Tomorrow we read the portion, Kedoshim, Holinesses. The first commandment of this portion, the central portion of the central book of the Torah, is “Revere your mother and father.” Not “Honor your father and mother” Not “Love your parents”. What’s with this construction?

The rabbis answer that saying that fathers were the ones who metted out punishment so they were more feared. Mothers need to be on an equal footing.

How appropriate that we read this section this weekend. This weekend is also “Mother’s Day.” Now I have said this before. Mother’s Day is not an invention of Hallmark. It was designed as a peace holiday by women during the Civil War who didn’t want to send one more son (child) off to war. Celebrating our mothers, revering and respecting them is important. And it can be fun. I am looking forward to going to a paint night and to running a race with my husband and my daughter.

Mother’s Day can be a tough holiday. If you haven’t been able to conceive and want a child. If you’ve chosen not to have a child. If you have lost a child. If you are a single parent. Or a step-mom. If your children are not living at home. If you are estranged. If you are waiting for that phone call that never comes.  If you have lost your own mother. This year or decades ago. If your relationship with your mother was “complicated.” If you are part of the LGBTQ community.

Not always, but it can be. Very tough.

Recently I have been doing a series of study sessions on the piece of Talmud, “These are the obligations without measure whose reward too is without measure.” The first one is honor your father and mother. We talked about how that works in a congregation. In some cases it  about making sure that our senior seniors are taken care of. By the congregation. For some, it is in visiting new moms and providing play spaces and play dates. For some, it is about making sure that the synagogue is accessible to all and recognizing the unique role that women can play. .

But our group also talked about how that works when the situation is complicated, like described above. The commandment doesn’t say, “Love your parent.” It is about honor and respect. For those that gave you life. Or maybe those that adopted you or fostered you. In the Fox River Valley we are painfully aware of what happens if that goes awry. Little AJ Freund is alleged to have been murdered by his own parents. It appears his parents and the system failed him. That is part of why we are delivering baby supplies to the Community Crisis Center on this Mother’s Day. Baby Moses was rescued by his adoptive parent, Batya, Pharaoh’s daughter.

After reading a story told by Rabbi Harold Kushner, about whether someone who been emotionally abused by a parent had to go to his funeral, we agreed that it is OK to mourn for a relationship you might not have had.  There are readings that I include as part of Yizkor, if you are mourning such a relationship.

Whatever feelings you are having today, feel them. Acknowledge them. If you want to cry, cry. You are not alone. You are never alone.  You are honored.. You are respected. You are loved. And I hope that you are surrounded by family and friends, flowers and good food of your choosing.