Shin-Mem-Ayin—Listen. Hear. The opening word of today’s Torah portion. Moses listens to Jethro, the priest of the Midianites and his father-in-law. “You can’t do this job alone,” Jethro tells him. And Moses hears him. Jethro explains it is better to delegate, to find other people to help him. And Moses did exactly that. He heard Jethro and he listened.
In the very next chapter, the people of Israel are gathered round the mountain. Something is about to happen. G-d tells Moses to tell the people “If you will obey me faithfully and keep My covenant…” but obey has the same root, shin-mem-ayin. If you listen to me and do what I say…then you will be a treasured people and a holy nation.
G-d continued…”I will come to you in a thick cloud, in order that the people may HEAR when I speak with you…” Then Moses reported the people’s words to G-d. “All that the Lord has spoken, we will do.”
“We will do and we will hear.” Seems out of order. How do they know what to do if they haven’t heard the commandments yet? Sometimes you just know what the right thing to do is. You have already heard the rules—from your mother or your father or some internal sense. You know right from wrong. (That’s what our littlest member said!)
Let’s try something. Sitting in a circle I am going to whisper something in that littlest member’s ear. She’s about 6. She whispered “I am the Lord your G-d and I love you.” It went all around the circle and came back to me correctly. It was an amazing game of “Telephone.” Seems silly, but it was effective.
Moses, however, didn’t get the game of telephone right. He heard G-d tell him to tell the people how to prepare: “Go to the people and warn them to stay pure today and tomorrow. Let them wash their clothes. Let them be ready for the third day; for on the third day the LORD will come down, in the sight of all the people, on Mount Sinai. You shall set bounds for the people round about, saying, ‘Beware of going up the mountain or touching the border of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall be put to death: no hand shall touch him, but he shall be either stoned or shot; beast or man, he shall not live.’ When the ram’s horn sounds a long blast, they may go up on the mountain.”
Moses came down from the mountain to the people and warned the people to stay pure, and they washed their clothes. And he said to the people, “Be ready for the third day: do not go near a woman.” “Do not go near a woman.” Where did that come from? Moses seems to have added that.
“All the people witnessed the thunder and the lightening, the blare of the shofar and the mountain smoking and when the people saw it, they fell back and stood at a distance. You speak to us, they said to Moses and we will obey. But let not G-d speak to us, lest we die. Moses answered the people, Be not afraid.”
“Shmati.” I have heard. Some people, particularly in Jewish Renewal circles to say Shmati when someone has finished speaking.
From the US State Department website, we learn:
“The most common problem in communication is not listening! A Chinese symbol for “To Listen” is shown below. It is wise beyond the art. The left side of the symbol represents an ear. The right side represents the individual- you. The eyes and undivided attention are next and finally there is the heart. This symbol tells us that to listen we must use both ears, watch and maintain eye contact, give undivided attention, and finally be empathetic. In other words we must engage in active listening!”
https://www.state.gov/m/a/os/65759.htm
People reminded me that you can listen without hearing. A story was told of someone who is a communication professional who told an employee something. “Oh, that makes sense. How come you haven’t told us before?” Someone else responded, “He’s told you five times.” The communications professional added that people only hear when they are ready to hear. (This was a holy moment during the service!)
You also need to be quiet. And not jump ahead…something I am guilty of sometimes.
When G-d gave the Torah, no bird sang, no fowl flew, no ox lowered, the sea ceased to roar, and all creatures were silent. The entire world was hushed into stillness and the Voice spoke forth, “I am the Lord…” (Midrash)
From Rabbi Larry Kushner’s Book of Miracles: “No one really knows for certain what happened at Mount Sinai. Some people believe that G-d dictated the entire Torah word for word. Others believe that it included the Oral Law as well. Some believe that G-d inspired Moses. In Makot 23a and b, the rabbis of the Talmud were having just such an argument—what happened at Sinai. It teaches us that G-d didn’t give the Ten Commandments, but only the first two sayings. One who remembers that there is a G-d who frees people and who has no other gods will be religious. Another rabbi argued that it was just the first saying. Still another said that it was just the first word of the first saying, Anochi. But Rabbi Mendl Torum of Rymanov said, “Not even the first word. All G-d said was the first letter of the first word of the first saying, the first letter of the Alef-bet, alef” Now this is somewhat problematic, since Alef is silent. Almost but not perfectly. You see alef makes a tiny, little sound that is the beginning of every sound. Open your mouth (go ahead, do it). Stop! That is alef. G-d made the voice of Alef so quiet that if you made any other noise you wouldn’t be able to hear it. At Sinai, all the people of Israel needed to hear was the sound of Alef. It meant that G-d and the Jewish people could have a conversation.” This is the basis of Buber’s I-Thou relationship, the basis of Wolfson’s book, Relational Judaism. It is transformational. And it doesn’t just apply to the Jewish people, but to all people.
