether that is paid work, our vocation or our avocation, those things that we do as our volunteer work. It maybe working on hunger and homelessness issues. It may be working with kids in Girl Scouts or mentoring. It may be literacy work. The possibilities are endless. Many of us in this group are retired. We might not want to be defined by our “work.”  

Yesterday we began a process of listening. It is holy work. It is wholy work.  

In my weighwatchers group, now WW,  we have been asked for the last several years to choose a word to represent our year. Last year my word was “Hineini. Here am I.” Just like Moses said in today’s portion. “I am here. I am still here.” This year I surprisingly chose a different word. 

It seems to me that this is setting an intention, a kavanah or the year. 

Kavanah is the Hebrew word for direction, intention, or purpose. It is often used in connection with prayer. I describe kavanah as the words behind the words as opposed to keva which is the fixed order or structure of the service. But it also is the intention when doing a ritual act. How do you intend your spirit, your neshama, when you light shabbat candles, for example. It is not supposed to be rote or mechanical.  

Abraham Joshua Heschel, whose birthday was Jan. 11, we will talk more about him next week, in his classic work God in Search of Man, explains that performing a mitzvah without proper kavanah is inadequate because while it might have a positive effect on the world, it leaves the doer of the mitzvah unaffected. The purpose of Jewish practice, he writes, is transformation of the soul. 

“A moral deed unwittingly done may be relevant to the world because of the aid it renders unto others. Yet a deed without devotion, for all its effects on the lives of others, will leave the life of the doer unaffected. The true goal for man is to be what he does.” 

He also said as quoted in Gates of Prayer: “Prayer cannot bring water to a parched field, nor mend a broken bridge, nor rebuild a ruined city, but prayer can water an arid soul, mend a broken heart and rebuild a weakened will.” 

So, what then is our intention for the year? Your personal intention for the year. What if we just choose one word, rather than making a new year’s resolution. There is a new book, One Word that will change your life. It recommends three steps to finding your unique word and living it out. That is a calling.  

Here is my summary: 

Step One: Look in. Find some quiet time. No phone. No television. No barking dog. This might be early in the morning before everyone else gets up or late at night or out on a walk by yourself. It is about preparing your heart. (We sing this verse) 

Ask yourself, what do I need, what is in my way, what needs to go. 

Step Teo, Look up 

Just like Moses, G-d has a place in this. What is G-d calling you to do.  Each of us, created in the image of the divine, with that divine spark has a unique place in this world, a unique thing that we can contribute. Part of the challenge of finding our word is slowing down enough to see the burning bush, to discover what our contribution might be. Moses’s one word might have been Hineini. I am here. Or it might have been Go!  

G-d too has a word. G-d reveals G-d’s name here. Eyehe asher Eyeye. The Hebrew is uncertain but something like I will be what I will be. I am what I am. I will be. What will you be? How will you incorporate G-d in your life? 

Finding your word is more than finding a good word, it’s a G-d word, just like Moses at the burning bush. Here’s the trick. I can’t tell you where or when you will receive it. Sometimes, most times? It comes as a surprise. You might be out for a walk. You might be going to sleep at night, or getting up in the morning. You might be journaling. You might be watching TV. You might discover a burning bush! It may feel like that when you find it.  

Step Three: Look Out 

Once you find, discover your word Then it is about living out your word. Suddenly you may see it everywhere. Tell your friends, your family, your co-workers what your word it. Put it up in places in your house to remind you. Put it on your computer. Make a One Word file. Soon you will see it everywhere and it will provide a focus, an intention. It may even change your life.  

Last night we began to brainstorm our words: 

Family, independence, heal, kindness, empathy, compassion, joy, resilience 

Anyone know immediately what your word might be? 

We added peace, smile, grow, thrive, pay attention, determination, respect, listen, learn, responsibility. (We may have forgotten one or two! Feel free to tell me in the comments your word.) 

May this be year of hearing, of focus, of kavanah, of growth.  

