May we be comforted amongst all the mourners of ZIon and Jerusalem and all the world.  

How can we be? So much has been written about the return of four coffins this week. 500+ days ago, the world changed. The world was ripped apart.  

My emotions range. I am the mother of a red head. Every picture of that baby looks like my own we used to call “frosted flake.” I am not alone in this.  

Two babies came back. We now know they were killed, brutally murdered by the hands of their captors in that first awful month.  Their mother was not sent back. Some unknown Palestinian was in the coffin. How is that even possible? Bring her home. NOW! My words utterly fail. What words of comfort can there possibly be for Yarden, her husband, their father. When Aaron’s sons were “zapped,” he remained silent. We learn from Job’s comforters the power of silence.  

And yet.. 

I am a peace activist from long ago. Since my first fiancé was killed by a terrorist bomb in 1983. I have supported Parents Circle-Families Forum and Rabbis for Human Rights and other organizations for decades. I have bought olive trees in the West Bank for Tu B’shevat.  

And yet, unlike Oded, I never drove a Gazan to an Israeli hospital. How do we offer comfort to his wife who was also a hostage? How does she go on? How do any of us go on? 

Some have argued this week that we can never forget, and we can never forgive. I agree with the first part.  

I wrote a thesis on the 13 Attributes of the Divine (Exodus 34) looking at repeating patterns in the 3rd and 4th generation. I examined domestic violence, German-Jewish reconciliation and the Israeli-Palestinian peace process.  

I learned a lot about forgiveness. We are told to be like G-d, forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin. But like in the book the Sunflower, Jews are taught that we cannot forgive the harm done by someone to someone not ourselves. Only the person harmed can forgive. 

Tonight, it is too early to talk about forgiveness. Now or in the future. The emotions are too raw. It may never be time. It is not mine to say. 

As a DV counselor, or a clergy member, one should not tell a woman to go back to her husband who abuses her. Instead, we talk about safety planning and exit strategies. We are taught to believe women.  

There are at least two instances in this current, ongoing trauma where women were not believed. The first was when the IDF intelligence officers who happened to be women were not listened to. This was a glaring intelligence failure. The second was in not listening to and believing what happened to the victims—especially the women—who were brutally raped and tortured at the hands of their initial captors, before they were murdered or taken into captivity.  

In 2006 I was sitting in Germany, in a Holiday Inn in Waldorf, near my job at SAP. wokring on my thesis. Israel had “accidentally” bombed an apartment building in Lebanon. A young father who had escaped with the three month old was being interviewed on CNN. He said something like, “I don’t blame Israel, but this baby where will she be in 20 years? What anger will she hold?’ It illustrated the point. The sins of the fathers (and mothers) are visited on the children and the children’s children to the third and fourth generation. 

What happened on October 7th was wrong.  Period. What happened to all those held in captivity was wrong. Period. Israelis need to live in safety. Period.  

What I learned in writing that thesis and I argued, successfully, that unless someone feels safe one cannot forgive. When will Israelis feel safe? Or Palestinians either? 

Revenge, however, is not sanctioned. Leviticus is clear. “Revenge is Mine,” says the Lord. Yet we are directed to wipe out all of the Amalekites. We read about the Amalekites who attacked the weak, the young and old on the Israelites trek to the promised land. We read this section just before Purim. “Zachor…remember not to forget the Amalekites” Saul spared the Amalekite king and lost his own kingship. Some have likened Haman, Hitler and yes Hamas to the descendants of the Amalekites.  

This week I learned a remarkable thing.  Rabbi Rob Scheinberg taught in the AJR Purim Supplement that in the Talmud it teaches, “Some of the descendants of Haman studied Torah in B’nei Brak.” (Gittin 57b) After this week, can we imagine such a world? Can we afford not to? If we totally wipe out Hamas, in their anger what rises to take their place?  

And yet…My anger is great. At Hamas. At Netanyahu who seems to not have believed the women, who may have prolonged the war to save his own skin. At the world response, including the UN. At the American political system. Even at G-d, to whom we pray to make peace but who has not yet. 

At the Gazans themselves whose losses are astronomical as well. Who puts children in schools and hospitals that are the hiding places for missile launchers knowing that they will most likely be bombed?  

This is known as Repro Shabbat in some of the Jewish world. I have spoken about this extensively in other years. I even have a t-shirt for it. I started to set this up last week when talking about the 10 Commandments and translation. Does it say, “Thou shall not murder.” or “Thou shall not kill.” Later in Deuteronomy we are told to “Choose life so that we may live.” Shiri brought two beautiful children into this world. Those children whose lives were just beginning had no choice in their brutal end. We as a world must do better.  

For 500+ days I have prayed for the hostages, and those wounded and those returned. For those babies. All those babies.  

I am a small town rabbi. If I could have solved peace in the Middle East decades ago I would have. I fear based on my thesis we are now looking at least another 3 to 4 generations, without peace. And it makes me very very sad.  

May we be comforted? How can we be? Can we pray for peace? What other choice do we have?  

The only statement I have read this week that makes sense to me comes from NCJW: https://www.ncjw.org/news/our-statement-on-this-profound-moment-for-the-jewish-people/?emci=b5668747-82f0-ef11-90cb-0022482a94f4&emdi=aa0c48bb-88f0-ef11-90cb-0022482a94f4&ceid=8833339 

Yehuda Amichi taught, “Don’t stop after beating the swords into plowshares, don’t stop! Go on beating and make musical instruments out of them. Whoever wants to make war again will have to turn them into plowshares first.” 

We owe this to the beautiful piano music of Oded and his commitment to peace making.