Continuing with Rabbi Kushner: The Zohar teaches that Alef, contains the entire Torah. But not everyone is ready to hear the gentle sound of alef, People are only able to hear what they are ready to hear. G-d speaks to each of us in a personal way, taking into consideration our strength wisdom and preparation. The Midrash even tells us that G-d’s voice is so powerful and frightening that G-d tempers it by creating different sounds for each person.
There was even a different sounding voice just for the ears of small children.”
And while we sing of G-d’s powerful voice in the Psalms—both Friday night and when putting the Torah way, there is another idea of G-d’s voice. When Dreamworks was putting together Prince of Egypt, the animated movie about Moses and the 10 Commandments, they employed a group of Jewish, Christian and Muslim leaders to advise. They decided two important things. The first was to try to make G-d not be gendered. The second was that the voice of G-d would be played by the same one who played Moses.
This fits with another idea we find from Elijah:
Come out, G-d called, “and stand on the mountain before the Eternal.” And lo, the Eternal passed by. There was a great and mighty wind, splitting mountains and shattering rocks by the power of the Eternal; but the Eternal was not in the wind. After the wind—a mighty earthquake, but the Eternal was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake—fire; but the Eternal was not in the fire. And after the fire—a still, small voice. 1 Kings 19:11-12
The still small voice. The conscious. Jimminy Cricket.
Let’s try one more thing. Let’s practice active listening. So we will be prepared to hear the 10 Commandments. So we will be better friends and co-workers, spouses and parents. It is a way we live out, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
- Pay attention
- Withhold judgment
- Reflect
- Clarify
- Summarize
- Share
No 1: Pay attention. One goal of active listening is to set a comfortable tone and allow time and opportunity for the other person to think and speak. Pay attention to your frame of mind as well as your body language. Be focused on the moment and operate from a place of respect. (I’ll add: maintain eye contact. Don’t look at your phone. Don’t become distracted.)
No. 2: Withhold judgment. Active listening requires an open mind. As a listener and a leader, you need to be open to new ideas, new perspectives and new possibilities. Even when good listeners have strong views, they suspend judgment, hold their criticism and avoid arguing or selling their point right away. (I’ll add: Don’t jump ahead. Don’t formulate your response while the person is still speaking. Don’t jump in with too many of your own stories. Don’t think you know where the conversation is going.)
No. 3: Reflect. Learn to mirror the other person’s information and emotions by paraphrasing key points. Don’t assume that you understand correctly or that the other person knows you’ve heard him. Reflecting is a way to indicate that you and your counterpart are on the same page. (I’ll add: reflecting is a way to show that you are paying attention and have heard them.)
No. 4: Clarify. Don’t be shy to ask questions about any issue that is ambiguous or unclear. Open-ended, clarifying and probing questions are important tools. They draw people out and encourage them to expand their ideas, while inviting reflection and thoughtful response. (I’ll add: try these: “What you are saying is? Did you say this? I think I heard this…)
No. 5: Summarize. Restating key themes as the conversation proceeds confirms and solidifies your grasp of the other person’s point of view. It also helps both parties to be clear on mutual responsibilities and follow-up. Briefly summarize what you have understood as you listened, and ask the other person to do the same. (I’ll add this: So what you are saying is? Can you say that again? I want to make sure I heard you correctly.)
No. 6: Share. Active listening is first about understanding the other person, then about being understood. As you gain a clearer understanding of the other person’s perspective, you can then introduce your ideas, feelings and suggestions. You might talk about a similar experience you had or share an idea that was triggered by a comment made previously in the conversation.
https://www.ccl.org/multimedia/podcast/the-big-6-an-active-listening-skill-set/
Sh’mati!