Last week I got the call I knew would come but was still unprepared. Alyn Rovin, now of blessed memory died. He was so instrumental in my life that I quickly rescheduled my own medical procedure, covered the staffing of the blood drive and found flights that would work to Florida. I don’t have the luxury to do this often but as I told people who Alyn was every single person said, “yes, you have to go.”  I wasn’t even “doing the funeral” I was just going to lend support to his kids, also longtime friends. As it turned out, they hoped I would do a eulogy. What follows is essentially what I said:

You’ve  heard some of the biographical bullet points but let me fill in some of the stories  I’m not here as a rabbi today, but merely as an almost life long friend.  

Quite simply, Alyn was a mensch. He was a class act.  

He was a sea scout, and that motto of “Be Prepared” and leave a place better than you found it, were ideals he lived by.  

When my husband and I were about to be married, we went to tell Alyn and Nancy the good news. We weren’t sure how they would respond. Nancy was digging in the upper garden. She wiped off her muddy hands and said, “Alyn, go get the champagne.”. I tell this story every wedding talk I do because it teaches us that you should always be prepared. Always have a bottle of bubbly, alcoholic or not, to toast the big moments or the little moments, day by day by day. They were prepared. Always prepared. And yes, I have a bottle on ice in Illinois, just waiting for the right moment.  

Another example of his being prepared. The year before we got married, we wanted to host a Shabbat dinner before Thanksgiving, a Friendgiving before it was even called that. I called Alyn in advance to carve the turkey. He came prepared, with his own knives. I think my soon to be husband was a little chagrinned and a little crestfallen.A fter all, he could carve a turkey. But Alyn came prepared.  

Alyn and Nancy really wanted to make the world a better place. They were at the March on Washington and heard King give his famous  “I have a dream speech.” Somehow, it seems beshert that we are here today as we approach both Martin Luther King, junior’s and Abraham Joshua Heschel’s birthdays. It was Heschel that said his feet were praying when he marched with King.  That was certainly true of Alyn. Wherever he went, his feet were praying. And he went lots of places. Wherever he went he brought his respect, his desire to learn, and his unique sense of humor. They were in the first group of Peace Corp volunteers, making life long friends in Malaysia. They always marked John F. Kennedy’s yahrzeit. And there were seemingly little ways that they made the world a better place. Like taking care of the first solar ner tamid, the eternal light, anywhere in the country. Alyn used his electrical engineering background to craft something so unquie that had been a vision of Rabbi Everett Gendler, also of blessed memory, who would remind people that the sun is the original ner tamid. It should never go out. Alyn was the president of Temple Emanuel of the Merrimack Valley. He and Everett had a special bond as rabbi and president. They would have breakfast every Friday and that relationship and those discussions were important to both of them. I learned much about the roles of the rabbi and the-president by listening to Alyn. I learned much about business too. He had much to teach, much to model and much to mentor. Especially for women under his tutelage. Whether that was physics to the girls in Maylasia or women on his staff at Polaroid Or me. (And who else could you call in the middle of dinner at the Waldorf Astoria,  if the restaurant had a tip line for the maitre de, the sommelier and the waiter? What was I supposed to do with that on a business trip to New York?I figured only Alyn would know! And of course, he did. 

Most Sundays after Nancy and I would finish teaching religious school, the staff would go out to eat. We loved trying new restaurants and we were especially fond of Amici in Billerica where we were first introduced to tiramisu and Yankee Cajun where Alyn ordered Gerstermeiner to go with the spicy food. And of course, there were many lovely meals in that screened in porch in Carlisle of Malaysian hot pots and swimming in the pool.  

Entertaining was something they did seemingly with ease. Whether it was a Shabbat dinner, a pool party, or seders with lots of singing, rhythm instruments and of course gathering around the grand piano to sing every song from Fiddler. And I remember fondly clarinet and piano klezmer duets. Music was so integral—classic. Klezmer, Handels messiah or Peter Paul and Mary. How many Peter Paul and Mary concerts did we go to together? I can imagine that those duets are continuing. If Alyn can find his clarinet.  

