Today’s guest blogger is the Reverend Doctor David R. Ferner. He and his wife Betty trekked out to Illinois to celebrate part of the holidays with us and to help us prepare. We go way back. Their daughter babysat for ours. We celebrated all sorts of holidays together. We played volleyball together. Now, we pick up conversations now exactly where we left off. Oh, yeah, and usually I say, it is because of Dave’s words to me once, that I actually did become a rabbi.
Here are his words:
JOY . . . A MATTER OF ATTITUDE AND ORIENTATION
I’m certain that I am being arbitrary and playing semantic games, but the challenge is to write about joy or happiness, but I don’t see them as the same. For the sake of argument, I would define happiness as being a momentary and probably fleeting feeling. Joy, on the other hand, is a deeper orientation toward life. Happiness can emerge from an incident, an expression of love from another, a feeling of satisfaction, or any number of experiences. Joy has more to do with a spiritual depth of overall contentment with one’s place in the cosmos and a sense that setbacks or hardships are momentary or situational and have no or simply passing effect on an overall stance toward life.
We seek happiness in all sorts of ways, often unsatisfactory in the long run. In our society we are encouraged to always seek the bigger and better. We need to have the most or, at least, more than whoever we are comparing ourselves to. More love, more toys, more prestige, more power, are all part of our striving. Achievement along this often insatiable path brings fleeting happiness resulting from our accomplishment. When asked if we are happy, it often depends on our current mood or recent events we have experienced.
Joy needs to be cultivated. If we awaken in the morning and are grateful for a new day, even when we know it might be challenging, we are cultivating joy. If we understand ourselves to be children of a Creator who loves us even more than a healthy mother loves her children and that love brings us an overall sense of well-being, we are cultivating joy. When we stop comparing ourselves with others and, rather, cheer the accomplishments of all – that is, in a non-competitive fashion – we are cultivating joy. When we are viewing the world, not in either/or but in a both/and fashion, we are laying the groundwork for being contented with the ‘what is’ rather than the ‘the way I think it is supposed to be’ and joy is being cultivated within us.
There is no ‘joy’ pill we can take. When I observe children with their sense of awe and wonder I see expressions of enormous joy – of heartfelt expressions of amazement and absolute exhilaration at discovery. Before we leave the primary grades in school, intense competitiveness and disappointment at failure saps joy from us. But some I know seem to have cultivated an attitude of joy – found it or, rather, re-found it. When I’ve asked about this attitude, one friend told me she doesn’t see how any other orientation would serve her well. “I take what comes, make the most of it, and give thanks for my blessings”. Another told me “I awaken thankful for a new day and pray that I might find a way to make someone’s life better today.” I might add that he has had a rough bunch of health challenges in recent years with no change in this orientation.
Those who exude joy – have such an attitude and orientation – seem to consider life to be a gift. They seem ‘other’ oriented – God, the mysterious and holy Other, and other humans. They often mention prayer, especially the quiet and reflective sort, as significant. Joy requires some reflection and some discipline, it seems to me. To have such an orientation is so much more deeply rewarding than chasing after fleeting happiness. It is such a gift to others to be around those who have cultivated joy.