With apologies to Dr. Ora Horn Prouser, Frank Sinatra and Cole Porter:
“I’ve got you under my skin
I have got you, deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart that you’re really a part of me
I’ve got you under my skin.”
You know the song. Sing it with me. What does it have to do with today’s portion? Today we continue talking about skin disease and mold. So what is it that is under the skin, and what is it a symbol of?
The rabbis teach that the skin disease is not an illness, but rather a punishment for lashon hara, evil speech, gossip. Miriam was struck with it when told tales about Moses. Moses was able to pray on behalf of her and heal her.
Speech is important in Judaism. The world was created with speech. In the beginning God said, “Let there be light.”
So important that most of the sins that we publicly proclaim on Yom Kippur are related to speech.
Rabbi Lord Sacks, the chief rabbi emeritus of Great Britain in his weekly post, Covenant and Conversation, points out that the “idea at the heart of Judaism: brit, covenant, is nothing other than a mutually binding promise between God and human beings. What defines the special relationship between the Jewish people and God is not that he brought them from slavery to freedom. He did that, says the prophet Amos, to other people as well: Did I not bring Israel up from Egypt, the Philistines from Caphtor and the Arameans from Kir?” (Amos 9:7). It is the fact that at Sinai, God and Israel entered into a mutual pledge that linked them in an everlasting bond.”
So it is about the Exodus from Egypt…how appropriate as we hear the echoes of “Let my people go,” as part of Passover. But much more than that!
Lord Sacks continues that “Covenant is the word that joins heaven and earth, the word spoken, the word heard, the word affirmed and honoured in trust. For that reason, Jews were able to survive exile. They may have lost their home, their land, their power, their freedom, but they still had God’s word, the word He said He would never break or rescind. The Torah in the most profound sense, is the word of God and Judaism is the religion of holy words.”
But what if it is not. As we prepare for Passover, I am wondering about the speech and the language of the Haggadah itself. I have often been intrigued by the language of the Four Children. One wise, one wicked, one simple, on who doesn’t know how to ask. (yet!) How many of you clamored to be the Wise Child? Any one feel left out because you are sure you were the wicked one? Who is simple? Who is too young to ask? Each child gets an answer according to their ability. Good pedagogical protocol. That methodology is even hinted at in Pirke Avot.
But who are those children? And what do we do with them now? In our discussion we learned that some people skip them entirely, I am not quite ready to do that.
Dr, Ora Horn Prouser, the Executive Vice President and Dean of the Academy for Jewish Religion, and my academic advisor, wrote a book called Esau’s Blessings, looking at our Biblical hero’s through the lens of disability.
She said in a recent d’var Torah about this morning’s portion,
“In the disability community there is a strong emphasis on the role of its members telling their own stories. The motto is “nothing about us without us.” We cannot understand those living with various ailments and disabilities if we don’t hear from them directly regarding their feelings, their understanding of their lives, and their needs. This is remarkably absent not only in the cultic texts, which is not surprising, but in the biblical narrative texts as well. We get Aaron’s response to Miriam’s skin ailment, but hear nothing from Miriam herself.” https://jewishweek.timesofisrael.com/hearing-from-jews-with-disabilities/
So rather than kick out Miriam or exile the “wicked child” we need to hear their stories.
Maybe “the wicked child” is the one with ADHD who can’t sit still at the table. But I am uncomfortable with labeling that child. Maybe we are uncomfortable with his question, “to you and not to me.” He seems to be excluding himself from the community.
In looking at contemporary Haggadot we find a number of interesting thoughts about these children. A Family Haggadah, the one we use at Congregation Kneseth Israel for the Community seder suggests that at one time or another, we each are one or another of the children. It asks us to complete these sentences:
- I am like the wise child when…
- I am like the wicked child when…
- I am like the simple child when..
- I am like the child unable to ask when…
It asks, “Are there other missing children? Those who are unaware, apathetic, disengaged and how can they be brought back to the table?”
A Night of Questions, the Reconstructionist Haggadah suggests that maybe “yet we know that no child is all wise, all wicked, all simple or incapable of asking anything. At different points in our lives we have been all of these children: Four Children should be
- One who is eager
- One who is hostile
- One who is passive
- One who is bewildered
The marginalia in this Haggadah gives us much to think about. It continues to use the lens of the Four Children through the beginning of the storytelling so that no voice is missing.
Chaim Stern’s Haggadah includes a quote of Rabbi Levi Yitzchat of Berditchev, “The Haggadah speaks of four children, the wise, the wicked, the simple, the one unable to ask. I am the one unable to ask. But the parent of one unable to ask is told, ‘You must take the first step.’ Ruler of the world, am I not Your child? I do not ask to be told the secret of Your ways—I could not bear it! But show me one thing: what You are telling me through my life at this moment. I do not ask You to tell me why I suffer, but only whether I suffer for Your sake!” (Chasidic)” page 17
Another Haggadah edited by Chaim Stern and the Central Conference of American Rabbis quotes Albert Einstein as a Wise Son to others before the monument to the martyred Jews of the Warsaw Ghetto. And Elie Wiesel saying, “The Jew who repudiates himself, clamining to do so for the sake of humanity will inevitably repudiate humanity in the end. A Jew fulfills his role as a man only from inside his Jewishness. Only be accepting his Jewishness can he attain universality” Pirke Avot teaches “Do not separate yourself from your community.” For me, this is the real message of the “wicked son.”
A Different Night, The Family Participation Haggadah has 10 pages of artwork to illustrate the Four Children and many provocative questions and a screen play. I have used the artwork as a bulletin board.
Tone matters. We use the same answer to both the wicked child and one who does not know how to ask. But it feels different. The tone is different.
Over and over again, each of this haggadot urges us not to push any of these children away. We need to confront each of them and teach them where they are. We need to meet all people remembering that they are created b’tzelem elohim, in the image of G-d. We cannot afford to lose a single one. That is the power of the Four Children and the parsha this week. Be careful, be very careful how we speak to everyone. Tone matters.
On Sunday, we let our children, all of our children make puppets of the four children. I hope that families have fun with them at their seders and that they have meaningful discussions as well.