Lifecycle events, Kailah’s Bat Mitzvah, my husband’s and my wedding where Alyn was a ketubah signer that still  hangs over our bed. Nancy famously siad that morning, the irst day of spring, that the snowflakes were just daisy petals from heaven. Maybe that will be true tomorrow morning too as i head into more snow in Chicagoland. Sarah’s naming. Kailah and Marc’s wedding and dancing to lots of Sinatra. But there was one I didn’t attend and that one was very special. Olivia’s bat mitzvah where the requirement in this very congregation aa explained to me was to chant the Torah as well as do the aliyah blessing. He didn’t want to disappoint Olivia and so he mastered that skill sitting at my dining room table Oh, how proud he was of you. And I was so proud of him. My ordination. There were few who thought I could become a rabbi. Alyn was quite sure I could. He was prepared, present and invested for all of those. 

At some point they moved to Acton and I did a house dedication nailing up the mezuzah. I still use that outline. But really, they wanted to be close to the grandkids. So they sold the place in the keys and moved here. They loved picnics and going to all of your sporting events soccer, swim meets, track. No call was complete without a rundown of what the grandchildren were doing. He was interested in everything and everyone. 

That included me. In the last couple of years, I received a diagnosis of multiple myeloma, one of the many issues that plagued Alyn, too. I knew he was on dialysis and had a sense of how draining that can be. But I somehow had missed this piece. He would call while he was on dialysis and I would drive to or from treatments. I think dialysis was boring and maybe lonely. We would swap treatment plans and side effects. He was amazing and up on all the research.  

I got through rabbinical school on musical theater lyrics. One that seems particularly apt is one from Les Mis. Alyn and Nancy attended my daughter’s high school production of Les Mis and were amazed that there was a student conductor. These words seem to appropriate for today. 

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken
There’s a pain goes on and on
Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone 

Here they talked of revolution
Here it was they lit the flame
Here they sang about tomorrow
And tomorrow never came 

From the table in the corner
They could see a world reborn
And they rose with voices ringing
And I can hear them now! 

The very words that they had sung
Became their last communion
On this lonely barricade
At dawn 

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken
There’s a pain goes on and on 

Phantom faces at the window
Phantom shadows on the floor
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more
Lyrics by Alain Boublil

 He really cared about everyone. He was always prepared. That light he guarded will never go out. He was a mensch. The world is a better place because he was here. But we are not done yet. There is a line from Pirke Avot, “Ours is not to finish the task. Neither are we free to ignore it.” Alyn, and Nancy, set the bar high, accomplished much but did not finish the task. Our task then is to continue to make the world a better place.  
There are many many stories. Make sure you tell them to Fern, to Josh and Peggy, Olivia and Asher, Kailah and Marc, Maddox and Mason. That’s how we keep the memory of Alyn alive.

Many times there emerges a person, or in this care several people who are the primary caregivers. I heard the story first from Kailah in her initial call and later at dinner last ngiht. The pulminologistt said that people don’t generally live for five years on dialysis. I believe that the rabbis of the Talmud had it right, that the body is a finely balanced network . But what held him together was the love and the support from all of you. He lived for his family. He loved his family, And you so clearly loved him, So I offer you this:

A Prayer for the Caregiver 

Unknown and often unnoticed, you are a hero nonetheless
For your love and sacrifice is God at his best.
You walk by faith in the darkness of the great unknown.
Your courage, even in weakness gives life to your beloved.
You hold shaking hands and provide the ultimate care:
Your presence, the knowing, that you are simply there.
You rise to face the giant of disease and despair.
It is your finest hour, though you may be unaware.
You are resilient, amazing, and beauty unexcelled,
You are the caregiver and you have done well! 

Bruce McIntyre 

“And he lived.” 

This is how our Torah portion begins in the full cycle. It seems an appropriate verse especially coming as it does at the end of Bereshit, Genesis and the end of the year 2023. Many people had a hard year this year. Many of you on the screen. But as we move into 2023, it is good to pause and talk about “What does it mean to live?” 

