A woman of valor, who can find? For her price is far above rubies.
She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness.
She gives food to her household and a portion to her workers.
She stretches out her hands to the poor, and she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the law of kindness is on her tongue.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her saying,“Many daughters have done valiantly but you exceed them all.”
Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who reveres the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31
And the years of the life of Sarah were 100 years and 20 years and 7 years. And Sarah died. (Genesis 23:1)
That is how this morning’s Torah portion starts.
We are then told that Abraham came from Beer Sheva to Kiryat Arba, now Hebron, to eulogize her. I had planned to talk about this before the tragic events of last week. To be clear, Shabbat interrupts the public mourning, but this has been a week of mourning. So for me—in the middle of a class prayer—prayer seems to be an act of defiance and courage. We are here. We are still here. And with the numbers of people who have reached out to us this week, me personally and to the congregation, I have hope too.
So here we are today, talking about a eulogy, after a week of mourning. I can imagine that these very words were said over and over again in Pittsburgh this week.
There are actually two deaths in this chapter. At the very end of the portion, Abraham also dies. And again, we see people coming together to mourn. Isaac and Ishmael both of whom had near death experiences because of their father, came back together again to bury him. It is a model we have seen play out all across our country this week.
We started this conversation last night. A woman of valor. I read this at many funerals and memorial services. It is a picture of the ideal Jewish woman. We did not read it at my mother’s funeral—whose yahrzeit we commemorate this weekend. She felt it didn’t fit her feminism. I always disagreed.
A woman of valor represents a strong woman, a woman of courage. A woman like my mom—who my cousin described her as one of the first women libbers, who had a college degree and worked as a research scientist on diabetes. A woman who was on the front lines of civil rights. Who ran for political office (and lost) in Evanston. Who raised two children. Took care of her husband. Who was a Girl Scout leader. Who bought and sold property. Who owned her own business. Who ate not the bread of idleness.
But these same words, whether you see them as feminist or not, while in officially in Proverbs, are the very words according to the midrash, that Abraham used to eulogize Sarah. (Midrash Tanchuma, Chayei Sarah 4)
Let’s think about it. She had courage, valor, when she left her household and traveled with Abraham to the land that G-d would show them. She looked well to the ways of her household and gave a portion of food to her workers, to her maidens. She raced to feed her guests. She laughed at the time to come when she was promised a child.
The rabbis in the midrash teach this strange linguistic construction at the beginning of our chapter. She was 100 years and 20 years and 7 years. Why repeat the and years? No English teacher with a red pen would let students do that! Since we are taught there are no extra words in the Torah they must come to teach us something. “When she was twenty, she was as seven for beauty…when she was one hundred, she was as twenty for sin. (Genesis Rabbah 58:1)
Later in Genesis Rabbah we learn that Abraham and Sarah were so respected, so important that “all the inhabitants of the land locked their doors and came to pay their respects to Sarah, (by accompanying her funeral). And that all those “who accompanied Sarah to her final resting place merited to do so for Abraham as well, so that they could also be present at Abraham’s funeral (38 years later). (Genesis Rabbah 62:3)
If we were to write our own modern version of Eishet Chayil, what would you include? Who is a woman of valour.
We said:
A woman of valour—one who thinks for herself, who stands up for herself and speaks up. Who speaks with kindness. Who achieves a work-life balance. Who is creative. Who has the choice to work or not, finding meaningful employment. Who makes time for her family, her community. Who nurtures her intellectual self and her emotional self and her spiritual self. Who is economically secure and gives tzedakah.
Then we read a modern version of Eishet Chayil written by Ahava Lilith EverShine. https://ritualwell.org/ritual/todays-woman-valor
Eishet Chayil is also part of the traditional Friday night table service at home. The husband reads it to his wife. Last night we did that here—and the reading that now many wives read to their husbands. We blessed the candles, “made” Kiddush, blessed the children and sang Shalom Aleichem. It is part of how we build shalom bayit, peace of the house. So sorely needed, especially this week. Our homes are to be a mikdash me’at, a little sanctuary. Our homes, through the Shabbat table service is to mirror the way Shabbat was celebrated in the Holy Temple. And bring us peace. So shalom bayit is a critical value in the Jewish people.
However, like every other socio-ecomonic, educational, ethnic, racial group, there is Domestic Violence in the Jewish community too.
Yes, there is domestic violence in the Jewish community. For some that is shocking.
Sadly, the statistics are the same for every socio-ecomonic, ethnic, religious, educational class. We talk about 1 in 4 women will experience violence against them sometime in their life time. 1 in 4. 25% That means that someone sitting in this very room just might be a survivor.
There are resources specific to the Jewish community—and right here in Elgin. The Community Crisis Center. Shalva. Jewish Women International. You may have noticed the posters in the bathrooms. Both the men’s and the women’s. If you are woman or a man—because men can be victims too—reach out. You are not alone. Help is available.
In light of the #MeToo movement we felt that this was an especially important message to convey this year. It has been a long time passion of mine. In May I was tapped by the Crisis Center to be on a panel about #MeToo and Spirituality. Next week I am participating on a panel to address sexual harassment in the Jewish workplace, as an example. Maureen works full time on this issue.
But domestic abuse, family violence, sexual assault is not new. Sarah had her own #meToo moments…when she was told to pretend to be Abraham’s sister—not his wife. Desperate people sometimes do desperate things. There was a great famine in the land and Abraham and Sarah went down to Egypt to find food. They were refugees. They were desperate. They Her beauty was indeed noticed and she was offered up to the Pharaoh in Egypt as one of his wives in his harem. Before he actually takes possession of her, the ruse is revealed and she is returned to Abraham.
The continuation of this week’s portion includes finding a wife for Isaac. Part of what we learn in this long, repetitious chapter, is that women are required to consent. Rebecca has to say “Yes” to her family and to Abraham’s servant. She has to opt in to go. Yes, consent is that early. Then the rest of the story reads like a Hollywood script. She arrives on a camel. Isaac looks up. Sees her from afar. The camel bends his knee (watch that verb—the camel isn’t blessing!). She falls off the camel. He takes her to Sarah’s tent. He loves her. The first mention of love in the Bible. And he is comforted on the death of his mother. We’ve come full circle.
Later tonight is the first performance of Rosenstrasse. It is again about strong women. They step out of their comfort zone. They speak up—I’m not sure that the law of kindness is on their tongue—and they do it while taking care of their jobs, their children and their households. Spoiler alert: They take on the Nazi Gestapo, and win. Managing to rescue their husbands, saving 1700 lives. They were true Women of Valor.
I can’t imagine a more poignant way to mark my mother’s 10th yahrzeit than by watching my daughter produce this play. My mother’s legacy lives on in the strength of my daughter. I am so very, very proud.