Once, when my daughter was beginning kindergarten my father wrapped up a beautiful gift. He loved to do intricate gift wrapping. There was a box in dazzling paper and inside that box was another box also wrapped beautifully and inside it was still another wrapped box and inside that was a bag of all the refrigerator magnets, both the English ones and the Hebrew ones. And note that this was her legacy. Now she had to put it together to find meaning. 

One of my favorite poems is by Mary Oliver, A Summer’s Day: 

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life? 

—Mary Oliver 

What will you do with your one wild and precious life? That is the question of what it means to live. 

Today’s Torah portion is the first recorded ethical will. An ethical will is not about how to distribute physical property. It’s not an advance directive or a power of attorney. You need those too. If New Year’s is about putting your affairs in order, I recommend using this form called the Five Wishes: https://www.fivewishes.org/for-myself/  

An ethical will is a document that passes down ethical values from one generation to the next. In today’s portion Jacob calls all his sons together and blesses them and then tells them that they should not bury him in Egypt, rather he wants to be buried in Ca’anan in the cave at Machpeleh, with Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca. In Deuteronomy, which is often described as Moses’ swan song, Moses instructs his people how to be a holy people and the importance of teaching their children. 

From that humble start, it is a tool that has been used by rabbis and Jewish people until today.  

The early rabbis urged people to “transmit the tradition’s ethical teachings” and they communicated orally to their sons. Later they were written as letters. Eleazar ben Samuel HaLevi of Mainz, Germany, who died 1357, wrote to and instructed his sons to “Put me in the ground at the right hand of my father.” 

We looked at some examples that are included at the end. The American Bar Association has said that an ethical will can be a help in estate planning. In addition, writing an ethical will can be an aid in spiritual healing in health care and hospice.  

However, I wouldn’t wait until you are in hospice. Simon wrote a beautiful one for our daughter on the occasion of her Bat Mitzvah.  

There is no formula for writing an ethical will. They often include the following: 

• Lessons learned and meaningful family and personal stories from the past 
• Values, beliefs, and expressions of gratitude from the present 
• Advice, hopes, and requests for the future 

 Today we are going to try something different. We are going to write a group ethical will aa a gift to our descendents. It will be our legacy.  And hope that I can remember what we all said by sundown! 

 Here is what we said:
If I were talking to the next generation, I might say that Torah teaches us in Genesis that we are to be caretakers of this earth but that we haven’t done such a good job so we hope that your generation will do better. 

• May you respect, listen and learn. 
• May you greet everyone with respect 
• May you learn that there is no place for violence anywhere in the world. 
• May you show kindness and compassion to everyone 
• May that kindness and compassion be especially true of those who are displaced by war or famine. 
• May you do acts of lovingkindness by volunteering. 
• May you look inward, and listen to your bodies! 
• May you learn to dance and sing. May you know fun and joy.  

 Chazak, chazak v’nitchazek. 

 Additional resources for writing your own ethical will: 

Giving Children Your Blessing: A Rabbi’s Tips for Ethical Wills by Ronnie Caplane (J Weekly, September 15, 2000). 

Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper by Barry K. Baines, M.D. (Da Capo Press, 2006). Baines also publishes a website. He provides basic information for creating an ethical will with real examples of ethical wills written by people of different ages. 

Everything I Know: Basic Life Rules from a Jewish Mother by Sharon Strassfeld (Scribner, 1998). A spiritual-ethical will written by Strassfeld to her daughter as she leaves home for college. A combination of stories expressing family and cultural values, direct instruction, and apologies for pain she caused her. 

The Measure of Our Success: A Letter to my Children and Yours by Marin Wright Edelman (William Morrow Paperbacks, 1993). In this spiritual-ethical will for her sons, Edelman recounts her experience and perspective on life in essays variously addressed to her own children, to all children, and to parents. 

The Memoirs of Gluckel of Hameln translated by Marvin Lowenthal (Schocken Books, 1987). The only extant pre-modern spiritual-ethical will written by a woman, from 1690. 

So That Your Values Live On: Ethical Wills and How to Prepare Them edited and annotated by Jack Reimer and Nathaniel Stampfer (LongHill Partners, 2009). A collection of traditional ethical wills, which includes a guide to writing an ethical will, with suggestions for topics to be covered and a brief consideration about informing others about what you have written in it. 

https://www.sinaichapel.org/tools-resources/writing-ethical-will.aspx  

https://cdn.sanity.io/files/zzw4zduo/production/498f796abb5578d66c785b541c18f94a908dce6a.pdf 

Additional books about growing older: 

Wise Aging: Living with Joy, Resilience, & Spirit by Rachel Cowen 

Getting Good at Getting Older, Richard Siegel and Laura Geller 

From Age-ing to Sage-ing, Zalman Schacter Shalomi 

 Reading before Kaddish. The Dash by Linda Ellis: 

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning…to the end. 

He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own —
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more,
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before. 

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life’s actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash? 

Linda Ellis 

 Some examples of ethical wills:

 Judah Ibn Tibbon to his son, Samuel, est. 1190 

My son!  Make thy books thy companions, let thy cases and shelves be thy pleasure-grounds and gardens.  Bask in thy paradise, gather their fruit, pluck their roses, take their spices and their myrrh.  If thy soul be satiate and weary, change from garden to garden, from furrow to furrow, from prospect to prospect.  Then will thy desire renew itself, and thy soul be filled with delight! 

…Let thy expenditure be well ordered. It is remarked in The Choice of Pearls, “Expenditure properly managed makes half an income.”  And there is an olden proverb, “Go to bed without supper and rise without debt.”  Defile not the honor of thou countenance by borrowing; may thy creator save thee from that habit! 

Samuel Lipsitz, New England businessman, written in 1950 

Somewhere among these papers is a will made out by a lawyer. Its purpose is to dispose of any material things which I may possess at the time of my departure from this world to the unknown adventure beyond. I hope its terms will cause no ill will among you. It seemed sensible when I made it.  After all, it refers only to material things which we enjoy temporarily. 

I am more concerned with having you inherit something that is vastly more important. 

There must be purpose in the creation of man. Because I believe that (as I hope you will some day, for without it, life becomes meaningless), I hope you will live right. 

Live together in harmony! Carry no will will toward each other. Bethink of the family. Help each other in need. Honor and care for your mother. Make her old age happy, as far as in your power… 

From So Your Values Live On, edited by Jack Riemer and Nathaniel Stampfer 

 A one paragraph ethical will by a mother to her children 

I fully expect that I will live for a very long time, to see you well into adulthood and to share your future with you. There is much to look forward to and I am planning on being part of all the adventures and all the challenges and all the joys. But if for some reason I am not, the most important thing you need to know is how much my love for you created the person that you will remember as me. I made you quite literally, in my womb, but you made me, too. I am so proud of you and so grateful to you.  When the time comes, and none of us can answer the question of when that will be, you need to know that without a doubt, I was fulfilled in my life. I have had a wonderful life and I don’t want you to mourn me – maybe a little, but not too long!  Carry me forward by re-creating the net that I was for you and be it for others. Carry me forward in your kitchen with oatmeal scones and casserole bread and pie, warm from the oven and made for your own delectable pleasure, or for those you care about.  Carry me forward with an optimistic outlook and tenacious devotion to what you know is best. Carry me forward and I will be with you always. 

Shared with permission from the author. 

 And one that appeared on the front page of the New York Times. Sholem Aleichem’s: 

https://sholemaleichem.org/community/ethical-will/index.html  

Last week some Hamas operatives were arrested in Germany and Denmark. Robin called and suggested that we have “Solidarity Shabbat.” Gene added to that and suggested HaTikvah Shabbat. 

I looked up the definition of solidarity: 

: unity (as of a group or class) that produces or is based on community of interests, objectives, and standards (Merriam Webster) 

agreement between and support for the members of a group, especially a political group: (Cambridge Dictionary) 

I would have said standing together. 

Then I looked up hope:  

to cherish a desire with anticipation : to want something to happen or be true 

to desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfillment 

to expect with confidence : TRUST 

HaTikvah is of course, the national anthem from the State of Israel. And it means the hope. It can be hard to find hope in times like these but that is where I am going to start. 

• This week Robin and I signed a letter of thanks to Holy Trinity and Zion Lutheran. They sent part of their Christmas offering for our security fund. Thus far I believe we have gotten four such donations. They stand with us. 
• We also delivered bagels, 8 dozen to the Elgin Police Department. 3 shifts, 6:30 AM, 2:30 PM and yes, Robin and I made the 10:30 PM shift. It was a little way for saying thank you to the officers who sit in our parking lot, or Holy Trinity’s or the funeral home, carefully watching our building, being a deterrent and keeping our people safe. We got thank you notes for our thank yous! They stand with us. 
• This past weekend, sadly, the United States saw somewhere between 200 and 400 swatting incidents. Fake bomb threats that pull attention away from police departments who have to respond to each and every one of those events. Did you know that we have a bomb policy? It was written many years ago as part of JCFS’s Safer Synagogue program together with the Elgin Police Department. Let’s review. If we get such a call, we will ask all of you to leave the building, out the door you came in. Go across the street to the funeral home parking lot and then we will go into Holy Trinity. Simultaneously, we will call EPD and they will come and clear the building.  Again, Holy Trinity and the EPD stand with us. 

People who stand with us, bring me hope. 

• This week I had a positive meeting with Mary who runs Occupy Elgin and Fox Valley Citizens for Peace and Justice. These are the people who stand on the Kimball Bridge near the library. Depending on the legislative issue, you (and I) may have stood with them. However, they are unapologetically pro-Palestinian. After much discussion and a yummy lunch I think she understands better while some view her position as not only anti-Zionist but anti-semetic. However, she doesn’t really want Jews destruction. I pointed her to Noa Tishby’s Israel, a book I have given several times to friends and family. The polite, civil conversation brings me hope.  
• I spoke with Dr. Suzanne Johnson, the supervenient of U46 about some of the “incidents” i have heard about in U46. Look for more programming with them after Winter Break. 
• I spoke with Apostle Larry Henderson about the Boys and Girls Club. They are not teaching that Israel stole the land in U46 schools. 

Each of these conversations brings me hope. 

• And perhaps the most touching thing, is that even in these times, people still want to become Jewish. Last night we were joined by one such person, who for the first time could say the Sh’ma as a Jew. In the next few weeks we will be welcoming formally a few more people just like him For each person, the reasons they want to join the Jewish people differ. It is worth having a conversation to learn how varied the Jewish people are. But once someone publicly declares there Jewishness, we are not allowed to talk about it again. A person who joins the Jewish people is dearer to G-d. This brings me hope.  
• Saying Mi Shebeirach brings me hope—and it brings hope to those for whom we are saying it. 
• Gathering in a shiva minyan brings me hope. 
• Community brings me hope. 

Earlier this year I asked our confirmation class to interview the people in our building that day about why they are Jewish. The number one answer was “the food.” Number two was community. After winter break we will be studying the words of Edmund Flegg which he wrote in1927: 

I am a Jew
I am a Jew because my faith demands of me no abdication of the mind.
I am a Jew because my faith requires of me all the devotion of my heart.
I am a Jew because in every place where suffering weeps, I weep.
I am a Jew because at every time when despair cries out, I hope.
I am a Jew because the word of the people Israel is the oldest and the newest.
I am a Jew because the promise of Israel is the universal promise.
I am a Jew because, for Israel, the world is not completed; we are completing it.
I am a Jew because, for Israel, humanity is not created; we are creating it.
I am a Jew because Israel places humanity and its unity above the nations and above Israel itself.
I am a Jew because, above humanity, image of the divine Unity, Israel places the unity which is divine. (After Edmond Fleg, “CCAR Rabbi’s Manual”, page 203-4) 

The Jew hopes.  

I first learned this poem in Israel in 1977 as part of a Tisha B’av service. Like we talked about all those many years ago, we are still here. That brings me hope. 

Our song today, HaTikvah is about hope: 

As long as in the heart, within,
The Jewish soul yearns,
And towards the ends of the east,
[The Jewish] eye gazes toward Zion,

Our hope is not yet lost,
The hope of two thousand years,
To be a free nation in our own land,
The land of Zion and Jerusalem 

The text was written in 1878  by Naftali Herz Imber, a Jewish poet from Zolochiv . It expresses the hope of return. In 1882, Imber emigrated to Ottoman-ruled Palestine (remember that’s what it was called then!) and read his poem to the pioneers of the early Jewish villages—Rishon LeZion, Rehovot, Gedera, and Yesud Hama’ala. In 1887, Shmuel Cohenwith a musical background, set the poem to a musical tune he knew from Romania. 

Our Torah portion today begins, “Enough!” said Israel. “My son Joseph is still alive! I must go and see him before I die.” The Torah itself brings me hope.  

I am hopeful that like Jacob would see his son Joseph, we will see the hostages. It can be hard to hang onto the hope but I remain hopeful that we will see the hostages still alive. 

I am hopeful that like Joseph and his brothers, we can find ways to reconcile, with each other, with our families, our communities and the world. 

I am hopeful that we will come to know, deep in our hearts, deep in our bones, in our kishkes, that like G-d’s promise to Jacob, that G-d goes with us. Always. That is the ultimate message of today’s portion. And it brings me hope. So much hope.  

So as we move into 2024, what do we dare to hope for. We have used this poem of Judy Chicago’s before, but it captures the vision: 

And then all that has divided us will merge
And then compassion will be wedded to power
And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and unkind 

And then both men and women will be gentle
And then both women and men will be strong
And then no person will be subject to another’s will 

And then all will be rich and free and varied
And then the greed of some will give way to the needs of many 

And then all will share equally in the Earth’s abundance 

And then all will care for the sick and the weak and the old 

And then all will nourish the young
And then all will cherish life’s creatures 

And then everywhere will be called Eden once again 

Copyright Judy Chicago, 1979 

An ode to Joe Wars. 

There was a famine in the land. So begins our portion today. 

Joseph and the Egyptians had prepared for this. During the seven years of plenty they had stockpiled food. It was a tale of delayed gratification. Joseph was a dreamer; and this was a fulfilment of his interpretation of Pharaoh’s dream, his prophesy. Like Herzel, “if you will it it is no dream.” Or maybe even better Yoko Ono said “A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” Joseph converted Pharaoh’s dream into reality. Or maybe Walt Disney: “You can design and create, and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality.” Joseph was able to rally the people and create a reality that included feeding people even in the bleakest of famines. 

The rest of the world? Not so much and people were hurting. Jacob sent his remaining sons to Egypt, hoping to find food, not knowing that Joseph was there. Yet he held Benjamin back. How could he risk losing another son? Losing Joseph earlier had been painful enough. 

When the sons came back to Jacob, needing to take Benjamin to Joseph, Jacob still balked. But then said, “If it must be so, do this: take some of the choice products of the land in your baggage, and carry them down as a gift for the man—some balm and some honey, gum, ladanum, pistachio nuts, and almonds.” So, there was still some food left in the land of Israel and Jacob was willing to share it. I am told that percentagewise, the people who are the least wealthy contribute the most to non-profits. People who have gone without are more likely to share what they do have.  

Imagine needing to pick up everything you have and move because you don’t have food. That is what is happening in today’s story and that is what is happening today in many parts of the globe. 

As the climate crisis become more pronounced, there are continuing discussions about mass migration. However,  “Most climate change- and natural disaster-related movement is internal rather than cross-border, and temporary rather than permanent. The likelihood of migration also depends on communities’ vulnerability to the impacts of climate change, which can be mitigated by adaptation measures such as building sea walls or other defenses, as well as individuals’ access to resources to move (including transportation, social networks, and legal pathways). There were 33 million natural disaster-related displacements in 2022, but the biggest displacement situations—from floods in Pakistan to droughts in East Africa—saw people move within their countries, at least at first. And by the end of the year, most disaster-displaced people went back to their homes. Over time, a bigger issue may be migration prompted by slow, gradual climate change impacts. Hotter temperatures can threaten agricultural livelihoods, sea-level rise can make floods more severe, and desertification can foster conflict over water access, all of which can lead to migration.” https://www.migrationpolicy.org/article/climate-migration-101-explainer  

Living in a desert environment is tricky to say the least and you need access to food and water. Critical. Think oasis. Egypt was known as the breadbasket of the Roman Empire. Israel was able to make the desert bloom again by using innovative technology like drip irrigation, increasing yields all over the world. They still actively consult on this topic. 

This year we saw tornados impact Elgin and at least several families at Del Webb force to evacuate. That was not a food insecurity issue, but a housing issue. And people had enough money, resources, friends and family to come out all right, except for the emotional trauma of being displaced, even temporarily.  

It is an example of it just doesn’t happen over there somewhere, but right here at home. 

Everyone needs nutritious food to thrive. And, while people are working hard to provide for themselves and their families, approximately 49 million people—that’s one in six people in the U.S.—still relied on food assistance from charities like Feeding America in 2022. According to Feeding America, one in five children in this country goes to bed hungry without knowing where their next meal is coming from. 

https://www.feedingamerica.org/hunger-in-america/child-hunger-facts  

It can seem overwhelming. Yet there is something about this portion that brings me hope. That someone who was foreign born and had been falsely imprisoned rose to be a great leader. That he could rally people together who did what needed to be done, allowing people. All people, even the “migrants” to survive. There’s a lot of hope in that.  

There is also something about our community right here that brings me hope, in a sad way. This week Elgin lost a good one. Joe Wars served on the Martin Luther King Celebration Committee with me. He was all about the kids and the scholarships that the committee would give to deserving students in U-46. But more than that he spearheaded the Martin Luther King Food Drive for years. His goal was always to bring in 40 tons of food which were then distributed to the various food pantries in Elgin. I spent many an early, cold Martin Luther King, junior Monday morning, sorting food with Joe at the Church of the Brethren headquarters, with countless teen agers, eating a donut and watching Joe be a cheerleader as the food would roll in. His sense of optimism was outstanding, impressive. His ability to bring people together: U46, the library, the fire department and the City of Elgin itself was amazing, And if you thought you couldn’t do something, anything, he would remind you that “G-d got you.” He was a man of deep faith. And excellence. His definition of excellence according to the Chicago Tribune, “If people are seeing you do your very best, hopefully you will influence others to do better in life,” he said. “Do the best you can to make the world a better place.” 

Soon, in our Jewish calendar, we begin the Book of Exodus, which states that there arose a leader who knew not Joseph. We in Elgin can’t allow that to happen here. Sure, we need to remember our patriarch Joseph. AND. We need to remember Joe Wars and his commitment to the kids, to ending hunger and to building bridges throughout the city. 

By the way, did you know that CKI has its own little food pantry. Just when you walk in, there are some green pantry doors. I peaked in at the beginning of December when we were making blessing kits for Centro. Someone had cleaned it all out. Perhaps, the food was expired. Perhaps someone came in need. We do have members that sometimes take. And we have members who sometime contribute. It is very useful for someone who is not quite making it. Like Jacob, I have seen at least one person put something in that perhaps they couldn’t use and take something out they needed. I have seen the police department ask if we have anything they can offer someone.  

We can’t solve global famine, but we can participate in helping those in need by replenishing our own food pantry and when the details come out helping with the Martin Luther King food drive. This year’s goal for the MLK food drive is 50 tons of food. Let’s make both Joseph and Joe War’s dream a reality.  

https://lf-forms.cityofelgin.net/Forms/MLK-Food-Drive?fbclid=IwAR35-oRrFGSbi3IhJ6P6kzul9saFwxhUzaRia6vf2ir72TQbkwz47GuWOOo  

List of foods for CKI Food Pantry: 

Easy open cans (some people don’t have can openers!)
Peanut butter and jelly
Tuna
Canned protein, meat meals, chili, etc.
Pasta
Tomato sauce
Rice in 1 pound bags
Pinto beans
Oatmeal in small packets
Saltines or other crackers
Mac and cheese in boxes or individual servings
Baby food